A/N: All righty, so Tari-chan wanted a crackfic as an alternative to her requested story that was on meh DA journal. And as a few of you know, I just had my AP Euro Exam today (epic fail, I bet), I came home so tired I just wanted to collapse into bed. However, that didn't happen and despite my hands hurting like hell, I got on the computer and began to type this crack shit. So here's chapter one of a crackfic where the wish of fangirls becomes true – the cast of Yami no Matsuei comes to OUR world. What happens? Fangirls are happy. What happens when they start to exercise fangirlism? Chaos ensues.
S.N.R.
Recommended listening: AANNYYYTTTHIINNNGGG!!
Insanity a.k.a. When Fangirls Attack
Crackfic – Chapter One
"HOLY FREAKING CRAP!"
A girl smacked her friend upside the head, a smile evident on her face. "Shush, you!"
"Whhhhaaaaat?" The girl who had screamed before, Meredith, looked back at her friend, Ariel, with a grin that tried to look innocent, but was too devilish to ever be considered such. "I didn't do anythiiinnng..."
"Right," Ariel nodded with a stone expression, but was hiding a smile.
Ariel was nothing like the mermaid, of course. She had light brown skin with long, hella long dark brownish black hair. She was just under six feet and dark brown eyes. Meredith was just a few inches or so under Ariel, with long golden brown hair and mischievous blue/green eyes. They had been good friends since the middle of Meredith's freshman year and Ariel's sophomore year. Now, Meredith was almost done with her rough sophomore year and Ariel was coming close to the end of her junior year. However, they both had just gotten their big bad tests out of the way, Ariel with her ACT and Meredith with her AP Exam. They needed a distraction.
Well?
Let's give them one.
And right during last lunch of the day...
KABOOM!
A cloud of smoke kicked up in the lunchroom, causing people who were stupid enough to chew with their mouths open to cough and hack and wheeze as they tried to swallow the gigantic chewed up balls of food in their mouths. Meredith held her throat and coughed as Ariel pat her chest, trying to get in fresh air. Their friend, Deadboy, ran out the door immediately, shouting "OH MY GAWD SHIT, FREEDOM!" as he went, somehow knowing school would be cancelled due to the sudden explosion.
Meredith gained her normal breathing levels again and turned at where the boom came from, ignoring the fact that there were screaming people shouting their lungs out. Ariel also regained her normal breathing levels and shook her head, eyes a little wide. "Ugh, how nasty."
"Indeed," Meredith muttered.
While the teachers were screaming into their walkie-talkies, the principal called Hardass Johnson, was currently screaming like a sissy and running around in circles suddenly clothed in a tight, two sizes too small hot pink tutu. On him and his age, it was both disgusting and hilarious. Meredith normally woulda made a comment and run after Deadboy to bring him back – considering he had a camera every now and then – but she was more concentrated on the boom that had shattered the glass windows of the lunchroom.
Waving her hand, Meredith began clearing away the smoke. Suddenly, she saw who it was that stood in the smoke and as it cleared, features became clear. Voices with strong Japanese accent began to speak and Meredith suddenly found herself grinning like a frikking maniac who had just been released early from the asylum.
Standing within the smoke was, of course, everybody's favorite shinigami; all standing in a row with confused expressions on their faces as they turned to one another and tried to figure out what was going on. Unfortunately – or perhaps fortunately, in some people's views – there was also THE villain in all white standing with Oriya, also wondering what the hell was going on. Saya and Yuma were muttering while trying to get dust off their wonderful outfits and Wakaba was trying hard not push Terazuma down and check him for injuries. Hisoka looked slightly weirded out, Watari was tying his hair back, Tsuzuki was looking up at the ceiling (EnMa only knew why) and Tatsumi was cursing about his now broken glasses.
Meredith cracked her knuckles. This was gonna be fun.
(And before you stop reading, no, this is not a Mary-Sue fanfiction. It's just what would happen should the shinigami land in a teenager school with anime fans)
Seeing that Meredith was standing there, Tsuzuki immediately noticed her and walked over. "Sumimasen, kokua doku?"
Meredith tilted her head and huffed a sigh. Right. Japanese. In an American school. Ok, then. She knew some Japanese. Some. Just not enough to reply in.
"You're in our school, Tsuzuki-chan," she grinned.
Tsuzuki blinked at her, either not understanding her or surprised that she knew his name. Or both. Who knew? Meredith tilted her head again and her eyes raked over the rest of them. Settling on Hisoka, she smiled and then called over her shoulder, "LAURA!"
