Follow the Orange Brick Road
By
UCSBdad
Disclaimer: Even if we were in Kansas, Toto, I still don't own Castle. Rating: The occasional M. Time: Following I, Spy.
Chapter One.
"I'll get it." Rick called to his wife and their friend as he went to answer the knock on the door to their loft.
He opened the door only to have a bleeding Kate Beckett collapse into his arms. "Hi, Castle…" She mumbled.
"Kate!" He screamed, not sure if he was talking to the woman passed out in his arms, or his wife. "There's another Kate Beckett here and she's wounded."
His wife came running down the stairs with their guest, Simone Renoir, right behind her. "Oh, my god. Put her on the couch. I'll get the first aid kit. Simone, call 911."
"Ye'll be havin' no time for that." A voice from the doorway said.
They all turned to look. There stood a man, all of four feet tall, dressed from head to toe in green, leaning on a gnarled stick, with a pipe in his mouth. His face was quite familiar, however.
"Ryan?" Castle gasped. "Kevin Ryan? What happened to you?"
"Nothin' happened ta me, ye oversized oaf. An' you'll be pleased ta call me by me name, Declan Niall O'Ryan, or Oi'll be introducing' ye to me shillelagh." He waved the thick stick at Castle.
"Ryan, O'Ryan or whoever you are, we don't have time for this." Kate shouted. "This woman has been shot in the stomach and is bleeding. We need…"
O'Ryan slammed the door and locked it. "We need to go, right now afore the banshees gets here."
"Banshees? What the hell are you…?"
Before Kate could finish the sentence, something slammed against the outside of the door, leaving a sizeable dent.
"That door is steel…" Castle began.
"An' them's banshees, ye moron. We needs to leave!"
Another crash from outside left another dent.
"Just a second." Kate yelled, running into the office. She came out seconds later with several hand guns and several boxes of ammunition. A glance at the door told her that the door was almost off its hinges. What could do that kind of damage to a steel security door? She wondered.
"Ever'one grasp yer neighbors' hand. Do it!" The wee Irish fellow screamed.
As they did so, the door was finally smashed in and something from out of a nightmare stood in the doorway. Before they could understand what it was, they were gone.
They found themselves in a forested glade, with a neat carpet of soft, green grass all around and oak trees surrounding them. They could hear birds singing cheerfully in the woods and they saw a deer prance across the far end of the glade.
The little man exhaled. "That were close. Now ta see ta Katie here."
"She needs…." Kate began. Before she could finish the sentence, Katie rose from the grass and hovered in the air with a peaceful look on her face. Kate examined her. "She's not bleeding anymore. It's stopped. How could it stop like that?"
"Wi' magic." O'Ryan said. "How else would ye do that?"
"Magic?" Rick, Kate and Simone said together.
O'Ryan looked about. "An' where is Himself when he's needed, Oi asks." He raised his voice. "Rollo! Where are ye, ye pitiful excuse fer a rug? Din't I tell ye to wait fer me here?"
There was a crashing sound from the far end of the woods and soon a huge bear emerged. However, the bear was dressed in plum colored trousers, a brown leather vest and billed hat with a green feather in it.
"Hullo, Declan. Look! I found a beehive and got some honey." The bear held out a large, colorful handkerchief holding several large honeycombs.
"You wuz supposed ta be waitin' fer me an' the lass! Right here!" Declan screamed.
"Sorry, bro." The bear said.
With the use of the word "bro" Castle suddenly realized who the bear, under the fur on his face, reminded him of. "Javi? Is that you?"
The bear turned around and looked about him, with a puzzled look on his face. "Who?" He finally asked.
"Aren't you named Javi, or Javier?"
The bear shook his massive head. "I'm Rollo."
"What's your last name?"
He looked oddly at Castle and then said slowly and distinctly, "My last name is Bear. "
"If ye don't mind?" Declan said sarcastically, "We needs ta get Katie here some help. Oi stopped the bleeding, but she's lost a lot of blood an' has damage ta her insides. Rollo, push her along like a good feller."
