Walter regretted shoving Jesse nearly as soon as he'd done it, but the boy was a convenient outlet for his rage. He also couldn't stop himself from unleashing the tirade that followed. "You're a pathetic junkie; too stupid to understand and follow simple, rudimentary instructions!" he snarled, hands itching to grab the boy by his stupid jacket and shake him.
Jesse dove at him, shoving him first into the boxes of glasswear on the countertop, and then to the floor. Walter, even enraged, was no match for the younger man, not with the permeating weakness of chemotherapy and several nights of poor sleep, and Jesse wound up atop him, hands tightly gripping his throat. Jesse removed one hand and lifted the other into the air as a fist, trembling, poised to strike.
"Do it," Walter choked out, nodding slightly. Penance for my sins, he thought as he struggled to breathe, retribution for so many of my mistakes.
The hand around his throat loosened, and the other hand fell to the floor as Jesse exhaled explosively. He collapsed to the floor of the RV, hunched over near Walter's shoulder, and as Walter began to catch his breath, he heard the boy sob. That single sob became a keening cry, and Jesse turned his face away to muffle the sound against the gritty, stinking carpet.
Still catching his breath, Walter raised his hand and pulled the boy over, pillowing his head against his shoulder instead, and gently patted his back as he waited for Jesse to calm down. Before long, the sobs tapered off, and Jesse moved away from the ersatz hug, clearly embarrassed, scrubbing the filth-encrusted sleeve of his jacket over his wet eyes.
Walter let him get up, averting his eyes as Jesse composed himself. By the time he'd gotten up himself and looked back, Jesse had again assumed his "don't give a shit" stance, betrayed only slightly by his red-rimmed eyes. Walter felt a pang of sympathy. Jesse was barely an adult; just a kid in over his head, thanks in no small part to Walter himself. We both are. Drowning in something we've created together.
"Why… why don't you come on in? Have a shower; I'll make you some breakfast." He didn't wait for a response, just gestured in the direction of the house before opening the RV door and climbing down. A few seconds later, he heard the bang of the door closing, and the scrape of the key in the lock before Jesse's footsteps followed behind. As far as apologies went, it was a good start, Walter thought.