You are about to experience a whole new and very scary level of randomness. If you dislike heartless parodies, utter insanity, and merciless annihilation of the TyKa and MaRe pairings, start running now.
I don't own Beyblade. I didn't write Romeo and Juliet, just in case you hadn't figured that out yet. I also mention Barbies, which are the property of Mattel…oh, damn it all, I own nothing! Get over it!
Warnings: TyKa, MaRe, minor KenHil, disturbing hints of HiroBrooklyn, the untimely death of an alarm clock, severe sugar abuse, the highly enjoyable traumatising of Hilary, and a whole lot of seriously weird innuendo. Hey, give me break. I'm having fun over here.
Once upon a time, in a very far away land, there lived a little boy called Tyson. Now Tyson had a loving and caring grandpapa who told him all kinds of wonderful stories (and if you want to know what those stories were, any good porn site would be happy to give you little dudes a helping hand). The most wonderful story of all, though, was the story of the Magic Beyblading Fairy…
FLASHBACK
"But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the dawn, and Juliet the sun…"
(Hang on a minute…why does Romeo have blue face paint everywhere? And since when did Juliet wear a baseball cap?
OK, maybe we flashed a little too far back…)
UM…DIFFERENT FLASHBACK?
"The Magic Beyblading Fairy?" asked young Tyson.
"Yes, my boy," replied the old man. "She is an ancient spirit of great and wonderful power who watches over and guides all those worthy of her care."
The little boy's eyes grew so wide that they almost popped out of his head…damn…so close, yet so far…"Do you think she'll come to watch over me, Grandpa?"
"Why, of course, Tyson," the old man said.
"Yay! Alright!" Tyson shouted, jumping up and knocking over the lamp, which of course set the entire house on fire within seconds.
"Tyson!" Grandpa coughed, reaching a frail hand through the smoke.
"Oh, dear. Oh, my. Help. You are trapped beneath a burning beam. Whatever shall I do?" Tyson wondered, steadily edging away.
"Run," the aged man choked. "Remember – the Magic Beyblading Fairy will watch over you! Now go! Save yourself!"
"OK! See you, Gramps!" Tyson chirped.
"Hey! It's not like I meant it! You're not supposed to just leave me to die! Oh, come on!"
It was too late. A fiery death awaited the old man, and it was all Tyson's fault.
END OF FLASHBACK
"It was all…my fault…" Tyson murmured, gazing at his reflection in the mirror, which promptly broke.
"What was?" asked Kai.
"Uh…what were you doing in my closet, Kai?"
"Securing the perimeter," said Kai, hiding a camera behind his back.
"Is that my leather thong you've got in your pocket?"
"Don't be stupid, Tyson," Max said, sticking his head around the door. "That's my one."
"Oh, right. Yeah, mine's the one with all the studded bits. So, Kai, is that Maxie's leather thong you've got in your pocket?"
"Not any more," Kai mumbled, tossing it hastily out of the window.
Tyson stiffened suddenly, his acute instincts awakened. "Maxie," he said, his voice a whisper.
"I know. I sense it, too," replied his friend.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Tyson asked, his eyes narrowing.
"Oh, yeah," Max answered. "It can only be one thing…"
"Hi, guys! I'm home!" called Hilary. "And I bought – "
"Ice cream!"
SEVERAL HOURS (AND RATHER FRIGHTENING AMOUNTS OF ICE CREAM) LATER
Kai, having glued half of a large tree to his camouflage helmet and strategically positioned himself outside the kitchen window, trained his binoculars once more on Tyson. They'd come in very handy on the rare occasions when Hilary had actually managed to bully Tyson into taking a shower…Kai chuckled fondly to himself. Good times, good times.
Focus.
Tyson was sighing loudly.
Hilary, who was huddled in a corner rocking back and forth, went on crooning quietly to herself in a state of severe trauma.
