Beaten, Battered, Broken, and Worthless
Sasuke slipped out the window of his hospital room and began running trough the poring rain, even the skies were crying at how pitiful he was. He stuck to the shadows as he ran hoping not to bump into anyone who knew him, or knew where he should be. His destination was an area of the village that he tried to avoid visiting at all cost, too many memories, most of them painful.
The old Uchiha District of the Leaf Village was a ghost town. It hadn't been lived in since the massacre that had started Sasuke's nightmares years ago. Sasuke hated going there. He didn't believe himself worthy to walk the streets where his clan had all lived and died, because he hadn't died with them that day like he should have. He'd been weak and had begged for his life. He was ashamed of himself and had vowed vengeance, but not much had changed in the years. He was still weak. Sasuke ran across the grounds that had once been soiled with his clansmen blood, trying to hold down his revulsion until he reached his destination.
The Uchiha burial grounds were a desolate area, empty and overgrown with weeds. Sasuke hadn't been there in years, but still he knew by heart what path to take to reach the graves he wanted to be at. Fugaku and Mikoto Uchiha were buried side by side in the too full cemetery. Sasuke kneeled in front of their graves, his head bowed, oblivious to the rain pounding down on him. "Father. Mother." He said sullenly, "I'm sorry."
He looked up at the grave stones before him, they were cracked and weather from age, but he could still make out the names carved into them, "I'm sorry that I'm weak. I lost to him again. I'm so weak. I'll never be able to beat him. I should have died that day with you guys. One of you should have lived. You would be strong enough. You'd be able to beat him. I don't deserve to be alive if I can't even avenge your deaths. I'm useless, so useless and worthless. I'm sorry I'm such a worthless son. Forgive me. Please forgive me."
The rain beat down on Sasuke's head dripping down on to his face, but Sasuke knew that the moisture on his cheeks wasn't just rain. He didn't even have the strength to reach up and wipe his tears away, "I'm so weak. I'm sorry I'm so weak. I'm sorry for being such a worthless son. I'm so sorry."
"Quit apologizing and snap out of it." Sasuke turned around to find the source of the voice. The boy standing there was soaking wet from head to toe. His blond hair was matted against his forehead, his orange clothes soggy, his cornflower blue eyes turned down away from Sasuke, "I've never heard you sound so pitiful. Nothing at all like the Sasuke I know."
Sasuke glared up at Naruto, eyes full of defiance, "You don't know anything about me so don't pretend like you do."
"You're wrong Sasuke." Naruto replied, still not looking at his onyx eyed friend, "I know plenty about you." He didn't give the Uchiha time to reply before rushing on, "I know you're not weak. You're one of the strongest people I know. Everywhere we go everyone immediately wants to fight you. Not me, not Sakura, not even Kakashi-sensei, it's always you they want to fight. They wouldn't if you were weak. I know you're not useless. Every mission we go on you pull your weight better than any of us. You notice things we don't and when we don't have Kakashi-sensei you come up with all the best plans. You're not worthless; Sakura and I would be lost without you."
Sasuke laughed at this, "You think knowing that crap is same as knowing me? Hate to break it to you, Naruto, but you're wrong. That's not me. That's Sasuke the shinobi, the student. That's not Sasuke the person. You don't know Sasuke the person. No one knows Sasuke the person. I don't even know Sasuke the person, because he died that night Itachi killed everyone else. Theme that you think you know is just a shell, an empty cask of my former self. You don't know me at all."
"You're wrong!" Naruto yelled, "I do know you and you're not dead, you're not empty. I understand that you're carrying the weight of your clan on your shoulders. I understand that sometimes you feel like you can't do anything. But I know you're not the pitiful person you're making yourself out to be. I may not know Sasuke the person, but I do know the Sasuke that's my friend. And the Sasuke I know would not be here wallowing in self pity because he lost a fight. The Sasuke I know would be in the hospital trying to hurry up and get better, so he can get back to training. The Sasuke I know will keep training harder and harder until he's strong enough to win is next fight. He wouldn't be out here in the rain crying over spilled milk and acting like a pitiful excuse for a human being. I understand how you feel, but you're not acting like the Sasuke I know."
Naruto's words caused something to snap inside of Sasuke, and all patience he had with the blond soon evaporated in his anger, "You understand how I feel? Ha! How could someone like you ever understand how I feel? You who have been alone from the beginning, how can you understand the pain of someone who's lost everyone he ever held dear in one awful day? You've never had any parents, so how can you understand how it feels to loose them? You've never had any family, so how can you know what it's like to come home one day and find them all gone, forever beyond your reach!
"How could you comprehend how it feels to have all your dreams crushed by the one person who ever believed that you might actually be able to reach those dreams? You sound like a fish trying to convince a bird that it knows how it feels to never be able to fly again. You can't feel the lose of what you've never had, Naruto. How dare you claim to know how I feel, when you'll never be able to feel it yourself. How can you know how it feels to have the one person that you ever admired, the one person who ever accepted you for who you are; how can you know how it feels to have them suddenly treat you as if you're lower than dirt?"
