Title: Ramblings of a broken man.

Author: anglstrmoon

Rating: PG

Category: Post Ep

Spoilers: Gaza, Memorial Day, NSF Thurmont

Disclaimer: Donna, Josh, Josh's Mom...everyone else are not mine.. They belong to TPTB.. If they did belong to me... well I wouldn't be paying any massive school loans...

Feedback: Please..

A/N: This is based on the January challenge on the JoshDonnaFF list… This is a series of emails between Josh and his mom.

Ramblings of a Broken Man

Subject: Gaza

Date: Sat., 29 May 2004

Mom,

I'm sure you've heard by now about the bombing in Gaza to the CODEL. When I first heard about it, the first thing that came to my mind was, please let it not be the vehicle that Donna was in. CJ came over to my bullpen to see me then Toby and Will made their way over. The four of us were looking at different TV's to learn anything. Toby was so worried because his ex-wife was over there too. All of a sudden his cell rang, and it was Andi, letting him know that she was ok. I had him ask about Donna, and Andi said that she was loaded into an ambulance, and that was all she knew.

I found out recently that she is being airlifted to Germany because of her injuries. God mom, I don't know what to do. I want to drop everything here and just fly over there to be with her, like she was with me after the shooting, so bad. But I'm' pretty sure that Leo and the President wouldn't like that very much. Especially since the President has come up with his idea that he wants to get the leaders of Israel and Palestine to talk to each other about peace. Peace.. of all things to think out right now.. I mean that is the last thing that is on my mind right now.

Well I have to go, we are meeting with the President in a few minutes. I'll let you know what is going on with Donna once I know more. Thanks!

Love,

Josh

Subject: Re: Gaza

Date: Sat., 29 May 2004

Joshua,

I heard about the bombing. I pray that Donna will be ok, and I'm sure that she will be. It's good to know that Toby's ex-wife is ok. I'm glad that you had your friends around when you learned about Donna.

I can understand that you are upset with the President not wanting to do anything to the people that put that bomb in the car. But I know that if you were thinking rationally you would understand his decision and would back it. Let me know when you learn more about Donna and give her my love. I'll talk to you later..

Love, Mom

Subject: Germany

Date: Sun., 30 May 2004

Mom,

The subject says it all. I about to board a plane to Germany to see Donna. Leo all but kicked me out of the White House. Me, Leo, CJ, Toby, Will, Kate and Charlie were all standing outside the Oval to talk to the President when I flipped out. I couldn't help it. They were all talking about peace and I just started about wanting to find the people who planted the bomb, thought of it, liked it, I wanted to hurt them so bad.

Well, I can't write anymore, I'm about to board, so I'll let you know more later. I love you.

Love,

Joshua

Subject: Donna

Date: Mon., 31 May 2004

Mom,

Well I finally go to Germany a while ago. I was sitting with Donna for a bit. God, mom she looked so fragile and small. She has a broken leg and some minor other things, but other than that she is fine. When she first saw me, she started on me about not shaving in a few days. All I thought was God, you were blown up and all you care about it me shaving. But I really don't care if she was bugging me because she was wake and alert. She says hi by the way.

Well I'm off to meet someone at a restaurant. I'm not too happy about it, but what can I do. I think I might give you a call sometime soon.

Love,

Josh

3 am in Florida

ring ring

Hello

Mom

Joshua, what's wrong? What happened?

It's Donna mom. I came back from my meeting and she wasn't in her room. I found a nurse and they told me that they found a blood clot and took her into the OR. So I sat outside in the waiting room and her doctor came out. He told us what happened and I was so scarred. All I could think of was dad.

Josh

What if something bad happens to her. I couldn't stand it.

I know that.

So the doctor comes out and Colin and I go to talk to him. I'll explain Colin later. Anyway the doctor says 'she asked to see you.' I thought she wanted to talk to Colin so I started to turn away. Colin asked, me? And the doctor said no, Mr. Lyman.

Oh, Joshua

So I had to put on some scrubs and they let me in. God, I thought she looked bad in the bed. I was so scared, but I tried not to show it. I had to be strong for Donna.

I know honey, and I'm sure you were.

She couldn't talk, but had a notepad and a pen. She wrote nice hat. I know that she was trying to lighten the mood. So I told her that everything was going to be ok, that is was going to be an easy surgery.

That's good that you tried to comfort her.

It was ok, until she wrote scared. God mom, it felt like my heart stopped. I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to cry. I tried to be strong for her, I did.

I'm sure you were honey.

And when the doctor came out after he was done. He said that with the low blood pressure and anemia she could have suffered a brain injury. Mom I was so scarred. He said that they wouldn't know anymore until she woke up.

I'm sure that she'll be fine sweetheart. But I will pray for her.

Well, mom I have to go. I need to call Toby, and I need to go sit with Donna for awhile before I need to go back to work.

Ok Joshua. Goodbye, I love you and tell Donna that I love her too and that I'm praying for her.

Ok mom I will. I love you too, night.

Subject: She's Awake!

Date: Wed., 2, June 2004

Mom,

The subject says it all. She woke up. Mom, it was the best thing that has happened in a long time. I was sitting in with her watching TV when I thought I heard her whisper something. I looked over and saw that her eyes where open and she was calling out for me. I went over and sat on the bed beside her. God, the look on her face when she saw me. I don't think that she thought that I would still be there. I think she was happy that I was still there. All I wanted to do was to tell her that I love her, but I didn't. She says hi and thank you.

Well I'm on my way to the airport to head back to DC. I need to go to the White House grab some things then heading to Camp David. We will see what happens there. I'll talk to you later! Thanks so much for helping me.

Love,

Josh