It had been two weeks since the battle for Denerim and the city was slowly regaining its footing. Alistair Theirin was named king of Fereldan and his people already adored him. Lea knew that was how it would play out, even though Alistair had originally been very hesitant to take up the title. For a kingdom that had been decimated not three weeks ago, its rebuilding had gone impressively fast.
Amelea Cousland had returned to Highever with her brother to help in rebuilding her childhood home. She had snuck out without any of her former companions being aware of it. A week later Fergus left her in charge while he attended Alistair's coronation as the Teryn of Highever. She had stayed in order to avoid the pain that would eventually fall on her when she saw Alistair next. She busied herself with gathering the remainder of her late father's once highly respected guard. Some had been held captive by Howe's men, while some managed to go into hiding with the nobles who were still loyal to Bryce Cousland. Most of her hours were spent in the training yard with the ones who had been slowed by the civil war. The rest of the time Lea was hiring staff to assist in the rebuilding of Castle Cousland. Most of the original help had been brutally murdered by Howe's men. She had managed to arrange for the memory of all who had lost their lives during the attack to have an honorary ceremony once Fergus returned.
Lea walked into the larder with a tired expression. She had on a light blue robe that was covering the white nightgown she had on under it. Lita, the new woman that arranged meals and assigned work to servants, looked up and frowned at the drooping eyes of her Lady. "Milady, what are you doing here? It's the dead of night."
Lea gave the older woman a sad stare, "I went to my chambers a few hours ago, but something unnerved me, so I figured that you could always use some assistant."
"Milady-"
She was cut off by Lea's hand that rose, "Please, just call me Lea. Maker knows I'm already tired of all the formalities," She laughed softly, "And I've only been here thirteen days."
"As you wish, Lea. Now I think you should go try and get some rest before the Teryn arrives tomorrow morning. I can handle all that needs to be done." Lea opened her mouth to protest, but Lita continued on. "You could ask the healer for a sleeping drought if you are really having difficulties."
The younger woman looked thoughtful for a moment before she nodded, "Alright," She looked back up to Lita, "But if you need anything you will tell me, won't you?"
"No promises Lea. You have supplied me a healthy amount of help; there really is no need for you to be working on such minor things."
She saw Lea huff out a breath of air that blew a few stray strands of her mahogany hair out of her face. "Bad move on my part," she mumbled.
"Well go on, go get some rest."
"Alright, I can see when I am unwanted." She turned around and exited the way she came in. She climbed the stone steps and followed the corridor to a heavy door near the end of the hallway. She pushed it open and examined the interior from the doorway.
Stepping inside she removed the robe she had put on. The chill of the castle hit her as a shiver ran through her body. Sleep hadn't been easy since leaving Denerim. It was really the sleeping alone part that kept her awake. She had had months of Alistair's strong arm wrapped around her waist, her head tucked safely under his chin and his strong heartbeat-
No, it's over. He has no place in your life anymore. She thought to herself. The line of thought she had just gone down made her weary, so she retreated to her bed. There she fell into an unrestful sleep.
Lea jerked awake just as her blade ran its way through the Archdemon's throat. Her breathing was heavy and there was a thin layer of sweat on her body. After regaining control of herself she stepped out onto the small balcony that was on the right wall of her chambers.
The sun was beginning to rise over the trees. It cast a haunting light across the grounds. She hoped Fergus would arrive as soon as possible.
There was a light knock at her door, "Come in." She called.
"Milady, I am here to draw your bath." It was a young girl with dark blonde hair that was tied back in loose braid.
Lea reentered her room to see the girl starring at the ground, avoiding eye contact, "What's your name, my dear?"
The girls dark blue eyes shot up to Lea's light green ones in amazement, "I- uh, Milady I don't think that my mistress would be very happy if she knew I was bothering you."
Lea smiled softly at her; she couldn't be more than twelve. "Well if there is a problem with your mistress I am sure I can handle it. Besides you aren't bothering me, so she should have no problem with you staying. Now what is your name child?"
"It is Jocelyn, Milady."
"You have a beautiful name Jocelyn. Please, just call me Lea. There is no need for formalities between friends."
Jocelyn was looking more confused by the minute, "Friends?"
"Yes, friends. I find myself in need of some at the moment, and you seem like the type of person who could use a friend as well."
"I- thank you Mil- Lea." A small smile graced the young girls face. "May I help you get ready for your bath?"
