Joker's P.O.V.

I broke out of Arkham with Bane's help. Sore and dirty, I made my way back to the lair. I knew Harley would be waiting for me.

I had to keep a low profile so the citizens wouldn't find me and bring me back to Arkham. They always try to feed me that nasty mac & cheese. But I was happy to be home.

Harley ran up to me and gazed at my scratched, rain-soaked face. "Oh, Puddin'! What happened?"

I sighed. "Batman happened."

I decided to go take a bath to soothe my aching muscles.

During my bath, I flicked on the wall TV. The news was on.

"This is Summer Gleeson, reporting live from the Gotham police station. New photographic evidence has been found of mysterious mob hitman, Jack Napier. 25-year-old Napier was working with the notorious Valestra mob when he was accidentally pushed into a chemical vat by none other than Batman. Napier's fate and current whereabouts are unknown, since he has not been seen since. However, this new evidence brings us closer to locating him."

I turned the TV off. "Ugh, why can't they just leave the past alone?! It's like they're stalking me! Can't I get any privacy?! This was YEARS ago! The Jack Napier you thought you knew is DEAD! It's Joker now!"

Thank god no one could hear me. Our walls are paper thin.

Harley was the only one I trusted with my identity. If word got out that I was really Jack Napier, I'd probably get zapped in the chair so badly that the Lazarus Pits would be useless.

Harley came in to check on me. "Everything okay in there, honey?"

"Yeah, just watching a dumb show," I answered, covering my privates with a washcloth. I didn't like people seeing me naked.

"Okay. Finish up and I'll get you some bandages," said Harley.

Carefully drying off my injuries, I brushed my emerald locks and made my way to the bedroom.

I sat on the bed in my underwear while Harley tended to my cuts.

"See, this is why you should use a sheath for pocket knives," she said as she applied ointment to a small gash on my thigh.

"You're right- ow!" The ointment really stung.

"I know, honey. But we need to make sure these don't get infected." She then went to apply an ice pack to my shoulder blades. They were bruised from when Batman shoved me into the power box.

"Hhh..." I shivered as the cold compress touched my bare skin. It was already chilly in the room, and I didn't have a shirt on to keep myself warm.

"It's okay, it's okay." Harley tried to warm me with her body heat. "I hate seeing that gorgeous body of yours get marred."

I started to blush a little. "You flatter me, sweets. I just wish Batsy wouldn't push me around so much." I rubbed my sore arm. "It's taking a toll on my muscles."

"It's a two-way street, puddin'. You fight him, he fights you," Harley pointed out.

I placed my hand over my heart and cocked an eyebrow. "Can I help it if I love the attention?"

"I know you need validation. But for now, let's just stay off the streets until you heal up." Harley lovingly stroked under my chin. "How about we have a little snuggle before bed?"

"Sure." Snuggles were definitely better than slapping her. Did I actually love her? Yes, but my understanding of emotions is rather warped. Was our relationship abusive? Yes. Did I secretly hate her? No, that was just a dumb rumor someone started. Did I manipulate her? Yes. Did I still want to marry her? Eventually. She's no Jeannie, but she's gorgeous.

Harley kneeled in front of me. She started stroking my silky purple briefs. "Mmm, very soft. Are these new?"

"Yes. I thought you'd like them." It usually took a lot to get me hot and bothered, but I was feeling a bit more sensual. I think it had something to do with the taste of the blood on my knife. It was exhilarating. Killing gave me pleasure tingles. I was aroused by the metallic flavor.

Harley gave my chest a little squeeze. "You look very sexy tonight."

"I'm covered in bandages, Harl."

"Yeah, but I love taking care of you. I find your vulnerabilities... cute." Harley may be ditzy, but she's as studious as ever.

I didn't really like showing my vulnerable side, but I did enjoy being comforted. I guess I have what you'd call a praise kink.

Harley's beautiful cleavage was on display now, making me blush harder. Tiny beads of sweat formed on my forehead as I breathed heavily.

I couldn't resist her anymore. I pulled her in closer for a kiss.

My lipstick smudged across her face as I explored her mouth. Her cute little tongue danced while we slowly and passionately began making out. I was wearing new strawberry lipstick, and I could tell she loved the taste from the adorable moans she was making.

My fingers interlaced with hers as she was pinned on top of me. Her gorgeous thick thighs straddled my hips.

We made out for a few more minutes until we came back up for air. We were both tired and breathless.

"That was quite a kiss," Harley panted.

I smirked. "You take my breath away, my radiant little harlequin."

She chuckled. "I love you too, Mr. J."

I smiled down at her. She was a lot shorter than me, even when sitting. My lithe legs were so long compared to hers, and I always towered over her. It made her a lot easier to carry.

"You have nice legs", she said.

"Strengthed by years of kicking Batbrain's hiney, babe." I blew her a sassy kiss and winked at her, making her giggle.

She leaned in to touch my nose. I've always been insecure about it, since it's so pointy. But I guess she found it cute, because she playfully tapped it.

"Don't tell anyone where I am, okay? One more laceration would probably kill me," I whispered.

"I won't tell a soul," whispered Harley. "You know I value your safety, and the authorities always treat us like scum."

"Thanks, babe," I said, kissing her goodnight.

"Now get some rest. You need to keep your strength up so you can heal," said Harley.

"I know," I yawned. A few seconds later, I was out cold.

Batman's P.O.V.

"Alfred?" I called my butler. I had some suspicious news to share with him.

"What did you discover this time, sir?" asked Alfred.

"I haven't seen any sign of the Joker in days," I replied, the tension in my voice rising. "But you are never going to believe this."

To be continued...