Castaway: the uncut version.
by weirdDAR.
"If anyone could write a nasty version of Cast away...it'd be me. Read and review"
*Scene starts will Tom Hanks and his girlfriend, Slutty Hunt sit in their car, which is a Delorean. Why? Because Deloreans kick ass!*
Hunt: I don't want you to get on that plane, Tom, I think it won't be good for our relationship.
Hanks: Well, honey, if I don't get on that plane, people are going to lose interest and there won't be much of a plot.
Hunt: I guess you're right, but if you're not back in 4 years, I'm getting married and having kids.
Hanks: But I thought you said you could only love me?
Hunt: Look, Tom, I'm not called Slutty Hunt for nothing.
*Tom Hanks gets out of the car and goes to the airplane, when he realizes he forgot something, he runs back to the car.*
Hanks: Sorry, I forgot to give you this present.*Hands HUNT a gift wrapped, in the shape of a dildo.Guess what it is*
Hanks: For when I'm gone.
Hunt: I'm...not ready...
Hanks: Alright, don't open it then, wait until I get back. I'll help you with it.
Hunt:*smiles* Okay!
*Hanks gets in the airplane.*
*To make a long story short, the airplane crashes. Tom Hanks is the only one to survive. Once he reaches shore, he get's pissed*
Hanks:*Screaming to god* IS THIS WHAT I GET FOR MAKING TOY STORY 2??? I SAID SORRY! I MEANT IT! I REALLY AM SORRY!
*Three weeks later, a volleyball washes up to shore, and a bag of weed.*
Hanks: Thank god! *Tom rolls up a joint and tries to light it, but realizes he doesn't have any fire. So he begins to try making fire. Once he does, which takes 12 minutes out of the whole movie, he lights the joint. Smoking it, he notices the volleyball gets up and walks around*
Hanks: Holy shit! How'd you do that, Mr. volleyball?
Volleyball: Call me wilson!
Hanks: Dude! You're a volleyball. WOAH!
Wilson:(Formally known as volleyball) Why, yes, I was sent here by the pot lord, Martha Stewart, to make your stay at Long beach island a lot more enjoyable.
*three months later*
Hanks: (to wilson) I ran out of pot today, and you stoped talking to me for some reason. YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING HORNY I AM?
*Camera moves over to the waves splashing, when they move back to Tom and Wilson, you notice there is a hole in Wilson's "mouth".*
Hanks: Now, this should help.*unzipping his pants* you know, my girlfriend never gave me head. That's why I admire you!
*SCENE CUTS, AND LET'S THANK GOD FOR THAT!*
*an airplane is seen flying over the island, where Tom is smoking a mysterious cigeratte with Wilson next to him.*
Hanks: You were great...*silence* what? You think I should try to signal the airplane? Nah, it'll never see me. Plus, why would I want to leave? I mean, I don't have any responsibilites out here....*silence* You're right! My girlfriend back at home! I have to get back to her as quickly as possible.
*Tom ran around the corner of the island, only to find an airport. He flew back home, safely.*
*When Tom arrives to his old home, he sees that his girlfriend has a new boyfriend, and a kid.*
Hanks: How could you do this? I wasn't even gone for a year? And how did you get a kid so fast?
Hunt: Like I already said, they don't call me Slutty Hunt for nothing. I was already pregnant when you left. Pregnant by my husband, Mr. Laden here.
*Tom walks away, depressed. An old man comes up to him*
Old man: Hello, I'm with the goverment. You missed Tax season, and......
*Tom runs as fast as he can to the airport he came from and flew back to the island.*
THE END! NO IFs ANDs OR BUTs ABOUT IT, NO SEQUELS, BECAUSE TOM HANKS SUCKS AT SEQUELS. SORRY, IF IT WERE UP TO ME, I'D HAVE A SEQUEL, BUT I'M NOT. read and review please.
by weirdDAR.
"If anyone could write a nasty version of Cast away...it'd be me. Read and review"
*Scene starts will Tom Hanks and his girlfriend, Slutty Hunt sit in their car, which is a Delorean. Why? Because Deloreans kick ass!*
Hunt: I don't want you to get on that plane, Tom, I think it won't be good for our relationship.
Hanks: Well, honey, if I don't get on that plane, people are going to lose interest and there won't be much of a plot.
Hunt: I guess you're right, but if you're not back in 4 years, I'm getting married and having kids.
Hanks: But I thought you said you could only love me?
Hunt: Look, Tom, I'm not called Slutty Hunt for nothing.
*Tom Hanks gets out of the car and goes to the airplane, when he realizes he forgot something, he runs back to the car.*
Hanks: Sorry, I forgot to give you this present.*Hands HUNT a gift wrapped, in the shape of a dildo.Guess what it is*
Hanks: For when I'm gone.
Hunt: I'm...not ready...
Hanks: Alright, don't open it then, wait until I get back. I'll help you with it.
Hunt:*smiles* Okay!
*Hanks gets in the airplane.*
*To make a long story short, the airplane crashes. Tom Hanks is the only one to survive. Once he reaches shore, he get's pissed*
Hanks:*Screaming to god* IS THIS WHAT I GET FOR MAKING TOY STORY 2??? I SAID SORRY! I MEANT IT! I REALLY AM SORRY!
*Three weeks later, a volleyball washes up to shore, and a bag of weed.*
Hanks: Thank god! *Tom rolls up a joint and tries to light it, but realizes he doesn't have any fire. So he begins to try making fire. Once he does, which takes 12 minutes out of the whole movie, he lights the joint. Smoking it, he notices the volleyball gets up and walks around*
Hanks: Holy shit! How'd you do that, Mr. volleyball?
Volleyball: Call me wilson!
Hanks: Dude! You're a volleyball. WOAH!
Wilson:(Formally known as volleyball) Why, yes, I was sent here by the pot lord, Martha Stewart, to make your stay at Long beach island a lot more enjoyable.
*three months later*
Hanks: (to wilson) I ran out of pot today, and you stoped talking to me for some reason. YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING HORNY I AM?
*Camera moves over to the waves splashing, when they move back to Tom and Wilson, you notice there is a hole in Wilson's "mouth".*
Hanks: Now, this should help.*unzipping his pants* you know, my girlfriend never gave me head. That's why I admire you!
*SCENE CUTS, AND LET'S THANK GOD FOR THAT!*
*an airplane is seen flying over the island, where Tom is smoking a mysterious cigeratte with Wilson next to him.*
Hanks: You were great...*silence* what? You think I should try to signal the airplane? Nah, it'll never see me. Plus, why would I want to leave? I mean, I don't have any responsibilites out here....*silence* You're right! My girlfriend back at home! I have to get back to her as quickly as possible.
*Tom ran around the corner of the island, only to find an airport. He flew back home, safely.*
*When Tom arrives to his old home, he sees that his girlfriend has a new boyfriend, and a kid.*
Hanks: How could you do this? I wasn't even gone for a year? And how did you get a kid so fast?
Hunt: Like I already said, they don't call me Slutty Hunt for nothing. I was already pregnant when you left. Pregnant by my husband, Mr. Laden here.
*Tom walks away, depressed. An old man comes up to him*
Old man: Hello, I'm with the goverment. You missed Tax season, and......
*Tom runs as fast as he can to the airport he came from and flew back to the island.*
THE END! NO IFs ANDs OR BUTs ABOUT IT, NO SEQUELS, BECAUSE TOM HANKS SUCKS AT SEQUELS. SORRY, IF IT WERE UP TO ME, I'D HAVE A SEQUEL, BUT I'M NOT. read and review please.