"Not much of a point anymore, is there?" Kutner said to himself as he lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. "House doesn't really need me... he said at the beginning they had too many people on the team. They don't need me... they don't want me..."

His thoughts spun around him in a never-ending cycle. His head hurt.

He got out of his bed slowly. If anyone had shared a room with him, they would have thought – but no one lived here but him; no one was around to watch as he slowly declined throughout all his sleepless nights. No one was around to hold him. No one was there to take the gun from his temple as he shook with panic and misery... those nights were becoming more and more frequent.

Kutner slouched over to the dresser and opened his sock drawer. He moved aside the mismatched, disorganized collection of socks and gripped something, pulling it out as if it was the heaviest object in the world.

His gun.

Kutner's entire body was shaking with the fear and the panic and all the feeling that had built up inside him. It radiated from his chest. It made him feel nauseous. His stomach turned to lead and he felt as if something was pushing up against his skin, pounding along with his pulse in a frantic effort to escape his body.

And it was only one in the afternoon.

"Oh, fuck," said Kutner. He cocked the gun and put the barrel to his head. Squeezing his eyes shut, he let out a deep breath. "Finally," he whispered. His mouth was still open, and a low moan escaped his mouth. It grew louder, and higher, until he was yelling at the top of his lungs. Just yelling one continuous tone; attempting to relieve the pressure that had built up inside his entire being. Warm tears flowed freely from his tightly shut eyes, wetting his shirt. He was planning on going to work today. This made him scream louder. He almost hoped someone would hear. No one else had noticed his pain. Or perhaps they did, and they just didn't care.

His scream ended abruptly as he pulled the trigger.

Alexa smiled to herself as she climbed the steps of Lawrence's apartment building.

He'd called her a few days ago, asking if she wanted to come over. She'd been busy at the time, but she told him that she'd be free later in the week. He was a doctor – which, when she had found out, had bumped her interest in him up quite a few notches – and had a pretty full schedule. But he told her she was welcome to stop by any morning that week, because he didn't always go in to work until later.

And here she was, climbing the apartment steps with a huge, stupid grin on her face. She'd met Lawrence almost a month ago, and she was already head over heels for him. His silly half smile, his wonderful sense of humor, and his unmistakable intelligence. He was working for one of the best doctors in the country, after all.

She stopped outside his door, and raised her fist to knock. She paused. On second thought, maybe she could surprise him. She reached for the doorknob and began to turn it. Unlocked, of course. Lawrence had always seemed pretty trusting.

A muffled yell came from inside. She opened the door wider. For a moment her legs wouldn't move, but then the sharp pain of anxiety welled in her stomach and spread to the rest of her body. Adrenaline rushed through her veins and she walked quickly to the living room. There was no one in there. The yell was coming from the bedroom. She hesitated...she hadn't been in Lawrence's bedroom and didn't – but before she could think anymore, her legs were carrying her inside.

Lawrence was standing in front of the dresser, with his eyes shut and a horrifying expression of pain on his face. Her brain slowly registered the gun in his hand. She rushed forward, and knocked the barrel up with the heel of her hand just as he pulled the trigger. It fired into the ceiling and dropped out of his hand. Lawrence opened his eyes wide and looked around, confused. He spotted Alexa and his mouth opened. A weird choking noise emerged from his throat, and he looked away from her concerned eyes and down at the carpet, where his tears were creating small, dark circles.

She'd come, she'd come to his house, and she'd moved the gun, and she'd stopped him. Was he glad? No. The emotional pain was worse, now, with confusion added into the mixture. And something else, something different. Something he didn't remember.

Alexa had went and gotten the gun, and taken all the bullets out and put them in her back pocket. Then she'd taken his hand and led him out into the living room. He stood there now, dazed and confused. Alexa was in the bathroom.

