Disclaimer: I don't own UFO Baby… that being said is enough.
Summary: Got dumped for 29 times in 22 years, Santa's misfortune will continue as he keeps on misinterpret his friends advise… and of course not to take account that his hobbies become even weirder now. Santa x Nanami.
Warning: Adolescence Humor… and a hell lot of implied… dirty things/thoughts. Not a serious plot and OOC. Well, that's what I think anyway…
A Daa! Daa! Daa! Fan fiction:
"Pointers for Love…"
By Hiroyuki11
Chapter I: The Closet Pervert… And The Pervert Hater!
Santa's Apartment…
Santa woke up because of the sun coming from his window… a second later his clock rang, indicating he should wake up. He covered his eyes with the back of his hands as he sits up away from the offending light.
"I really should buy a curtain…" he muttered under his breath. After his mind and body synchronize again, he stood up and went towards the kitchen to eat, along the way he saw his group picture, the couples: Kanata and Miyu and Nazoumu and Christine, then the singles: Aya, Santa and Nanami.
Santa shook his head, 'At least Aya and Nanami had boyfriends in their high school and college life,' while he, failed 29 times… sometimes Santa asks himself what would it felt like if he was a girl? That way he wouldn't bother asking a girl out, because boys will pursue him… but it may not work, because he was both nerd and geek, as soon he got a computer at college his eyes seemed to be glued in the monitor.
Santa sighs as he eats his food looking at the picture every time he puts the chopsticks in his mouth. He was feeling left out whenever they went together, and today they'll meet again. He couldn't help but to feel sick when he was middle of Miyu and Kanata and Christine and Nazoumu, as couple… they were cuddling each other, while he, because of his attachment in Kanata, seated right next to him… that was a mistake.
Santa didn't notice he was taking too much looking at picture, so when he look at his lock, he almost choke on his food. He had been staring and eating for 30 minutes!
After eating run straight towards his bathroom to take a bath but he almost slips on his… uhm, dirty magazines.
Plaza…
"Hiya Santa!" Aya squeals, as she walks towards Santa.
"…Hiya!" Santa said awkwardly, since he came at 19 (where he got his computer), his innocence was lost (he 'accidentally' entered a website that was for adults). So every female that he saw, he saw something else… well not all females.
"Hiya!" Someone said at his back.
Santa looks quickly at his back and came face to face with Nanami, he blushes at their close distance. "…H-Hiya!" Santa blushes as he stuttered.
Nanami looks at him mischievously, "Hmm… I see, you're thinking of dirty thoughts again huh?!" She said while waving her index finder, "Dirty thoughts are bad!" she said, looking like Santa's mom.
Santa cringe at the memory of his mom's last visit at his apartment, it was supposed to be surprise… but her mom was the one who was surprise because of the mountain of Doujinshi and H-games and dozen more… dirty things. He had been lectured whole day about getting a girlfriend so his hobby would be nullified. "…N-no! I'm not thinking about that!" Santa retorts back.
Nanami's eyes narrowed, "…Hmm, so you're trying to hide it huh?! Let me tell you-" Nanami was cut when Santa covered her mouth with his hands.
"…Nothing!" Santa shouted suspiciously at Aya who was looking at them strangely. Nanami knew about his… hobbies, because she stumbled on his apartment drunk last week, because she dumped her playboy boyfriend, she slept at Santa's… they didn't do anything, but imagine she woke up in the middle of a room full of posters, and mountain of magazines that was for 21 years old adults, she thought she was abducted… and you know what happened to our poor Santa.
Santa was forcefully withdrew his hand when Nanami sunk her teeth in it. "OW!" she shouted as he wiggles his aching hand.
"Serves you right for cutting me…" Nanami stuck her tongue at him. "…and being a perv."
"Sorry we're late!" Miyu said energetically as Kanata walks quietly shaking his head at his perky girlfriend. "So, what happened here?" Miyu asks as she felt the tension between Nanami and Santa.
"Nothing!" Both Nanami and Santa said, and then they glared at each other.
