Title: A Step In the Right Direction
Rating: K+
Pairing(s): Kurama/Hiei and background Kuwabara/Yukina
Summary: Yukina gives birth to twins and Hiei conveniently disappears just before after painful memories are dragged forth from the past. Kurama does his best to soothe old wounds and show Hiei that he is capable of the tenderness he has always feared.
Notes: Wow, hi guys! It's been like...basically over a year since I've published anything and I'm sort of really ashamed of myself. I've had this piece sitting in my google docs for MONTHS and I just could never find the right way to end it. I'm still not satisfied with the ending, but I hope you guys are.
And yes, I'm still working that multi-chapter fic with Kurama/Yusuke. It's a good deal finished, but I've been in funk when it comes to writing. I've graduated college and have started working so I'm kind of in Limbo right now when it comes to creativity. Please be patient with me! I AM going to finish that sucker and I AM going to publish it one day. It's just a matter of kicking my ass to get it done. When it is completely finished, I will start the publishing process. Now, without further ado-onto the fic at the hand!
Warnings: None!
When the twins were born, Hiei disappeared into the depths of Makai without word to anyone, not even Kurama.
His disappearance had been sudden, so abrupt that even Kurama, who was rarely ever surprised by anything Hiei did, was taken aback and suffered a brief moment of panic that some old foe had kidnapped the little demon. Hiei had innumerable enemies in Makai, most of whom would gladly take any chance they could get at carving out a hunk of his flesh. But Kurama had detected not a hint of fear or anxiety from Hiei, not one, and that was all the proof Kurama needed to know that Hiei had left of his own free will. What Kurama did not know was why.
Well, that was not entirely true. He had an inkling, an inkling that was darkening and growing, becoming more of a solid fact than mere speculation. The timing of Hiei's disappearance had been purposeful, despite what the others seemed to think. Yukina had just given birth to her twins and Kurama could not simply ignore that as a contributing factor in all this.
One boy and one girl. One with a full head of carrot colored fluff and the other with thin, icy strands. Two children born of an ice apparition and a human, an eerily similar circumstance that Kurama knew had stirred something dark and painful inside Hiei the moment Yukina had happily announced the pregnancy, something that the fire demon had sealed away long ago behind a steel vault in his soul.
Even as Hiei extended his congratulations to the expecting parents, even going as far as to embrace Kuwabara in a firm one armed hug, leaving the larger male humorously stunned, Kurama had seen a haunted flickering in his red eyes. Hiei denied it later as they laid together in Kurama's bed. Kurama had known that he would, that despite all the progress the two had made, Hiei would never be quite ready to talk about that.
And that was fine. Kurama understood better than anyone the brutal agony that accompanied that sort of healing, the sort of healing which required one to dig up every traumatic and pitiful memory and experience, to relive each and every one until they didn't hurt anymore; until you grew numb. There was something to be said for that sort of treatment. Kurama found that he had gained some amount of inner peace by applying it to his own tumultuous and extensive existence as both Yoko and Shuichi. But Hiei, Kurama believed, would not benefit from it. Not until he was ready. And judging by the fact that Kurama was sitting alone at Genkai's temple, ignorant as to where his lover had run off to, Hiei was most certainly not ready.
Well, he wasn't totally alone. The squirming in his arms reminded him of that and Kurama smiled down at the wriggling little bundle wrapped in a soft blue blanket that he cradled in his arms. His name was Izumi and he was, perhaps, the single most adorable thing Kurama had laid eyes on in a long time. He was the spitting image of Kuwabara, wild orange hair and a perpetually scrunched forehead that gave him the appearance of an eternally grumpy boy. Kurama gave the infant a fond bounce and Izumi smacked his lips together, blowing a small bubble from his spit.
"They're absolutely precious, aren't they?" Genkai was seated across from Kurama, the perfect picture of maternal gentleness as she tenderly patted the back of Izumi's younger twin sister, Hina. "Let's just hope they take after their mother in the intelligence department. I don't think the world can handle one more dimwit." She was joking, of course, for this was all said with gruff fondness.