Daichi, who had put to use his hitherto unknown skills as an artist to make an unusual yet stylish hat out of one of the few ice cream containers that had survived, went on cleaning his toes with his tongue.
Kenny, who, earlier, had been knocked out by a flying leather thong, went on drooling quietly to himself as he slept.
Max, who was wearing very little apart from a large cardboard sign saying, 'IF YOU BELIEVE IT, YOU WILL ACHIEVE IT', went on chasing Rei around the room.
Rei, who had never before appreciated the importance of a low-sugar diet, went on screaming.
Tyson sighed again, louder.
The screams were cut short and a small, terrified gurgle was heard as Max pounced.
"It's all my fault!" Tyson said, clearly.
"What is?" Daichi asked.
"Hmm? What? Did I say that out loud?" Tyson asked, innocent and wide-eyed.
"Uh…yup."
"I don't want to talk about it," Tyson said, looking away into the distance and sniffing bravely.
"Oh. OK. Do you think there's any cake left from last night?"
"No, but I found the chocolate sauce!" Max yelled from somewhere on the floor.
Rei squeaked.
"It's just that today's the anniversary of my grandfather's death," Tyson cut in loudly.
"Cool," Daichi said, hopping off the table and picking up a wooden spoon and a felt-tip pen, which were conveniently lying around.
"You see, I still feel like it was all my fault," Tyson continued. "I…the cat knocked over the lamp, and the house burned down, and my grandfather pushed me out the door before I could help him. I would have gladly given my own life for his, but there was no time. He sacrificed himself to save me, Daichi."
"Nice guy. Look! Puppets!"
"Hello! I am Mister Wooden Spoon," said Mister Wooden Spoon.
"Hello! I am Miss Celery Stick," said Miss Celery Stick.
"I don't like you, Miss Celery Stick," said Mister Wooden Spoon.
"I'm going to beat you up," said Miss Celery Stick.
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah!"
"Well, my BODYGUARD is going to beat you up!"
"Me kill," said Mister Carving Knife.
"My grandfather always said that the Magic Beyblading Fairy would watch over me," Tyson shouted over Miss Celery Stick's dying screams. "I just wish that I could believe that now. I – Daichi, are you even listening? I feel so lost. I need a guardian angel to watch over me!"
"What was that?" Max asked, looking up crossly. "I'm busy over here."
"It was nothing," Daichi said. "Hey, what are you guys doing? Can I watch?"
Outside, Kai had fallen over.
FOURTEEN HOURS, TWENTY-TWO MINUTES, ONE SECOND AND MANY…DUBIOUS EVENTS…LATER
"Somebody kill the alarm clock!" Rei yelled.
Tyson obliged.
"I don't want to wake up," Daichi wailed, sitting up and kicking aside his favourite toy, which was a stuffed zebra known as Eleanor-Jane.
"Another day, another mind to corrupt," Max said brightly, sitting up and kicking aside his favourite toy, who was a blader known as Rei.
"Uh, Max?" Tyson said, realising something.
"You've got Rei over there, right?"
"Oh, yeah," Max sighed.
"And Kenny barricaded himself in the bathroom again, right?"
"Yeah."
"And Daichi's over there…"
"Yup."
"And Kai went off to stand on top of bridges and talk to camels, right?"
"I don't see where you're going with all this," said Rei.
"Rei! You're awake!" Max squealed.
"And Hilary is still downstairs, right?"
"Look! Eleanor-Jane's going to commit suicide!" Daichi said. "See, she has this bomb strapped over here, and when she presses this button, it'll go off, and she'll die. She's unhappy because her boyfriend left her for one of Hilary's Barbies."
"So if you're all over there, who's in that corner?" asked Tyson.
"That's not a real bomb, is it?" asked Rei, nervously.
"Aha!" Daichi cried triumphantly. "No! It's not! Her boyfriend still likes her, so he swapped the bomb with a fake."
"Who's in the corner?" Tyson persisted.