Suddenly she appeared, carrying quite a few boxes of pills. Kutner recognized them as being from his medicine cabinet. She threw them all in the trash. Then she walked over to where he was standing. Tears began to roll down her cheeks, and she looked like she was about to say something. Then she shut her mouth and wrapped her arms around Kutner. A hollow sob shook his entire body and he hugged her back, tightly. He decided then and there that he wasn't going to let this girl go – not for a while.

Kutner let the tears fall from his eyes and onto Alexa's shoulder without feeling an ounce of shame. He knew she wasn't going to leave, not now. Alexa's hand rubbed his back. She was shaking, he realized. He pulled out of their hug, and looked at her.

"Are you okay?" he said, realizing the irony of the words that had escaped from his mouth. Alexa began to laugh. Then he did, too. Soon they were laughing and sobbing, both in complete hysterics. They fell backwards onto Kutner's couch, still laughing. Soon Alexa's laugh died down to a quiet but crazy-sounding giggle. Kutner stopped laughing completely, and noticed for the millionth time how much her eyes conveyed to him.

Alexa's eyes were big and dark, almost black. There was an almost unnoticeable ring of gold around the edge of her iris, something he would never have seen if the light was hitting it any other way. But that wasn't what made them so beautiful.

The day he'd met her, Kutner had seen a mischievous sparkle and a glint of interest in her eyes. Up until today, all he'd seen was happiness. He could tell she was enjoying herself when she was with him. And when she looked at him, he could see her affection for him. He thought she was probably a little guarded. She hadn't known him for long, after all. But there was something there.

Today Kutner realized that she'd been hiding. In her eyes, Kutner saw worry for him. He saw extreme stress. He saw misery. So much misery – the girl was drowning in it. But he saw something else, something that made him draw her body close to his in a gentle embrace.

He saw love.

And the best thing was...he felt love, too. It was a warm, cozy feeling; a new feeling. He hadn't felt love like this for anyone, ever.

Kutner kissed her brunette hair. Alexa looked up at him. He kissed her forehead.

"Thank you," he said. To answer, she kissed his lips.

Feelings exploded in his head. The pain and despair hadn't quite receded, but his feelings for Alexa had overwhelmed them. He pulled her closer to him. His heart began to pound faster and faster, and his mind was slowly losing control of his body. Alexa moved with him, pressing herself tightly against him. They kissed for what seemed like hours, but was maybe only minutes, maybe only seconds. He wanted to hold her forever. As his hands reached up the back of her shirt, hers unbuttoned the front of his. She pulled it off slowly, carefully. He was breathing very heavily. She helped him pull off her shirt and then her now unhooked bra. Then her fingers moved swiftly to his pants, and she unbuttoned them, and then unzipped them. He shook them off, and then removed Alexa's capris. His fingers were playing with her lacy panties when there was a knock on the door.

"Shit!" said Kutner. Alexa's eyes opened wide. They looked somewhat disappointed, but also relieved. Kutner got up from the couch, and walked slowly towards the door.

"Who is it?" he yelled, annoyed that whatever was about to happen was now positively ruined.

"It's me and Remy," said a voice from outside. Kutner grew even more annoyed. Just because he didn't show up to work one day, they had to check on him...? He halted his train of thought when he realized the reason he'd been late to work in the first place. Maybe it was a good thing...someone sort of cared about him. He looked back at Alexa, who was pulling her shirt on over her lovely stomach. She'd neglected her lacy red bra, which was still lying beside the couch. Kutner was glad.

"Uhh..." said Kutner. He locked eyes with Alexa, who crossed her arms over her breasts and nodded. "You can come in. It's unlocked," he said loudly to his team members. The door opened, and Kutner realized that he was just in his boxers.

Foreman looked at him questioningly as he stepped inside. "Skipping work to have a little fun with yourse-" he stopped dead when he spotted Alexa, standing quietly in the back of the room. Her face was almost crimson. Kutner, however, was not embarrassed. Not much, at least. Thirteen was staring at him in something that looked like amazement. Glancing back at Alexa, he remembered just how pretty she actually was. Full lips, and curly, dark brunette hair adorned her complexion, which was not white, but a tone similar to Kutner's own skin color.