Kurama smiled in her direction. "They are precious." He agreed, "And such good sleepers." The two had barely emitted a single cry or fussed during their first week of life. It had greatly concerned Kuwabara, who was a textbook definition of an anxious new father. The man was practically breathing down Kurama's neck every five minutes, insisting that he check the twins' vitals. Kurama did so without complaint and reported back everytime that both Izumi and Hina were happy and healthy newborns, if not a bit on the quiet side. Kurama advised that Kuwabara should consider himself lucky that neither of the twins appeared to be colicky.
"So, where's the short one gone?" Genkai asked.
Kurama had been expecting this question and he had been coyly avoiding it, knowing that while he could fling well crafted lies or creative fibs at the others, he could never do the same with Genkai.
"I don't know." He answered honestly.
"Hmph." Genkai tweaked Hina's nose and the babe flinched, but otherwise seemed unbothered by the teasing action. She reached up with her chubby fingers and tangled them in Genkai's stringy gray hair. "Are you worried."
"Not particularly. I would sense if he were in danger."
"Really?" Genkai posed the question curiously, her eyes meeting Kurama's in interest.
"Hiei has never been one to stay rooted in one place for very long. I suspect he grew a bit stir crazy and simply needed to escape for a short while." A half-truth. "I don't believe he intended to miss the birth of the twins, certainly not when he knew that Yukina was expecting him."
"Yes, Yukina was quite disappointed that he was not there." Genkai said meaningfully, "She wouldn't say as much, but I could see that she was quite heartbroken by his absence."
Kurama would not admit it, but he had seen the same in Yukina's expressive eyes, though her lips denied any hurt. Kurama supposed that the two siblings were strangely similar in that respect.
"Just make sure that dumbass gets back here soon. It would be a real shame if he wasn't able to meet his own niece and nephew."
Kurama was not surprised that Genkai knew of the relation, nor was he surprised that she felt bold enough to reveal that she knew. Genkai had never held back, not for anyone or for anything. It had been a quality that Kurama had always admired about the woman and found comfort in. Sometimes when your life was built upon lie after lie, it was easy to forget what the truth felt like. Genkai never lied, though. She never faltered and she never beat around the bush just to spare another's feelings. She was honest to a fault.
"Shaken as he may be, he would never do that to Yukina. He knows how important his involvement in her life is."
"And yet he is not here." Then she chuckled, "Strange how he seems to be the only one in denial about the whole thing."
"I've spoken to him about it." Kurama recalled. The conversation had not ended well. "Suffice to say that I have no intention of pushing the matter any further."
"That is probably wise." Genkai concluded as she shifted Hina from one arm to another. "The whole lot of you are stubborn as mules and about as stupid when it comes to matters of the heart. But what do I know." Genkai's frail shoulders shrugged helplessly, "I'm just an old woman beyond her prime."
Hiei did not return for another week.
Kurama noticed his demonic signature in the area two days before that, however. He felt its throbbing presence, knew it intimately, as it bounced around the city, only stopping for an hour at a time for what Kurama soon recognized as a brief resting period. After two days of frantic hopping, Hiei finally entered Genkai's property and camped out in the trees for several hours. He was watching Kurama with his Jagan; Kurama could feel the dark pulsating energy that the eye emitted when in use. The Jagan's gaze was nearly tangible, feeling almost akin to the loving brush of finger tips against his skin. Kurama allowed it for several hours as he busied himself with tending to the twins and assisting Genkai with domestic chores.
Finally, when the sun had set and Kurama was lounging on the porch, cradling a slumbering Izumi, Hiei revealed himself.
"Welcome home." Kurama greeted slyly; his keen eyes picked up on the subtle blush that colored Hiei's pale cheeks. "You've missed a lot."
"Is that the boy?" Hiei was swift, though is embarrassment was evident and Kurama couldn't help but chuckle.