"Then why did he go off with the Barbie?" Max, asked, getting interested.
"Because he wanted to find out her evil half-brother's secrets. Her evil half-brother is Mr Bad Guy, you see."
"There's something in the corner," Tyson whined.
"This is fun! Can I be Mr Bad Guy?" asked Rei.
"Can I be Mr Bad Guy's girlfriend?" asked Max.
"Guys! There is something scary in that corner!"
"That's not scary," Max said, after a moment's consideration. "That's just Kai dressed up as Ming Ming."
"And you say it's not scary?" Rei muttered.
"It's Mr Bad Guy!" Daichi yelled, ducking under the bed with Rei, Max and Eleanor-Jane for company.
So Tyson was left to face the threat alone.
"Uh, hi," he said, approaching the…Thing. "You look kind of like Kai, and kind of like a butterfly. Do I know you?"
"Yea, verily thou knowest me," said the Thing, which was wearing pink satin hot pants and a baby-blue camisole with Don't touch what you can't afford printed on it in big, curly, silver letters.
"What?"
"Yes, you know me, you moron!" the Thing said crossly. "I mean…yes, you do know indeed know me, oh Tyson."
"How do you know my name?" Tyson wondered, aghast.
"I have known your name ever since you were a very young blader," the Thing told him, kindly. In its blue-grey hair was a headband, and to the headband were glued two fluffy, pink antennae. There was a small, gold bell hanging around its neck that made a happy, tinkly sound whenever it was moved. "You are Tyson, the second-greatest Beyblader the world has ever known, and I am here to grant your every wish."
"Second-greatest? Hang on a minute - "
"I am here to grant your every wish!" it repeated loudly. "Please get wishing. These hot pants are not very hot."
"But who are you?" asked Tyson.
The Thing turned its face towards him. It appeared to have bright-pink triangles painted on its cheeks. "I am the Magic Beyblading Fairy," it said.
OUTSIDE (OH, COME ON, YOU MUST HAVE HEARD OF IT – THAT PLACE WHERE THERE'S NO TV?)
Tyson was getting to know his guardian angel.
"So, is it always 'Magic Beyblading Fairy', or can I just call you 'MBF'?"
"I think that 'Magic Beyblading Fairy' is the more preferred term…"
"Hey, 'MBF' could also stand for 'My Best Friend'! That's so cool!"
"Hug me and die."
"Fairies aren't suppose to be mean, you know."
"Fairies need to breathe."
"Ha! I know! It is my wish to hug you!"
Thus the MBF received the very first hug of its entire life. It managed to avoid passing out.
"Hey! Tyson's got a girlfriend!" Daichi sang as he constructed an enemy fort from an interesting assortment of lingerie that was definitely not his. "Ooh! A worm! It can be Super Daichi's noble steed!"
"Isn't it a bit small to be a noble steed?' Rei asked. Shirtless, trouser-less and defenceless, dressed only in his Tweetie Bird boxers, he sat and drew pretty pictures in the mud with a toy sword.
"No. Super Daichi is really tiny."
Rei didn't reply because Max chose that moment to abandon his mud pies for more interesting entertainment.
"So I can really wish for anything I want?" Tyson asked, trying hard to ignore the numerous squelching sounds.
"No winning the lottery, no making you Ruler of the Universe, no world peace and no pet dragons," the MBF listed quickly. "Other than that, pretty much anything."
"Can I wish for a new leather thong?" called Max. "My old one got ruined."
"So, can I wish for my past to stop haunting me?" Tyson asked, lowering his voice and hunching his shoulders slightly.
"Well, if you'd like to talk about it, you'd probably be better off pouring out your soul to the post box," the MBF said hastily. This was not what it had been hoping for.
"Nah, I think you'll make a great shrink!" Tyson said cheerfully.
"Huh," said the MBF, folding its arms behind its head and leaning back with a blade of grass between its lips. "Whatever."
"Whoa," Tyson said after a moment, squinting at him. "You just reminded me of someone."
