This New Year
by XBlueXMemoriesX
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters mentioned in this, nor do I own anything already in Clamp's possession. Such as X/1999.
It's been nine years since the Promised Day. It's been nine years and the one known as Shirou Kamui is currently asleep on a plush couch, head on the arm rest with his own arms resting curled across his torso. It's been nine years since Fuuma died that fateful day, and Kamui still has nightmares.
His eyes slide open, violet taking in the living room of his home as a soft voice calls greetings from the doorway. Groaning slightly at the fact that it's his turn to make supper and he doesn't feel like getting up, Kamui turns his back on the door, drawing his legs closer to his upper half as he tries to shrink inconspicuously. Sadly, such a tactic doesn't work, and Kamui moans weakly in protest as nimble fingers find their way onto his head, stroking at the brown-black locks tousled messily there.
"Kamui," the voice is gentle, and the owner of such a voice is well-known to Kamui. That doesn't mean that the twenty-five-year-old is going to make it easy for him. After a horrible day at work, Kamui feels rather bratty.
"No," he whines in return, pressing closer against the sofa, seeking refuge from the mismatched gaze he knows is trained on him. He feels the pressure from those fingers trail down his shoulder, stroking at his arm now. Even wrapped up in a clingy, black tee-shirt with long sleeves, Kamui still shivers from the touch. "No." he repeats more firmly, voice muffled by the fact that his face is smashed into the crevice between two cushions.
The older man chuckles slightly, tugging carefully at his arm, not really making any effort to pull Kamui off the couch. "Was it so bad that now you feel the need smother yourself?" A few seconds of silence before Kamui drawls out a pitiful, "Subaru, you have nooo idea."
"You're acting like a child." Kamui can't help but snort and extract himself from his sanctuary to face Subaru at that statement. "I'm acting like a child? You're acting like an old man." He growls at the older man, feeling some of his annoyance disappear with such a level gaze trained upon him.
"That doesn't make sense," Subaru remarks conversationally, seated upon the floor beside the couch as if it's the most natural resting place in the world. Kamui feels himself tremble slightly as he finally faces those eyes fully; the green sparkling cheerfully while amber glares back coldly.
Apparently sensing the younger man's distress, Subaru frowns and hi s teeth gently nibble at his lower lip. "Another nightmare?"
Kamui nods, the apparition of Fuuma's death coupled with that horrid scene at Rainbow Bridge replaying over and over in his mind's eye. One hand unconsciously reaches out and traces Subaru's jaw line, pulling away a scant few seconds later. The older man nuzzles against it, trying to give the other comfort.
"Well," Subaru begins, eyes already misting over with past memories as well before he snaps out of it, "you shouldn't look at the past but focus on the future." Kamui can't help but feel that Subaru is telling himself that too. Having lived with the Sumeragi for eight of those nine years, Kamui knows better than to rebuke him with a testimony of his own.
"Well, we should prepare to eat." Subaru stands and fixes his clothes, covered hands sliding across his trench coat, blood splatters here and there. Then, he offers a hand to Kamui after tugging off the glove with his other hand, white skin contrasting beautifully with the dark outfit, designed to cover his body everywhere except his head and a small expanse of neck. Kamui knows that Subaru will still spend at least an hour in the shower, washing off non-existent blood, feeling tainted and dirty.
It's been hard; Kamui reflects as he grasps the other's hand and is hauled to his feet, moving on since that day. He found closure but at a terrible cost, and he has moved on surprisingly well despite the occasional nightmare. Subaru, however, never really found closure, Kamui can't help but think. The man will always be plagued by recurring flashbacks and Kamui has found the other shaking and near tears more often than he cares to count.
But, he thinks as he walks into the kitchen, pulls on an apron, and prepares dinner, Subaru has been able to settle. It's not that he has accepted and moved on, Kamui thinks, but he has found –not happiness—but a reason to be content with his life. He will never truly be happy, but he can at least express some emotions other than self-loathing and depression.
Of course, the road to recovery was long and bumpy and the destination has not yet been reached. There have been times when Kamui has collapsed under hopelessness himself, but Subaru has always been there for him when he needed. He just wishes that he could do the same for Subaru. Sure, he has been there physically, but he has never been able to understand the older man no matter how hard he tried.
Dinner is done an hour after it began, Kamui timing the completion of the meal with the time that Subaru walks out of the bathroom and enters the dining room, clad in slacks and a loose button-up shirt. He helps Kamui set the table, only sitting down once the younger man is seated.
There seems to be some sort of tension tonight, the air crackling with unsaid things suddenly weighing down on the two. It's always like this, Kamui thinks sadly. New Year's Day is tomorrow, and he can't help but think that normal couples would be partying and drinking their worries away. Then again, considering that so many years ago he wasn't expecting to see tomorrow, there wasn't any real reason to celebrate it. And, they can't even be considered a couple.
The pressure of what could have been, and what Fate had chosen collides painfully above their heads, both lost in their own thoughts.
Dinner finally comes to an end and Kamui stands up to clear away the table, carrying his own glass and plate to the sink first before returning to fetch Subaru's. When he reaches past the older man, though, he pauses and stiffens as the other breathes out a, "Thank you."
Curiosity killed the cat, and Kamui has always been rather cat-like. He asks a quivering, "Why?" trying to understand in vain why Subaru feels the need to thank someone who was only ever a handicap. Someone who was only ever special because it was decreed he would either save the Earth or destroy it to bring about its reincarnation.
His elder by ten years, Subaru smiles a ghost of a true smile, a hint of sadness and regret seeping into both eyes. "Because you stayed with me, even when everyone else left. I didn't deserve that; I still don't."
How can you explain to someone who constantly destroys themselves that they are worth your attention? How can you when all protests are either put down or ignored? You can't, and with that in mind, Kamui wraps his arms around the still-seated man, his chin resting on top of silky black hair.
After a brief hesitation, Subaru returns the gesture, and Kamui smiles. He knows that sooner or later, Subaru will have to mark him as the next Guardian of the Sakura. It might not be because of love, but Kamui doesn't care. He's just glad that Subaru hasn't fallen into absolute ruin and that there is still some of the old Subaru buried underneath the wreckage that was once his heart.
Kamui will be glad to pick up his pieces, over and over again. It's his personal salvation of sorts. After so many people dying for him, because of him, he wants to give back by caring for a man that has no warmth left for others, a man who's been through Hell and came back, barely alive. Kamui knows he's taking care of a broken puppet, Seishirou's toy, someone who will never love him. But, he's happy that he can offer some solace, no matter how small his gift may be.
"You're welcome."
After all…
"Kamui, exactly what happened at work?"
"I got transferred into a department that has a Keiichi clone."
"…I thought that boy was nice."
"You would."
…It's the start of a new year.
A/N: Since, whenever I write Subaru's P.O.V. I turn him into an ass, I decided that Kamui would be a better option. You can classify this as S/K or simply K+S.
I honestly don't know what sparked this story, but I felt that I should try to draw some sort of ending for these two. It's so strange. My writing them is all over the place. But I adore Sarcastic!Subaru almost as much as Sweet!Subaru. Suicidal!Subaru kinda scares me, and Depressed!Subaru is so boring.
And what does Kamui do for work? No fucking clue.
Something tells me that Subaru is the one that brings home the bacon though, what with him taking out both the good and bad guys. He must get payed rather well, hmm?
Hope you enjoyed the story.