Title: Breathe Again
Author: Bynamearose/CynicalAuthoress
Fandom: Vampire Diaries (book)
Rating: M
Pairing(s): Damon/Meredith/Stefan, Damon/Elena/Stefan, slight Meredith/Elena
Summary: Between them, Meredith is nearly whole again.
Warning: Gore, Violence, Strong Language, Sexual Situations
Notes: Thanks to everyone in the shippers corner. You guys rock, and the amount of odd inspiration you give is an experience, to say the least.
Disclaimer: None of this is mine, although I can't imagine anyone objecting to the ownership of Damon or Stefan Salvatore.
–
Open up, next to you and my secrets become your truth.
And the distance between that was sheltering me comes in full view.
The days of Fell's Church representing normalcy and childhood had been lost early.
The Wickery bridge, a place that Meredith can now remember most as death and fear and change, used to be a simple landmark, a passing in and out of town. Robert E. Lee used to be a palace, with Elena as queen, her court as fellow royalty, and the rest as on-lookers, subjects. Now, even after graduating, Meredith wonders if she was ever really there at all. She wonders how much of her mind stayed with her through vampires and werewolves and family history, as fuel to the fire. She wonders if she really made it through all of it, or if it's some psychotic breakdown in the making.
Everything in this town looks unrecognizable. She knew that the years would change it and the memories would paint it in dark, violent tones but it feels almost cold. It feels empty. If she were perfectly honest with herself, she'd never expected that.
Meredith doesn't wait long to find the cemetery. It's the only place she can think to go now, after Elena's death. She knows Bonnie and Matt have both been here several times but, after several years passed, she doesn't bother caring if they find her there.
The grave is simple and -unlike its inspiration – like every single other: a headstone with a few kind words of the dead and a few flowers – lilies, she notes – left to die. She remembers standing near here when Elena had her first "death." She remembers that naive hope that it wasn't true and well intentioned, pained whispers telling her it was. She remembers it vividly, and feels a bit of shame when eyes as green as oak leaves flash through her mind, and not blue.
Elena's body isn't there. It's one of the first things that pops into her mind. She did not rest here. Her body is gone, like the most unattainable of relics. Always being adored and lusted after, always far away and distant. It seems a ridiculous time to think about it but, either way, it makes her hands tremble and her eyes shut tight.
She doesn't cry.
She won't.
But it's the first time in years that she wishes she could.
She sees Aunt Judith and Margaret for the first time in years, also. It isn't by accident.
When Margaret opens the front door for her, she's nearly ten years old and looks like a miniature Elena, dark blue eyes and all. That tiny, angel-face is maturing, taking on that same regal, compelling look her sister had. Aunt Judith greets her with a hug and, stepping away from the door, wraps an arm around Margaret, who looks more curious than shy.
The last time Meredith was this close to her, they were running from Katherine's dogs. She honestly hopes Margaret doesn't remember her at all.
The older woman smiles warmly at her, inviting her in like there hasn't been heavy years between them all.
"Here," Aunt Judith offers, setting a cup of tea in front of her before she could protest.
"Thank you," she says politely, though the cup lays untouched.
"So, how was Duke?" Upon Meredith's look of confusion, she explains. "I heard from your parents that you graduated a few years ago."
"It was nice," Meredith isn't sure of what to say, but smiles forcefully, "...friendly."
She doesn't mention, for all that it's worth, that Elena had stopped to see her during that time. With Stefan's credit card, Elena had no qualms with flying from Italy to France and back - even on short notice. To her, this seemed to mean frequent trips to Duke and anywhere else in the Fairfax county that didn't make it past the mile-markers of Fell's Church.
The thoughts and memories sting like Margaret's large blue eyes and lilies on her grave. A few years after Elena's death, and it's all about pain and numbness. It was a simple process, like the rising and setting of the sun; now she felt pain, where she would later feel none.
"She doesn't seem to remember any of it," she confesses later, her eyes shut tight.
She doesn't look nearly as scattered as she feels, but the the light makes her shy away instinctively. It's too bright. It's so damn bright that she wants to board up the windows and never look back. Maybe even the doors, if she has the courage.
Hands tuck her dark hair behind her ears, and lips kiss the top of her dark hair.
"She won't," Stefan promises, his hand clasped around hers. "Her grief was left behind years ago."
"So was ours," Meredith responds, her words lacking the dry humor they once had.
She feels him stiffen behind her, and his hands slip away as he feels his own mourning and shame.
Will we do this every day? she thinks, watching him retreat behind the patio doors. Will we fight every step, every motion?
Letting out a shallow breath, Meredith follows him. He sits, uncomfortably tense in the chair, and she sees the look on his face – the only look she can ever clearly name with one word. Elena. What follows is his own guilt and anguish, tripled by the years he's spent punishing himself for Katherine.
It's not your fault. She won't say it, not for the many times she already has.
She leans into him, arms wound around his neck.
His lips meet hers gently, hesitantly - until she deepens the kiss. She kisses him hard, emotions running on a tremendous, powerful high. She runs her hands through his dark, curly hair and he tugs her towards him until she's tight against his chest. They stay like that, unmoving, until the sound of a throat being cleared stops them in their embrace.
"Well, Meredith. I wasn't aware you'd returned."
A/N: Ugh. So conflicted as to where I wanted to end this chapter. However, it's posted, and what's done is done. Between all the Damon/Meredith/Stefan and Damon/Meredith/Elena talk that's been floating around the forums, I decided to put the kibosh on my previous D/M/S story (which has been the uncomfortable cause of much writer's block) and channel it into more of a collaborative story of ideas I had and ideas that pop into my head while I sort through the D/M corner.
Title/quote comes from Sara Bareilles' Breathe Again. Awesome song, guys. Pick it up, seriously.
Anyhow, hope you all enjoy. Don't be afraid to leave critique or praise – I don't bite, I promise ;)