Oh my God. It's him. He's been right in front of me this whole time, why didn't I see him sooner?
I watched him move across the room, singing from his soul. His amazing voice and his huge heart, so open and honest with his emotions. He was singing about a small, gentle yellow bird, with so much passion and tenderness.
Why didn't I see this sooner? I've been looking for him forever. And there he is. Right there. In this room. And it's like he just magically walked into my life. How long have I known this and been ignoring it? I'm an idiot. He could've been mine this whole time. Have I missed my opportunity? He told me how he felt and all I could say was "I care about you and I don't want to screw this up"!
Well, now what? Now what do I do?
Blaine's mind kept reeling while Kurt finished singing. Dave banged his gavel as usual and everyone started to leave. Kurt walked out of the room, distracted by his grief. Blaine's heart felt only part of Kurt's pain. His mind began to recall so many moments.
He looked around this room and remembered the flirting that he realized he was doing while singing "Baby, It's Cold Outside." He couldn't even remember how the actual performance went with that girl. All he could recall was how much he meant those silly words as he sung them with Kurt. He grinned as he remembered how he slid across the back of the couch towards Kurt. He giggled quietly when he thought of how he wanted to grab Kurt's hands when they were cold as ice. He sighed deeply as he remembered how they both nervously hesitated to sit together at the end of the song, the quick, awkward moment when they finished the song, unsure of what to say or do next.
Blaine's thoughts leapt forward a little, wandering if even during the whole Gap fiasco at Valentine's Day, if he was forcing something. He didn't think so at the time, but the film in his head started to play back. Valentine's Day was a day to declare your love to someone, he'd always felt that way. A few weeks before, he saw Kurt struggle with fitting in at Dalton, so he made the conscience decision to be there for Kurt as a friend, showing him the ropes at Dalton, and giving him time to enjoy being in a safer environment with no threat of bullying for being who he was.
And right after that decision, he was in the Lima Bean and started talking to Jeremiah. Now it was clear to him. You decide that someone is off limits, so your head takes over and distracts yourself with someone else.
Blaine tried to remember why he was attracted to Jeremiah. He wasn't anything like Kurt. When he first met Jeremiah, he wasn't even sure he was gay. But Jeremiah was very honest about being gay and seemed available. He didn't need time to adjust to a new environment, like Kurt. He was there. Too bad he wasn't Kurt.
Blaine stopped in the hallway and his heart sunk. He sat down on a nearby bench. The next thing that popped to mind was Kurt's quiet honesty on Valentine's Day at the coffee shop. There it was, Kurt opening the door to his heart.
He remembered it clearly. He knew then, but ignored it, only thinking of his own humiliation and uncertainty after being rejected by Jeremiah. In that brief moment, hearing Kurt share his feelings so openly, he knew he would love more with Kurt, but how could he be sure of his feelings when things did not go well with Jeremiah? He played it off, telling Kurt he cared about him and didn't want to screw things up. Truth was, he was scared to death of his feelings.
Blaine heard someone call his name and he looked up. Wes and David were walking down the hall.
"Blaine, what do you think about having a few extra practices this weekend?" Wes asked.
Blaine needed more time to think about this revelation, and he couldn't care less about Warblers practice right now. What could he say to get rid of Wes and David right now, to walk away from this conversation?
"Yeah, sure." Blaine stood up and started to walk away.
"Hey, man, are you okay?" David called after him.
Blaine stopped and turned around.
"Yeah, just a little distracted, sorry. More practice sounds good. Couldn't hurt, right? I'll see you two later." Blaine hoped that would be enough to satisfy his best friends for now.
But that made him think about his most important best friend. The one he was in love with. Kurt.
That made his whole body smile as he climbed the stairs to his dorm room.
And his mind started playing back a few more moments. He frowned to think about the idiot he made of himself with Rachel. Blame it on the alcohol, that's for sure. Blaine was just lonely. Wanting to be with someone. But Rachel was not the right someone. Kurt was the right someone, the only someone.
Blaine's roommate wasn't in the room, thankfully. So Blaine placed his iPod on the dock and sat down in the middle of the floor, ready to figure this out.
He started to laugh when the second song started to play. The cruel mind tricks that result when you select SHUFFLE on the iPod. "Teenage Dream" started to play. Blaine couldn't help but laugh out loud.
He could see Kurt on the stairway, asking about the commotion that started. Noting that this new guy obviously seemed a little out of place, Blaine smiled and gladly led him to where the Warblers were about to perform.
"I am a complete and utter moron." He said aloud and laid back on the floor.
He closed his eyes. He was remembering the performance that day, and was even dancing a little as he lay on the floor. He was singing to Kurt. He couldn't believe it. This entire time, he was just ignoring the blessing that had walked into Dalton that day.
He thought through each shared moment with Kurt. He wanted to protect Kurt. He hated what Kurt was going through at McKinley. He was dying for Kurt to transfer to Dalton. He wanted to respect Kurt and give him the time he needed. He wanted it to be right. Blaine's head had blindfolded his own heart to his true feelings for Kurt, dictating the relationship as a friendship only.
But just a little while ago, Blaine's heart ripped off the blindfold and saw Kurt, leaving Blaine's true feelings for Kurt exposed. Blaine's head surrendered. He was in love with his best friend.
Kurt had been there all along. Blaine had been waiting for him forever.
"I can't believe this." He stood to his feet quickly, desperate to figure out what to do next.
"Can't believe what?" Blaine's roommate asked. He had been there for a while, but thought Blaine was asleep on the floor.
"Oh hey,…" Blaine's roommate's name wouldn't come to mind. He was only thinking about one other person right now.
"Can't believe you are a…what words did you use…a complete and utter moron?" His roommate replied.
"You've been here for that long?" Blaine asked, feeling a little embarrassed, but quickly remembering he hadn't been thinking out loud, or at least hoped he had kept all of his thoughts to himself. Not because he wasn't going to tell anyone, he just wanted to make a plan first.
"Yeah, dude. Just thought you were asleep."
"Oh, no. Just thinking."
"Well, I'm on my way back out. You've got some great music on your iPod by the way, the one that just ended is amazing." And his roommate left.
Curiosity got the better of him and Blaine checked his iPod to discover what song had been playing, since he had been lost in his thoughts. "Candles" by Hey Monday.
Perfect.