"Of course." With the help of Lea, filling the stone tub in the corner of the room was an easy task. With each minute Jocelyn opened up a little more and Lea found herself enjoying the girls company.
Once it was fully prepared Jocelyn left the room. Lea sat in the hot water until it became cold. She dried herself off and pulled her long hair into a braid that rested a little above the middle of her back. That's when the nausea hit her. She was bent over a basin while bile came up her throat when Jocelyn reentered. She didn't hesitate before she was next to Lea rubbing her back and making sure her hair didn't get in the way.
When Lea was done she sat back, looking more exhausted than before. "Can I get you anything Lea?" The concern was evident on the young girls face.
"No darling, don't worry about me." She gave Jocelyn a reassuring smile, "Now run along before you get in trouble from your mistress." Jocelyn wasn't fully convinced, but she nodded anyways and left Lea. "Great, now I'll have the castle servants coming to check on me every three minutes as well." She mumbled under her breath. Not that she minded Jocelyn, it would just make acting normal all the harder.
Lea rose from her spot on the floor and dressed in a soft forest green dress. It had leather laces in the front and flowed to the ground. She looked at herself in the mirror over her vanity and sighed, mother always loved this dress on me. She couldn't help but smile at the idea of her mother finding out that the dress still fit her.
All of a sudden Lea's thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of the gates opening. The thundering sound of horse shoes on stone followed and Lea almost squealed. Quickly she made her way through the dimly lit passageways to the courtyard, where Fergus was dismounting his horse with his array of guards. She rushed down the steps, "Brother, welcome home!"
When he heard her voice he handed the reins to Ser Gilmore and rushed to embrace his sister. She wrapped her arms around him and he lifted her off her feet and spun her around, like he did when they were children. She was lighter than he remembered, as well as thinner around the waist. Fergus knew she would never forgive him if commented on it, so he kept his mouth shut. "Lea it is only a little past dawn, what in the Maker's name are you doing up? You used to sleep until midday when mother would let you."
"Yes well sleep comes in short intervals now, due to the taint." A solemn look crossed her face. "But let us not talk about such dreary things. You and your men must be hungry?"
"Of course." He said with a smile. The siblings led their guards into the dining room where they shared a meal filled with laughter and reminiscing old memories. Once the meal was finished everyone returned to their normal tasks. Fergus was turning out to be an amazing leader. He was respected highly among his guard and citizens. Lea on the other hand found herself growing weaker every day. Three days after Fergus' return she had come down with a fever. The nausea still wasn't gone either, so when Fergus sent his news to the Denerim she had paid the redheaded elf to give a message to Wynne; she had asked for her presence as soon as possible, but asked that it be kept a secret.
"Your Majesty," A young redheaded elf bowed in front of him, "I have news from Highever, Your Grace."
Alistair slowly raised his head at the boy, "Leave them with Eamon. He can inform me of anything crucial." As much as he wanted to think that Lea had written him, he knew it would most likely never happen. She wasn't present at his coronation and Fergus had made up some excuse about how she didn't want to deflect attention from the King. But he knew otherwise. He had let her fall into a place of self-doubt, due to his actions.
The elf coughed quietly, drawing Alistair's attention back to him, "There is one for a mage named Wynne, Your Majesty. I was told to make sure it was brought directly to her."
The King's eyebrows rose at the boy's confession. Without looking away from the elf he requested, "Ser Callius, go fetch Wynne. I believe she is in the gardens." A man near the door slammed his fist on his chest plate in obedience, and left the room. "Who sent the message to Wynne?" Alistair inquired.
"She requested to remain unknown to everyone except the mage, sire." The boys head was cast downward, avoiding the intense gaze of the blonde.
"She?"
"Yes, she."
"I am the King you know; I could always order you to tell me." There was a gleam in his amber eyes.
"She told me that should that happen, I was to throw the letter in a fire and return to her." Alistair smiled lightly at the boy. The poor boy didn't even know he just gave away the person's identity.
"Then I won't press the issue." As he finished his sentence Ser Callius strode in with Wynne at his heel.
"What's the meaning of this Alistair?" The old mage looked highly annoyed, "I was in the middle of teaching my apprentice the importance of salves."
He rolled his eyes and said, "I'm sure the poor soul is just devastated to have such an important lesson severed so quickly, but nonetheless, you have received a message from Highever Wynne."
"What? Who is it from?"
Alistair glanced down at the boy then back to Wynne, "The courier said that that information was only to be yours."
