Alderaan

By: Emma Kenobi

Rating: PG

Brief Synopsis: Princess Leia Organa's thoughts after her homeplanet, Alderaan is destroyed.

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars (if only!), and all situations and characters are owned by the one and only George Lucas, who's hand I would very much like to shake one day. :)

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Alderaan is gone.

I stood and watched as an emerald laser as green as any of Alderaan's famous rolling hills of grass burned its way through the heart of my planet and shattered it to a million pieces.

I watched, but I did not see.

I felt.

I felt Vader's hard hand on my shoulder.

I felt Tarkin's oily pleasure and smug self-appreciation.

I felt that emerald laser pierce my heart, as it had Alderaan's, and burn.

I felt the anguish and confusion of my people rise in me as the bile in my stomach rose.  I felt the sorrow, the disbelief, the pain, oh Force, the pain! Stabbing at my nerves, a burning, searing pain that ripped out my heart and lit it on fire, sucking out my soul and slowly and painfully making it as hard and worthless as any murdered Alderaanian child's.

I had failed them.

I had failed the Alliance.

I had failed my father.

My father- I can feel his pain the most as it sticks inside my head like a wretched taste in my mouth.  The sick sorrow, disgusted anger, defiance; but something else is there…

Hopelessness.

There was no way out.

I will not cry.  I tell myself as they throw me back in my cell.  I will not let them think I have broken.  They will know they have won.  They have nothing to threaten my with-save my own life, which is worthless to me.

I close my eyes and lean my head up against the wall.

BOOM!

The light of Alderaan flashes in my mind's eye.

BOOM!

I open my eyes, staring hard at the wall opposite me.  I know there are surveillance camera's watching me.  Tarkin is waiting for some show of weakness, no doubt.

I think of Alderaan as I start blankly at my wall.  Alderaan, my people, my friends, my colleagues, my home, my father.

My father.

Tears well in my eyes, but I will them away.  I clench my jaw in anger.  The Empire has much to answer too, and much to atone for.

Sorrow is not a weakness Leia.  Father's soft voice reprimands me gently, a long forgotten lecture coming through my mind against the hazy there.  You should not fear your feelings.  Control them, yes, but do no fear them.  Fear leads to hate-

Yes father.  I can see myself impatiently answering.  I know…you've told me a hundred times.

I can tell that father chuckled softly at this and pulls me into a hug next, but I know there will be no more chuckling together, no more gently guiding or bits of wisdom.  There will be no more worried glances or concerned looks.  No more radiant smiles or amusement or hugs of comfort, kisses on the head.

Because my father has been murdered.

And I will never see him again.

Hard-faced and alone in my cell, a single tear falls from one of my angry eyes, cutting a path down one of my rigidly set cheeks.

I will fear no more.

The End.