Sasuke was sobbing now, tears flowed from his eyes and mixed with the rain still beating down on his face, his body shook with each choked sob he was too weak to hold in. It hurt. Each word he hurled at his blond teammate hurt him like salt to an open wound, "Someone like you could never understand." He said, "Not when you've always been alone. No, you could never understand."
"You're right Sasuke; I have been alone from the start. I could never understand how it feels to have those you cared for, and who cared for you, I could never understand how it feels to have them ripped away. But I do know how it feels to have them never care for you. I know how it feels to love someone and have them not love you back. I know it's not the same thing, but it can't feel too different. It feels horrible doesn't it? It makes you feel so pitifully alone, like you're useless, like you're worthless. You wished the pain could go away, because you hate how it makes you feel. It makes you feel like you're not good enough, like you're never good enough. You just want to curl up in a ball and cry your eyes out. You want to die, or at least go somewhere else, somewhere where the pain can't reach you.
"That's the pain of loving someone who would never love you back, who will never accept you. It can't be too different from the pain you're feeling right Sasuke? Is it the same? Does it hurt the way I say? I do understand Sasuke. I do know how you feel."
Sasuke was silent as Naruto's words sunk in. He'd been a fool. He would have never guessed it. It never occurred to him that Naruto was feeling pain similar to his own, but the more the blond described his own pain, the more Sasuke felt he was talking about him. Naruto was right, it hurt just the same, exactly the way he described it. He looked up at his friend, his arms wrapped protectively around his chest, as if they could guard his heart from the pain in the other boy's words.
Naruto's stance hadn't changed much at all; his head was still bowed, his eyes looking away from Sasuke, his hands clinched into fist at his sides, but his shoulders shook as he tried to hold in some unspoken feeling, "Everyday the both of us wake up and put on mask, two completely different masks, concealing the exact same pain, coming from two completely different sources. We throw up facades like ginjutsus concealing our true selves and what we're really feeling. Everyday we try our hardest to be strong, trying to hold up our facades until were alone and can let them crumble.
"Sometimes I feel like I can't do it anymore. I want to strip off the mask, drop the façade, and end the jutsu once and for all. I want to end it all. But then I look at you Sasuke, I know you're going trough the same thing. I know you want to end it at times too. I know you want to, but you never do. Seeing you deal with it day after day makes me believe I can deal with it too. That's why I hate seeing you acting so pitiful. I rely on your strength to boost my own strength. Forgive me if that's being selfish, but seeing you here wallowing in self pity, it makes me think maybe it's not worth. Maybe I should just drop the façade and end it all. Maybe I should run away to a place where the pain can't follow. Those are weak thoughts, and I'm not a weak person. But I will be if you are. We're both the same. I'm just like you who is just like me. If one of us fails, we both do. From the very beginning, when we both donned our mask for the first time, our faiths were tied. So stop all this talk of worthlessness. I'm not worthless and neither are you."
Sasuke looked at Naruto, his expression hardening, his mind made up. He wiped his tears and climbed to his feet with renewed will, "You're right Naruto." He said, "We are both the same. And neither of us is worthless. We're strong. It was stupid of me to think otherwise. We may get beaten and battered, we may feel broken at times, but we are never worthless. Never. Sucks to anyone who says otherwise."
For the first time since he got there, Naruto looked up at Sasuke. He liked what he saw before him. The Uchiha boy was back to his old self. He was standing strong and proud, looking regal despite the rain soaking his garments. Naruto couldn't help but smiling, this was the Sasuke he knew, "Right." He agreed, "Sucks to anyone who says otherwise. We'll beat them to a pulp and show them who the real worthless ones are. We'll make them regret ever calling us weak. Come on Sasuke, let's get you back to the hospital so you can hurry and get better. We'll train so hard and get so strong that we'll never lose a battle again."
Naruto was back to his usual self as well. Sasuke rarely him so serious, and it was good to have his carefree friend back. He followed the blond boy trough the darkness and rain as he led he was back to the hospital chatting animatedly about how strong the two of them was going to get. Sasuke said nothing as he listened to the boy. There was one thing he wanted to say, but the blond idiot didn't give him the chance. It wasn't until Sasuke was nice and dry; back in his hospital bed did he get the chance to speak, "Hey Idiot." He called out as Naruto was about the exit the room, "Thanks."
Naruto smiled his usual cheerful expression, "Don't mention it Bastard." He replied, "Just don't forget we're both the same and neither of us is worthless."
"Right." Sasuke agreed, "I'm just like you who is just like me." It wasn't until he repeated boy's earlier words did Sasuke realize just how right they were. He was just like Naruto, and Naruto was just like him. With a smile on his face Sasuke burrowed under his covers eager to get some sleep, already excited about the training he'll be able to do once he got better. He wasn't weak and he wasn't worthless, sucks to anyone who says otherwise.
UchiSays: Orgianlly this story was suppose to be the reproduction of a story I wrote for my friend last year, but some kind of way it went in a compltetly different direction, and hte result is as you see before you. it was originally a narusasu, i don't know what went wrong, *shrugs* any way read and review
tchao