Dear Diary

A/N: This is going to be a series of journal entries by Mara Jade starting from her childhood. And as such, I will be updating this particular story for some time. So if you read, feel free to follow the story so you can keep up with new "journal entries". Thanks for taking the time to read my works!

Discovery

Luke Skywalker strode purposefully through the Jade Shadow, hauling a bag of trash. He and his son, Ben Skywalker were doing a routine cleaning of the yacht. Ben had volunteered to do an external cleanse while his father worked on the interior. Luke set the bag of trash down beside the loading ramp, and walked aft. The last thing he had to do was check the weapon's locker to take an inventory.

Luke opened the door and started taking out each weapon in turn, inspecting each one thoroughly. He made it halfway through his task when he noticed something that looked out of place. At the base of the locker was a bulge, showing through a neat stack of military-grade blankets.

Pulling the stack carefully out of the structure, Luke heard something clump heavily to the floor. Frowning, Luke looked around the lump of cloth in his arms and spotted a long black box.

Curiosity got the better of him, and he discarded the blankets into an unceremonious heap on the floor. Then Luke knelt and picked up the box.

When he opened it, he felt a wave of surprise wash through him. Ben's presence touched his curiously, wondering what was happening. Luke reassured his son that all was fine as he stared at something he had not seen in decades.

Actual books lay in a neat row in the black box, marked on the binding with hand-written numbers. Luke sucked in a breath.

I know that hand writing. He thought.

Cautiously, and lovingly, Luke picked up the first of several books. It was thick, black, and it had a worn appearance as though it had been regularly used. He paused when his eyes found a small lock on the front of the book, denying him access.

Luke frowned, wondering why a bunch of locked books with Mara's handwriting would be tucked away like this. He looked through the rest of the box for a key, and found it behind a false siding.

Luke unlocked the book, tucked the key back into the box, and took a deep breath. He opened the book hesitantly, wondering what he would discover.

When his eyes fell on the first page, he simply stared.

There on the page was a simple drawing of an animal in a cage, obviously drawn by a young child. He wondered what child had drawn this for his wife, and turned the page.

What he found next startled him even more, and he felt his mouth fall agape.

Dear diary,

I am Mara Jade, and I found this book in a pawn shop deep in Coruscant's under levels.

Luke almost dropped the book. His heart thumped almost painfully in his chest. There, written in the handwriting of a small child, was a journal entry from his wife. Luke flipped through the book, seeing that every page was filled with the same childish handwriting.

Then he glanced at the rest of the books, each slightly different, yet each worn and well used.

Luke wondered how he could have never noticed them. All the time he had spent with her, and as well as he knew her, he'd never known her to keep a diary.

And the fact that Mara had never brought it up meant that it had been an extremely tender subject for her. And if she had been alive today and spotted him reading her personal diary… Luke shuddered to think what she might have done.

But she's gone now. I don't think she will mind anymore.

So Luke sat down, leaned back against the wall, and started reading again.

Dear diary,

I am Mara Jade, and I found this book in a pawn shop deep in Coruscant's under levels. If the Master knew I had this and was keeping a personal diary, he'd be very upset. So I will have to find a place to hide you, diary.

Today Master Palpatine made me train so hard that my feet are bleeding. They hurt so bad I can hardly walk. But I don't dare cry in front of him, because that would only make things worse. But I have to talk to someone, somebody who won't judge me or talk back. And I guess that's you, diary. How stupid is it that I have only you to talk to? If Master Palpatine found out, I'd really be in big trouble for appearing crazy.

Maybe I am crazy. I did steal you, after all. I think Master would be proud of that, at least. The shop owner didn't even see me… Oh! Someone's coming! Got to go.

~M.J.

Luke inhaled raggedly. Knowing what Mara had endured was one thing; reading about it in her own words was something else entirely. Fresh emotion swirled through him as Luke re-read about her feet.

He turned the page, eager to see what was next.

Dear diary,

I'm back. I think it has been about a week. Oh, and I found a great place to hide you. I cut a barely noticeable slit in my mattress, and can shove you inside when I need to.

Today I watched as Master punished an entire family for the mistake of their father. I wanted to scream with them, but Master would have simply turned his anger on me too. So I watched, and now that I have a moment alone, I have to ask… why can't I remember MY family?

I know Master has been going into my mind to help me, or at least, that's what he tells me. But I can't help but feel that I used to know my parents. And I could have sworn I had a sister…

It is so lonely here. I wish Master would let me have a friend. But it's probably for the best. Master is very good at using people's loved ones against them.

"Don't I know it, Mara." Luke murmured in consent.

Tomorrow Master said he will continue my mental conditioning, so I should probably get some sleep.

~M.J

"Dad?"

Luke jerked, looking up. Ben stood just to his right, looking at his father curiously.

I didn't even notice him. Luke thought with chagrin.

"What is it Ben?"

"What's that?" His son asked, gesturing to the box of books.

Luke pondered for a moment if he should tell his son the truth. Ben had a right to know.

"I think these are journals your mother kept." He answered at last. "I found them in the weapons locker."

Ben looked surprised, and then something strange crossed his features. "And you're reading them?"

Luke nodded, smirking. "I am, and I find the contents so far to be quite interesting."

"If you say so, Dad." Ben looked once more like a teenager, causing Luke to grin.

"I suppose this means you don't want to read them too?" Luke teased.

Ben held up his hands emphatically. "No! Diaries are not my thing."

Luke chuckled.

"Anyway, I'm finished with the outside. Are you done?" Ben asked, looking pointedly at the pile of weapons and cloth on the floor.

Luke looked at the mess, and shrugged.

"I'm not done, but if you are, then you can go. I'll see you later."

Ben glanced at the book in his father's hands, and then turned to leave.

"See you later Dad."