AN: Set during new moon after Edward left.
It was always there, the proverbial elephant in the corner.
It was there everywhere I went.
It was even there when I was asleep.
The constant reminder of HIM. His absence. It was inescapably, tangibly real every minute of every day. And even if I indulged myself and forgot for a moment the pitying looks of those around me reminded me. It made me sick.
The hole in my chest was still there now, four months on. The only difference was that with the passing of time the pain gradually became anger. Long gone were the days of crying for him, and wondering why he left me, if he was happy without me. Now I was angry, bitter. I cursed anything that slightly reminded me of him, cutting it out from my life. That included my friends. Now I was completely alone, just like HE wanted. I'd invested in a leather jacket and big black combat boots that just screamed "stay away" to anyone left who would even think about approaching me. I was so angry with everything, everyone. A part of me blamed the world.
I was still a model student. Did my homework on time, kept my grades up, answered Questions (if they were asked of me). At home I still cooked for Charlie and did the housework. But that was it.
He told me that it'd be as if he'd never existed, but he didn't count on the fact that he took away my existence with him. Bella Swan didn't exist: she died that day he left her in the forest. All that remained of her was me, who existed robotically. Alone.
If I ever laid eyes on Edward Cullen again I'd kill him for breaking the sweet, innocent, trusting, naive girl I was before he left me to die in the woods.
It was another wonderful Monday. In other words I was late for school and it had been pouring down with rain all day; typical forks weather all year round. Monday was also grocery day. Begrudgingly, I pulled the truck into the grocery store car park and grabbed a trolley. In the short time it took me to get inside I was wet through (having also forgotten my rain coat this morning. Stupid Mondays.). I made my way through the aisles quickly, only grabbing the essentials, lest anyone try to talk to me. Once done, I paid for the food on Charlie's bank card, which I used more than he did now I wasn't working.
As soon as I stepped outside I stopped in my tracks, stunned. In the bed of my truck sat a woman completely soaked by the rain, her curly red hair plastered to her face and next. It wasn't her beauty that stunned me, although it could have been, but her piercing red eyes that riveted me to the spot. After a moment's pause, I carried on walking towards my truck. She tilted her head and smiled in amusement, as if she hadn't expected me to approach her.
"Victoria," I greeted neutrally, unpacking shopping bags from the trolley into the truck's dry cabin. I wasn't stupid, but neither was she. If she attacked me now other people in the car park would see. In such a small town everyone knew and looked out for the chief of police's daughter.
"What brings you here in this lovely weather?" I asked sarcastically.
She giggled – actually giggled like a school girl, easily disguising the monster that lurked behind her pretty face.
"I like this Isabella better than the timid little creature you were the last time we met," she told me conversationally.
"I try," I smirked.
"Feisty," she smiled, "it'll be much more fun this way."
"What will be?" I asked.
"Breaking you," she smiled cruelly, exposing her teeth savagely.
"In case you haven't noticed, the Cullens don't want me," I informed her, "you should save your energy for Edward's REAL mate. Or better yet, Edward himself. I'm sure killing him would be much more satisfying." I was shocked that I hadn't even flinched as his name left my lips.
"Don't you worry, I have plans for him too. But you, my pet, were the reason my James had to die, so mate or no mate you're mine," she hissed. I wisely said nothing.
"On the Brightside, at least for you, I like to play with my food," she giggled again.
"Didn't your mother teach you that's rude?" I quipped. She ignored me, instead leaning close to lick a drop of rain that ran down my neck.
"You smell good enough to eat," she groaned in appreciation, then stepped back, "good bye my dearest Isabella. I'll be watching." And with that she disappeared before my eyes could register it.
Climbing into my truck, I felt the confidence I had somehow summoned drain from my body. Suddenly I was petrified, sat shaking like a leaf. With no-one here to protect me I was as good as dead and Victoria knew it.
It was only when I got home and saw the cruiser parked in the driveway that it occurred to me. Charlie was in just as much danger as I was. If I couldn't even protect myself, how could I protect him?
