Disclaimer: I'm too young to be Rowling so there is sadly no way Harry Potter is mine…
Placing:End of fifthyear.
Challenge: 'Prompt of the day'. Prompt: (word) We accept the love we think we deserve. 1617 words. Gryffindor, Hogwarts.
xXxXxXxXxXxMiseryxXxXxXxDrowningxXxXxXxXxDrowningxXxXxXxXxMisereyxXxXxXxXxXxXx
sSsSsSsSs
DROWNING IN MISERY
sSs
Remus Lupin was sitting in the Hog's Head, drowning his misery in alcohol. Oddly enough, it wasn't the death of his best friend he wanted to forget right now, but something else entirely.
He stared forlornly into his drink.
Maybe it would have been easier if it was Sirius' death that he wanted to forget, he pondered. At least he had experience in drowning his grief in alcohol. Somehow the whole thing of 'drowning his troubles in alcohol' didn't seem to work on his new problem, unlike his grief. He had always been able to drown his grief in alcohol…
"Shouldn't you feel lucky instead of drowning in misery?" A voice interrupted his musings in that moment. Then a darkly clad body sat down next to him and gestured for the bartender to give him a shot of whiskey. Remus wasn't actually all that keen on company right now, but he also didn't have the energy to send the other man away.
In the end he gave in and answered the question of the man with a question of his own.
"Lucky? There's nothing to feel lucky about!"
The other man send him a piercing glare at that.
"Nothing that's to be lucky about?" He repeated incredulously. "May I remind you of that bloody nuisance that graces the dusty halls of this hovel you call headquarters just because you –"
"Don't call her a nuisance!" Remus growled.
The other man just shrugged and took another sip of his whiskey.
"She is a nuisance," he said, unbothered by Remus dark stare. "She has been one when she was still at Hogwarts and she hasn't changed one bit since she left."
"She. Is. Not. A. Nuisance!" Remus repeated slowly, nearly feral sounding.
The other man didn't seem bothered by his growl at all.
"It's far from the full moon right now," he said instead. "So please refrain from going all wolf on me, Lupin."
Remus just growled again.
"It also doesn't change the fact that headquarters is swamped by… unsteady feet… thanks to the fact that you're constantly inhabiting it," the other man added when Remus didn't say anything else.
"I still don't get why you think I should feel lucky instead of – how did you put it? – 'drowning in my misery'?" Remus finally relented, looking at the man unhappily.
The other man sighed and shrugged.
"I think that question is self-explanatory," he answered Remus while skirting around truly naming the reason.
"Self-explanatory," Remus scoffed. "If it's so self-explanatory then it also should be self-explanatory why I'm right now 'drowning in my misery', as you put it."
The other man just raised an eyebrow at that.
"If you're coming at me because of your… full moon troubles… then I have to tell you, you're right, wolf," the man sneered. "It is self-explanatory. Sadly enough the n… unsteady feet… are far too Hufflepuff-idiotic to be bothered by facts others would have considered. Must be the lack of brain or something like that."
Remus growled.
"If you insult Dora again, I –"
"You decide to forget that today's not full moon," the other man finished for him. "I get it, wolf. Nevertheless it doesn't change anything about the facts I told you right now. Ms. Tonks seems to be inclined to stumble after you, regardless of the fact that staying away from you might be the sane… safer option."
Remus just continued to stare at the other man.
"Nevertheless it doesn't change my question," he finally said. "Why do you think I shouldn't 'drown in my misery' right now?"
The other man pinched his nose.
"Don't make me say it, Lupin," he growled.
Remus just stared back, unimpressed until the other man sighed.
"You love her," he said, grimacing at the mention of feelings. "You love her enough that your heart bleeds just from the thought of losing her –"
"Don't lecture me about –"
The other man interrupted him with an ice cold stare. Remus gulped and stopped mid-sentence.
"You love her, Lupin," he said icily. "Don't you dare to deny it!"
Remus stared at the other man as if he was insane.
"Are you just lecturing me about my feelings for Dora, Severus?" He asked incredulous. "You? The man who's been known not have never had any kind of relationship with anyone?"
Snape stared at him, his glare cold and clearly daring him to say more than he already had.
