Thanks for checking out my cracked crossover! I am so sorry.

However, I would like to thank the good people at Hulu for this bunny, and obviously the chat chits of AHA. I think I understand crack now... maybe? Anyway, I guess we'll see.

If you're not familiar with Sailor Moon, well, I pity you. But this is a crack fic, so it really shouldn't matter. It's a shorty in three parts, the remainder of which will show up when you least expect them… just like a baddie!

Thanks for reading!

(I think)

xo brynn

A NUISANCE AT NETHERFIELD! SAILOR MERYTON AND THE BATTLE OF THE BALL

A Pride & Prejudice Variation

of sorts

Featuring the Sailor Scouts

written by

Brynn Ashley

with her heartfelt apologies to

Jane Austen

and Naoko Takeuchi

PART I: A NEW ENEMY APPEARS

Opening Theme:
FIGHTING EVIL
BY CANDLELIGHT
WINNING LOVE
WITH CLEVER SLIGHTS
NEVER RUNNING
FROM AN ARGUMENT
SHE IS THE ONE NAMED
SAILOR MERYTON

SHE WILL NEVER TURN
HER BACK ON A FRIEND
LIKE HOW SHE WALKED ALL
THE WAY TO NETHERFIELD
SHE IS THE ONE ON
WHOM WE CAN DEPEND
SHE IS THE ONE NAMED
SAILOR…
SAILOR BRIGHTON!
SAILOR FORDYCE!
SAILOR MATLOCK!
SAILOR LONGBOURN!

SHE IS THE ONE…
SAILOR MERYTON!

Narrator:
TWO HUNDRED AND SOMETHING YEARS AGO,
HERTFORDSHIRE WAS HOME TO GREAT
CIVILIZATION RULED BY KING GEORGE IV.
EVERYTHING WAS PEACEFUL
EXCEPT FOR THE NAPOLEONIC WARS
AND THE WAR OF 1812
AND A NUMBER OF OTHER SKIRMISHES.
STILL, THINGS IN HERTFORDSHIRE WERE PRETTY GOOD
UNTIL THE ARRIVAL OF EVIL MISS CARYL.

EVIL MISS CARYL: Ha ha ha ha! Quite right! The reputation of a lady always
precedes her!

Narrator:
THE EVIL MISS HAD RECENTLY ATTENDED
A DINNER ENGAGEMENT IN MERYTON AND
OVERHEARD THE OBJECT OF HER MISDIRECTED
AFFECTIONS PROCLAIM THAT MISS ELIZABETH
BENNET —

EVIL MISS CARYL: A poor, miserable, squash-faced little nobody!

Narrator:
—UM, OKAY. ANYWAY SHE HEARD HIM EXPRESS
AN INTEREST IN MISS ELIZABETH BENNET'S
"FINE EYES."

EVIL MISS CARYL: The meaning implied by such an expression of preference would
be clear to any accomplished woman of good breeding! Miss Elizabeth Bennet should
hardly inhabit the same drawing room as Mr. Darcy, let alone receive his particular
attentions! I shall know how to act!

Narrator:
IF EVIL MISS CARYL WILL CEASE HER INTERRUPTIONS
FOR A MOMENT, I WILL BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN
THAT SHE THEN USED HER MOST OSTENTATIOUS
BROOCH TO SUMMON THE EVEN EVILER QUEEN
CATHRALIA OF THE DARK KENTDOM. SERIOUSLY
SHE WAS SUPER EVIL. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW.

EVIL MISS CARYL: "First Meryton shall be mine, then Mr. Darcy! Mwahahahaha!"

Narrator:
TO CONQUER MERYTON, MISS CARYL
CALLED UPON THE AWESOME FORCE OF
TAKING A TURN ABOUT THE ROOM
WHICH SHOWED HER FIGURE TO ITS
BEST ADVANTAGE. USING THIS ANCIENT
POWER ON THE NIGHT OF THE NETHERFIELD
BALL, EVIL MISS CARYL WOULD BE ABLE TO
EMPLOY ALL OF HER MANY ARTS AND
ALLUREMENTS TO DEFEAT THE FINE EYES
OF MISS ELIZABETH BENNET, DESTROY
MERYTON, AND WIGGLE HER WAY INTO
THE EXCEEDINGLY (AND FASHIONABLY)
TIGHT PANTS OF MR. DARCY.

ALTHOUGH MERYTON WAS VERY LIKELY
TO BE DESTROYED THIS VERY EVENING,
MISS CARYL DID NOT COUNT ON
HERTFORDSHIRE'S LAST HOPE, THE
POWER OF THE IMPERIAL SILVER
PIANOFORTE AND THE CRESCENT RETICULE!
PASSED DOWN THROUGH GENERATIONS
THESE CRYSTALLINE ACCOUTREMENTS
WERE PROTECTED AND WIELDED BY AN
ELITE TEAM OF FIGHTERS, THE SAILOR SCOUTS.
NO ONE EVER KNEW WHY THEY WERE CALLED
THAT OR CARED TO ASK, SO DON'T SPEND
TOO MUCH TIME WORRYING ABOUT IT.

AND SO OUR STORY BEGINS!

LONGBOURN, JANE AND LIZZY'S BEDROOM - THE EVENING OF THE NETHERFIELD BALL.

[Jane and Elizabeth Bennet stand before a mirror, each admiring the appearance of the
other as well as her own. They are dressed elegantly in white ballgowns. Jane sighs.]

JANE: "Lizzy, I must confess something to you. I hope you do not think me very dreadful."

LIZZY: "If you mean to confess that you are counting the minutes until Mr. Bingley's ball at
Netherfield this evening, you may save your breath to cool your porridge, Jane."

JANE: "Lizzy!"

LIZZY: "Do not trouble yourself so, Jane, for I shall match your scandalous confession with
one of my own. I myself have thought of nothing else all day!"

JANE: "If that should be the case we had better hurry downstairs! I would not have Mama leave
for the ball without us!"

[EXIT Lizzy and Jane. They laugh and link arms in a show of sisterly affection as they descend
the stairs of Longbourn and make their way into the waiting carriage. They are soon joined by
their parents and younger sisters. We watch from above as the carriage travels down the lane
toward Netherfield Park. The sky above is filled with dark, foreboding clouds. As we FADE, we
hear only Evil Miss Caryl's menacing laughter, interspersed with booming claps of thunder.]

Well? Have I gone crack yet? Half-cracked? Is the crack half-full or half-empty? Do I need another glass of wine?

Will Evil Miss Caryl succeed in her mission to overcome all of Meryton with her nefarious accomplishments? Any guesses as to the identities/alter egos of our Sailor Scouts?

Sailor Meryton says: "Leaving comments is cool!"