"Who?" asked the MBF, nervously.
"My cat," Tyson replied, promptly. "She used to eat grass all the time. Until…"
"Until what?"
"Until…the day…of the accident…"
FLASHBACK
The light of the dying sun stained the sky like blood. A smoking ruin was all that was left of the house. Small Tyson stared at it forlornly.
"How did you say it happened again?" asked the police officer, kindly.
"The cat knocked the lamp over. It also," Tyson added, hopefully, "ate my homework."
"Very well. I will inform your brother – oh, here he is now!"
Hiro, tall, young and strong, came striding up, pinioned against the fiery sunset. In his wake was a small, red-haired boy, who had a pair of pink, tinsel-edged wings pinned to the back of his T-shirt.
"Don't worry, Tyson!" Hiro said, hugging his younger brother. "I'll always be here to look after you. That's why I'm betraying you and training Brooklyn to be the best blader in the world, instead of training you."
"Erm…thankth, big bwother," Tyson said, a little unsurely, but remembering to lisp. It made him sound more innocent. "Hi," he added to Brooklyn.
"Everyone hates me," Brooklyn said, importantly.
"Really?" asked Tyson.
"Uhuh. Except Hiro. Hiro tells me nice stories and helps me get better at Beyblading and he does it because he likes me a lot and thinks that I'm really special, and the other day we did this really cool thing…"
"Well, Tyson, I should be going now," Hiro said, glancing nervously at the police officer. "So, see you around, little bro?"
"Bye, Tyson!" Brooklyn called back as the two rode off into the sunset on a Harley-Davidson. The license plate read 'JIN4B-LYN'. "I hope we can be friends one day!"
"You don't need friends, Brooklyn," Hiro's voice could be heard saying. "Remember, I'll always be watching you – um, I mean, um, I'll always be watching over you…"
LET'S JUST END THIS FLASHBACK BEFORE HIRO GETS ANY SCARIER, SHALL WE?
"Well," the MBF said, "well, I don't see how this was your fault. Happy? Now, I was thinking that you wish for…"
"But that's the whole point!" Tyson bawled. "See, it wasn't the cat that knocked the lamp over."
"Who was it then?" the MBF asked, beginning to lose patience. "The Delightfully Adorable Magic Numbskull From Outstandingly Obtuse Land?"
"Hang on," Tyson muttered. "D – A – M – what?"
"Just tell me who knocked the lamp over!"
Tyson drew in a deep breath. "I can tell you anything, right? I mean, you're my best friend, right? And you'll never abandon me, no matter what?"
"Yes, Tyson," the MBF said, gazing deeply into his eyes.
"So I can tell you that I knocked the lamp over?"
"What?"
"Do you hate me?" asked Tyson, miserably.
"No," the MBF said after a moment. "No one could ever hate you. Your past will now cease to haunt you. Is there anything else I could help you with?"
"Uhh…nope."
"Are you sure?"
"Yep."
"So, no secret crushes that I could help out with? No problems with your love life at all? No one you really, really like but are too shy to make a move on?"
"No."
The MBF seemed quite put out by this. "Well, if you like, I could use my supernatural powers to reveal the name of your true love."
"Nah. I already know his name," Tyson said, dreamily.
"But you said you didn't have a crush!" the MBF protested.
"It's not a crush," Tyson said in a low voice. "It's true love, MBF. True, deep, passionate, unconquerable love."
"True love, hormones, nymphomania…all the same thing," Max agreed, cheerfully, popping up between Tyson and the Pink-Clad Vision.
"Max, you are covered in mud," the MBF protested disgustedly.
"That's not all he's covered in," Ray said, rather evilly, plonking himself down next to the MBF and gazing happily at Max.
"We were in the middle of a private conversation, you know," Tyson protested angrily.
"We were also in the middle of something private," Max told him. "Then Kenny showed up."