"Yes, this is Izumi." Kurama brushed his finger tenderly down Izumi's smooth nose; it crinkled adorably at the sensation, but he did not wake. "This is your nephew."
Hiei approached slowly, hesitantly, and his body was practically vibrating with anxiety, his legs poised and ready to leap away at a moment's notice. Kurama said nothing, merely watched with kind eyes as Hiei took this very large step and finally was within arms reach of both Kurama and the infant. It was almost magical, the way Izumi must have sensed his kin nearby, for his eyes opened, both a deep maroon, and landed directly on Hiei's considerably larger form.
Hiei froze. Kurama waited. It was crucial that he not interfere, that he not influence this moment in any way lest he irrevocably damage the potential for any sort of progress.
It was almost childlike, the way Hiei reached out with innocent fascination towards Izumi, like the infant was some strange specimen that he had never seen before. And now that Kurama considered this, maybe Hiei hadn't ever seen one before—a baby that is. Infants were rare in Makai. Demons reproduced only as a necessity and, as a rule, the infancy period was short for survival's sake, and many demon parents had little hand in raising or protecting their young. Kurama had only the vaguest sense of his demonic mother for she had abandoned him in her nesting den just a few days after his birth. Fox demons were solitary and such behavior was custom. Kurama recalled his first hunt vividly, his legs like jelly beneath his light weight as he dashed through the wintry landscape that surrounded him. He had been completely and utterly alone.
Hiei's actions seemed to confirm this assumption for he poked Izumi's pudgy arm and immediately pulled back as if it had burned him.
"He won't bite." Kurama laughed, "Do you want to hold him?"
The mere thought seemed to strike terror into Hiei's very being. "Are you crazy, fox? I'll snap him in two."
"You won't."
"You're underestimating my strength. Don't forget I'm the one who tore through your fragile little plants the other day."
Kurama smiled, perfectly aware of exactly what Hiei was doing by steering the conversation away from serious topics—painful topics. "Stop diverting, Hiei. You're no good at it."
"I beg to differ."
"Stop." Kurama ordered gently, softly. He purposefully formed his words like a caress against Hiei's heart. "Stop." He repeated.
Hiei closed his mouth, but his eyes flashed with irritation. Kurama was a healer and everything he emitted—energy, touch, and words—was tinged with the cooling and calming essence of healing. It was soothing to Hiei's chaotic energy, his frantic emotions that he didn't know how to deal with. Kurama recognized that. Some people were tactile, they drew comfort from the touch of another, embraces and caresses. Hiei was not one of those people, Kurama had discovered that early on in the relationship when they began dabbling in physical intimacy. Hiei enjoyed sex, as did most demons, and he was an attentive lover, always willing to reciprocate and give more pleasure than he had received. Hiei would get that familiar gleam in his eyes, the one he got when a challenge was laid before him and he was determined to overcome it. It was as much arousing as it was amusing to see Hiei treat their sexual encounters like battles to be won—he never faltered and was always set on leaving the victor.
But despite Hiei's passion for sex, a passion that Kurama himself very much shared, the aftermath of the mock battle of tongues and hands and other important parts, was cold. Hiei would isolate himself. At first, Kurama had been offended and, though he loathed to admit it, hurt. He had viewed it as a rejection on Hiei's part and watching the fire demon methodically redress himself and then leap from the window wordlessly into the night, had stung fiercely. It took a few more encounters and few heated conversations before Kurama began to see—Hiei was uncomfortable and the only way he knew how to deal with it, the only way he ever had dealt with it, was to run away.
After that, it didn't take long to realize that Hiei best experienced intimacy through auditory means. Sweet nothings whispered into his ears, lusty groans and pleasure filled purs, and verbal declarations of Kurama's devotion and love. It was easy enough for Kurama to give. He never minded giving Hiei anything he needed.
"He's so small." Hiei's soft observation pulled Kurama's attention back to the present.
