Susie Salmon's POV.
What really happened on Decemeber 6, 1973...
Susie and that one mexicano were licking each other's nips that day, being rebels and skipping class to makeout.
"Susie, lets skip class. You are too beautiful to have your voldey become moldy sitting in class all day. I can show you how real mexicanos work it." Philipe Taco said.
"Sorry, I have to go straighten my pubes first..."
So here we were. Sitting in the food storage room, with my starightened pubes being touched... by eggs. I leaned my head back at the pleasure...
"Ooooh, Philipe...yes. Don't stop...YES...yes."
SPLAT! is what happened when i threw my head back in pure estacsy, potato salad found it's way to my face. And when i say face, i mean vagina.
"Susie, did i do something wrong?"
"No, no. it's not you." i said looking down at his head (the second one) inbetween my legs. "I just got some nasty ass shit on my face."
"OH! God. i love me some potato salad!" Philipe said licking around my unibrow.
"Jesus! Work that shit..."
Philipe pulled back, to flash me a serious look.
"I'm not jesus...i'm your...tits." He titled his face down, with a wild look in his eyes, and creepy smile.
"Please Phily, I need you..." I was overtook by the urge of pleasure in my feet. Phil took his cold nipples and spread them across my foot. Slowly once, twice...I scream outloud, unable to contain myself.
"Hurry...the mayonnaise..." I whispered. He chuckled and took the jar out of his backpack. Philipe grabbed his ipod and turned Sexy Back on speaker. I grabbed the jar out of his hand, put the whole cap in my mouth and twisted it.
"Close your eyes..." I said, and grabbed a chuck of mayo in my hand. I crawled over to Phil and unzipped his pants with my teeth. Slowly licking his stomach, and then pulled down his boxers with my clean hand. I went down on him, licking his joystick violently, and shoved the mayo in his hair.
"Yes bitches!" Phil howled.
He swung me over and shoved a chopstick up my ear.
"Take that Voldemort!" He spat.
"My nips for Narina!" I whispered.
"Aslan's titty twist." He moaned.
***Meanwhile...
Harv's POV.
"How could Susie do this to me?" I roared from atop the roof. I always wached her at school, even when she had to use the latrine. Today i saw Philipe strut his tits over to my gal, and took her into a storage closet. Come on, at least i have class and make her a play house. There is a sky light in the storage room, which is where i came to watch. To make sure that greasy ass monkey didn't put his paws near her huevos. BUT I WAS WRONG.
She put mayo in his hair! His HAIR! She can only do that to me. That nasty tit fuck. We never actually met, but I planned our life together. Now she has ruined it. She will pay. Tonight.
"I had a really nice time, you floppy fish." Phil said.
"That's why they call me Salmon." I grinned.
"Mmmm, I want you all over again."
"We're going to be late for lunch." I complained. "It's fucking tots today!"
"You can eat my tots." Phil compromised.
Before i even have time to say no, it's like someone posessed me, i got down on my knees to take his tots in my mouth. He flung his head back and shouted, "BANANA'S IN MY ASS!" I bit his tot. "Susie! waaait!"
"What, I want me some lunch. God damn!"
"Someone was watching my tits giggle! I swear."
"That was just my ass cheeks..."
"Fo real Suz, we have to leave! I'm creeped out."
"I can tell, you're all flappy now. You damn tit."
"Stop your bitching, and let's roll out."
"Fuck an ostrich, and then call me."
They were done before Susie even got her lunch. At least I would have given her something sour to eat. I didn't even have time to get hard again. I jumped from the roof and banked left, landing with a thud, I took off running. Crying my tits out.
I was supposed to be her first, but it's too late now. There's no going back, once her tits have gone waack. They are mated for life.
"Susie, wait up!" Jake Sully said.
"Oh, hey blue tits! What's up?" greeting my best friend.
"I was waiting for you at lunch, but there was a code red, you should have been there! There were terrorists in the storage room! Seriously, we heard animal noises and couldn't open the door up. Where the hell were you?"
"I was...feeding my owl...oh wait, there wasn't even a owl...i don't have one...nevermind."
"Okay, then... I'm going to head back to Homotree!"
"Wait!" I grabbed Jake's arm and flashed him a serious look. "I'm hungry."
"Why didn't you say something spidermonkey?" he pulled a pocket knife from his armpit and sliced his bottom lip. "Take a sip."
"Eewh, AIDS!" I ran away into a nearby forest behind the school. Ravishing and lost, I'm pretty sure I was going in circles. Either it was dark out, or my tits were burnt. I followed the noise of hoes singing.
"Hello tits! You're late for tea!" A rabbit said.
"Do you have any idea why ravens are like tits?" A hobo with a hat asked.
I pulled a gun out of my pocket and said "Merry Christmas Bitches!" and shot them all.
I drank some tea, that was spiced with peppers. It all went down hill from there...
I continued my quest, trying to find a way home. I ran into two guys. One looked oily, and was caressing a ring. And let me tell you, these tits were freaking short.
"Hello there, is there a cornfield anywhere near here?" I asked them.
"I don't know, we're going to Mordoor. Be gone tit."
"Wow, fuck all your ginger bread men!" I took off going south, my favorite direction. Indeed i would soon find a cornfield some time going the same direction. And yes, dun dun dun...i did! Five minutes from where i left the two ugly tits, corn came into view. Right where i left it. Unprotected, and vulnerbale. I walked into the first few rows of stalks and threw my hands to the wild west!
"Mama is home baccon tits! Come lick the butter off my head, shoulders, kneees and toes."
I can sense her getting close. She is near. I can smell the butter wafting from her toes, arousing me. How much i would love to smear that all over her ear and shove my jello-ness around her almonds.
I did some last minute arrangments to the dollhouse, and took a deep, cleansing, refreshing, mud bath. When I feel ogre-ish, I can accomplish anything. Anything is possible tonight.
I grabbed the grapes, climbed up the stairs and into the cornfield, preparing myself for what I've been waiting for.
I smelt his hairy, sweaty, salty, greasy, nasty, oily, tangy, shitty butthole before I saw him.
His flesh was bare, all but covered with a leaf on his joystack. His palm contained grapes, ever so appealing in the twilight.
"You're the Salmon girl, right?" His beard jiggled. I had a flashback to Philipe's nipples, and wondered just how joyous that beard would feel on my...
"Tit, please come join me." His husky ass voice spoke again.
"I would sir, by all means. I have no strength left."
"By all means, come along!" He waved the grapes in the air.
I followed him down the stairs inside the cornfield.
I'm flying over head when I hear a girl cry out that she wants her tits to be saturated in powdered milk. I'm not in the mood to help anyone tonight, so I hover above the stalks.
Everyone thought Superman was oh so great, oh so mighty. But you know what? He likes to get off too. Deffinitely to little girls getting it like a rhino gets an elephant. DAMN.
Susie POV.
I pulled out a knife.
"Suise...why?"
"Because, George. You were home." Susie said shoving more marshmellow fluff up his ass.