"Run!" screamed Kenny. "Run for your lives! She's coming! She's coming!"
"Who?" asked Tyson.
"We couldn't figure it out," Rei said.
"So we decided to tell you."
Daichi chose that moment to come running up. He had a pale green miniskirt buttoned around his neck and was screaming quite loudly.
"Hey, isn't that one of Hilary's skirts?" the MBF asked, a little uneasily.
"Yes!" Daichi yelled.
"Hmm. I take it she found out about Mr Bad Guy's fort?" Rei asked.
"Yes!" Daichi yelled again.
"What fort?" enquired Tyson.
"Why are my hot pants tied to a tree?" screamed a well-known voice.
"I think we should we should be running," the MBF said.
INSIDE, FIFTEEN SECONDS LATER
It was a world of chaos, long sunken into gloom. Treasures, abandoned by those of the upper world, lay forgotten amidst the gathering spider webs. It was a land of silence and secrets, shrouded in dust. It was a place from which few had ever returned unscathed.
"OK. So, remind me again why we're all under the bed?" Tyson whispered.
"That would be Daichi's fault," Max said comfortably.
"Mr Bad Guy needed a fort," Daichi protested. "And Super Daichi and I were looking around, and all the stuff in Hilary's room was already lying on the floor, so we figured we could use some. It's not our fault."
"You did write 'Mista BaD Guyz House' on her favourite top, though," Rei pointed out. "She's not going to forgive you for that."
"Hang on. Her stuff was on the floor?" Tyson asked. "She was in the kitchen the whole of last night and most of this morning, and anyway, she never leaves her stuff lying around. Something's fishy here."
"That would probably be this sandwich," the MBF said in disgust, flicking at something ancient and green that was lying forlornly in the dust. "I do believe it was once tuna."
"Ooh, good! I'm hungry!" Tyson said, brightening up a bit.
"Please tell me you were joking," the MBF groaned.
"Not really."
From beyond, footsteps could be heard approaching.
"I'm scared," Daichi whimpered. In the world above, a door was flung open.
"Don't worry, buddy. We'll stick by you," Tyson said, squeezing his shoulder comfortingly.
"Daichi!" Hilary growled.
There was a small scuffle and a few squeaks as Daichi was pushed out of his hiding place.
"So, Daichi. You've come forward to confess. That was very noble of you. Don't think that you're going to get off – hey!" She paused. "What are my magazines doing in here?"
"Well, that's one's yours," Daichi told her. "But those ones are Rei and Max's."
"Which ones? Oh – oh, my gosh!"
"Oops," Max whispered.
"Max!"
"I guess we forgot to put those away again," Rei said, grinning sheepishly. "Oh, dear."
"Rei!"
As one, Tyson and the MBF pushed them out, too.
"Gee, well, um, hi there, Hilary!"
"You know, you're looking great today, you really are."
"What are those?" she enquired, with deadly sweetness.
"What are what? Oh, those? Well, you see…"
"Do you think we'll ever make it out alive?" Tyson asked, quietly.
"Probably not," the MBF told him cheerfully. "You know, you never told me who your secret love was."
"You did what?" Hilary screeched from above.
"Hmm. That's true," Tyson realised.
"So, d'you feeling like sharing?" the MBF prompted.
"What are those?" Hilary gasped.
"You've probably never heard of him," Tyson said.
"I've heard of lots of people," the MBF assured him.
"Oh, please tell me you didn't actually – "
"His name is Kai," Tyson said, squirming a little and blushing.
The MBF said, "Oh."
Hilary yelled, "Kai!"
Three pairs of hands reached under the bed and dragged the MBF out from its hiding place.
Tyson was left alone with a tuna sandwich and several dust bunnies.
THE KITCHEN, HALF AN HOUR LATER
"I still just can't believe it was him!" Tyson moaned.
"Yeah. It was such a surprise," Max said, slurping at a milkshake.
"Never saw that one coming," Rei agreed, searching through the cupboards for some syrup.