At least she didn't look like a prostitute.

The smile that had already begun to grow on his face grew wider. "Sorry, Foreman. I was..."

"You could have at least called," Foreman said, then turned and walked out of the room. Thirteen was still looking at Kutner strangely.

"Nice catch," she said, and walked out of the room.

Kutner turned to look at Alexa, who was clumsily trying to hook her bra on without removing her shirt. "You're leaving?" Kutner asked, disappointed.

"I don't have to leave, but I don't think having sex with a guy who almost shot himself is the best idea," Alexa said solemnly. Her words sounded harsh to Kutner, but he understood what she meant. The emotions that would have clamped down on him, if they had gotten any further, could have sent him spiraling down again. Right now, though, he felt pretty happy.

"Alright, well... can you stay a little while? Just..." Alexa nodded.

"Of course," she said, and gave him a short peck on the cheek. He closed his eyes and sat down heavily on the couch, once again feeling overwhelmed with emotion. And his head still hurt.

"Can you get me some ibuprofen?" he asked Alexa, pressing his fingers against his temples and closing his eyes. Alexa disappeared into his bathroom and reemerged with three small red pills and a glass of water.

"Here," she said, handing them to him. He swallowed the pills with a little help from the glass of water, and smiled wanly. Alexa sat down next to him.

"I've known you for a month, and you just stopped me from killing myself," he said, neglecting to mention that they had also almost had sex. "Funny way to start a relationship."

"Yes, but not a bad way," Alexa said, after a slight pause. "There wouldn't be any relationship if I hadn't." Kutner smiled weakly.

"Well, do you want to watch a movie or something?" he asked. He didn't feel much like talking right now.

"Sure, why not?" Alexa answered. Kutner stood up and moved lethargically to his movie cabinet. "Uhh..." he said, looking sadly at his collection of DVDs, which consisted mostly of Star Trek and some cheap documentaries he'd picked up at a garage sale for no apparent reason.

"How 'bout we just see what's on TV?" Alexa suggested when she saw the apologetic look on his face. Kutner nodded and picked up the remote. The television came on with that high pitched 'euh' noise, and a scene from some random Hallmark movie flashed onto the screen.

"Popcorn?" Kutner asked, moving towards the couch where Alexa was still sitting.

"Nah," she replied, and scooted over. He collapsed down onto the couch next to her and slung his arm over her shoulders. Alexa looked up into his face and caught an expression of both grief and comfort.

"It's probably good that...uh...nothing...happened...between us," Alexa said carefully. Her eyes were fixed firmly on the TV screen. Kutner turned and stared at her, but she didn't lose her focus. He removed his arm from around her and slouched, staring down at his carpet.

"No, no, not like that...I mean, I wanted to. But...you had just been at one extreme of the emotional...spectrum, and...it's not good to jump to another. It could have gone really wrong..."

"Wrong how?" asked Kutner, gritting his teeth in an attempt to keep control of the mixed emotions rearing their ugly heads in his mind.

Alexa didn't answer. Instead, a tear rolled down her cheek and she scooted closer to him, laying her head on his shoulder. He almost winced, but recognized her warmth as a good thing instead of a bad thing. His arm returned to resting around her shoulders.

Alexa woke sometime that night, feeling safe and warm. Her head was still on Lawrence's shoulder, but somehow he'd managed to throw a blanket over her without getting up. He had apparently fallen asleep afterwards.

Damn, he smelled good. She leaned in and kissed his cheek, and his neck, and the hollow place above his clavicle. His scent wasn't cologne; or at least not any cologne she'd smelled before. Instead he gave off a subtle aroma that she found extremely attractive and comforting at the same time.

Lawrence was muttering something in his sleep. He began to breathe heavily. His hand, which had been resting on Alexa's thigh, began to squeeze her leg uncomfortably. It hurt. She glanced up worriedly at Lawrence's face. He looked as if he was watching something terrible happen.

