I waited for You today
But You didn't show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone"Dean, are you sure you want to do this?"
"I'm positive, Sam. If you ask me one more time, I'm kicking your ass," Dean grumbled, taking a sharp turn onto a dirt road. The urge was something he couldn't explain, but it he couldn't deny that it was something he needed to do. He soon put the Impala in park and killed the engine. "...Give me a few minutes."
"Of course."
Nodding, Dean climbed out of the car, a bouquet of daisies in his hands as he walks towards the simple grave marker on top of the hill. The soft summer breeze rushes through his locks, and he can't help but imagine the sensation of fingers brushing against his scalp. The emptiness tugged on his damaged heart and he couldn't help but sigh as he kneeled down in front of the handmade wooden cross to signify the final resting place of someone he had grown to love in a way he had never thought possible. More than a friend. Support. Fellow soldier. Companion. The feeling of completion is gone, and Dean knew it will never be the same. Head bent down, he closed his eyes and nearly smiled at the memories that washed through him. Until the last one they ever had. The sacrifice... how was he supposed to live with that? Tears prickled the corners of his eyes and he couldn't help but let them trail down his battered cheeks, down his swollen chin and onto the ground that was the final resting place.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never thought I would have to imagine doing this shit without you. I took everything you did for granted," Dean placed the daisies on the ground. He could still remember the day he found out it was a favorite flower, and he knew he would never forget that. He just wished it wasn't under these circumstances. "I should have said thank you more often... though you probably knew that anyway. Shit. Man, why did you do that? Why did you do that for me? Regardless of what you thought... I'm not worth saving."
There wasn't a verbal response, but the wind blew harder and for a moment, Dean could nearly feel that force right by his side, and he embraced the feeling for as long as it would last. Too soon, it was gone and he was alone. Sure, he had his brother...
"Cas. Why? Why did you do that? I need you with me, and you're gone. Damnit, you knew that you weren't coming back, and you lied. You said you would come back!" Dean's rough voice came out angry and torn apart as his hands clutched the drying grass he was kneeling on. "I pray for you, and I don't hear anything. It's not right, knowing that you willingly let yourself get put into purgatory just so my stupid, tainted soul didn't get stuck there. Cas, please... come back. Please."
"Dean? Dean, c'mon, man. He wouldn't want to see you this way," Sam's voice cut into his thoughts and all Dean could do was grab onto the hem of his flannel shirt. He felt the younger man's hands grab his own amd bring him up for a tight embrace. More tears slipped down his cheeks, and he could hear the emotion in Sam's voice when he spoke. "We'll get him out of there. Somehow."
"Sammy... I never... he didn't know how much I appreciated... I... I loved..."
"I know, Dean. But I think he knew that all along. Even if you were too stubborn to say it outloud."
"I just want Cas back."
"Me, too," Sam held his brother close and the wind rushed through them, rustling the rough grass as the skies flew by, overcast and gray. A single tear slips down both cheeks as he prays for their angelic friend. "Me, too."