"Super Daichi to the rescue!" Daichi crowed, attacking the fridge with a butter knife.
"Worse, Hilary's blaming him for everything!" Tyson wailed.
"Yeah. OK, so it was his fault that he messed up all Hilary's stuff," Rei said.
"But what a coincidence that those magazines turned out to be his as well," Max said, innocently.
"Never would have thought it of him," Rei sighed, shaking his head. "Hey, there's some honey down here, Max, if you're interested."
"I think I saw some cream lying around somewhere. What was that, Tyson?"
"You won't escape this time, Mr Bad Guy!" Daichi informed the world at large.
"I said, I wonder if there's any way to save him? I just feel so bad knowing that Hilary's got him now."
"Why is there ketchup all over the fridge?" enquired Max.
"It's blood!" Daichi protested, hurt. "Mr Bad Guy's about to die! Super Daichi is triumphant!"
"Good for you, little dude. Hey, Tyson, are you OK?"
"Guys," Tyson said slowly, "I think I may have an idea."
HILARY'S TORTURE CHAMBER OF DOOM
Kai was wearing handcuffs. On one was written, in pink nail polish, Do not remove these. On the other, in glittery green nail polish, were the words, Unless you want the world to end.
Hilary, standing at the window, moved her hand down towards her iPod. Casually, she selected the I Love You song, and turned the volume up as loud as possible. "So, Kai," she said. "Max and Rei told me an alarming amount of stories about you."
"I could tell you an alarming amount of stories about them," he muttered.
"They said that you've been stalking Tyson," she persisted.
"You're going to believe them?" he asked.
"Confess!" she hissed, throwing a pink teddy bear at him.
"To what?"
"To using my wardrobe to impersonate a supernatural being in order to seduce Tyson!" she shouted.
"Now why would I do a stupid thing like that?" Kai asked. He had been wondering the same thing of late.
"I don't really want to know," Hilary told him, advancing on him with a tube of lipstick in one hand and blue eye shadow in the other. "All I want to know is how is much you'll scream when I begin to punish you!"
"Hilary!" came Max's voice from outside the door.
"Come quickly! Kenny's hurt!" Rei joined in.
"We'll continue this later," she told Kai, furiously, and went to open the door. "What happened?" she asked.
"We don't know," Max whimpered. "We just found him lying in the bathroom, unconscious! We didn't want to move him or anything. Can't you go help him?"
She eyed them both suspiciously, then closed the door and locked it. "I'll be back," she snarled, and, pocketing the key, walked off.
THE BATHROOM
"Kenny?" Hilary crooned, stroking his forehead as she knelt beside him on the bathroom floor. "Is Kenny alright? How's my little Kenny-Ken doing?"
"Quite well, actually," Kenny said, sitting up and licking the small dribble of ketchup off his cheek.
Behind them, the key turned in the lock. Daichi's voice could be heard yelling, "Woohoo! Mr Bad Guy's minion of doom is finally defeated!"
"You set me up!" Hilary screeched at Kenny.
"Yeah? So? You don't mind, do you?" Kenny asked.
"You know, actually I don't," Hilary said, and giggled.
Kenny blushed profusely.
Hilary fiddled with her hair.
Kenny cleared his throat.
Hilary giggled some more.
"Oh, kiss her already, you loser!" Max yelled through the window.
"First I turn on the camera," Kenny called back, doing so, "and then I kiss her. That way, we don't have to stop…in the middle of anything. Now…"
"Ooh, strawberries and cream! My favourite!"
OK, MOVING ON, NOW…
"Kai!" Tyson hissed, his face pressed up against the window pane.
"Go away!" Kai muttered urgently. "Hilary could be back at any moment! Run! Save yourself!"
"No, Kai! I could never leave you here alone!" Tyson told him.
"Why?" Kai asked, his heart hammering.
"Because…because I love you, Kai!" Tyson cried.