"Lawrence?" Alexa asked cautiously, laying one hand on his arm. His head snapped around to look at her. Seeming to realize where he was, his shoulders relaxed and he released the air in his lungs with a relieved sigh. His eyes were shining with tears, but he wasn't crying. "Are you alright?"

He laughed nervously. "Just a nightmare."

"Wow," said Kutner, looking Alexa up and down. "You look amazing."

Alexa beamed at him. "Really?" she asked, stepping through his doorway and doing a little spin so he could see all sides of her. Her short white dress fluttered around her tan, beautifully shaped legs. Kutner had a sudden urge to yank that dress off and drag her into the bedroom.

He pushed this fantasy aside before it could go any further.

"Really. You're beautiful," he said, and smiled back at her. Her face – on which she wore barely any makeup – brightened significantly. He took her hand and walked her to his car.

"Dammit!" Kutner muttered. He hid his face behind his menu. "Don't...say...anything..." he murmured.

Why now? Why today? Why did House have to show up and ruin everything every fucking time? Maybe he could get Alexa out of here before House noticed.

But House was already meandering over. He stopped in front of their table and waved his cane at Alexa. "What's this? Some whore you decided to take out for a treat before you bring her home to make hot, sweet love while watching every episode of Star Trek? Spock always made me feel all tingly, you know."

Nope. Too late. "Shut up, House. This is Alexa. We've been going out for almost a month and a half. So just. Shut. Up." Maybe that was harsh. He was talking to his boss. But House had called her a whore. And if he didn't be quiet, Kutner was going to break his jaw.

"Sure, okay," House said. He was now eyeing Alexa's chest. "You're pretty hot, you know. For Kutner. Then again, he always seemed to ask out the hot girls. I think you're the first one that accepted, though." He paused, and then spoke again in a voice that sounded like Howard, Kutner's gay neighbor. "Everyone knows that it's what's on the inside that counts."

Alexa sat up straight and looked House directly in the eye. "Character plays a big part in relationships, yes. So do long, hot, sleepless nights with someone who's nice to look at. And I'm not talking insomnia."

Kutner gaped. House cracked a grin. "I like this one," said House. He limped away. Kutner continued to stare incredulously at Alexa.

She took a small sip of her wine. "Shall we eat?"

Kutner grinned.

When Lawrence drove Alexa home, it was raining. Alexa was staring out the window, watching the raindrops create tiny explosions when they hit the ground. Lawrence was concentrating mainly on the street, but every few minutes he would glance quickly over at Alexa.

It was an abnormally quiet car ride – it seemed that they had got all their talking out at the restaurant. If House was anything, he was a good conversation starter. They had talked and laughed so much that it took them over an hour to clear their plates (which weren't all that full in the first place). The silence wasn't unwanted or awkward, though. It was a comfortable quiet, an environment in which Alexa could think. And she certainly was doing some heavy thinking.

"Lawrence..." she began. He looked over at her quizzically, perhaps troubled by Alexa's voice. She herself was surprised at how solemn her voice sounded.

"What?" he asked, staring at the road ahead of him again. Good, that would make it easier to talk to him.

"Lawrence, I think you should...maybe...consider seeing a therapist." She cringed after she said it, as if waiting to be hit.

Lawrence inhaled sharply. The car swerved one way, and then he pulled it over. He shut the car off and turned towards her. His eyes were sharp and cold under the small light on the ceiling of the car.

"No."

Alexa shrunk in her seat. She felt terrible for bringing anything up. But...it was necessary, wasn't it? Yes. It was. "Lawrence, you were going to kill yourself. Don't you think you need help?"

"No," he said again, more gently. "I did. But then you came." He reached out and brushed a piece of hair out of her face, then kissed her lightly on the lips. "You're all the help I need."

Alexa frowned. "No, I can't take on that kind of responsibility. Can you even imagine how I would feel if something happened to you?"

"Nothing will happen to me," he insisted. "...I promise."

