Somehow, We'll Make it.
Of all the people to see me like this it had to be Edward. It had to be the one that could read my every thought so that even when I tried to lie, he saw through it. It had to be a leech. Of all the leeches it had to be Edward, the one who I had always been drawn to for unexplainable reasons.
I admire Edward, I've kept my distance though because I know how he loves Bella in this way that I can only best describe as a creepy, tragically manner. I look up from where I had had my head between my bent legs. I feel the tears still falling from my eyes. The cold air blows against my face, threatening to freeze the tears in their place. Edward sits down without a word and his arm goes around my back. I finally give in and I lean my head against his chest and cry into it. His hand gently rubs my back as if he is scared he could hurt me.
After a while he finally speaks, "Everything is going to work out Leah," he whispers inches from my ear.
I cry harder and then I jerk my head up. "How could you possibly know Edward? How can you come here and tell me that things will get better? They won't. They never do." I say moving away from him and jumping up about to storm away.
"You aren't going to push me away." He says seriously and his eyes pierce into mine. In that little motion something inside of me collapses.
"I should have walked away. I knew he wasn't going to leave her, I- I just couldn't and now everything is ruined," I cry as my knees buckle and he catches me and pulls me into his lap. I begin crying into his chest again.
"Sam is an idiot." Edward says. "You know that, everyone does." Edward says as he runs his fingers through my hair that is longer than it should be. I hadn't cut my hair since the affair began, I had a stupid notion that it might remind Sam who I used to be, who we used to be and he would come back to me. Like I said, it was stupid, that never happened, and never would. "One day, you are going to have everything you've ever wanted and more, and Sam; he's going to have nothing."
I look up to him. "That's the thing, I don't want him to have nothing, I want him to be happy," I say as my voice threatens to crack. "He will always be my first love, I will always see him as Sam Uley, the boy I fell in love with." I shake my head. "It sounds crazy, but I want the best for him and I've realized Emily is the best for him."
Edward ponders what I say for a moment. "Then why Clearwater, are you crying in the woods all by yourself?" I smile a tiny bit at the use of my last name which we used most of the time with each other.
"I've realized that as much as I've prayed to be that person for him, I'm not. It's the truth, but it hurts. It hurts so badly. The worst pain in the world is loving someone you can't be with." I tell him.
He reaches his hand up to my cheek and wipes away the tears gently. "I know that pain."
I scoff and he looks to me questioningly. "Come on Cullen, when have you ever had someone you can't have. From what I can see things with you and Bella seem to have worked out pretty well."
"I wasn't talking about Bella." He says and he doesn't give anymore explanation which bothers me.
I nudge him. "Then who are you talking about?"
He gives me his signature perfect half smile and I can't help but smile. "Wouldn't you like to know Clearwater?"
"So you are saying that you wanted to be with this other girl but you couldn't and now you are with Bella with the 'perfect romance'" I quickly make a gag expression, "and you are thinking about this other girl?"
He smiles. "Things aren't as perfect with Bella as you may think." He says.
"Mhmm… but you still have your mind on this other girl?" I say, raising my eyebrow at him.
He smiles. "All the time."
"Can you tell me about her?" I ask snuggling against his chest finding him more comfortable than I could ever imagine.
"She's beautiful. She is like a meteor, most of the time she is floating perfectly fine in the universe, strong and proud, but sometimes she crashes. She's warm and even though she acts like she has a heart of stone, she really has a heart that cares too deeply for people." He whispers.
I slowly close my eyes. "I think I'd like her." I mumble.
"I think you would too." I hear him mumble back just as I fall into a deep sleep.
I wake up in my bed and wonder how it was I got there; did Edward break the treaty just to put me in bed?
A few weeks that question is answered by Jake. I was hanging out in his garage when he brought up the question asking when I started hanging out with the Cullens. I look to him unsure of what he means.
"A few weeks ago, Edward was trying to figure out a way to get you home. He had you in his arms asleep. At first I was about to attack him, I thought you were dead, but he quickly cleared things up saying you had come by his house to visit with Alice and you had fallen asleep. They didn't want the pack worrying so Edward brought you back. Since when are you going over to the Cullens for play dates?" He says judgingly.