"I love you too, Tyson!" Kai choked.
"I love you, you love me…" wailed the iPod.
After much heaving, grunting, groaning, sweating and gasping, Tyson finally managed to climb through the window.
The first thing he did was write on the mirror in lipstick Dear Hill sorry we messed wit U please forgive us thanks. Love everyone. As an afterthought, he drew a little heart. Then he drew several little stick-figures worshipping a sign saying Queen Hilary. He then added several big hearts, and a few more little ones for luck. After that he filled in a tree, a house, an aeroplane-eating monster, a fire-breathing dragon, several chibi faces, and a rubber ducky. He was starting on a giant ice cream cone when Kai gave his very best, "Huh!"
"Kai!" he gasped, and darted round to remove the handcuffs. "Any idea how you get these off?" he asked after several failed attempts. "I could probably chew them off, although it might take a while."
"They're made of plastic, you fool!" Kai told him, irritably. "You just slip the little catch at the side and there you go. They're designed for three-year-olds, so they might be a little complicated for you…"
"Thus I have freed the damsel from captivity," Tyson announced grandly, slipping the cuffs off.
"I'm not a damsel!" Kai protested. "Damsels are girls!"
"Well, you are wearing a girl's clothes," Tyson pointed out. "Actually, those hot pants do make you look kind of hot."
Kai looked down, and realised that he was indeed still wearing a certain pair of pink hot pants. He blushed.
"Aww, is Kai embarrassed? Well, we'll just have to do something about that…" Tyson grinned.
"Go Tyson!" Rei called. "No, don't stop – I'm just watching through the keyhole, it's perfectly OK. I could probably give you guys some pointers if you really wanted me to…"
"Can I beat him up?" Kai asked.
"In a little while," Tyson said, pulling him closer.
HA! I EDITED OUT THE GOOD BITS! I AM TRULY CRUEL. NOW TO TOP IT ALL OFF…
Kai and Tyson lay side by side in the long, soft grass, near the river, oblivious to the sunset above them. They had eyes only for each other.
"This is where we first met, isn't it?" Tyson asked, dreamily.
"Yeah – although sometimes I feel like we've met before. Don't you think that sometimes? Like we knew each other in a past life, or like we're destined for each other…" Kai sighed.
"Oh, no! Mr Bad Guy has reincarnated himself and is planning to destroy everything beginning with the letter 'T'! Who can save us now?" Daichi shouted.
"Have you ever considered being a superhero, Rei?" asked Max. "I mean, the tight material, bright colours, micro-bikinis – it'd be perfect for you!"
"I don't know, Maxie. Bikinis were never really my thing."
"Is that so? So would my Rei-Rei be up for a bit of skinny-dipping?"
"In the river?" Kai spluttered, pulling himself from Tyson's embrace and staring at Max. "It's probably toxic! Who knows how polluted it is?"
"Oh, I'm sure Max didn't mean in the river, Kai," Tyson comforted him. "He probably meant in the old hot tub at home. We did just have it fixed, after all."
"Super Daichi and Eleanor-Jane join forces once more to defeat the greatest evil the world has ever known!"
"I think I saw Kenny and Hilary in there earlier," Rei ventured, nervously.
"So?" Kai asked, suddenly realising that he was in a good mood. "After all…the more the merrier…"
TA-DA! IT'S OVER! YOU SURVIVED!
Yeah, I know his grandfather's death isn't canon. Yeah, I know that I had more ellipsis dots than I had words. Yeah, I know that that bit with Hiro and Brooklyn was maybe just a teensy-tiny little smidgeon of a bit disturbing. Yeah, I know that Kai would sooner become a professional tap-dancer than say 'the more the merrier'. So what? This is a fic, for crying out loud! I can do whatever I want.
Those of you who were in any way offended or traumatised, whether by the actual content of this fic or by my truly, truly sad attempts at humour, I am very sorry. Be sure to flame me and let me know. FIRE PRETTY