Rollo put his hand on Katie's shoulder and pushed her along, all of four feet off the ground. In minutes they came to, of all things, a yellow brick road.
As they walked, Declan introduced Rick, Kate and Simone to Rollo.
"Wow!" Castle cried, delightedly. "The yellow brick road. This is the yellow brick road."
He turned around to see Declan and Rollo looking at him oddly.
"It's made o' bricks what are colored yeller, so of course it's a yeller brick road, ye ninny." Declan grumped. Rollo just shook his massive head.
"Are we going to Oz?"
"Where?' Declan asked.
"The Emerald City?"
"Why would we go all the bluidy way to Seattle, I'm askin'?"
"We'll just go on the yellow brick road for a bit and then we'll turn on the orange brick road." Rollo said.
Castle sighed and they all went on the yellow brick road. "Will there be Munchkins?" He asked. No one answered him.
They hadn't gone more than a hundred yards when, coming over a slight hill, they heard music and saw the glow of neon lights. There was a small building by the side of the road.
"What's that?" Castle asked, grinning in anticipation.
"Where did you find him?' Rollo asked.
"It's a bluidy store." Declan said to Rick. "They sells things to folks."
"What kind of things" Castle would have run ahead to see, but both Kate and Simone had him by the arms.
Arriving at the store, Rick found a small, furry fellow standing behind the counter, dressed in a conservative grey suit. He smiled at Rick.
Rick smiled back. "You're a raccoon."
"How very perceptive of you, sir." The raccoon said politely. "How may we be of service to you?"
"Who….What….Where are you from?" Castle finally managed to get out.
"Raccoon City, of course, sir." The little fellow replied, still very polite.
"And this is….?
"An umbrella store, sir. We sell umbrellas."
"Made by…?" Castle asked, although he knew the answer.
"By the Umbrella Corporation, sir."
"Do we have customers?" Called a voice from the back.
"Yes, ma'am." The raccoon replied.
"And your name is….Rocky?" Castle guessed.
The raccoon sniffed. "George, sir. George T. Raccoon, at your service, sir. Might I interest you in one of our fine umbrellas?"
They were joined by a woman. She was a brunette, about Kate's height, but a bit more slender. She smiled professionally at the visitors. "How may we help you?"
"You're…..?"
"Alice." She replied.
"Of course, you're Alice." Castle said. He turned to Kate and Simone. "See? She's Alice and she works for the Umbrella Corporation out of Raccoon City." He turned back to Alice. "Does this place have any undead monsters running around?"
Alice looked thoughtful. "We have banshees, but they hardly bother anyone any more, and there are the flying monkeys. Oh, we can't forget the Wicked Witch of the West, just down the road. But, no undead, monsters or otherwise."
"We might be able to use an umbrella." Rollo broke in. "It's supposed to rain soon. And I hate to get my fur wet."
"I hear you, brother." George said as he and Rollo bumped fists.
"Do ye have any umbrellas big enough fer the lot of us?" Declan asked.
"I think two of your XXL umbrellas would be best." Alice said.
"Do you take credit cards?" Castle asked.
"Do we take what?" Alice and George asked at once.
Declan pulled out his wallet and carefully counted out gold coins. As they waited for his change, a group of grey skinned men staggered down the road, heading right for them.
"I thought you said there were no undead around here." Castle said angrily.
"Them?" Replied George." Those are miners. The grey is from the mud in the mine and they stagger because, well, because they drink too much alcohol."
"Good day, George, Alice." Said one of the men, who was quite short.
"Good day, Gabby." George said politely, calling each of the seven short men by name: Dummy, Shorty, Smelly, Drippy, Leaky and Fred.
"Were those dwarves?" Castle asked.
George looked askance at Castle. "We prefer to use the term vertically challenged, sir."
"Do they all live with a girl?"
"Really, sir. We don't inquire as to our customers' living arrangements."
"We needs to be goin'." Declan said crossly.
They got back on the yellow brick road and sure enough, ahead was a glowing sign that hung in the air. It read: "Left two lanes exit to the Orange Brick Road."
