It will help if you have read Third and The Portal of EPICOCITY!: Pandasan. (It was supposed to be Panda-san, but it won't let me have a hyphen in the title. Grr!) If you haven't... *shrug*
I meant to write this quite a while ago, but I forgot. I also forgot to do anything for Valentine's day. (I was a little distracted. ^w^)
We Need to Talk
Me: Take a seat.
Near: ...
Me: Have a seat.
Near: *sits down*
Me: Take a seat.
Near: I'm sitting.
Me: Good... *tents fingers* good.
Near: *blank faced*
Me: Near, we need to talk.
Near: What about?
Me: I'm sick of the sight of you.
Near: How is that?
Me: Writing Third, I got bored with you.
Near: You got bored with me?
Me: Yes. Whenever I was about to write for you to do something, I'd think, "wait, that's actually more of an L thing to say." All that stuff about how you're not like L wasn't planned. That was just me spouting out random junk. Hopes the one who didn't want to believe it.
Near: You prefer L to me?
Me: Frankly, yes.
Near: Might I ask when you got sick of the sight of me?
Me: Oh, I don't know. Chapter five? Chapter Six? I don't think I consciously began to grow tired of you until chapter six.
Near: So, where does that leave us?
Me: Beats me. It's not like you did anything while you had the chance. *holds nose in air*
Near: …
Me: You don't care. You just think I'm some obsessed otaku.
Near: Well, I've seen that you have a ridiculous crush on at least one guy from every anime and manga you watch or read.
Me: Not EVERY one.
Near: Name one where you don't.
Me: Lucky Star.
Near: Okay, name another one.
Me: I... Uh... Give me a second... The Melancholy of-
Near: Koizumi.
Me: Zero no-
Near: Saito.
Me: HOW DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT ME?
Near: Do you have any other poor excuses?
Me: … School Rumble! Ha!
Near: You neither read nor watch School Rumble. You read half-way through the first manga volume and got sick of it.
Me: ...Special-
Near: Tadashi.
Me: RAGH!
Near: Keroro Gunso – Saburo. Code Geass – Lelouch and Suzaku. Tokyo Mew Mew – Ryou and Kisshu. Not Aoyama. You think he's boring.
Me: He is My Master! You can't really say I have a crush on the pervy guy in that. (His name escapes me.)
Near: …
Me: Crap! I hate yooooooooooooouuu!
Near: Do you like anyone in real life?
Me: *blush*
Near: *smirk* What's that?
Me: What's what?
Near: That card up there on the shelf? Is it a Valentine?
Me: No!
Near: It has a love heart on it.
Me: Don't touch it!
James: Near, if I'm not aloud to tease her about it, then neither are you.
Me: XP
Near: Very well. I do have one last question.
Me: Does it have anything to do with the card?
Near: ...Not anymore it doesn't.
Me: Okay, then. Shoot.
James: *pulls out revolver*
Me: Not you! Go away!
James: *pouts and leaves*
Near: Can I have an example of when I annoyed you?
Me: I don't remember. It was some conversation I needed you to have with Hope, but I realised that you wouldn't actually do that. It then occurred to me that you weren't as interesting as L.
Near: I see, and I completely understand.
Me: You think I'm completely bonkers, don't you?
Near: To be perfectly frank, yes.
Me: Fair enough. You can go now.
Near: I'll do that then. *snatches my card and leaves*
Me: Hey!
Hope: *chicken wings Near in the throat* Here you go. *gives me back the card*
James: *shoots Hope and Near*
Me: *glares at him*
James: What? You broke up with him, right?
Me: *sigh*
James: *shoots me*
Me: I know it's rubbish, BUT I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK!
James: Good, because everyone hates you anyway.
Me: Not everyone. *points to card*