Disclaimer: I do not own The Young Riders nor any of the characters.
A/N: just a short story based on the song If You're Reading This by Tim McGraw.
Buck Cross walked into the kitchen of the home he shared with Lou. Kid and Lou had married and Kid had asked Buck to join them in a horse ranch endeavor. Buck of course had agreed. But just a few months after Kid and Lou had married the War Between the States started and Kid went to fight for the south after getting Buck's promise that he would stay on and help Lou.
"Hey Lou did you have a good afternoon?" Buck asked after he placed a kiss on her cheek.
"It was fine and what was that for?" Lou asked with an arch of her eyebrow.
"Teaspoon asked for me to give that to you." Buck said grinning.
"Don't tell me he kissed you on the cheek." Lou teased.
"I think he knew I would pull my knife on him if he did." Buck laughed.
"Supper will be ready soon." Lou said struggling to her feet.
"Lou sit down you look exhausted, I've told you, you've got to rest more." Buck admonished when he noticed the dark circles under her eyes.
"There's too much that has to be done Buck." Lou stated.
"Then let me do it, you've got to take care of yourself and that baby you're growing." Buck said gently.
"Buck you're already running the ranch by yourself and working in town as Teaspoon's deputy, you need rest too." Lou pointed out.
"Well then ask Rachel or Polly to come help you out around the house. It's only for a little while longer. That baby will be here before you know it." Buck suggested.
"I wish Kid could be here, I can't believe he's going to miss the birth of his baby." Lou said wistfully her hand rubbing her swollen tummy.
"There's always the next one Lou and speaking of Kid…Look what I picked up in town." Buck said holding an envelope up.
"Gimme gimme gimme" Lou said snatching at the envelope like a little child would a piece of candy.
Buck held it out of her reach laughing, "Not until you promise to ask Rachel or Polly for help."
"Alright I promise now hand over that letter." Lou stated giving him a glare that she couldn't quite pull off.
Buck laughed and handed it over placing another kiss on her cheek. "Who's that one from?" Lou asked.
"Me…read your letter I'll get started on dinner." Buck said softly.
Lou gave him a smile and sat back down at the table and ripped open the envelope and pulled out the single sheet of paper.
Dear Louise,
If you're reading this looks like I only got a one way ticket here. I wish I could give you one more kiss. War was just a game we played when we were kids never thought it would be like this. I'm laying down my gun, hanging up my boots, I'm up here with God and we're both watching over you. If you're reading this halfway across the country than I won't be there to see the birth of our baby. I hope that if it's a girl she looks like you and I pray that if it's a boy he will fight like me standing up for what he believes is right. If you're reading this I know there will come a day when you'll move on and find someone new and that's ok. You deserve so much more than this. Just remember that I'm in a better place, where soldier's sleep in peace and angels sing amazing grace. If you're reading this than I'm already home. I will always love you Louise and I'm sorry I won't be coming home to you.
Love your husband,
Lesley 'Kid' Kidrickson
Buck heard the faint rustle of the paper and turned to look at Lou. She had gone deathly pale and was shaking like a leaf, the letter clutched tightly in her hand. "Lou are you ok? Lou?" Buck asked.
Lou didn't respond; the letter fell from her hand as she let out a wail like nothing Buck had ever heard. He rushed to her side and enfolded her into his embrace holding her as she sobbed against his chest. Buck reached down and picked up the letter and read it. He closed his eyes and said a prayer for his fallen friend. "Shhh….Lou it's alright, I'm here."
"He's gone Buck. He won't be coming home; he won't ever see his baby. Buck what am I going to do how am I going to make it on my on with a child?" Lou asked clinging to him.
"You're not alone Lou. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here for you no matter what. I know it's not the same thing, but I'll help you raise yours and Kid's baby like it was my own. I know you don't think so now but one day you'll meet someone new and will move on, but I'll always be here for you. I'm not ever going anywhere." Buck told her still rocking her in his arms.
"That's really sweet Buck but I can't ask that of you. You deserve to find someone to be happy with, how are you going to do that if you stay around here and take care of me." Lou said sniffling.
"Lou do you honestly think I will find someone who would want to marry a half breed and bring part Kiowa children into the world? No I don't think so. You will find someone though, I guarantee that." Buck said with a slight smile.
"Buck what man is going to want to marry a Rebel's widow with a child. A woman who spent almost two years living in a bunkhouse with six men, none of whom were related to me in anyway. I can't think of a single man who would do that." Lou said her tears finally subsiding.