I glare at him. "Who and when I hang out with someone isn't any of your business Jake. You have no reason to judge. What is this Seth tells me, you and Bella? What the hell Jake? I thought you were done with her."
He looks down avoiding eye contact with me. "I guess I'm not."
"What the hell is wrong with you Jake? You know she will never pick you over him, she just wants you to be her loyal dog and you are acting like that is perfectly fine." I say and I shake my head. I watch as his eyes look up to me, full of anger.
He jumps up and he glares at me before turning to the old car he was working on without saying another word.
"What?" I say and stand as well. "What was that look?"
"You shouldn't be explaining to me the correct way to handle someone you love, especially since you were the one who had the affair with someone who is imprinted and engaged. You are never going to be good enough for him Leah." He says coldly. I shiver at his harshness, and I'm a little shocked that he knows about the affair, but not so surprised because he is one of the few people who actually understands me. "And it's not about a choice anymore, she's chosen. She chose me. We are together now, she chose me over that leech." I shiver again at the harsh word he used for Edward. He doesn't know the amount of beauty that Edward holds; the word leech wasn't even close.
"When?" I cross my arms around my chest.
"A few weeks ago," he says nonchalantly.
A few weeks ago was when Edward came to me in the forest, he had said things weren't as perfect as they seemed but I never knew what he meant. How could I not notice he was hurting? How could I be so selfish when obviously he needed someone too? "And when were you going to tell me?" I ask Jake. He shrugs as if it isn't a big deal. "You do realize this changes everything. Don't you?" I say. I can't help but think about going to go see Edward and apologizing, I feel so stupid and selfish.
He looks at me like what I said was the dumbest thing ever. "How will it change everything?"
I grab my bag, knowing this conversation is going to end soon and knowing I'm going to want to make a quick getaway. "For starters you and I won't be hanging out at all."
"And why wouldn't we hang out?" He asks as if what I'm saying isn't comprehensible.
"Bella!" I raise my voice losing my temper, like I always do. "I can't stand her. She can't stand me. You'll be with her all the time and I'm not going to be hanging around her. Ever. I couldn't stand her when you were just friends with her, I'm not going to be able to be within five miles of her and you since you will be all over her."
He gives me a classic Jake look; it's the one where it shows that he thinks what you are saying is stupid and that he's always right. I throw my bag on my shoulder and move towards the door. "It was nice knowing you Jake. Once she stabs her claws into you there's no going back and she's about to take her swing and you aren't moving to dodge it." I say, I grab the key to the Rabbit and walk out without another word.
I hear Jake running behind me. I open the driver door for the Rabbit and I get in. I slam the door and crank up the car. Jake grabs the door before I can pull out. I look to him not wanting to argue. He sighs after seeing the face I looked up to him with. He knew I was going to do something and our argument would have to wait. "It's low on gas," Jake says, "You might want to fill it up some if you are going far." I nod and give him a small smile. "Drive safe." He says and moves back so I can go.
"I'll bring it back soon." I say as I begin pulling out. I drive to the Cullen's.
I pull up and Edward is on the front porch. He jerks up at the sight of the Rabbit and I can tell he is pissed even from this distance. I decide it would be best not to try to move closer, he might try to shred Jake's car then Jake would kill me. I park the car and pull the keys from the ignition. I look beside me and notice Edward has come beside me and he has his head cocked to the side in confusion. I smile and open the door.
"I thought you were Jake," Edward says with relief, "I was about to kill you."
I smile again, "That's understandable." I nod and I start walking toward the house. Edward grabs my arm and spins me toward him.
"Why are you here Leah?" He asks and it sounds like he genuinely doesn't want me there.
"You told me I could stop by anytime, so this is me stopping by," I say a little hurt.
"I did," he nods, "now is not a good time though. You need to leave." He says and his eyes pierce into me.
I try reading him but I can't. I'm so confused, the other night he seemed like he cared, and now he doesn't even want to see me. I raise my chin. "I'm not ready to leave." I say proudly and pull my arm from him and I begin walking toward the house again.
Edward swiftly grabs both of my arms and pins me between the car and him. I gasp as the wind was knocked out of me. "Now isn't a good time Leah." He says harshly.
I take in a deep sniff of the air. The air is extra sweet, not like the Cullen's smell, it's like the smell of more vampires, or vampires with human blood in their system. I gulp. "Who is in there?" I ask and look toward the house.
