-The broken clock is a comfort. It helps me sleep tonight. Maybe it can stop tomorrow, from stealing all my time and I'm here still waiting, though I still have my doubts. I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out.-
I sit among the remains of Banora, staring down into the hole where I'll continue to search for the Goddess, Minerva. Mako of the most startling green twirls and manifests in small pools throughout the area and below in the cavern, my eyes training on them each in turn.
I need this salvation from my damned fate. The degradation is getting deadlier and ever so swifter in its process. My short, once crimson, hair is now ghostly white to match my now whitening coat. My red leather glove, having yet to pale, constricts against my fingers as I tighten my grip on the hilt of my Rapier.
I should only think of him as a pawn in this reenactment of LOVELESS, nothing more than the spring to thrust me toward receiving the gift of the goddess. Yet I find my mind wandering back to those mako enhanced blue eyes always alight with wonder and enjoyment. They hardly ever turned serious, but they always do when he looks at me.
He blames me I know it. I only drove Angeal into suicide and Sephiroth into madness. I attacked him on more than one occasion. I tore ShinRa apart with my betrayal and my personal war. I ruined his life and his dreams, the only thing he's able to keep being the clothes on his back, his sword, and his honor.
A sigh slips over my chapped lips, "He's got that infantryman. Someone more reliable than me."
Even so, I will never forget the times we met in the hallways and hastily showered each other with passion in the training room or even a spare supply closet. Childish. That's what we were. Broken. This what we are now.
"And it's all my fault."
-I'm falling apart. I'm barely breathing with a broken heart that's still beating. In the pain there is healing. In your name I find meaning. So I'm holding on, I'm barely holding onto you.-
"We are monsters … we have neither dreams nor honor."
Those are the words that echo in my ears as I remember the look in Genesis' eyes as he had said those painful words. I wished I could have made him understand, understand that what he was saying couldn't be more wrong.
A wounded man with no honor, the one thing he was lectured to hold onto to. The one thing every man has until they die, less they lose it along the way. I'll never be able to make him understand.
I don't care if only a single wing of onyx sprouts from his back instead of the quartet of white ones which don't belong to "monsters". If only I could tell him that I thought it matched him perfectly. If I could only tell him that we ultimately want the same thing.
To be a hero even though we never can to anyone but the ones closest to us.
I stride back over to the motorcycle, bright, Mako-enhanced, blue eyes locked to the ground. Genesis wants only me to come to him and I will. I'll hold onto the single thread of hope that I could change his mind, even if it kills me.
-The broken locks were a warning. You got inside my head; I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead. And I still see your reflection inside of my eyes; that are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life.-
His gloves lie on the floor with the rest of our clothing, his hands running over the my chest as he pushes against me, thrusting into me. Lips that utter the most poetic of words begin to pepper sweet kisses over my neck. My forehead leans against the wall; cooler than my flushed, sun-kissed skin as his hand grabs at me, their hushed moans only for our ears.
The redhead, that treats me only as his equal in private, brushes my ebony tresses away from the side of my face, my eyes closing as ripples of ecstasy shudder through our bodies. He holds me against his chest, pulling me back so that my head rests back against his shoulder. A smile tugs at pale lips as he stares at my tinted face.
He doesn't want to let the me go, I know it. He knows that the second he does, it's done. He wants to destroy, I wants to protect. We conflict in every way and it hurts us both every time we spout anything other than love for each other.
But as we stand in each others' arms, we find a sort of peace. Yet even in that peace I look up at him as he turns away, already beginning to cloth himself in his red and black attire. I simply stand there as a chaste kiss brushes over my lips and Genesis leaves, making sure the door is locked behind him to allow me some security to dress without being discovered.
I can't help but think of those eyes of his; so embedded with sadness and neglection. He only has Sephiroth and Angeal … not me, I'm not included. I'm the one he finds when we're both craving the others attention or if one of our missions have gone sour. I tried my best to stay away from him but I couldn't help being drawn to the only dynamic 1st Class, Genesis.
No, I want more than this. It's a shame the feeling isn't reflected back.
-I'm hanging on another day just to see what, you will throw my way. And I'm hanging on, to the words you say. You said that I will, will be okay. The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone. I may have lost my way now, but I haven't forgotten my way home.-
I've slashed my way through his summoned creatures. I've hacked away at his clone army as it tried to destroy everything it saw. I drove all the way to him, knowing where exactly Genesis will be waiting, waiting for me and only me. The houses are in shambles and the only light is from the Mako below or the moon above. I stare up at the moon, a foreboding feeling telling me it'll be the last time that I see it. Nonetheless, I hurry down through the hole.
As I walk through the caverns that are littered with spouting mako I find myself gritting my teeth. I've tried my best to not be Angeal and listen to what he's saying; I hang onto every word, even when he's reciting LOVELESS. It's all I can do not to tell him to shut up, that we are some characters with their fates already predetermined by some person who wrote that book. It would upset him though. So I say nothing.
Which is why when I walk into the cove where Mako alights with more intensity and he turns away from me, accepting his doomed fate, I can only bow my head. I won't cry.
I only scream as I lift the Buster Sword and raise it at him, rushing forward as a jolt of power surges through his body.
-I'm falling apart. I'm barely breathing with a broken heart that's still beating. In the pain there is healing. In your name I find meaning. So I'm holding on … barely holding on to you.-
Zack won. I knew he was right, but I've been too stubborn to admit it. Or did I just do that now?
As he picks up that blonde boy I can only wish that it was me instead. I want to tell him not to leave me and that I'm sorry, while at the same time, I don't and I can't.
He walks back over, face sharpened with the years and once joyous blue orbs now dim with responsibility and loneliness. "I'm sorry Genesis."
I can't even respond as his lips ghost over mine. I want to smile and pull him onto my lap. I want to tell him it'll all be okay and that this is nothing to the life we could have. I know he didn't want to choose that blonde over me, but he knows it's the safest way and I'm strangely happy about it. My determination to make Zack mine has dwindled along with my life, my grip on it all barely even there anymore. Sleep clouds my vision as black curls from the corners.
If only I could have kissed him one more time, maybe I wouldn't be so loveless.
x.X.x.X.x.X.x
Sooo, first Genesis/Zack and I find myself really liking them together. . Although I'm so not comfortable writing with Genesis, I can barely remember anything about his arrogant butt sometimes. XD I love him though in all his red glory.
The song is so not mine. It's Broken by Lifehouse. Look it up, it's beautiful with a Crisis Core AMV behind it. :D