"Hey kiddo," Charlie greeted, jumping up from his well loved recliner to help me with the shopping.
"What's for dinner?" he asked, putting the cans away in the cupboard.
"Left over's I think," I told him, "I'm not really in a cooking sort of mood." I really wasn't. How was I supposed to concentrate on cooking and eating when both mine, and potentially my father's, deaths were drawing closer every second? It hang over my head like a proverbial rain cloud.
"Alright," he nodded, grabbing a beer from the fridge and heading back out to watch whatever kind of sport was on this evening.
I pulled the glass dish of yesterday's left over lasagne out of the fridge and put it in the microwave for five minutes. I stuck my head round the door. Charlie was ensconced in the game. I had a few minutes before the food was ready. Resigned, I grabbed my purse, stepping out onto the back porch. After a second of fumbling around, I pulled out my pack of cigarettes and lit up, taking in a deep drag. The instant relief of nicotine flooded through my body, and I felt myself relax. No-one knew I smoked. It was an activity I only did privately. My cigarettes were brought in bulk in Port Angeles, so that word didn't get back to Charlie. If my mother could see me now I'm sure she'd lecture me on what a dirty habit smoking was. But honestly I couldn't care less. I just needed some form of...release. Smoking did that for me. It helped me think.
I couldn't stay here, not if it was risking Charlie's life. I'd leave and lead Victoria away like I'd done with the Cullens when James was hunting me. Really it was the best thing I could do. Tomorrow. I'd leave tomorrow. I would have left tonight, but I didn't have the money I would need to get away from here. After school tomorrow's empty my college fund and leave when Charlie was asleep. I couldn't bear to see his heart break this time, like it had when I left before. Like a coward I would go, only leaving behind a note. Stubbing out my cigarette, I slipped back inside and plated up the lasagne.
Dinner was quiet. Charlie, ordinarily, was a man of very few words. So when I appeared contemplative he didn't interrupt my thoughts. After eating, I cleared the table and excused myself to bed, early.
I slept, barely; my dreams were restless, and listless. A girl running endlessly lost in the woods, and the pale, beautiful angel of death.
With morning's dawn, I was dragged back into mundane reality. As much as school was the last place I wanted to be, I forced myself to go to keep up the pretence for Charlie.
All day I was on edge, looking out of windows for any sign of her, flinching every time I caught movement in my peripherals. In other words I was a nervous wreck, and it was obvious that everyone had noticed from the looks they gave me.
By lunch I had well and truly had enough. As soon as I entered the lunch hall, I felt eyes on me. The whole table of my previous friend were unabashedly staring at me.
"What are you looking at?" I asked them, hostilely. Every one of them averted their eyes, except one person.
"You," Lauren announced, "We were all just wondering what Edward saw in a nutcase like you." She smiled smugly.
A hushed silence fell across the cafeteria.
"Excuse me?" I asked incredulously, shocked at her nerve.
"You heard me," she said, coming to her feet, "You're crazy. That's probably why he left you."
I felt my cheeks stain red, this time with anger instead of embarrassment.
"He left because his father got a new job in LA," I bit out, my voice carefully even.
"Edward probably begged the family to move to get away from you. He was probably worried that if he dumped you, you'd go off your rocker and kill him or something," she snarled at me in her annoyingly high pitched voice, "Besides, nobody knows what he saw in you anyway. A man like that deserves a REAL woman."
"You mean a skank whore like you?" I asked her saccharine sweet. Murmurs of awed noises echoed around the crowd.
"What did you just call me?" Lauren shrieked, stalking towards me.
"Skank. Whore. Are you deaf as well as stupid?" I asked patronisingly.
"How dare you!" she screamed, "Take it back!"
"No. I call them as I see them," I told her, "and you are nothing but a bitch who can't keep her legs closed. I'd bet you've slept with a third of the guys in here." I could see Angela, Ben, and Mike trying desperately to contain their laughter. No-one confronted Lauren, and the truth about her was finally coming out.