"Maybe I am," he finally answered Remus' question. "And maybe at least that should get you thinking. If even a loner like I noticed that you're a dunderhead, just think how obvious it has to be for anybody else!"
Remus could only continue to stare at the other man.
"You are lecturing me!" He finally cried, disbelief obvious in his voice.
"Well, someone obviously has to," Snape sneered. "And since the others don't seem to care that your pathetic attempt at romance is interrupting our whole work against the Dark Lord, I seem to have no choice but to do it myself if I want it to be resolved in the next century!"
Remus snorted at that.
"So… our 'pathetic attempt at romance' is disturbing your work? That's the reason why you decided to bother me today with your presents?" Remus asked, rolling his eyes. "If that's it, you can leave now. I will try to keep my glances to a minimum while you're around us. Happy now, Severus?"
The other man just stared at him.
"This will resolve nothing, and you know it, Lupin!" He finally hissed enraged.
Remus growled.
"So what?" He asked snidely. "You want me to go on my knees in front of her and confess my undying love to her?"
Snape opened his mouth, but Remus was faster.
"I don't deserve her love, Severus," he told the man right out. "I won't ask for what I don't deserve."
Snape sneered.
"We accept the love we think we deserve," he corrected the man. But that doesn't mean that others can't think that we deserve more than we think we do."
"So what? You're lecturing me that I deserve more love than I think I do?" Remus asked, rolling his eyes. "You? The man who never ever thought about asking anyone out?"
At that Snape's face twisted into some expression Remus had never seen before on the other man's face.
"You, Lupin, know nothing about me," he told Remus. "Just stop being the dunderhead you've always been and at least play a decent human being for once in your life. I want this whole nuisance being resolved as fast as possible."
"A decent human being?" Remus repeated snidely. "That's funny coming from you!"
Snape just sneered at that.
Just once in your life think about something else than your affliction. I know it's hard, but if a bastard like I can do it – a beast like you should be able to make an exception as well!"
It was then that Remus finally caught on.
"Wait, are you lecturing me because you actually want to help me?" He asked astonished. Snape just sneered.
"I'm not helping you, wolf," he growled. "Don't be a dunderhead. I would never help you, ever if we were the last two beings on earth."
"Then why -?"
"Because Ms. Tonks deserves better," Snape said. "Unfortunately she won't be able to accept that until she actually gets a dose of what you're truly like."
"Wait, so you're in love with Dora?" Remus asked, dread in his voice.
Snape looked quite disturbed by that thought.
"Definitely not!" He said, shuddering. "She was my student! She might have been adequate at potions for a Hufflepuff but definitely not enough that I would want to burden me with her for the rest of my life!"
"Then why -?"
The pained expression on the other man's face told Remus more than he had ever known.
"She reminds you of someone," he said. "She reminds you of someone you loved…"
He could feel the disbelief cursing through his body at that observation.
The other man didn't answer, but he didn't need to.
Remus knew that he was right.
"I still don't understand why -?"
Icy eyes met his own.
"Because she shares your feelings, wolf," the other man said sneering.
"She's still in danger…" Remus started to say, but was interrupted by the man next to him.
"At least she loves you back, Lupin!" The other man said heatedly. "At least she. Loves. You. Back! Don't waste this because of your idiotic feelings of inadequacy or something like that!"
Remus eyes widened.
"You will never forgive yourself if you refuse her and then lose her!" Snape continued. "And if she dies you will have to live with the knowledge that you couldn't safe her, that you weren't by her side because you were too much of a coward to take a chance! This is war, Lupin! Not all of us will survive! Who can guarantee you that she won't be one of those who don't?"
And with that Snape downed his whiskey, paid and left, leaving a pensive Remus Lupin in his wake.
Two years later, on the middle of the battlefield, two bodies lay next to each other, even in death hand in hand.
This was war, and not everybody survived.
And in London a metamorophmagus child cried for his mother, while its grandmother tried to sooth it with tears in her eyes.
xXxXxXxXxXxMiseryxXxXxXxDrowningxXxXxXxXxDrowningxXxXxXxXxMisereyxXxXxXxXxXxXx
Just a little idea
Hope you liked it
Ebenbild