The elven boy rushed towards her and handed her the letter. He looked back at the King with a questioning stare, "You are excused." He nodded and left through the main door. When he looked back to Wynne he saw that she was already reading the note with a thoughtful expression plastered on her face. "Well, what did she say?"
Wynne looked up at him, "How did you know it was from her?"
"Please, Wynne, I have a knack for stuff like this..." She raised one eyebrow at him, "Or the boy let something slip." Her face visibly relaxed.
"Maybe we should go somewhere with more solitude to discuss this. Follow me." She led them through the stone halls to a small room. It was filled to the brim with small bottles that contained various potions that Alistair didn't really care about. "I don't think it is wise for me to tell you this, but I am going to anyways. Amelea wrote me and has informed me of some issues she has noticed with her health. With your permission I would like to ride there and stay awhile, just to check up on her."
Alistair looked deeply concerned and his voice replicated the expression, "Of course you can go. When will you depart?"
"I would like to leave at dawn tomorrow; would it be a problem for you if Leliana accompanied me?"
"No, that shouldn't be a problem." He sat down at the wooden table and put his head on his fist, "I will arrange for three horses to be ready by dawn."
"Thank you Alistair I will make -"She stopped mid-sentence and cast a puzzled look his way, "What do you mean by three?"
He shifted uneasily in his seat, "Well I figured I would come."
"Why?"
"Well for one I have never been to Highever and I think it important to know my lands," Wynne looked unconvinced, "I would be able to talk to Fergus about reconstruction of the city," She still wasn't persuaded, so he mumbled the next part, "And maybe just say hello to Lea."
Wynne let out a sad sigh and went to sit opposite of him across the table. She reached out gently and took his large hands in her weak ones, "Alistair you know I care for you immensely, right?" He nodded, "Then know that I say this out of love. She left for a reason. She's hurt and probably feels betrayed at the moment. Trust me when I say that I would adore seeing you two together again, but I do not think she is ready for that just yet. It's only been four weeks. Surprisingly women need more time than that to recover."
His intense cognac eyes met hers; they were filled with guilt. "I did what I did because the thought of living on this world without her tears me apart. Did she expect me to sit back and watch while she died? I couldn't do that. I preformed the ritual to keep her alive."
"Have you considered the idea of her maybe not wanting to be alive?"
"What? Of course she wanted to stay alive. Who wants to die?"
"Think about it. She knew that if you both survived then she would have to leave due to her being infertile. You must have an heir someday. With Amelea that isn't possible. She has to sit from the side and watch you have a life with someone that rightfully is hers." A trace of understanding landed in Alistair, "She believes that death would have been better than that."
"How do you know that?"
"It was clear in her eyes when she stepped off the Archdemon's body."
"Maker's breath. I really put her through all of that? I am currently putting her through it?" The guilt was overpowering his handsome features.
"I'm afraid so."
"I have to talk to her." He pulled his hands away and abruptly stood up. "I will meet you and Leliana outside the gate tomorrow at dawn." With that he stormed out of the room.
Wynne was right behind him, "Alistair I told you that to dissuade you from coming! She is not ready to see you yet."
"Well then I will sit outside her door and explain it. She needs to hear my own words on the tale. She doesn't need to give me forgiveness; she just has to know that I did for more than she thinks I did." Alistair stopped midstride and turned to face the mage, "I see you are concerned, but you can't change my mind on this. We ride out at dawn tomorrow." Without another word he resumed down the corridor.
It had been five days since the messenger had left with her letter to Wynne, and of course it took three days to reach Denerim from Highever, but Lea still found herself anxiously pacing her chambers. It was nearly midnight when Jocelyn came to the door asking for permission to enter. Considering that the two had only met six days ago, Lea found herself caring immensely for the young girl. Jocelyn had been shy and reluctant when they were getting to know each other, but now she was giving opinions and explaining the cruelty of her mistress that made Lea's blood boil. Her soft knock on the door pulled Lea out of her worry struck pacing, "Lea I was told to inform you that three people from Denerim are guessed to be arriving late tonight."
Three people? I only asked for Wynne. Of course she probably dragged Leliana along to; they were always an amazing pair. And the third is most likely a guard. Lea mused to herself, "Does Fergus want me to be there upon their arrival?"
"No, he told me to just come down to breakfast in clothing appropriate for company." Lea nodded in response, she still wasn't fully in the conversation.