"At least I know how to please a man," she smirked, "I've had more of Edward than you'll ever have. He was the best I had. You just weren't good enough for him." Her words hit a nerve. It was the final straw.
Before I could stop myself, my fist connected with her nose. There was a shocked silence as blood began to pour down her face.
"You bitch!" Lauren roared, launching herself at me.
A chant of "Fight, fight, fight!" rose up around us as we clawed and kicked at each other on the floor.
I rolled on top of Lauren, straddling her hips.
"Take it back!" I demanded, furious.
"Make me bitch!" she snarled in reply.
"Take it back!" I screeched, shaking her by the shoulders so violently her head bashed against the floor, hard.
"Enough!" The voice of our principal Mr. Greene rang out loud and clear above the shouting crowd. I was dragged off Lauren by Coach Clapp.
"What happened here?" demanded Principal Greene.
"She attacked me!" Lauren accused, breaking out into big, melodramatic tears, at which I rolled my eyes.
"Is that true Miss Swan?" He asked me, shocked.
Having been the one to throw the first punch, there was nothing I could do but nod my head.
"Lauren started it," Mike Newton volunteered helpfully, earning himself a glare from Lauren.
"I see," Principal Greene murmured, "Miss Stanley, would you be so kind as to escort Miss Mallory to the nurse. Miss Swan, I'm going to need you to come with me. The rest of you can return to your tables." He ordered, and the crowd dispersed.
At his request, I explain the confrontation with Lauren to Principal Greene, who throughout looked disappointed and concerned.
"You must understand how worrying this is for me Bella," he sighed, "Up until now you've been a model student. I realise you've had a...rough patch recently due to the departure of the Cullens, and I can't help but wonder if you are coping with their loss."
I nodded in response, but didn't say anything.
"Look," he said, taking his glasses off, "you're a bright girl. You do know it's okay to ask for help if you need it?"
"I don't need help," I told him, annoyed that he'd even suggest it.
"Alright. But if you decide you do the school councillor is available lunch time and after school," he informed me.
"I'll bear that in mind," I answered, attempting to placate him.
"Very good," Principal Greene nodded, "Now, I'm afraid I have no choice but to suspend you for a week. Its standard procedure I'm afraid."
Before I could respond, we were interrupted by a knock on the door, and the entrance of a police officer; my Dad's Deputy Steve to be precise.
"Can I help you officer?" Principal Greene asked.
"I'm afraid not. Lauren Mallory has decided to press charges for assault against Isabella Swan," he explained. I felt myself pale as he pulled out his handcuffs. I looked to Principal Greene in disbelief and he nodded, telling me that this really was happening.
Steve pulled me to my feet and cuffed my hand behind my back.
"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you-"
"I know my rights Steve," I interrupted, frustratedly.
"Then you'll also know I am obligated to read them to you," he warned, "Don't make this worse for yourself Isabella."
"Is this really necessary?" I demanded.
"This is standard procedure m'am. If you have an issue about this procedure or my conduct you will have to take it up with the Chief of Police," he informed me, losing any informality he had used previously.
With that I was whisked away through the crowds of on-looking students, past a very smug looking Lauren, and loaded into the back of Deputy Steve's cruiser.
The next thing I noticed was the look of shock on Charlie's face as he noticed Steve bringing me into the station.
"Bells?" he gasped.
Not replying, I hung my head in shame, knowing how disappointed in me he would be.
I was taken to a holding cell and left there to wait for processing whilst Deputy Steve talked to Charlie. The bed wasn't comfortable but I sat on it anyway, not wanting to know what had been on the floor. It wasn't long until I heard Charlie's voice raising and echoing down the hall. Drawing my knees to my chest, I covered my ears, unable to stand the sound anymore. Charlie had done nothing but try to help me, and I hated myself for making his job harder. Now I was just itching for a cigarette and it was making me antsy.
