A/N: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor am I Victor Hugo. I own only this dialogue and my attempted summary of one of the foremost works of Western literature. Because really, Remus is such a cute nerd.

"Moony?"
"Hm?"
"What are you reading?"
"Les Misérables."

"Bless you."
"It's a book, Sirius," James added without looking up from his charms essay.

"Well, I can see that, can't I? A bloody huge book, I might add."

"Looks like a brick!"

"Thank you for that invaluable insight, Peter."

There was a brief pause before Sirius was struck by curiosity once more.

"Moony?"
"Yes?"
"What's it about?"

Remus sighed. "Sirius, this novel is highly complex, and allow me to remind you that your attention span is-"

"Comparable to that of a goldfish?" James chimed in.

Remus shrugged noncommittally. "Those aren't the words I would have chosen…"

"Oh, please, Moony, I'm bored," Sirius pushed out his lower lip and attempted what can only be called a puppy-dog face (please forgive the irony).

"Fine," Remus marked his place and shut the book. "It's about a former convict called Jean Valjean, who, after receiving forgiveness and new life from a Bishop, becomes mayor of a small town. Constantly pursued by Inspector Javert for breaking his parole, Valjean vows to adopt the daughter of a young woman who worked at his factory and who was driven to ruin by poverty. Valjean rescues Cosette-that's the daughter-from the greedy, opportunistic Thenardiers…who have a daughter, Eponine. Remember that. So, Valjean pays them off and takes Cosette to a convent, where he lives as a gardener, cashing in on a favor from a man named Fauchelevant, who Valjean saved from being crushed by a runaway cart. Cosette grows up, they leave the convent, and eventually, Cosette falls in love with a student, Marius. Marius has radical political views and was turned out of his royalist grandfather's house because of them. Marius falls in with a group of students who plan an armed revolt surrounding the funeral of one General Lamarque. Valjean finds out about Cosette and Marius and plans to move to England. Marius joins the revolt, hoping to die, since he'll never see Cosette again. Javert is captured by the students and held as a spy. Valjean has a change of heart, and comes to help on the barricades. He pretends to kill Javert, but lets him go. The revolt fails, and all of the students die, except Marius. Eponine, who was Marius's neighbor and had fallen in love with him, takes a bullet for him. Valjean drags the injured Marius through the sewers, where Thenardier is looting corpses. Javert can't handle the fact that Valjean, a convict, is a good man, so he jumps into the Seine. Marius and Cosette marry and Valjean tells Marius that he is a former convict. Marius and Cosette see Valjean less and less, until Thenardier, attempting to bribe Marius, accidently informs him that it was Valjean who saved him when the barricades fell. Cosette and Valjean reunite before his death. And there's a ton of stuff about the religion, ideology, history, architecture and social mores of France in the 19th century."

The dormitory entered a period of stunned silence. Remus returned to his book.

Just as he was about to turn in for the night, one final phrase was heard.

"So this Valjert fellow-"

The rest of this question was lost in a puff of air as a large, heavy, square object hit Sirius square in the chest and knocked him back across his bed.

"Bonne nuit, mon ami," Remus murmured.