Spin off of the themes running through "Fragile Balance" "COld Lazarus" and even a little of "Demon you know".
PROLOGUE:
"WHAT IF?"
He asked himself this question a lot at one time. Now he tried not to dwell on what had past, for he knew it could only lead to obsession, saddness and despair. No, he could never forgive himself, so he had to forget. However, today was a day that forced remembrance. It was three years to the day, to that fateful day Charlie discovered his father's gun and tragedy descended upon the O'Neill household. Jack couldn't help but feel angry and guilty as he walked through the entrance of Cheyenne Mountain into the life he now lead...the life that was a direct result of his son's death. If he hadn't been in a self-destructive, hopeless state, the air force would never have approached him for the Abydos mission. His entire existence and role at the Sg-c was built on the foundation of his son's death. How could he now saunter into the now-familiar briefing room and joke with his friends and teammates...
Chapter I
"P9326x may provide answers we have all been searching for for generations." Carter stated impressively.
"Is that right, Major Carter? In that case, please continue." Gen. Hammond had grown tired of routinely fruitless briefings and missions to what were supposed to be exciting new worlds...strange how extraterrestrial assignments could become boring! Perhaps this mission would prove otherwise. Little did he know how true that thought would prove.
"This may very well be the long-sought after Land of Oz." Sam's eyes twinkled with merriment as she shot them in Jack's direction. Her CO was known to insert as many references to the Wizard of Oz into their proffesional lives as possible. She knew this was a difficult day for him and thought he would enjoy the joke to lighten the mood and ease the tension. He didn't even look up, in fact he hadn't heard a word she said.
"Explain yourself, Major?" Hammond said in a mock-stern voice. He knew very well the context of the joke, and would have enjoyed it much more if Jack had reacted with his characteristic sarcasm and humor. Daniel glanced at Jack quickly, then looked away. He didn't look good. He obviously hadn't slept last night, and hadn't shown up in the commisary for his usual bowl of fruitloops. Teal'c showed no perceptible sign of noticing the Colonel's behavior, but there was a slight twitch in one of his eyebrows.
"Just a joke, sir. Sorry, but the civilization there appears to be something right out of the book...tall glistening towers...strange flowers and plants, the roads seem to be paved with a dirt yellowish in color-possibly due to its high sandstone content...the indiginous people even seem to travel by something close to what we would call air balloons." Jack gradually started paying attention as Carter continued describing preliminary findings on this very interesting planet.
The team exchanged glances..unsure what to make of the briefing...but at least Jack seemed slightly interested in the mission. His mind was off other matters and on to the one at hand...which was what he always said was vital in a mission: focus. Everything else gets left on the other side of the Stargate where it belonged. Jack did his best this day, and as the team explored the area around the gate, he thought maybe he would make it through this day after all. Just then he heard a familiar, somehow haunting sound...he cautiously headed toward the origin of the noise. Jack stopped in his tracks, eyes wide and locked on what they beheld: Charlie playing baseball. The boy glanced at Jack, met his eyes and there was a flash of recognition...and something else...anger and hurt. The two held the gaze for but a moment, then Charlie picked up his ball and ran away into the bushes, leaving jack standing there in disbelief and utter confusion.
"What is it, Jack?" Daniel said from behind him. Sam and Teal'c were beside the archaelogist, asking the same question with their eyes.
O'Neill started at the sound of Daniel's voice and turned toward him quickly, mouth open and speachless, then he looked back where he had seen Charlie.
"Nothing...nothing here, people. You three head toward the city, I'll stay by the stargate and watch our exit." He pushed by the others and headed to the stargate.
"Alright...?" The others said confusedly as they marched on. Jack watched them walk away with unseeing eyes.