Castle looked around and couldn't see any other traffic of any sort and no sign of any lanes. He thought about asking Declan or Rollo about it, but decided to say nothing. Sure enough, as they turned, the bricks slowly changed from yellow to orange and soon they were on the Orange Brick Road.
Up ahead of them they saw a large, brown house of to the side of the road. As they got closer, Castle smelled a familiar aroma.
"Is that gingerbread?"
"Of course." Rollo replied.
"We're going to a gingerbread house? Fantastic."
"Some people are easily pleased, I suppose." Rollo said.
The house was all gingerbread with multicolored candy decorations of all sorts on it. The windows were thin marzipan that let in light, but were otherwise opaque. Castle reached out to take piece of chocolate from beside the door.
Rollo slapped his hand away. "Don't do that. How would you like someone eating your home?"
Castle smiled and thought of his loft. "I don't think anyone would eat my home."
Rollo just smiled, showing his huge, sharp teeth.
"Point taken." Castle said.
Declan knocked and the door quickly opened. There in the doorway was a familiar looking woman with a very short black dress on with a white apron over it. "Declan!" She said happily. "How good to see you again."
"Top o' the mornin' to ye, Vickie. Oi'm afeered Oi hev a problem here." He pointed to the comatose Katie Beckett, still floating beside Rollo.
"Dear me. Well, bring the poor thing in. What do you need?"
"She's lost a lot of blood." Rollo said. "She needs a refill."
Vickie looked past Rollo at the three humans. "And you have friends, I see."
Rollo turned around. "Where are my manners? Rick, Kate and Simone, this is Vickie, the Wicked Witch of the West."
"The Wicked Witch of the West?" Rick cried. "She'll toss us in an oven and bake us." He started backing towards the door.
"Do nae mind him." Declan said. "He be a bit off in the head."
"I'm off in the head?" Castle cried. "She's the Wicked Witch of the West!"
"Oh, please, dear boy. Don't be cross. That's just something the publicity people thought up. You know, about how my cookies and gingerbread are so good they're bad for you. "The Wicked Witch's cookies are totally BAD". Actually, I magically remove all of the calories from my cookies. Try one." She held out a plate of chocolate chip macadamia nut cookies.
Although frightened, Castle found himself totally unable to resist. He ate one. "Hey, this is really good."
"Sinfully good?" Vickie asked, rubbing her body against his and giving him a good look down the front of her dress.
Kate pulled him away. "And he's mine." She said, glaring at the witch.
"Always worth a try." Vickie said. "Why don't you all sit over there by the fire and have some cookies." Vickie turned to her kitchen. "Let me see….To replace blood magically, I'll need cinnamon, apples, and chocolate, you always need chocolate." She continued talking to herself as she gathered the ingredients from her cupboards.
As she cooked, Castle and the rest sat by the fire. "Hey, this is a gingerbread chair and that's a gingerbread fireplace. How come the chair doesn't collapse…"
"Under the weight of yon enormous body?" Declan said.
"Hey, I'm in good shape."
"Round is a shape." Rollo muttered.
"Oi likes their shapes better." He said, leering at Kate and Simone.
"Like I said, he's mine and I'm his." Kate said with a falsely sweet smile.
"Same here." Simone added. That wasn't true, but she decided it was better than being hit on by a four foot tall horny leprechaun.
Vickie was now mixing her ingredients while singing Thriller followed by Monster Mash.
Kate pulled her pistols from under her jacket and handed her Glock 17 to Rick and the Glock 19 to Simone. She kept her .40 caliber S&W that she'd had as a Fed for herself. She split the 9mm ammunition between the two and began loading extra magazines for her own weapon.
"What be those?" Declan asked.
"Pistols." Kate replied.
"What kind of magic do they use?" Rollo asked, leaning over and sniffing them.
"No magic. They use science."
Rollo and Declan exchanged looks. "Science?" Asked the leprechaun. "What's that?"
"A chemical reaction expels a lead slug at great speed from the pistol. When it hits someone, it damages them."
"What won't they think of next?" Rollo said.
Science was then demonstrated by someone outside of the gingerbread house. A burst of submachine gun fire smashed several windows.