Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½, nor do I own any of its characters. Also, the first gag in here was inspired, but not copied from, Eureka, the Sci-Fi Channel's newest comedy.
Ranma's Day
By QuadhelixSunday, Two Weeks Post Wedding
5:57 AM, Nerima Ward
In a dark basement with poor lighting, something was brewing. The participants had spent nearly a quarter of their lives working on this project. Both had worked tirelessly gathering equipment and collecting data for an experiment that could either change the world for the better or cause no end of trouble for a certain pigtailed martial artist.
Himura Aya, age ten, and her younger brother Hideaki, age eight, were attempting to do something that had never been done before: assemble "heavy matter," or matter whose elementary components possess far more mass than ordinary matter. For example, physicists have synthesized a particle called a Tau, which is essentially an electron, but with nearly three and half thousand times the normal mass. However, the heavier subatomic particles had proven highly unstable, often decaying in their lighter cousins within a fraction of a second.
Nonetheless, Aya and Hideaki were going to change that instability with their new science project. They planned to stabilize several kilograms of heavier particles and then coalesce the particles into atoms. Most likely, the end result would be extremely massive deuterium (hydrogen with a neutron). Or so the two children thought.
The basement was dark, but was filled with humming electronics. Computer monitors were placed at various points in the room, each displaying the power readout for a different piece of machinery. In the center of the room was a device that resembled a cross between a boiler and the warp core from Star Trek: The Next Generation. At the bottom there was a small alcove that looked like the door of an old-fashion coal engine.
"Read the checklist, oneechan!"
"Alright! String resonators?"
"Check!"
"Quantum Inhibitors?"
"Check!"
"Entanglement Jammers?"
"Oh! Wait! Gimme a minute!"
Hideaki flipped a switch on one of the small electronic devices on the floor. The device began to make a high-pitched whining noise.
"Okay! Check!"
"Muon Stabilizers?"
"Umm, oneechan, the display says that the Muon Stabilizers are at 517 maximum recommended output."
"I know, the particles that we are going to be working with are much more unstable than muons, so we need the extra output. The Stabilizers can take it."
"Oh. Check, then."
"Gluon Disruptors?"
"The light is yell-no, wait. Its green now."
"I was hoping for blue, but if the light is green, that's close enough."
"Okay, check!"
"Vertical Containment Field?"
"87 deflection"
"Alright, let's get started."
Aya threw the main switch and waited as the large, cylindrical machine began to operate. At first, nothing happened other than the activation of a few fans on the machine. Then, the machine began to emit a faint crackling noise, like dozens of tiny sparks were occurring inside the apparatus. A message appeared on the main computer display:
Heavy particle generation complete, proceeding to atomic formation
The crackling stopped, but not before a bolt of electricity jumped from the machine. Fortunately, the bolt hit a barrier while still mere inches away from the mechanism and spread along the barrier, which formed a cylinder around the experimental device. Then, the light on the Gluon Disruptors turned from green to red, and the computer displayed another message:
Gluon Disruptor Failure: Thermonuclear Reaction Imminent
The small alcove at the bottom of the device began to glow from the inside as extremely massive hydrogen atoms combined into helium. Just moments before the machine reached supercritical, the display presented another message:
Muon Stabilizer Failure
Thus, two reactions occurred simultaneously. First, a fair sized hydrogen bomb detonated inside the machine's lower compartment. Second, nearly every particle generated in the machine decayed into their less massive counterparts, releasing enormous energy in the form of heat and light. The two reactions produced an explosion that expanded outward before hitting the containment shield. The force field prevented the explosion from continuing outward, but did nothing to prevent the explosion from traveling upward. Thus, The containment field acted like the barrel of a gun, confining the entire force of the explosion in one direction. The explosion itself was so powerful that the blast launched the top half of the machine upward at over six and a half thousand miles per hour, or nearly two miles per second.
5:59 AM, Tendo Compound
Kasumi paused from making breakfast due to a loud, thunderous noise in the distance. For just an instant, the entire house had trembled on its foundations. Even after several seconds, the ripples in the pond were still visible, a clear indication of the power behind the sound.