Alexa looked at him for a while. She hesitated. But it was just too easy to give in. So she kissed Lawrence on the forehead, then on the lips.

"Drive me home," she said. He turned back towards the wheel, but placed a hand on her upper thigh. Alexa smiled. It felt nice.

Like Kutner, Alexa lived in an apartment complex. It was only about ten miles from Kutner's building, but was in a significantly cheaper part of town. Alexa's apartment was on the bottom floor. Kutner walked her to her door. It was still raining, but not very hard. It was nice.

Kutner remembered one night, after a movie, when Alexa had told him that she'd always wanted to be kissed in the rain. He couldn't remember anything else from the conversation, but that had stuck in his head.

So now, as they stood looking at eachother outside of Alexa's door – number 105, he'd have to remember that – he leaned down and kissed her softly and sweetly. The raindrops that slid down their faces were warm and welcome. Alexa moved her body close to him, and Kutner in turn pulled her even closer. He ran his hand through her wet hair, and then let his fingers trail down to the small of her back. Damn, she was hot. All hot and wet. And she was his.

Suddenly Alexa was moving away from him. What? No! She was falling! He reached out to catch her, but it was too late. She hit the ground with a quiet thump and a small splash.

"Alexa! Are you okay?" Kutner kneeled down. Alexa was already sitting up, looking a little dazed, but otherwise perfectly fine.

"Yeah, I'm fine..." she said, rubbing her eyes and blinking. "I just got kind of dizzy, and then I was falling..." she stood up, wobbling a bit. Kutner held his arms out, ready to catch her if she fell again. But she soon regained full balance and unlocked her apartment door.

"I think I should lie down." She stepped inside her apartment and flicked on the lights. "If you want, you can lay down with me," she added with a mischievous smile before disappearing into what Kutner assumed was her bedroom.

He followed her.

Kutner woke up the next morning smiling. Last night had been nice. Scratch that. It was probably one of the best nights of his entire life. He turned his head to look at Alexa, who'd fallen asleep with his arm wrapped around her. The warmth of her naked body was the best feeling in the world, Kutner thought. He lay there for a while, just watching her radiant face.

Suddenly her eyes opened. She blinked a few times, and then looked drowsily at Kutner. A tired smile made its way onto her face.

"Hello there," she said.

"Hi," said Kutner, and kiss her lips, then her neck. He made his way down her body. His hand slowly pulled the sheets away from her body. Suddenly he stopped. What were those?

"Alexa..." he said, running his hand across the top of her thigh. Why hadn't he seen this before? It was dark last night.

He still should have noticed.

Alexa was staring at him with a mixed expression of both guilt and terror. "I'm sorry," she said. Kutner ran his hand across the cuts and scars that adorned her legs.

"Why?" he said. "Is...is it me?" he asked, confused. Had he done something?

Alexa began to cry. "N-no... I...don't kn-now why. But you make it better," she said through her tears. Kutner watched her, and then he looked at her leg again.

"Was this there before?" he said, gesturing towards the light pink splotches that were making their way up from Alexa's hip to her bellybutton.

It wasn't exactly an emergency. But...his gut told him otherwise.

"Get dressed," he said. "We're going to the hospital."

Kutner drove extremely fast towards Princeton-Plainsboro Hospital. He wasn't quite sure why he was driving so fast; the only symptom Alexa was currently exhibiting was a rash. Nothing else appeared to be wrong.

Yeah, except for the cuts all over her leg.

Maybe she fell.

They were similar, parallel lines. What, did she fall on a rake?

Yeah. But Kutner remembered the sadness he could sometimes see in her eyes.

No.

Shut up. She said she'd been feeling better.

You told her you've been feeling better.

What was that supposed to mean?

You know what it means.

Kutner chose to stop this inner dialogue. He drove as fast as he possibly could towards the hospital without questioning anything else.

"Kutner! What, is she your ho now? Gonna get you coffee and then maybe a little quickie in the office? We can't let her under the table during the differential; you need to be concentrating on the medicine, not-"

"Shut up, House, she's sick." Kutner glared at his boss. Alexa was following him down the hallway, wide-eyed.

