(A/N: Well well well, back at last. Doubt anybody remembers me, mwahaha. Used to go by the alias Grath Longrudder... eh. Haven't written any Redwall stuffs in a long time. Anyway, I just finished Loamhedge and inspiration struck. I have the black eye to prove it. Written in a grand total of four minutes. R and R! Enjoy!)
Sister Setiva's Strike
Sister Setiva went on strike
One stuffy summer morn,
The dibbuns would not cooperate,
Not for swat or scold or scorn.
Muggum made a mess of himself
Shilly was simply smelly
Yooch was yielding a yellowing rash
that stretched from his neck to his belly.
Buffle babbled of butter
The evidence splattered afar
His fur was slick and yellowed
From the fresh-churned butter jar.
Coupled with Springald and Fenna
Who were laden with too much perfume
And Hortwill Longblade Braebuck
Who'd eaten himself to sure doom.
Setiva just couldn't take it
The Abbey was running wild
Suddenly each Brother and Sister
was messy as each little child!
Abbot Carrul with crumbs in his whiskers
Foremole with his huge dirty claws
A stain on Sister Portula's habit
In each beast she'd find some great flaw.
"Nae more physicks, nae more baths!
Ah tell ye, Ah've had enough!
Ye thooght Sis Set'va were tough afore,
Things'll soon bae gettin' real rough!"
"I'll nae bathe ye like naughtae whelps
An' chase ye wit mah stick
Ah trust ye'll do et all yerselves
Clean pressed wi' fur nice an' slick!"
"'Cos next time ye're sick or hurt,
An' in need o' a remedy,
Doon't come knocken' round mae door,
That ain't where ye'll find me!"
"There're baests in yon forest
More in need o' mah service
Ye'll lay there'n'perish 'cos ye were messy
Now doon' that make ye nervous?"
One by one they filed down
Into the Abbey pond
Not one beast wanted to lose
Sister Setiva, of whom they were fond.
Sure she gave yucky old physicks
And soaped and rinsed the dibbuns,
But nobeast was ever worse for the wear,
After the good Sister's treatments were given.
With a careful eye she followed them down
Leaning on that blackthorn stick,
And as she watched each beast bathe himself,
That fussy old shrew was taken quick!
She hit the water, in Carrul's paws,
By Martha and Toran supported,
Thrashing around like a mad old beast
Enraged that she had been thwarted.
But the Abbot noted with pleasant air,
That an odd little scent had been sniffed,
Though not to fear, it was gone now,
But Sister Setiva still was quite miffed.
She paddled about in the water
Scolding like tomorrow'd not come,
But the shrewnurse knew in her dear old heart
No real harm had been done.
"Ah'm here tae stay," she called out loud
"So listen good an' sound-
Join me in th' infirmary
Physicks all around!"