Tilly couldn't quite believe it. She'd tried to just be friends. Jen had led her on, making her think there could be something more between them. She thought back to their kiss on the beach, Jen's soft, gentle lips pushing passionately against hers, Jen's hands on her neck and shoulder, pulling her into her body. And then two days ago, Jen's breath on her neck, the warmth of Jen's body pushing closer and closer into her back, Jen whispering seductively in her ear. And now it was over, even though Jen had just told her that she wanted her.
"So that's it then, you're going to tell me that you want me and then just walk off"
"I'm sorry Tilly, I can't do this"
And she left. Tilly's feelings were so mixed. Part of her wanted to scream that she was falling in love with her and that she was a coward for denying it. The other part wanted to chase after and kiss her, hard, to try and show how much she meant to her. Instead she sobbed uncontrollably like she had done so many times since they'd met.
Jen walked away, like she always did in difficult situations. She tried to bite back the tears that wanted to escape her eyes, but struggled to as she thought of how she'd broken Tilly's heart. What she actually wanted to do was run back and scoop Tilly up into her arms and kiss those perfect lips that she had drawn when they had been at the hospital together. But she couldn't. She couldn't risk her career. She had worked too hard for this placement, and although she wasn't planning to stay at this Sixth Form college for the rest of her life, if word got out about her and Tilly, she'd never be employed in education again. This is what she wanted to do, what she'd always dreamed of doing. Even part of her attraction to Tilly was seeing how her face lit up when she explained something to her, the sparkle behind a pupil's eyes when they felt inspired. Jen didn't want to give that up. But she couldn't stop her feelings for Tilly. They had connected and she just wanted to be with her all the time. When Tilly wasn't with her she couldn't stop thinking about her, her smile, her laugh, those lips. In the art room two days ago, she had desperately wanted to kiss Tilly's neck, that porcelain, silky skin. Then Jen had pulled Tilly into her during the open day lesson, stroking her hand softly with her thumb. How stupid she'd been not to think that somebody would notice. It was the temptation to take risks like that that meant that Jen couldn't see Tilly anymore. She didn't trust herself to keep away from Tilly, to be able to restrain herself from public displays of affection. Jen glanced back and saw Tilly in floods of tears. She bit her lip to stop herself from comforting her, telling her that she loved her and desperately wanted to be with her. She turned and continued to walk away. She was a coward.