"She doesn't look sick," House retorted, approaching Alexa and actually prodding her with his cane. Alexa raised her shirt to show House the rash.

"Oh, god, not in here. My singles are in my wallet, which is unfortunately sitting on my desk back in my office. Such a pity," said House.

"Shut up," Alexa replied, pointing to her rash.

"What are those bruises on your arm?"

"What bruises?" Kutner and Alexa asked at the same time.

"Made you look," said House. Then he poked a dark spot on Alexa's arm with his cane. Alexa sucked her breath in, but didn't seem to feel much pain. "Those look like...oh my gawd."

"What?" said Kutner anxiously.

"Handprints," said House. "You banged her too hard last night, Kutner. Getting your money's worth doesn't mean you should hurt her..."

"I didn't... we didn't... I wasn't..."

"Lawrence was very gentle with me," Alexa said formally. House grinned.

"Well then, I guess I have a new puzzle to solve."

Lawrence was sitting in Alexa's hospital room, rocking back and forth nervously with his hands in his lap and listening to Foreman take Alexa's medical history.

"Have you been feeling depressed, hopeless, or sad for no reason in the past month?"

"No." Alexa glanced over at Kutner, as if challenging him to deny this. He was silent.

You bitch, you probably messed everything up between you. Why couldn't you control yourself? You were happy, damn it! You were happy with Lawrence, but you never moved the knife off your nightstand, and you never told anyone. If you messed it up... if you messed it up, you're going to die. You're going to jump off a bridge, or into a river, or down from a footstool with a rope around your neck and you are going to DIE.

"Have you started taking any new medication in the past month?"

This time Alexa was silent for a bit. Lawrence looked up at her, eyebrows raised. Foreman took her silence as a yes.

"What medication?" he asked, a little louder.

"Um, well..." Alexa glanced over at Lawrence with an expression that was almost apologetic. "I just started taking...Mircette..." Alexa said quietly. From the corner of her eye, she could see Lawrence blush.

"Birth control?" Foreman glanced at Lawrence with amusement in his eyes. "You could have had an allergic reaction to that, it would explain the rash. But the bruising..." He said the last sentence to himself, muttering as he flipped through the papers on his clipboard full of questions Alexa had already answered.

"Okay, I think we're done here." Foreman stood up and pulled his chair back to the wall it had originally been against. "Come on, Kutner."

Kutner stood up and brushed off his pants legs. He looked at Alexa, then at Foreman, who was waiting in the doorway.

"Don't worry," he mouthed. Alexa gave a weak smile. He walked out of the room.

Lawrence walked back into Alexa's room about an hour later. She was sleeping, so he tapped her lightly on the shoulder.

"…neh…whah…ar…?" said Alexa as she opened her eyes. Lawrence was looking down at her worriedly. Oh! The hospital… had they figured out what was wrong with her?

"We're going to run a few blood tests," said Lawrence. "We think you might be showing symptoms of aplastic anemia."

"What's that?" Alexa scratched at her stomach. Her rash hadn't spread much, but it was still visible at the nape of her neck. "Is there a cure?"

"Well… let's just run the blood tests and see, okay?" Alexa could tell he was hiding something, but she didn't really feel like asking what. All she wanted to do right now was roll over and go to sleep. "Meh," she said, and rolled over.

"Alexa, are you alright?" Lawrence sat down next to her on the bed and rested his hand on her shoulder. "Alexa, when did you start feeling depressed?" he whispered.

"Meh," she said. "Month?" She'd always been a bit of a pessimist, and she'd felt blue a lot, but about four weeks ago she'd become very depressed. She'd even started cutting… ugh… she was so weak and pathetic.

"Okay, then I'm going to go talk to Dr. House. I'm going to tell them that you are depressed. Then we can fix you faster, okay?" Small alarm bells started going off in Alexa's head, but she ignored them and instead went back to sleep.