"Leah…" Edward says trying to make me go back into the car. "You need to leave."
"I came here to talk to you, I'm going to talk to you!" I raise my voice hoping someone will come out to see what the problem is and I'll have my answer.
Edward's hand covers my mouth but it's too late, they've heard me. The door opens and Edward jumps and I move from the car. Edward grabs my arm. Three beautiful vampires come out of the house before the Cullens quickly follow them. There are two women and a man, all beautiful. One woman has strawberry blonde hair; the other has a pale blonde. Both women has dark gold eyes, as dark as you can get before it is black. The man has pale blonde hair and his eyes were blood red. I realize that means he isn't a "vegetarian" but the women are. They all wince at what I assume is my smell when they walk out.
"What's that smell?" The man says in a deep, musical voice.
The strawberry blonde smirks. "Edward, have you gotten yourself a pet?" She looks to him admiringly as if she was his lover and I feel even more uncomfortable.
"She's a dog," the pale blonde woman leans over and says to the man.
He looks to her confused. "Like a werewolf?"
She smirks and nods. She sends me a disgusted look.
The strawberry blonde walks closer as if modeling on a runway. "Well, are you going to introduce us Edward?" She smiles.
"Tanya, we are not here to make friends with lowly creatures," the pale blonde woman says.
"I wasn't looking to make friends Kate," The woman named Tanya announces. She looks to the man. "I was just thinking that she would help our friend Caleb better be turned off from human blood. Her bitter taste would surely make him not want to drink from a human for months," she sniffs, "maybe even years." She says with a disgusted look. Edward's grip grows tighter. "You know, to make for a better transition for our new friend."
Tanya, Kate smirk. Caleb seems to feel uncomfortable. Carlisle moves up next to the trio. "That won't be necessary Tanya and Kate. Leah is a friend of the family."
Kate and Tanya scrunch up their noses and look to each other, disgust is read all over their faces. Kate looks to Carlisle and then to everyone. "Can Tanya and I talk to you guys for a second?" She asks. Carlisle nods. Edward grips my arm tighter refusing and I look down to it wondering why the circulation hasn't gotten cut off yet.
I look back up just in time for Tanya to send Edward a seductive look, "we mean all of you Edward."
Edward looks to me with worry in his eyes.
Go. I think to him.
He reluctantly lets go of my arm and I feels strange to have air touching the part he held for so long. I long for his arm to be back there, to give me a feeling of protection.
Tanya and Kate start to walk towards the front door. Caleb doesn't move and he just watches me as if daring me to run. Edward stops. "I didn't say I would go inside."
"We need privacy Edward," Tanya says as she loops her arms around his. I shiver in disgust. "These are not manners a dog should be hearing."
"Stop that." He says harshly. "Stop disrespecting her. You don't know her Tanya."
I look down to avoid the glares I know would shoot over to my direction to catch my reaction. I try hiding the pride and comfort I feel when he stands up for me.
"I'll try," Tanya says leaning closer to Edward. "Old habits are hard to kill you know?" She smiles and leans her body against mine and I notice they fit perfect together. Their bodies could be beside each other and merge. I suddenly feel ten times more insecure and even more when I notice she is strutting a graceful runway walk next to him, and her hair bounces perfectly with each step.
They made their way inside and I slide down the side of the car into the ground. I wrap my arms around my knees when I bring them to my chest. I look up forgetting about Caleb. I meet his strong eyes and I see compassion, and fear.
I take a deep breath trusting that he wouldn't hurt me.
He clears his throat and I look back up and I notice he's moved closer. "I've never seen them like that," he says.
I shrug. "I tend to bring out the worst in people."
"Well I know why Tanya is upset with you," he says and he sits down beside me. This shocks me that he isn't disgusted by my smell.
"Why?" I ask.
He laughs. "She sees you as a threat of course. She would give up everything for Edward to look at her the way he looks at you."
"The way he looks at me? You mean like I'm crazy?" I smile to him.
He chuckles. "Not exactly the vibe I was getting."
I smile. "So you are going to try being 'vegetarian'?" I ask him. He nods. "Do you have a story for why?" I ask.