Miyu looks at them suspiciously, for a week straight they were having a fight whenever they met, well not the fight that they hate each other but more of a… Lover's Quarrel.
"…Are we already late?" Christine said, dragging a chained Nazoumu. The gang looked at Nazoumu and shrugs, they had been used to the sight, even thought Christine and Nazoumu are now an item, Nazoumu still tries to give roses to everyone… but Christine, (you know Christine, an over protective towards her love interest… but imagine a boyfriend.) being Christine doesn't want that, so she chained him.
"No, you… two are just in time." Nanami said grinning.
When Santa saw that smile, he couldn't help but to feel to confess his love (lust) towards her… but he is afraid to be dumped again.
"Let's go have fun!" Miyu said pumping her fist in the air, "IKE!" she shouted.
"IKE!" Christine followed Miyu in what they thought a cheer.
Santa and the other's sweat drops in their friend's antics. Since Nazoumu and Christine was forced into an engagement, Christine stop taking interest on Kanata, that's when Miyu and Christine became good friends, and they notice their similarities as well.
(After Watching A Movie) Plaza
"Okay! Let's meet again sometime!" Miyu shouted as she waves her hand at the others. Christine did the same as she drags Nazoumu away… poor Nazoumu.
"…Nanami! I have something to do, so I'll see you later!" Aya said, moving opposite of the direction of both parties, leaving behind Santa and Nanami.
"…" Nanami look at Santa.
"…" Santa looks back at her…
"…Hey, Santa… do you have some… time?" Nanami asks bashfully.
Santa gulps as he noticed that Nanami is hesitating, he thought that maybe Nanami would like to spend sometime with him! "Yeah! I've got lots of time!" Santa said quickly, too quickly for Nanami's tastes.
Nanami looks down at her feet, Santa thought she was blushing but when you look at her face closely you could see her face full of perspire, 'Ugh, can I keep this up?' she thought nervously, she reach her hanky and wipes it in her face and looks at Santa.
"I-I… I…" Nanami gulps nervously, while Santa gulps in anticipation, "I… let's spend time together…" Nanami said as she turns her back at him, Santa thought she was embarrassed but Nanami is actually chewing the edge of her handkerchief in frustration, 'It's sounds so dirty! I can't ask him that!'
Inside Santa you could hear 'YATTA! After 22 years 3 months and 16 days I have someone who was interested in me!' (Well, he's dense… let's leave him that way…). But Outside Santa was calm and serious. Santa coughs to get Nanami's attention, "I've got no problem with that…" Santa said in a cool and firm voice… a voice that made Nanami shiver.
"I… Let's go!" Nanami said smiling forcefully running at the stair's of the overpass.
Santa didn't had a chance to reply as Nanami ran towards the stairs, he on the other hands runs after her but trips at the stairs, he rubs his forehead and then he looks at to call for Nanami… but he saw something else. "Pink…" Santa muttered as blood starting to flow from his nose.
Nanami shivered like someone threw her a bucket of ice water, "…Santa?" Nanami looks down at the stairs only to see Santa ogling at something (you can see his expression). That's when Nanami realize that, her short skirt was showing Santa what he needed… her panty. Nanami flared as she clenches her fist.
Santa felt something changes in the atmosphere as if, something bad is going to happen… and then he felt as if his skin is burning because of the heat, and then it hit Santa all of the sudden, this odd feeling is coming from… Nanami, Santa gulps as he looks a little higher, from her panty to her… scary face.
Veins were now throbbing in Nanami's forehead, "HENTAI!! NANAMI KICK!" Nanami shouted as she drop kick the now running Santa straight in his face.
The last thing Santa saw before losing consciousness is Nanami's flapping skirt and her pink panty… "Ah, Heaven…" he muttered before all he sees is darkness.
Park…
Santa opens his eyes and he rubs his head as he slowly sits up. "Ow... my head hurts." Santa moaned.
"So, your awake super pervert…" Someone teased, but Santa knew it was Nanami.
"…Don't call me a pervert." Santa said rubbing his head, "…in public." He muttered, but Nanami heard it anyways.