The noise alone was enough to awaken Ranma, who had been subconsciously awaiting his morning spar with his father. The heightened awareness that the anticipation had created was enough to sense the loud disruption and rouse the sleeping martial artist. Unable to get back to sleep, Ranma decided to head downstairs.
Looking out the window, Ranma could see a column of smoke rising to great height in the morning sky. Seeing the direction that the smoke was coming from and estimating the distance, Ranma simply sighed.
"Not those two Himura brats again."
6:00 AM, Himura Residence
Himura Aya surveyed the damage. The light was broken, half of the equipment was shattered and the rest had been reduced to a very coarse dust. Light from the morning sky poured in through a gaping hole in the ceiling. Fortunately, the containment shield had focused most of the blast upward, and thus away from the two siblings, but the basement was still in ruins. Aya thanked any high power listening that her parents were away on vacation, and thus were not in the house when her little science project took off like a Titan rocket. Aya could see one downside to the fact that her parents were on vacation: they would be coming home. Given that fact that she and her brother had single-handedly vaporized most of their family's house, her parent's return gave Aya little comfort.
"Oneechan, I found it!"
Hideaki spent the past two minutes trying to calculate when and where their airborne reactor was going to land
"So, where is our flying disaster going to land?"
"Here." Hideaki pointed at a computerized map of Nerima, which had on it a small dot connected to a timer. The timer was counting down, but at that moment, it read:
8 min.: 04 sec./- 21 sec.
After several seconds, Aya realized where the red hot metal cylinder was going to land.
Aya's response caused every sailor within afifty-block radius to blush.
6:01 AM, Tendo Compound
"Hello, Tendo residence, this is Kasumi speaking."
"Hi, Kasumi, it's Himura Aya."
"Oh, Aya-chan, it's good to know that you're alright. We heard the explosion and saw the smoke, and so of course we were all worried about you-"
"Thanks for the concern, Kasumi, we're all fine over here, but we're the ones who should be worried about you. You really need to get everyone out of the house as soon as possible. You only have about seven minutes before you have what amounts to a giant, super-fast bullet plow into your house. The fire department is already on their way. Sorry about this."
"Don't be silly Aya-chan, it's no bother at all."
After Kasumi finished her conversation, she hung up the phone and walked over to the wall. There, she slid away a panel to reveal a large red button. She pushed the button and a loud alarm filled the house. The alarm was accompanied by a recorded voice over hidden loudspeakers throughout the house and dojo:
"Please evacuate the premises immediately. This is not a drill. This area is in urgent and direct danger. Repeat, please evacuate the premises…"
Satisfied that the others could take care of themselves, Kasumi left to carry out her morning shopping. Well, the shopping and to look into that contractor who was nice enough to give her family a discount for their weekly repairs.
6:07 AM, Outside Tendo Compound
"Hey, Nabiki, where's Akane?"
Both Nabiki and the person who had asked the question, Ranma, were standing next to one of the three fire-trucks that had arrived to deal with the now rapidly descending piece of equipment that had been launched deep into the Thermosphere by a pair of preteens who were far too intelligent for their own good. In all of the commotion, Ranma can be forgiven for failing to notice the Panda in a fireman's uniform making goo-goo eyes at Genma's cursed form.
"How should I know, Ranma, am I my sister's keeper or something? I thought that that is what you were for."
"A simple 'I don't know' would have worked." With that, Ranma dashed back into the house to look for Akane.
Ranma ran up the stairs and into Akane's room. She was on her bed, curled up in fetal position, with her blanket covering her ears. In a near panic, Ranma shook her awake.
"Akane, get up!"
Akane stirred awake and saw Ranma. She was about to punch him for being in her room, but she heard the alarm first. Akane's eyes grew the size of dinner plates as she realized that the house was most likely moments away from destruction. They both ran down the steps and headed for the front door, but found Happosai blocking the exit holding a glass of water and a bag of women's underclothing.
"Out of the way, old man, we don't have for this!"
"Oh no, Ranma, you aren't getting out of here until you put these babies-"
Ranma blinked in surprise, as Happosai seemed to have vanished mid-sentence. Where the perverted old man had once stood were a gaping hole in the roof and a large, glowing metal cylinder. Ranma smirked and looked up the hole.
"Thank you!"