For some reason, despite not having the same lunchtime as Meredith and Ariel, a girl with waist-length brown hair came a-running up and she stopped. Meredith hugged her and whispered, "Got a surprise for you and it involves a certain someone I know you love..."
Like a spaztic fangirl, Laura jumped up and down, apparently not noticing the shinigami or the chaos. That was just how she was. A cool happy fangirl. Meredith pointed at Hisoka and Laura took one look before letting out the longest squee in the history of fangirls.
"SQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ
QQQQQQQQQQQUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Overcome with joy, Laura bounced over to the empath and immediately glomped him, smiling more than she ever had. "Ah, Hisoka-chan, you're so cuuuuuttteee!"
The empath blushed and gave the rest of his co-workers a "what the hell?" kind of look. Watari began to tease him about it and Saya and Yuma were muttering about why they couldn't be allowed to do that to Hisoka without getting smacked. Meredith just giggled, trying to muffle said laughter behind her hand. Then, Laura took Hisoka's hand and ran him out of the lunchroom. Her eyes went back to the rest. She mentally counted. One, two, three... actually, it was better to count with names...
Tsuzuki, Watari, Tatsumi, Saya, Yuma, Wakaba, Terazuma, Oriya, and Muraki left now that Hisoka had his fangirl...
So nine left... 'Oy vey,' Meredith thought.
Ariel had finally walked up to Meredith and she stopped dead as soon as her dark eyes settled upon Watari, she froze and her eyebrows raised. Then, gasping, she covered her mouth with her hands and before anyone could blink, she had run over to Watari and hugged him tightly. In fact, she was still hugging him...
Meredith broke out laughing again at Watari's surprised expression. Ariel, on the other hand, had plans. Taking him by the collar of his coat, she began to drag him away. "You are coming with me like nao! We will make things go asplode!"
And off she went, disappearing around the corner.
Tsuzuki almost ran after what looked like an insane girl who needed to go the asylum, but Meredith had stopped laughing and settled her gaze on him, making him freeze. Then she grinned and tapped her chin for a minute. So now there were eight...
'How should I do this?' Meredith thought. The shinigami were focused on her. Tatsumi was talking, probably demanding what in the name of EnMa was going on, but Meredith waved her hand and shook her head.
Maybe she should've fetched Ariel last...
Meredith's eyes moved to Terazuma and immediately, her face broke into her devilish grin – one no one ever saw unless she was plotting in a dark room – and she bounced right over to the detective, eyeing him warily. The detective gave her his normal "back the fuck off" kind of look, but Meredith was not deterred. She was already squicked by anything and Terazuma didn't scare her in the least.
Finally, Terazuma asked, "What the hell are you staring at?!"
Meredith seriously wanted to poke Terazuma, but knowing about his "condition", she refrained from doing so. Instead, her grin widened and she bounced off for a moment. All the shinigami watched her as she whispered into the ear of a kid off at another lunch table who had shoulder-length dirty blonde hair and a blue hoodie. The boy nodded and grinned and the two of them returned to Terazuma.
"Terazuma, this is Vash. He will be your escort for today," Meredith said and she said something in sign language to Vash. Said boy smiled, grabbed the detective by the hand, and began to drag him off. For some reason, Terazuma couldn't put up a fight and they disappeared around a corner. After a few odd-some minutes, there were screams heard – obviously Terazuma's – and the shinigami all winced as bad images sprung to mind.
And then, the screams died down. Minus the footsteps of people frantically getting out of the lunchroom and calling the fire department, it was silent. Dead silent.
Suddenly, Terazuma came a-running back out, but the poor man was no longer in his normal dress shirt and slack attire. Instead, he had been stuffed into a tight pink tank top that rode up his stomach and a VERY short miniskirt that was red in color with pink hearts across the front and a gigantic heart on the back, right over his rear. He wore long socks that were yellow that came up to his kneecaps and on his feet were a size-too-small pink ballerina shoes. If he moved just right – which he accidently did every other step as he was running – the miniskirt would ride up and his tank top would get higher, forcing very bad images into the shinigamis' minds.
As he ran screaming from the room and outside, Vash appeared at the corner, laughing his head off and a girl appeared behind him, slightly shorter, with a fuzzy pink kitty hat on her head and wearing a long black trench coat that was zipped up to her shin. She was calling after him, "Whaaaat?! I tried to get the proportions right! Come back here!" And the two ran after the mortified Terazuma.
The shinigami all stared, shocked, their mouths dropped wide open, although Wakaba's dropped mouth had a hint of a satisfied smile to it. Meredith smiled innocently and circled around the rest. So now seven. She vaguely wondered how Watari and Ariel were doing with their explosions...
"What are you?!" Tsuzuki asked, slightly frightened at the girl's actions.
