A Price Too Dear

The Watch Stander

Spoilers for Miller's Crossing, Tao of Rodney, and other season 4 episodes.

Disclaimer: All of Atlantis belongs to Sony/ MGM. The wonderful actors on the show have brought these characters to life. This is all for fun not profit

- A tag I thought needed to be written even though there are so many good ones already.

AN: Miller's crossing was a wonderful and thoughtful episode showing how much John Sheppard truly cared about his friends and just how much Rodney cared for people as well.

Joe and David were terrific!

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Rodney McKay sat on the bed in his quarters at the SGC, thinking about all that had happened in the past few days and how the act of sending one email had created a nightmare.

This is all my fault and Jeannie is going to die...

Swallowing, he tried to keep the awful burning feeling inside from becoming more, but it wasn't working and tears soon became steady streams down his face.

Why am I always making such stupid mistakes? All I had to do was ask the Wraith in the beginning and he probably would have helped me.

But he knew the wraith wouldn't help, because it was a different project from that of defeating the Asurans. Rodney was still working on a medical program that would save Elizabeth when they found her again and make the Nanites repair her and leave her body intact. He owed her, for she was his responsibility, he had reactivated her Nanites.

I couldn't just let her die, not Elizabeth . . .

It was also his fault that Elizabeth had been lost on the ZPM mission, for it was he that had insisted that John send the virus to reactivate the Asurans' program, causing them to go after the Wraith.

All of this he blamed himself for, but then . . . if he hadn't done this, Elisabeth would have died and the Asurans would still be chasing them.

Sobbing, he covered his face with his hands in despair and allowed himself to give in to his grief . . .

Atlantis Atlantis

John Sheppard was having a cup of coffee in the SGC mess hall, while trying to make a decision that no human being should ever have to make.

If he made one decision, it would cost his best friend his life and if he made another, his best friend's sister would die and there would be no telling what that would do to his friend's emotional state.

It was hard seeing Rodney falling to pieces, begging John to allow him to die and save his sister.

Sacrifice himself to the Wraith, how crazy is that? John shook his head and sighed.

But then . . . how many times had Rodney risked it all for someone else. Standing in front of a gun so that Elizabeth could live, entering the black entity so that everyone would survive, saving me from the crystal entity, on and on.

So no, it wasn't crazy, but predictable. Rodney would rather die than have someone hurt, especially if it was someone he cared about.

John knew why the scientist had sent the email to Jeannie - Rodney was still working on saving Elizabeth. He smiled slightly, remembering when Elizabeth had told the scientist they all loved him, when she thought he was going to either ascend or die. Rodney would therefore risk everything for her, for deep inside he must love Elizabeth as well. He had reactivated her Nanites to save her life, unable to let her die.

Such a sad set of circumstances, all done for the right reasons, but in the end causing so much pain and heartache.

Even Wallace had meant well, trying to save his daughter, but what he had done to achieve that was just not right. He had hurt Jeannie and her family by kidnaping her and then hurt Rodney and kidnaped him.

But the final nail in Wallace's coffin . . . as far as John was concerned, was putting Nanites in Jeannie, knowing what they could do and not caring, only wanting his daughter back. In this case the ends didn't justify the means, for the girl had died anyway.

Sheppard had to stand before an emotionally shattered McKay and refuse to allow the scientist to do what he so desperately wanted, sacrifice himself to the Wraith, in order to save his sister. It was heartbreaking seeing Rodney begging like that and it had taken a lot out of John, but there would never be a time when he would willingly let his friend die when there were other alternatives.

He had explained to Rodney that it was because he was a valuable member of his team, knowing that although true, it was more, for Rodney was John's closest friend and he would never let harm come to him if he could prevent it. Especially now, after losing both Carson and Elizabeth. Those were still open wounds inside John and he wasn't about to add an even deeper one, for losing Rodney as well would break him.

John had told his friend that he was sorry, but the answer was, No. Rodney looked devastated, but had silently left, leaving John standing there.

Rodney probably hates me now, but I'll make it right.

So, now his choices were clear - either lose his best friend - or somehow get Wallace to volunteer.

John knew what choice he intended to make, for after refusing to allow Rodney to sacrifice himself, he had made sure that wouldn't happen, by cancelling any access to the lab by anyone other than himself. He didn't want any 'accidents' to happen to McKay. He'd also talked to the Wraith and made it very clear that McKay was not to be harmed or else.

Taking a sip of coffee, he found it tasted bitter. Maybe it was because, what he was about to do, didn't make him feel any better.

He had once told Teyla that he would do anything for his family and now it was time to do just that. he would make the decision, but then... who would save his soul after it was done?

Fin