Cold Cold Night

by Scotia Daniel

"By morning he'd be gone. The only proof of him even being there in the first place was the indent of his body in the bed, his lingering smell, and a blue daisy awaiting for her in the space where his head had been the night before."

I saw you standing in the corner, on the edge of a burning light

Teru chopped away at the onions in front of her, slicing and dicing as she prepared dinner. Winter had come and the air outside was chilly and cruel. But the inside of the apartment was so warm it should be considered a sin. Riko had gone on one of her "business trips" and left the place all to herself for a week. Thankfully school was out so she could enjoy her time, but she wondered deep down if it was such a good idea. Teru went back to slicing away at the onions before sliding them into her dish, knowing that'd he'd be there that night. And it wasn't before long that she heard the "click" of the front door as it opened and shut softly, as if whoever entered didn't want to be known they were there. But she did. And she could sense him standing in the corner of the room where he always went to when the time came to this. She finished off her dish and set it down for her and Kurosaki to enjoy.

I saw you standing in the corner, come to me again in the cold cold night

It always would start with dinner. But soon he'd stay longer than he said he would. Like always, it led to a movie on the couch and then to the bedroom. Not much longer he'd quickly leave and as quietly as he had come. Without making a word or sound.

In the cold cold night

Despite this, Teru wasn't bothered. She never was. It was their little secret. By morning they would go back to how they always acted before as though the night before never existed. She didn't know if it was because it didn't last as long as both of them hoped it would, or if it was because it mainly seemed like a dream to them. Like a ghost, he'd come for her in the middle of the night and before long the night would disappear to leave behind a mirage of what had happened, not knowing if it had been real or just a wishful dream.

You make me feel a little older, like a full grown woman might

Just like the leaves and trees out in the cold night air, she grew older with them. No longer are her branches short and stubby, they are now long and old, filled with knowledge. Of course, she still had a long way to go. But with him, he made her feel as though she were years older than she really was.

But when you grow colder, come to me again in the cold cold night

And she loved it. Yet at the same time, like the branches and leaves outside, she was still frail and thin, ready to snap at any second from the slightest of pressure that she knew she wouldn't be able to handle. Like his cruelness. Even behind the mask that everyone sees, is a person reserved just for her. Yet he still can't find the will to take it all the way off when it wasn't with just them two. Yet she learned to love it more than she honestly should.

In the cold cold night

And every time she found herself alone in the day, she'd think back to the times they had played this game. How many times he'd come for her in the night and how many times they pretended what goes on between them is an illusion. But she knew better. She learned to know better by now. So why wasn't she able to to turn this around?

I hear you walkin' by my front door, I hear the creakin' of the kitchen floor

Sometimes she'd be ready for that noise. Waiting at the kitchen table in the early hours of the night, or waiting while watching T.V at the latest hour. But mostly she woke up to the sound that no longer filled her with fear of an intruder, but with the integrity of knowing what would happen soon enough, feeling the anticipation build up in knots in the center of her stomach.

I don't care what other people say. I'm gonna love you anyway

She also learned to not care what the other neighbors must think. Of the noises that float around at night or the sounds that they couldn't hear that was drowned out by the darkness of the witching hour itself. Teru would memorize every motion he made, every look he'd give her and how he'd take in her body with his cruel, but gentle eyes, and every sound that escaped from his lips and jotting down the times he'd say her name. It was pure bliss. And she didn't care who or what knew of this secret of theirs. All she wanted was the time they shared to never end. Even if it was considered a sin. She loved him. And nothing was going to change her mind. Nothing.

Come to me again in the cold cold night

By morning he'd be gone. The only proof of him even being there in the first place was the indent of his body in the bed, his lingering smell, and a blue daisy awaiting for her in the space where his head had been the night before. Teru didn't understand why he'd retreat before she could awaken with him and the sun in the early morning light, but she figured it be for the best if she didn't know. Or maybe she already did? In the back of her mind, though, she knew it wouldn't be too long before he found his way back running to her in no time. And they could finally be together again. Like how they should be: Tucked under covers together safe from the cold, cold night unweaving itself outside the many walls housing them. And maybe, just maybe, that next time he won't leave before she could awake, and that he'd stay instead of leave. That they could wake up together and this game would no longer be played. Both of them would win and finally be in peace. But till then, she'd play this game they desperately played until the time was right. And when he'd return to her in the cold, cold night, she'd be right there waiting for him, always.

In the cold, cold night.