When the voices at the end of the hall disappeared I laid down on the bed, resigned. If I didn't find something to do soon I was going to go stir-crazy with nicotine lust. Carefully, I studied the plain white room. There was absolutely no personality, nothing to stimulate the mind whatsoever. So I resorted to counting the ceiling tiles, then the cinder blocks that made up the walls.
I'd gotten through the 27-and-a-half ceiling tiles and was onto the 43rd cinder block when Charlie appeared at the door.
"Come on. I'm taking you home," He told me, his face unreadable. I followed Charlie out of the station keeping my head down to avoid meeting anyone's eyes.
The short drive home was tersely silent. Glancing at Charlie, I was unable to glean anything from his expression. He pulled the car into the drive and we both sat there, neither of us attempting to leave the vehicle.
"I spoke to Principal Greene," he told me, "I understand what happened and why." I nodded, unsure of where this was going.
"I know why you hit this Lauren girl. That doesn't make what you did right though. I will not be punishing you for this; however I'm not going to make the consequences of your actions go away. I know you've been going through a hard time recently but you need to start living more in reality and in reality Bella, you can't just assault anyone who says something to upset you. I've tried really hard to give you some space to get over...him, I've overlooked your new look and attitude, and even the smoking, but this has just gone too far. This is your last chance. If anything like this happens again I'm getting you help, or sending you back to Renee,"
"I'm sorry Dad, I'll try harder, I promise," I told him, horrified that he would even talk about sending me away.
He nodded stoically.
"Bella?" he called as I climbed out of the cruiser.
"Yes Dad?"
"Clear up the cigarette butts from the garden. It's respectful of you not to smoke in the house, but don't litter in the garden," he told me, slightly amused. I blushed tomato red and ran into the house.
As soon as Charlie was gone, I left for the bank to empty my account.
All afternoon I couldn't sit still. Charlie must have noticed my shiftiness at dinner but he didn't mention it. After dinner I washed up, then did some laundry so Charlie would have something to wear for a few days after I was gone. I'd also put leftovers in the fridge and freezer so he'd have food to eat.
With little else left to do, I sat with Charlie watching him watch the game, ever aware that this could be the last time I ever spent with my father. Each contour, frown line, and freckle of his face was committed to my memory by the end of the game. He even tried to explain the rules of baseball to me, knowing that if I was ever going to understand it I would by now.
"I'm going to head off to bed," Charlie told me, jumping out of his favourite chair and stretching out, "Night Bella."
"Love you Dad. You know that right?" I asked him sincerely.
"I know. I love you too Bells," he choked out, and then ran up the stairs.
Turning the TV off, I made my way up to my room to wait. When I could hear Charlie's snoring I grabbed my bag and emptied my drawers into it carelessly then threw my toothbrush in and was finished packing.
Quickly, I scribbled out a note, apologising to Charlie, telling him I loved him, but not giving any definitive reason I had left. He could assume whatever he wanted to. People would wonder if I was running away from the law after today, or that I was going to find the Cullens, but I didn't care. I'd be dead soon, and then it wouldn't matter. Then the only thing that would matter was the fact that Charlie was safe and alive.
It was a miracle I managed to stay on my feet as I soundlessly dragged my suitcase down the stairs and out to the truck. After dumping it in the cab, I ran back inside to the coat closet to grab my raincoat and purse. Carelessly I dropped my purse, and knelt down to pick it up. At the back of the closet on the floor was an old, thumbed shoebox. Momentarily, my curiosity led me to open it. Inside the box, amongst old photos and letters I discovered a gun I had never seen before.
Without thinking, I took it into my hand, weighing it up. At a guess, I would say it was Charlie's old service gun. Suddenly, I irrationally wanted nothing more but to take it with me for protection. Although I knew it could not protect me from the threat I was running from, the idea of having a weapon made me feel safer. So I checked the safety was on before tucking it into the back of my jeans. Then I shoved the shoebox back to the corner and closed the closet.
With one last look around the place I had come to call home I left, locking the door behind me.
AN: So there it is, the first chapter of my first fanfic :D hope you've enjoyed! If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions review or message me :P xxx