ONE PIECE

TITLE: A CLASSIC CASE

AUTHOR: mrredrum

PAIRING: Hint of Gin-Sanji, Mr.2 Bon Clay-Sanji, Wanze-Sanji, Duval-Sanji or maybe General Absolom-Sanji?...well, but mostly ZoroxSanji, anyway…

WARNING: PG

NOTES: Sanji lately receive a lots of letter… my very very very very very very very very very very very very very very much thank you for my dearest wonderful beta-er kakairupowns-san for the beta and her support during my not so well day lately. Thank you.

A letter came by bird post, sent to the cook of the Thousand Sunny. Letting out a sigh, Sanji opened it and read what was written inside. He was a little annoyed, because he already knew what the sender wanted.

Why? Why is it never from a girl? His mind wandered and he thought about his fate.

"… Another letter, cook-san? From someone who previously wanted to kill you, and now seeks an intimate relationship with you?" Their historian's voice floated to him. This time, he had no intention to deny it though.

What his Robin-chwan said was true. Lately he'd been offered personal relationships from almost every singly guy who had ever tried to kill him in the past.

He had never guessed that Gin, the second-in-command of the Don Krieg pirates, would change his tune from, "So, I would like to be the one to kill you. It's my special honor from me to you…" to "So, I would like to be the one to win your heart. It's my special feeling from me to you…" What the heck?!

And Sanji'd also been surprised when that weird okama, Mr. 2 Bon Clay, sent him a letter propositioning him, and saying that… "If it's for Sanji-chan, I wouldn't mind keeping my face as that pretty navigator's, as long as I can be by your side" Despite how much the cook wanted to take that offer, and keep his "Nami-swan" by his side, he still wanted the REAL girl, dammit!

Then, there was Wanze. That shitty-bastard who was daring enough to claim himself a cook. Now he sent Sanji a letter, saying that he admired him because the blonde was the only one brave enough to punch, slap, and kick him in the face, considering the fact that even his parents had never done so. He wanted to be spanked again. SPANKED!... Spanked, he said. Sure, Sanji'd not only spank him, but fillet him until there was nothing left to spanked. Hn… spank. Who does he think I am? Some girl in a brothel?! Bastard…

And, of course, there was Duval. Duval's was the latest letter, saying that he was still busy with the management of his new association, a fan club for Blackleg Sanji. With Duval as the president, Sanji doesn't even want to imagine who the members are.

Now, he could only hope that his enemy during their stint at Thriller Bark, General Absolom, wouldn't also fall in love with him, and then stalk him with that bastard's power of invisibility. Just thinking of that shithead walking in on him taking a bath makes him want to choke himself on his cigarette.

"Well, it looks like you're stuck in the middle of a classic story tale, where those who tried in the past to kill the victim, end up falling in love, Sanji-kun…" His Nami-swan said, her beautiful smile widening across her face.

…Ah. Why couldn't his two precious ladies the one who tried in the past to kill him, anyway? He would gladly die in their delicate hands… Why did it have to be all of those guys instead?!

"Don't worry, cook-san. You may still have a chance to find a girl who tries to kill you, and falls for you instead. I mean, you fought Kalifa in the CP9, right? And she was trying to kill you." It seemed that Robin could read his mind, as she tried to calm him down.

Sanji felt hope rise within him. "Robin-chwan is so clever and kind with her brilliant ideas!" He cooed.

Suddenly, a loud shout from a certain green haired swordsman could be heard from across the ship. "ERO-COOK! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU HIDE MY BOOZE SUPPLY, YOU BASTARD?! DO YOU WANT ME TO SLICE YOU IN TWO?!"

Nami smirked. "But honestly, Sanji-kun. With Zoro always claiming he wants to kill you every five minutes, you probably have a better chance of getting him to fall in love with you, you know."

Somehow, Sanji didn't have an answer for that...