"My god… one of the first Lupus cases I've had, and it's Kutner's girlfriend. Why do doctors' bed-buddies always get sick?" asked House, tossing his tennis ball up into the air. It came back down. He caught it. Then he threw it at Kutner's head. "I still don't think it's Lupus, but I guess we'll find out, won't we? Besides, I didn't see a butterfly rash on her face, did you? Go and do an ANA test and a full blood count. And everything else. Then, when it's not Lupus, figure out what is wrong before you're single again."

"Okay," said Kutner. He rubbed his forehead, where the tennis ball had hit him pretty hard. Then he went with Foreman, Thirteen, and Taub.

House smiled. This was an easy case.

And it wasn't Lupus.

Kutner sat down next to Alexa again. She opened her eyes, and he felt guilt overwhelming him. "We don't know what's wrong with you," he choked out.

"That's okay. I don't know what's wrong with me either." Alexa gave a weak smile and reached for his hand, and Kutner smiled back. Somehow she always knew exactly what to say. He leaned over and kissed her, then pulled back only a few inches. They stared into each other's eyes for an indefinite amount of time. A small gasp escaped Kutner's lips.

He reached into his pocket quickly and pulled out a small flashlight. "Watch my finger," he said, holding up his index finger about eighteen inches from Alexa's face. He shone the light into Alexa's eyes.

"What? What?" said Alexa. "Is there something wrong with my eyes?"

"You have Wilson's disease!" said Kutner, a little too cheerfully.

"Uh…okay?"

"That just means you've got to watch your diet, and maybe take some medicine. Your body just doesn't know how to deposit copper."

"Seriously?" asked Alexa. Her eyebrows disappeared behind her hair. "That's it?"

"Yep," said Kutner. He kissed her and then wrote something down on her clipboard as he strode out of the room.

Alexa was alone.

What the hell? What the hell? Was that some kind of bonding moment? Was that…is he going to dump me? That was the shortest case he's ever had, I bet. Ugh… I can't even get sick correctly. Talk about a failure.

Alexa looked down at the papers she had to sign. She had to finish all of this before…

Damn it, you dropped the pen, you bitch.

She tried to reach it.

You are so useless.

She died.

Lights.

Darkness.

I want to die.

Alexa reached for the knife she kept under her mattress. Shit…where is it? No… she opened her eyes and remembered where she was. Oh.

"Alexa."

"What. Where am I."

"You're in the psych ward. You tried to kill yourself."

"No I didn't."

"Why did you do it?"

"I didn't."

"How did you get those pills?"

"I didn't."

"Alexa, what the hell?"

"It was just a nightmare."

"No Alexa, this is real life. You have to tell me what's wrong!"

"Nightmare…sucks."

"Alexa!"

"Just a nightmare just a nightmare just a NIGHTMARE just a nightmare NIGHTMARE!"

"Alexa, let me help you…"

"NO STOP THE NIGHTMARE I HATE IT STOP IT PLEASE IT HURTS MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!"

He cried, and she slept.

The psychological effects of Wilson's disease take a while to wear off. Sometimes they don't wear off at all. Kutner knew this.

It was his fault. He should have caught this earlier.

Dear Alexa,

I'll miss you.

Love,

Lawrence

"No." Alexa crumpled the note in her fist. She had to save him.

Kutner went home. He pulled out the gun, the gun that he didn't know the origin of. He couldn't remember where he'd found it, when he found it, or how. All he knew was its cold weight in his hands. He loved Alexa. Alexa didn't love him. The end.

He put the gun in his mouth. A sense of extreme calm fell over him, but the pressure would not go away.

Alexa burst into Kutner's apartment yet again. Kutner turned around.

"Stop."

She stopped.

"Drop the gun, Lawrence. I love you."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Please put the gun down."

Common sense departed. Anger settled in. Kutner threw the gun at Alexa's head.

A horrible crunch.

A thump.

No goodbye.

"WAIT FOR ME."

Click.