"Thank you Jocelyn. You may go for the night; sleep well." The girl bowed her head and left just as Lea felt exhaustion creeping into her body. It started coming in random flashes lately. Lea was certain that something was wrong with her body. Whether it had to do with the taint or if it had to do with a sickness she didn't know. The only thing that mattered was her getting better, but in that moment she told herself she could work on that tomorrow with Wynne; tonight she might get some restful sleep.
Fortunately she did sleep well. Her dreams consisted of memories of her mother brushing her hair and her father teaching her how to shoot a bow and arrow while on horseback. Near nine in the morning Jocelyn came to wake her and help her get ready. She left her hair to cascade down her back and pulled a few pieces in the front into small braids that met at the back of her head. Fergus had requested she look nicer than usual due to the guests from Denerim. Lea had almost laughed at the thought of Leliana seeing her in a dress. She had put on a dark red one that had gold trim and accents. The top was fitted while the bottom flowed nicely.
She was standing in front of her full length mirror with Jocelyn adjusting something on the back of her dress, "Have you seen the guests Jocelyn?"
"No, but I did hear that it was two women and one man." Her eyes met Lea's in the mirror, "I saw the outline of the man; he was big."
Both girls laughed for a moment, "Yes well guards tend to be bigger in size than twelve year old girls."
"He looked as though he would be much larger than you as well." The younger girl smirked.
"I am only seven years older than you; there isn't that giant of difference between our sizes you know." Lea stated.
"I heard the Teryn telling Ser Gilmore how he is worried because you look smaller than you did before." She focused her eyes on the laces at the back of the dress.
"Really?" Lea knew he was concerned for her mental state, but he hadn't mentioned her weight before.
"Yes. He said that if you didn't eat more soon he would start slipping things into your drinks."
Lea chuckled, "Oh did he?"
Sensing that the tension was gone, Jocelyn met Lea's gaze again as she stepped back from the dress, "I laughed at that too." She stepped in front of Lea and looked over the dress one last time, "I believe you are ready." When Lea caught her gaze she saw pure admiration and awe. "You look beautiful."
"Only because you helped me get ready." She smiled warmly at her. "But I suppose we could debate that at any time, for now I should head down to the dining room."
"Of course, I'll see you around midday?"
"I'll see you then." The pair smiled at each other and then Lea exited the room. On her way down to the main dining room she noticed that the rain had started to come down. Spring was approaching quickly, and that meant that she wouldn't be stuck in the castles confinements. She smiled to herself at the thought of wandering along the riverside with nothing but solitude. It was something she was lacking in recently.
Lea made her way down two flights of stairs and to the large door that was hiding the dining room. The guard on the right opened one of the doors with ease, revealing the brightly lit room. The room was decorated with white and orange roses as always, along with the portraits of her ancestors. Dark hair stood out on almost all of them. Lea smiled knowing that she had a connection to those people besides her birthright.
Fergus stood on the opposite side of the room near the mahogany dining table, with a redheaded female that had her back to Lea. The warden smirked at the sight of her friend, "Leliana!"
The redhead turned around and squealed before she nearly knocked Lea off her feet with her powerful hug. Leliana pushed her back at arm's length to look her over. She frowned, "You're looking a bit thin aren't you?" Her thick Orlesian accent came out quickly.
Lea rolled her eyes at her friends comment, "I'm perfectly fine, Lel. No need to stress over me."
"As much as you will hate this, Wynne and I are here solely to stress over your well-being, so don't try to avoid us when it comes to helping you.
"But still there is no reason to be so dramatic over my state!" Lea always believed that there was someone out there that could use help more than she did, even when she was seven and almost died because of an illness she wanted the healer to help the servant boy who had it too before her. She always put her life last.
because of an illness she wanted the healer to help the servant boy who had it too before her. She always put her life last.
Fergus strode over to the pair and placed his large hand on his sisters shoulder, "She has always been this stubborn, Leliana. Don't take it personally." The three laughed for a moment before the doors behind Lea swung open. Fergus was the first to turn around while Leliana fussed over a stray hair on Lea's head.
"Ah, welcome. We are glad you could make it."
"We are glad to have made it, and if I do say so myself I believe we made fantastic time." Lea stiffened in Leliana's arms when the voice spoke from behind her.
"Lea if you could—"Fergus began, but was abruptly cut off.
"Fergus," She didn't turn around for fear of her theories being confirmed, "May I have a word with you in the kitchens?" She avoided Leliana's confused stare.