Meredith gave Tsuzuki a light hug. "Awww, come on, Tsu-chan, tis all in good fun, ne?" And she smiled. The smile was somewhat... creepy.
"I demand an explanation," Tatsumi said, advancing on her.
Meredith reached up and with one defined swipe, stole Tatsumi's broken glasses right off his face. She grinned. "Don't worry, you'll all be fine You're not gonna die, ne? And P.S. you look better without the glasses." She handed them back to the surprised shinigami and turned around to settle on Muraki and Oriya.
Muraki was staring at her with his normal creepy intent and Oriya had sat down on one of the abandoned lunch table, smoking his pipe. Trying to ignore the smell she was so sensitive to, Meredith walked over to Muraki and frowned, looking him up and down. "Hmm... Can't decide..."
Thinking Meredith was talking about choosing him or Oriya, Muraki decided to crush the girl's hopes and said, "I'm sorry, but you're definitely not my type, my dear."
Meredith smacked him. Literally smacked him. All the shinigamis' mouths dropped open. Meredith looked annoyed now. "I wasn't talking about you, dumbass. OI! KITTEN!"
A girl suddenly appeared from behind Oriya. She had on a black jacket with brown pants, had shoulder length blonde hair with platinum highlights and glasses. She looked mildly interested in the scene before her.
Meredith smiled again. "Perfect. Take Muraki to Ed's place, would ya? You and Ed can talk with him, although I'm not too sure Jezebel would be too happy at seeing his doppelganger..."
The girl – apparently "Kitten" – laughed a little. The laugh was downright creepy. "And we all know Cassian is wondering why he can't have sex with him."
"You'd think. Now be a dear and take Muraki away," Meredith said, waving her hand. "Or else we can't have any more nights together."
"Ahaha, like you'd ever stop those," Kitten replied, already taking Muraki by the collar, despite being much shorter than him.
"I can if I want to. You do obey me and it's not too bad when it's on the desk..."
"True dat..."
"Unless you want to spend the nights reenacting Taming of the Shrew, of course..."
"You'd enjoy that, wouldn't you, though?"
"Using your term, 'mebe'."
"Fine, fine," Kitten sighed and began to drag Muraki away.
Meredith turned to the other shinigami, who were slowly backing away from her. Meredith gave them a look. "We're talking about Shakespeare movie nights we have every week, you idiots. We're not involved."
The shinigami relaxed. Meredith grinned. "...Yet."
The shinigami tensed again, causing Meredith to laugh. "Oh, come off it, if she wasn't with me, why would she obey me? And she does it cause she wants to. I gotta say, she's stubborn when she needs to be..."
Oriya chuckled. Tatsumi and Tsuzuki blinked. Saya and Yuma stared. Wakaba sighed.
Meredith sighed. This was taking far too long and the first chapter of the crackfic had to be complete as soon as possible. But there were just too many shinigami. Meredith tilted her head back and shouted to the sky. "ENMA! GET YOUR PUNK ASS DOWN HERE, USE YOUR FREAKY DEAKY MAGIC, AND ZAP HALF THESE PEOPLE BACK TO THEIR WORLD!"
Nothing happened. A vein appeared on Meredith's head. "I SAID—"
KABOOM!
Another explosion rocked the ground, kicking up smoke again, yada yada yada... When it cleared, Saya, Yuma, and Wakaba were gone.
Meanwhile, back in their original world, Saya, Yuma, and Wakaba looked at each other before shrugging and went about going to the mall down the road. It was known for its Pink House items...
Back in the Real World, Tatsumi, Tsuzuki, and Oriya all eyed the girl who apparently had mysterious powers, enough to control EnMa's will. That was frightening. Oriya just huffed a sigh and got up, walking in the direction where Kitten had dragged off Muraki to not a few minutes before.
So now only Tatsumi and Tsuzuki were left. Meredith hummed to herself as she pulled out her mp3 player and began to surf through the songs. Listening to Ra Ra Rasputin for a minute, she eyed the two. Then, she smiled. "Well, shall we go get some hot chocolate?"
The two shinigami sighed. Did they have a choice? Despite better judgment telling them not to, the two followed the suddenly clam girl out of the school and down towards the Starbucks. Their minds conjured up images of torture for their lost comrades...
Meanwhile, Terazuma was still screaming and running down the street, getting ogled at by gay guys and straight girls in cars driving by, some even snapping pictures with their camera phones. And with one click, the pictures were up on the internet in no time.
A/N: So... how was the first chapter of crack? You see what happens when I go off to an exam now? This is what happens. Maybe I should call the number of that asylum I saw an ad for...