"Joker, Anderson and Shepard are secure," Kaidan shouted through his mic, "go!"
Kaidan shifted his weight from one foot to the other to keep his balance as the Normandy banked and pulled skyward. He locked his rifle to his back then started to follow Anderson and the Alliance marine toward the elevator when he realized Shepard was not following. Looking over his shoulder he found her still staring at the cargo bay doors, her mattock rifle in her slacking arm pointed at the floor.
Her light armor and skin were dirty from dust and debris. Cuts littered her exposed skin and bruises were already forming. There was a deep gash on the back side of her forearm, blood oozed from it, running down her arm and dripping from her fingertips.
"Shepard?" Kaidan said stepping up to her.
She did not even twitch at the sound of her name, just stood there staring. She might as well have been a statue.
"Shepard," he tried again as he stepped closer to her to see her face.
What he saw made his jaw drop in shock. Anderson must have read his expression; he faintly heard the other man speak to the marine, telling him they didn't need to see this.
Shepard's eyes were full of tears; they streamed down her cheeks washing the soot, leaving two clean trails. She wasn't weeping or making any sound whatsoever just staring at the bay doors. He highly doubted that was what she was seeing.
"Shepard," he said one more time, placing a hand on her shoulder.
That must have been the inspiration she needed to speak.
"I tried," it was hardly whisper spoken through lips that barely moved. "I tried. I told them. I warned them. I did everything I could. Why didn't they listen? Why?"
She was rambling now, Shepard didn't ramble. Whenever she spoke, it was always clear and to the point. She never cried either. Kaidan had seen her go through terrible ordeals and never lose her solid, cool confidence. If galactic war machines tearing Earth apart didn't already send his world spinning, this did.
"Shepard come on, we got to get you cleaned up. That cut looks pretty nasty," he spoke softly. He had no idea how to handle this situation.
She inclined her head towards him, as if seeing him for the first time. "Kaidan, I tried, I swear. Please, believe me. I tried."
This was wrong; Shepard was one of the strongest people he knew. He never thought in a million years he would see her crumbling around the edges. He stepped up to her as her forehead fell against his shoulder. It was so easy for his arm to go around her, so easy for him to forget the years that had come between them, to remember the scent of her hair, the warmth of her skin. So easy to forget the heartache he endured because of her and hard for him not to love this woman.
She just stood there, leaning up against him, taking her one moment of sorrow and regret. He held her while she allowed herself to give in and breakdown. Without a sound, a whimper, or a sob the moment passed. Shepard took a long steady breath and straightened her back. Her hand came up to wipe the tears off her face, she only succeed in smearing more grime and blood across her nose and cheeks.
Then silently she turned to follow Anderson. Nothing was said about what had just happened. Nothing needed to be said. He understood. What he had just seen was rarer than diamonds, more fragile than glass. Shepard had chosen to shatter in front him. Whether it was by coincidence that it had been him and not someone else, Kaidan really had no idea. But deep down inside him he knew. Had anyone else had been standing here; they would have never seen the tears fall from her eyes.