Nanami shook her head, and then she handed him an ice cream. "Here, sorry for earlier…" Nanami said as she licks her own ice cream.
"Thanks…" Santa said as he holds the ice cream, and then he looks at Nanami, blood flows once more in his nose, he was once again thinking of… dirty things.
"Santa what's wrong…?" Nanami said pointing at her own nose, "What happened to your nose?"
Santa quickly digs his own hanky and wipes his nose, "Nothing! It must be the heat!" Santa quickly making Nanami's eyebrows rose, but she shrugs it off as she continue staring at the sunset, and of course licking her ice cream.
Park (After 10 Minutes)
Santa was also licking his own ice cream, secretly looking at Nanami as she finished eating her ice cream. Nanami stood up and she stretches her muscles, making Santa nosebleed yet again… "Boy, you're heavy you know that?" Nanami suddenly said, making Santa choked on his ice cream.
"Y-You mean, you carry me here?!" Santa looks at Nanami incredulously.
Nanami nodded, "Piggyback ride…" Nanami said as she stares at the moon, she was not facing him so she did not see his flowing nosebleed, well, bigger than the last time.
Santa was now licking his ice cream unconsciously, along with his flowing nosebleed, making it look like a strawberry ice cream.
Nanami suddenly look at Santa, "Santa, please stay with me in my apartment for tonight." Nanami said, looking at her feet. 'I sound like a sexual depressed girl!'
Santa couldn't believe it, after 22 years 3 months and 16 days he was going to be sleeping with another girl…! The thought that he was going the first one in his gang made him excited, which resulted into massive nosebleed, along with his brain working over drive.
So he does what most 22-year-old virgins slash perverts did… he fainted in lack of blood.
Nanami's Apartment…
Santa was now shaking in anticipation, he had been waiting for this for a long time now…
Nanami puts her key in the socket of the lock… "Be sure to be quiet… I don't want to wake anyone." Nanami said, she opens the lock when she saw Santa nodded his head vigorously. 'Damn pervert…' Nanami thought.
Santa nodded vigor, "I won't shout I promise, but you promise too…" Santa said, clearly thinking or something else, the tissue that was blocking his nose was now dripping with blood.
Nanami opened her door and he took off her sandals and places it at a drawer, (That was made for footwear…). Santa did the same, but he did it very fast.
After Santa got his shoes off, she jumps at Nanami to hug her, but he trips at something.
"OW!" Santa hits his head at the drawer. Santa quickly looks up and glares at the thing that trips him… or someone.
"Nanami-neechan!" A small girl said looking at Nanami while pointing at Santa… "HENTAI!" the girl shouted at Santa.
"Oh… good girl! That's a perfect example of a pervert!" Nanami patted the girl's head.
"H-Hey! What the hell is going on here-!" Before Santa could finish his sentence he was awarded by a strong smack at the back of his head.
"Watch your language!" Nanami said annoyingly at Santa, "She's just 5 years old!"
"O-Okay…!" Santa said getting confusedly, "Why is she here? How can we have se-" before he could finish his sentence he was yet again cut by karate chop at his stomach.
"Pervert!" Nanami shouted. "She's my niece… I was going to tell you to take are of her while Aya and I will go to a bar." Nanami said.
"Nani?!" Santa said looking at the 5 year old girl.
"Yes! Her name is Kikuri so take good care of her!" Nanami said as she enters a door towards her room.
Santa was now left with the little girl…
They stared for each other for awhile before Santa puts a hand on the girls shoulder. "Kikuri-chan… you can call me Santa-niichan."
Kikuri looks at Santa before kicking Santa in his shin, making him howl in pain. "PERVERT!"
Since that moment, Santa will remember he child called Kikuri… who will bring him pain in the future.
Next on Pointers for Love…: The Hell in The Form of Babysitting!
So that pretty much summarized the next chapter… so what do you think? I believe this is one of the few (or the first one) Santa-centric fan fiction in this site. This was actually a one-shot, but as I write, I lost my ability to control and condense my words, so in the end, this will become multi-chaptered, I am aiming for 6 chapters… please review if you like it! -Hiro