"I would." Buck replied honestly.
"Buck you don't have to lie to me to make me feel better." Lou said with a half laugh.
"I'm not lying Lou; I would marry you in a heartbeat." Buck admitted his face flushing.
Lou pulled back to look at him, "Buck?"
"I mean it Lou, truth of the matter is I always knew your secret, from the very first day. I was attracted to you but I was afraid to say anything to you. By the time I had gathered my courage I realized you and Kid had something going on so I never said anything. I know you have never thought of me that way but I mean it I would marry you in a heartbeat." Buck declared.
Lou just looked at him tears filling her eyes at his words. "You really mean that don't you?" at Buck's nod she smiled, "then alright."
"Alright? Alright what?" Buck asked confused.
Lou gave him a slightly crooked grin, "Alright I'll marry you Buck. Since I can't spend the rest of my life with Kid, I'd rather spend it with you."
"Lou you can't be serious, you don't need to marry me just so you have someone to help raise the baby and take care of you. I'm not going anywhere; I'll be here no matter what." Buck said shaking his head.
"I know that Buck but I mean it too, I would marry you in a heartbeat. I may not love you like I do Kid, but you are my closest friend and I love you dearly. I think in time it can grow to more." Lou said hugging Buck tightly.
Buck pulled back and looked at Lou to see the truth in her eyes. He wiped the tears from her face with his thumbs; bending his head down he placed a soft kiss to Lou's lips. "Alright Lou let's get married." He said softly.
Lou gave him a bashful smile and kissed him gently again. She may not love him like she does Kid, but she's sure that in time they will grow to love each other deeply.
Three years later Buck and Lou Cross were sitting on their front porch swing, while little Leslie McCloud was playing with her kitten at their feet. Leslie looked just like Lou but had Kid's bright blue eyes. Her personality was a combination between the two of them. She had her mother's spirit but her father's since of loyalty and duty.
"Buck." Lou whispered in his ear.
Buck looked over at her and smiled, "Yes Louise?"
"Do you want a boy or girl?" Lou asked a little smirk on her face.
Buck gave her a strange look before a lopsided grin spread on his face, "Either. Why?"
"I think in about seven months Leslie will have a new baby brother or sister." Lou said softly her eyes twinkling.
Buck grinned and pulled Lou into his embrace kissing her passionately, "I love you Louise."
"I love you too Buck." Lou whispered back before kissing him again. Lou had been right when she said she knew they would grow to love each other greatly. In a way the love they shared was even stronger than the love she had shared with Kid. It wasn't the same but neither was she.
I told you that one day you would find someone new. Our little girl is beautiful Louise. Remember I am up here with God and we're both watching over you.
Lou and Buck both shivered as the gentle breeze caressed their skin. Lou closed her eyes when she felt what felt like a hand caressing her cheek. She swore she heard Kid's voice on the wind.
Buck felt a hand squeeze his shoulder but there was no one there, at least not one he could see. Take good care of her Buck. "I will Kid." Buck whispered to the wind.
Buck and Lou looked at each other tears in their eyes and smiled and then looked down to their feet at Leslie who had just said, "I love you daddy and you too Uncle Ike."
Buck looked back over at Lou and drew her into his arms again. Leslie climbed up into their laps and the little family sat there holding each other for a long time.
If You're Reading This - Tim McGraw
If you're reading this
My Mommas sittin there
Looks like I only got a one way ticket over here
Sure wish I Could give you one more kiss
And war was just a game we played when we were kids
I'm laying down my gun
I'm hanging up boots
I'm up here with God and we're both watching over you
[Chorus]
So lay me down
In that open field out on the edge of town
And know my soul Is where my momma always prayed
That it would go
And if you're reading this I'm already home
If you're reading this
Half way around the world
I won't be there
To see the birth of our little girl
I hope she looks like you
I hope she fight like me
Stand up for the innocent and weak
I'm laying down my gun
I'm hanging up boots
Tell dad I don't regret that I followed in his shoes
[Chorus]
So lay me down
In that open field out on the edge of town
And know my soul
Is where my momma always prayed
that it would go
And if you're reading this
I'm already home
If you're reading this
There's going to come a day
When you'll move on
And find some one else
And that's ok
Just remember this
I'm in a better place
Where soldiers live in peace
And angels sing amazing grace
[Chorus]
So lay me down
In that open field out on the edge of town
And know my soul
Is where my Momma always prayed
that it would go
And if you're reading this
I'm already home