Hey everybody! I wanted to write my own little perspective on Bella's point of view on Edward, and this theme was clearly shown in the book. I know this is extremely short, but here it is, and I hope you like it!
As I come to think about it, I realize that meeting Edward was pure serendipity. Most people consider it luck. Or karma, maybe, but it most certainly wasn't karma. I'd never done anything to deserve Edward. I was just a plain Phoenix girl who happened to move to Forks. I wasn't anything special back then. I was just, well, me.
As I sit here, staring out the car window at everything passing by, the highway speeding by, the beautiful sparkling ocean, Edward at my side, I am wondering what I did to deserve him. The answer is nothing. In fact, I don't deserve him. Not even now. Not even as I am a vampire, an incredibly strong vampire who still doesn't deserve anyone as special as Edward.
"What are you thinking about?" he would always ask. I wouldn't tell him. I would lie. I would just keep the truth from him. He didn't need to know. But I realize now, he did need to know. He needed to know I loved him. Even though it was probably extremely obvious, he wanted proof and reassurance other than my incredibly un-convincing voice.
Still, how would I ever know how he felt? I don't have his brain. Out of all the experiences I've had as a vampire, I've never had anything as close to as what he would have had to gone through. He fell in love with a human that smelled so compellingly sweet, and fighting the desire to kill, while fighting the desire to love in return. Well, I fell in love with a vampire. My father considered that a mistake. My mother considered it romantic. And I consider it the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Edward deserved someone better. He deserved a beautiful girl with beauty, brains, and an outstanding wardrobe. I couldn't give him that. But he fell in love with me anyway because of me. Yes, I had tons of guys gushing over me on the first day of school. Now that I think about it, I could have had any one of those guys. I truly could have. But none of them could have given me what Edward has given me. None of them could have loved me the way Edward loves me. And I could never give any of them the same love that I have returned to Edward. I just couldn't have. There would have been break-ups and make-ups and broken hearts and mended hearts, but none of it would have lasted as long as Edward and I have.
I can't help thinking how it would have been if it were different. If I had taken the seat next to Jessica instead of the handsome Edward Cullen. Maybe he would have found another girl to spend his forever with. A beautiful girl, with brains and talent. All I was good at was falling and making a complete fool out of myself.
I always knew I didn't deserve Edward. And I tried to convince him I didn't deserve him, but he wouldn't listen. He told me I was worth so much more than I thought I was, but I didn't have the heart to believe him. He was a liar. But a good liar. And I loved him for it.
I still do.