He shrugs. "I was out in Denali and I came across the coven. I was never happy with me being a vampire, it wasn't by choice, I was manipulated, and drawn in and then the next thing I know, I'm some kind of monster." He says. "I just don't want to be a monster," he whispers.
I place my hand on his arm and I smile, "me either." He smiles to me. "So are you moving in with the Cullens?"
He nods. "Tanya, Kate and Irene thought I'd be better here with them." He says.
I smile, "I guess I'll be seeing you then." He smiles back. I look to the house. "What do you think they are saying?"
He smiles, "something about you, they've talked too much about me already."
I smirk and grab his hand. I pull him up and I lead him to the side window. I put my ear up against it able to hear.
"You know how we feel about dogs." Kate says. "Yet you have a treaty with them? How are you to have a treaty with them and an alliance with us Carlisle?"
"Kate, it isn't like you have a treaty with them. We do, you aren't bound to any agreements. I don't see the problem." Edward says.
"He has a point Kate," Tanya chimes in.
"Tanya, you know why we can't support this. Irina is our sister, they killed Laurent." Kate says. "It's our duty to be on her side." Kate says.
"I understand you don't agree with it, but we can't go back on our word. We still support you, if you don't feel the same Kate, you can go back home." Carlisle says kindly.
"We plan to, come on Tanya." Kate says.
"Bye Edward, stay in touch." Tanya chimes.
I grab Caleb's arm and rush back to the spot we were sitting. Tanya and Kate say bye to Caleb and then they quickly leave.
Caleb's hand rests on my arm. Edward comes up to my side. I catch him looking at Caleb's hand. Caleb must have too because he quickly moves it. "I'm going to go see where I'm staying," he says, "see you around Leah." He smiles and then he runs to the rest of the family.
Edward leans down close to my ear, "we can go talk now," he whispers. I look up to him and nod. He takes my hand and he leads me into the trees without a word to his family.
We walk through the woods holding hands, the act of holding hands is so foreign to me, I haven't held hands with someone since Sam and look how that turned out, in the end I was left broken hearted with nothing.
"I'm not Sam, Leah." Edward whispers.
"I know that," I nod reassuringly. "I'm not Bella." I tell him.
He smiles a little, "I know," he says.
"You should have told me that night Edward." I stop and say to him. "I would have listened, I could have helped you, I would have done something besides just sitting there, crying my heart out."
He nods, "I know you would have helped, and truth is you did, you helped me a lot just by being there. I wasn't ready to talk about it, I was still pretty upset. The warmth of your body against mine, it kept me from falling to pieces that night." He says and his free hand rests on my cheek. "I'm so thankful to you."
Maybe it was impulse, maybe it was insanity but something is telling me to kiss him and that's what I do, I stand on my tip toes, move slightly forward and I crash my lips against his. When he doesn't kiss back I pull away a little hurt. "I- I'm sorry." I stutter trying to pull myself together. "I thought you wanted me to," I look down.
"Just because I want to, doesn't mean I always should." He says and I look to him confused. "Something I learned during my vegetarian training," he smirks.
"So in this sense, I'm the mouth watering, warm flesh and blood?" I ask and continue walking, he follows me. His face shows that he's enjoying my translation of his words.
He smiles, "well of course."
I suddenly stop and I move closer to him. I get close to him, inches from him and I look up to him. "So do I tempt you Edward?" I ask.
"Always," he whispers.
I stretch my neck and stand on my tip toes. "Do it," I test, "Go ahead, do it, I want you to."
His hand goes to my neck gently curving to it, I relax and his hand stays there, his thumb gently grazes over the skin. "I would never," he says.
I smile, "then at least give into one temptation. It would really be like doing me a favor."
"Oh really?" He raises an eyebrow to me.
"Yeah I made a complete fool of myself, you can too." I smile. "Just one."
"Just one," he whispers to himself. He smiles, "see I think if I give in, I won't be able to stop." He tells me.
I smirk. "We'll just have to test that theory." I tell him.
He smirks, "I guess we will," he gets out right before he leans down and his lips crash against mine. I am filled with happiness at the touch of his lips and it continues throughout the kiss. I wrap my arms around his neck and lean more into the kiss as the kiss deepens.
The kiss is all I've ever needed to know that everything is going to be alright, somehow, we'll make it.