Kurama bounced Izumi fondly as the babe gave a tiny moan—a precursor to fussiness that Kurama had become accustomed to and was fully prepared stave off. "Hm, yes. He was the smaller of the twins. Hina is quite a chubby thing." Kurama chuckled.
"Hina?" Hiei attempted to keep an air of indifference, but Kurama could see straight through it.
Kurama nodded, "After your mother." Yet another topic that Hiei always skirted around.
"Yukina is the sentimental sort."
"Kuwabara as well. He insisted upon it, in fact." Kurama recalled.
"That old fool hasn't changed a bit."
"And neither have you. You've quite wonderfully managed to steer this conversation away from the topic at hand." Kurama's voice was serene, not accusatory, and he held out the squirming infant, pressing the little one's warm body against Hiei's chest. "Here."
Hiei had clearly not been expecting the touch and he flinched, hard, and stepped back. But Kurama did not pull back. He held out Izumi, carefully balancing the child's fragile neck as he waited for Hiei to take him. Displeased by being suspended in the crisp air of the evening, tears began to form and Izumi's legs kicked furiously.
"You're pushing it, fox." An edge of warning there. Kurama felt it like the tip of a knife pressing against his skin. "I can't do this."
"You can."
"I can't. You don't understand."
"I think I do. More than you know."
"I told her I'd come see them. I never said anything about cradling them. I'm not a woman!"
Kurama smirked, "This has nothing to do with prescribed gender roles. Stop trying to use such human drivel to defend your own fears." Kurama softened his voice when Hiei bristled at that, "You can do this, Hiei. I promise, you will not hurt him."
"But—"
"No. You will not hurt him." Kurama waited no longer, he pressed Izumi to Hiei's chest and released.
It happened quickly, the infant was hardly airborne for half a second before Hiei's arms shot up and replaced Kurama's in an awkward hold. Izumi didn't appear to notice the shift, instead shoving a fist in his mouth and rubbing his cheek against the worn fabric of Hiei's robes.
"Are you out of your mind?!"
"I'd like to think I'm still in control of my mental faculties." Kurama answered mischievously.
"You've lost all sense! You could have killed him." Hiei adjusted his grip clumsily, looking much like an infant himself as his limbs moved stiffly to accommodate the newly added weight. "What if I hadn't been fast enough?"
"When have you ever not been fast enough?"
"Kurama!" The hiss was powerful, full of frustration.
"I was fully prepared to catch him if you hadn't. But I knew I wouldn't have to." Kurama was using his placating tone, the one he often used when he needed to soothe one of his frantic teammates during a particularly stressful battle or when emotions inevitably took control and logic had fallen prey to panic and rage. It worked flawlessly.
Hiei's shoulders loosened and his bristling anger deflated into a buzzing irritation as he stared down the infant that had been forced into his arms. Izumi stared back, equally as intrigued by his new guardian.
"He seems healthy." It was a question posed as a statement.
"Yes. I check them both daily at Kuwabara's request." Kurama chuckled, "He's exactly as I'd always pictured him as a father."
"Hn."
"Would you like to meet Hina?"
"In a moment." Hiei muttered.
Kurama watched as Hiei continued to stare at the infant, mesmerized and captivated by the foreignness of having to be so mindful of such a weak and fragile creature. Kurama knew that Hiei had a loathing for weakness, but not just because he was an pompous ass that viewed the weak as inferior beings that were beneath him. It went far deeper than that and Kurama knew that Hiei's hate for those weaker than him came from a place of pain and desperation. In Makai, the weak died quickly, often times painfully, and Hiei had never known anything but such a cutthroat nature. You either grew strong enough to protect yourself or you were quickly killed off by someone else that had. Kurama knew that this dichotomy and strength and weakness was racing through Hiei's head as he stared down at the squirming child.
"Come see Hina." Kurama finally said, confident now that Hiei had acclimated to the sensation. "She's just inside."