"Sister, don't you think that would be rude to our guests if—"
"Trust me when I say it would be beneficial for everyone if we were to go have a... chat."
She heard him give a deep sigh, "Please excuse us your majesty. We should be only but a minute."
Your majesty, that's what he called the other man. Lea wanted to run; she wanted to be as far away from here as possible. She pushed down what her instincts told her to do and went straight towards the kitchen. She could feel everyone's eyes on her as she made her way to the door. She sidestepped and held the door open for her brother; she dared to look back only to see Leliana and Wynne whispering to each other while Alistair stared at her with sad eyes.
Her green eyes flashed and her face tensed, and she walked in the kitchen, slamming the door behind her. "What in the Makers name is he doing here?"
"The King?" In his defense he had no idea that Alistair's presence would be a problem.
"Yes! Did you invite him?" Her face was getting red and her jaw remained clenched.
"Well Leliana said that you invited her and Wynne, so what's the problem in them bringing him?"
Lea brought her hand to her face and sighed, "How long is he planning on staying?"
"I am not sure, I was planning on finding out during breakfast but you so rudely pulled me away from that." He sarcastically glared at her, "But really, sister, why is him being here a problem?"
"There are just things that happened that aren't easily forgotten or forgiven."
"What happened?"
"I'd rather not get into it right now." She cast her eyes to the stone floor.
"You'll end up telling me at some point anyways; why not do it now?" Now he was genuinely curious.
Lea quickly glanced around the room to make sure they were alone, then she brought her voice to a whisper, "What I'm about to tell you needs to stay between us Fergus, no exceptions." He nodded his agreement, "Alright, well during the blight Alistair and I were... close. Most of the free time we had, we spent together. At some point it blossomed into more and that's when things got difficult."
"By close to mean that you two were... intimate?" He felt uncomfortable asking the question but he thought it important to know the depths of their relationship.
She hesitated a moment, "Yes we were," Fergus' eyes widened, "But it was never meaningless. At least I thought it wasn't. He meant something to me, and I am pretty sure that it was love."
"You're in love with the king of Fereldan?" His words came out in a harsh whisper. He had expected her to say that it meant nothing and it was just uncomfortable to see him again.
"Was, Fergus, was in love with him." She said it defensively. "Do you know what needs to happen in order for the archdemon to die?"
There was a topic jump if he had ever seen one, "What does this have to do with you and Alistair?"
"It just does, now do you know?"
"A Grey Warden has to kill it?" He said foolishly.
Her face went blank for a moment, "Yes, but in order for that to happen the Warden that strikes the final blow dies along with the archdemon."
"Didn't you strike the final blow? So you're supposed to be dead?"
"Yes I am supposed to be dead, but Alistair decided to lay with the apostate in our group to conceive a child so that way neither of us would have to go down with the archdemon." She was clenching her fists at her sides.
"Isn't that a good thing? I mean you both survived, right?"
"It wasn't my intention to survive killing it. By surviving I now have to sit back and watch him from afar. He'll be forced to get married someday, he'll have to have an heir with whoever that woman is," She rested her hip on a wooden table and pinched the bridge of her nose. Her voice was weaker now, "It's just too difficult to have to watch it all. I was hoping to have him out my life when I left Denerim. Clearly he thought otherwise."
"Lea, I think it was wise of him to do what he did to keep you alive." She hadn't looked up yet, but she was trembling slightly. Fergus walked to her and pulled her against him. He was a head taller than her and so he rested his head atop of hers. "If he hadn't done it then you would be gone. I wouldn't have the support of my fiery little sister anymore." He felt her nod, "Now I won't make you go out there if you really don't want to, but I would like to see you address him at least once while he's here."
She pulled away with dismay all over her face, "I don't know if I can do that Fergus."
"Do it for me."
"Did you not hear the part about him laying with someone else? By the way he did it when he knew I didn't want it to happen. It's just too soon."
"Why don't you sneak out the back and we will discuss this later?"
She nodded and said, "Thank you Fergus." She stood on her tiptoes to place a kiss on his cheek before she scurried out through the other door.
Fergus let out a long breath, Maker this is going to get difficult, he thought to himself. He turned and entered the dining room, where he was welcomed by three eager faces staring back at him, "My sister sends her utmost apologies, but she is feeling... unwell this morning." Out of the corner of his vision he saw the King visibly slouch and shake his head. The poor man would just have to deal with his sister's wrath.