"Hey, North?"
"What is it Theta?"
"What are titties?"
North dropped the apple he was eating and looked up at Theta's holographic form. "Uhh…"
"And why do you think about them so much?"
North sighed and briefly thought about the drawbacks to having such an emotionally young AI Unit. Including, but not limited to, Theta's sharp and sometimes hurtful honesty, his blindly trusting nature, and his childish curiosity. "Well, you see Theta, humans have—" North started, but was cut off by York entering his dorm/barrack type deal.
"'Sup," He said, sitting down on the edge of the bed beside North and Theta. "What're you up to, T?"
"North's about to tell me what titties are!" Theta said cheerfully, whilst North shot York a look that screamed 'help me.'
"Well, I'm gonna stay and hear this," York said. "Go ahead, Theta and I both want to know what these mysterious 'titties' are."
"On the contrary, York, you know exactly what 'titties' are, and run many simulations on the physics of them in your free time," Delta said, popping in.
"Delta, no!" York said.
"Delta, yes!" North added, shaking with laughter.
"I was simply correcting an error in your speech."
"Brother, you know what titties are?" Theta asked.
"Yes I do. Would you rather have me explain it to you?"
"Please!" North said.
"Titties, slang for boobs, slang for breasts, are the upper ventral region of the torso which can be used to secrete milk."
"So that's where milk comes from?" Theta asked, enthralled by Delta's words.
"Actually—" Delta started.
"Absolutely!" York cut in. "All milk comes from… breasts. If you read the carton, you can find out which Freelancer's breasts made the milk."
"Woah! Do you think I could make milk?"
"Theta, you're a holographic projection of a computer program," North reminded him.
"Oh yeah…"
The next day at breakfast, Theta demanded that North get milk just so he could read the carton. As North looked all around the carton for the source of the milk, South sat down next to him.
"What're you doing do that milk carton?" She asked, bits of toast stuck to her check. "You're turning it all around like it's a Rubix Cube or something."
"I'm looking for the state where the milk came from," North said, "Theta really wants to know."
"We're in fucking space. That milk coulda come from… you remember that weird planet with the purple sky and orange grass where we almost set the atmosphere on fire? It could've come from there."
"That planet was called Ornat; I would think you would remember the name of a planet you almost destroyed." North finished his quest to find the location of the milk. "Found the source!"
"Where?"
"South Dakota."
"Bullshit! Lemme see!" South grabbed the carton away from him. "Where is it?"
"Hey, North, look on her carton! Do you think she drinks her own milk?" Theta's voice intruded on North's stream of thoughts.
North reached over and grabbed her milk. Now that he knew where to look, his search went much faster. He could feel Theta's anticipation rise just before he read the source—Carolina. Speaking of, she had just walked in.
"HEY, CAROLINA!" Theta's hologram booted up and he appeared, catching the attention of Carolina, who looked like she didn't get much sleep the night before, and was still very bitter about no longer being at the top of the leaderboard.
"What!?" She snapped back, not even bothering to look over.
"South's gonna drink some of your titty milk!"
"Wait, what?" Carolina said, looking over, very confused and enraged.
"The fuck Theta!" South said.
"Yep! And North is gonna drink your titty milk, South!" You could practically hear the smile on Theta's words.
"I'm what!?" North asked, having completely forgotten about the exchange of yesterday.
Freelancers were now gathering to watch the scene, which would surely end in bloodshed, and maybe a trip to the Med Unit.
"That's what York and Brother told me, remember?" Theta said. "Milk comes from titties, and you drink milk!"
"Theta, baby," South said, "milk comes from cows."
"Cows is another word for titties, right?"
"No, a cow is an animal, and York is going to be punched," Carolina said.
"I can't believe it! I trusted him!" Theta started glowing brighter.
"Theta, calm down please!" North said, placing a hand to his head.
"Oh! …Sorry." Theta stopped glowing as bright.
"Theta, where did you even learn the word 'titties?'" South asked.
"North thinks about them a lot! Especially yours, Carolina!"
"THETA, NO!" North's face flushed and he sheepishly looked up at Carolina, who was now looming over him.
"Pervert," She said calmly, and punched him in the face so hard he flew off the bench. A few of the Freelancers circled around the scene snickered as North pulled himself up, using nearby benches and tables as support, and nearly toppled over when he finally stood up.
"Hey, Carolina," South said as she watched her brother stumble around.
"Yeah?"
"You wanna go punch York for lying to Theta?"
"That's not a good reason, but sure," Carolina said, and the two walked out of the circle, South pushing North back to the ground when she passed him.
"That's why you need that AI," South said over her shoulder, causing the circle of Freelancers to make that OOOOHHHH sound that often happens after someone makes a hardcore burn.
"I completely forgot how good it felt to punch someone without gloves or anything," Carolina commented.
"Well," South said, "let's go do it again."
York's screams could be heard all around the Mother of Invention.