Kurama did not take Izumi back, expertly avoiding the subtle extending of Hiei's arms that said to take the baby back immediately. He would not let Hiei off that easily. This was an opportunity for growth and though it may cause Hiei some minor pain, it was necessary and that alone was enough to encourage Kurama to continue with this sort-of-exposure-therapy.
Hina, much like her brother, was a peaceful baby. She was snuggled up in a blanket that Keiko had kindly crocheted for the twins and was laying in a woven bassinet. She was the spitting image of her mother, maroon eyes open wide and taking in all of her surroundings, and icy tufts of hair covering her head. Kurama wondered if the demon influence had anything to do with the ultra-awareness that the twins seemed to share as Hina's eyes shifted over to the newcomers.
"She looks just like Yukina." Hiei breathed.
"She does. But if you look close enough, you'll see hints of Kuwabara. She has his stubborn attitude. Especially when it comes to feeding time." Kurama laughed as he recalled the great deal of shrieking Hina could belt out when she was kept waiting for her bottle. It was the only time that either of the twins ever really caused much of a fuss.
For the first time that night, Kurama saw just the slightest hint of a smile on Hiei's face.
"I certainly hope his incorrigible appetite isn't all they inherited from that buffon." A compliment wrapped in an insult-very Hiei. Kurama's hope was growing.
"Would you like to hold her? I think she's eager to meet you." And that seemed to at least be true. Hina's bright eyes were trained steadily on Hiei. She did not recognize him as one of her caretakers, but she seemed to find something familiar about the thrum of his energy.
Kurama picked Hina up and gave her a fond bounce in his arms and let the scent of roses release from the seeds in his hair. He'd found that the twins responded well to scents and he could provide that easily. Hina instantly relaxed in his arms and settled down.
"She is larger than the boy." Hiei pointed out.
"Now, you mustn't comment on a woman's weight, Hiei. It's impolite."
Hiei frowned, "Now who's using human drivel."
Kurama smiled and acted quickly to switch out the infants before Hiei lost his nerve. This time, astoundingly, Hiei accepted Hina into his arms with little fuss and cradled her to his chest delicately, as if he was holding a priceless treasure. And with the way he was staring down at her, Kurama had no doubt that that was how Hiei viewed his niece and nephew.
"She's still so small. So weak."
"She's only a few weeks old." Kurama reminded mildly. "Don't forget that she is half human."
"They're perfect." And the way Hiei said it, Kurama knew he believed it was true. "When the time comes, I will begin their training."
Kurama nearly choked, "Training?"
Hiei met his gaze evenly, "Of course. They must be prepared properly. I can hardly count on the oaf to do it right and Yukina is no fighter."
Kurama, for a brief moment, considered explaining that neither Yukina nor Kuwabara would relish in the idea of their children being trained to be warriors, but he quickly dismissed such a notion. Yukina would be thrilled that Hiei was willing to take such a hands on approach with her children and Kuwabara would go along with whatever his wife desired. Besides, Kurama was sure that even though Kuwabara had renounced his life as a fighter and was determined to live, mostly, as an ordinary human, a part of him would shine with pride at the thought of his children becoming strong warriors.
"I'm sure Yukina would love to discuss that further with you."
Hiei nodded, jaw set and determined. "A demon with no formal combat training is a sitting duck, even if they reside in the mortal realm. Where is she? And the oaf? I must start compiling a regimen at once."
Kurama smiled kindly and lead Hiei to the couple's room, but not before planting a kiss on the shorter demon's lips.
"Kurama!" Hiei snarled indignantly.
"Don't be such a prude."
"There are children present you horny beast!"
"Don't run off again without telling me then. You left me alone for weeks."
Hiei rolled his eyes, but a hint of a blush colored his cheeks. "Fine."
And that was about as close to an apology as Kurama would get from the demon. He expected no more. Reaching down to tweak Hina's nose, Kurama motioned for Hiei to follow. A step had been taken today and it was a magnificent start-a step in the right direction.