Forever

**********PLEASE READ*********

Hello guys,

So here I bring you a story that may have been the hardest thing I ever wrote as a fanfiction writer. I hope that you can read the detail and the emotion that I tried to input to it and those that are closer to me on twitter will really know how I was feeling and how I struggled as I was writing the end. I hope you guys enjoy this as it has been a while that I have posted anything, however – I hope this makes up for everything – whoops.

Anyways, to add to the effect of the story, I have had the idea for music to be playing in the background at a certain point. I wanted you guys to have the same experience in reading it as I had writing it so if possible, please could you click play (on spotify or even youtube) on the song 'Safe Now by Henry Jackman' where I have marked '' and have It on repeat – you will understand as you read why! It is a beautiful song and the people that I have asked to trial this really gave me the feedback I needed. If you are unable to have the music playing it doesn't matter, but I just believe that it really helps you connect to the feelings of the characters.

As always, I hope you really enjoy this little OS and that you are kind enough to leave a review of what you thought.

Please feel free to message or tweet me on twitter, my user is literallydawsey if you want to know anything more about the story or anything more in general.

Thanks guys and happy reading,

Freya xx

This story is dedicated to Gracie, Heather, Maria, Maria, Zoe and Kristen for being the most amazing people I have ever known and constantly being there whenever I needed them. Also, for putting up with me as I ranted in the group chat about how I was done with writing fanfiction and life – hahah – sorry ladies. I love you all so much!

It was cold outside. Not the usual type of cold. The cold that surrounded you, that sunk deep into your bones and made a shiver role up your spine. A cold that told you that no matter what you did, something bad was going to happen, even though there was no way you could tell what it would be and when it would happen. This cold told Matt Casey something - today was going to mark an important event in his life, for better or worse and he wasn't quite sure if he was ready for it.

Walking down the stairs of the apartment he shared with his wife, he swiftly headed towards his old battered truck. Looking at the name that was written on the side and taking a minute to admire the name he saw, he remembered the day he decided to start his little construction business. The one he used as an excuse to leave the outside world and clear his head as he smashed defenceless iron nails into the hard wood of the object he was building. Although he didn't get out to the jobs he had as often as he wanted because of the paperwork he took home and spending time with the woman he loved, sometimes some time to himself was what he needed and the memories they provided him with brought a smile to his face.

Starting the truck and waiting for the engine to warm up a little, he pressed the button on the dashboard that instantly filled the silence. Pushing the truck into drive, Matt let the voice of the news correspondant fill the air around him as he looked over to the passenger seat and mourned the fact he was still driving to work alone.

As part of her annual schedule, Gabby had been taken in as an instructor at the Paramedic's academy over at the main CFD building in the heart of the city. She loved the feeling of being in the field, but even Matt knew that it was good for her to shift life down a gear, work the usual nine to five shift for a bit, and see what it was like to work a closer to normal job.

Although he hated every minute he spent without her at his side, he loved the fact that she was proud of passing on her extensive knowledge to the upcoming paramedics that would one day be the life and strength of the city. Knowing the feeling she was having about teaching the new recruits, because he had been given the pleasure of doing the job himself, he let the happiness of knowing she was safe in a warm building rather than out in the dangerous cold streets of Chicago warm him on this cold day.

Pulling up to the firehouse, Matt pulled the gear shift back and rolled the car into 'park'. Listening to the old engine tick over for a second he savoured the last few moments of warmth before leaning over to the foot well of the interior and grabbing his tatty old brown duffel bag. Taking a deep breath as he mustered up the courage to take a step outside, Matt pushed the door open with his shoulder and slid out of the door as fast as he could. The cold was around him now, seeping into every pour of his body and as he fumbled with the keys to lock the door, his CFD fleece was not putting up to the bitterness of the weather. Throwing the strap of his bag over his shoulder, Matt surged forward, checking the road was clear as he ran towards the firehouse in a dead sprint in desperation to get out of the chilling wind. The exertion of movement heated his central body mass but his extremities were still suffering.

Matt pulled the door open and threw his bag down on the apparatus floor as he vigorously rubbed his hands together to gain back some of the feeling he'd lost. "Holy crap!" he said to himself as he saw something move out of the corner of his eye.

"Cold enough for you?" Kelly Severide asked as he moved swiftly over to him, the morning paper tucked lightly under his arm.

Lifting his head from his hands Matt looked up and pulled a face. "I think i just saw a penguin - crying."

"Aww grow a pair, you big softy!" Kelly chuckled as he hit Matt on the arm with the paper that was now in his hand. "Ever since you and Gabby-"

"If you're gunna make a joke about me and Gabby one more time, i swear to God Kelly I'll-"

"Woah, whoa slow down there pretty boy. The day has just started. I don't want to have to fight you as early as this." Severide said with a laugh, the sarcasm in his voice making Matt look at him with a glare before it softened into one of his trademark side smiles.

"You know what I'm like when i don't get to speak to her before work." Matt replied as he grabbed the bag at his feet and began for the common room, throwing his head to one side to gesture that he wanted Kelly to follow him.

"She not want you to wake her up so she could say goodbye as you left?" Kelly asked swinging the paper hand casually by his side, the other rested gently in his pocket.

Matt rounded the corner and Kelly followed him as he smiled at Capp, who was passing with a cup of coffee to hand to his lieutenant. When he was out the way, Kelly took one look at it and decided that Matt was in more need of it at that moment than anyone. "Here, take this." Kelly prompted with a smile.

Matt looked from the coffee cup to his friend and smiled, "are you sure Capp won't be offended if i take it?" a boyish grin tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"I'm sure Capp's little heart will get over it one day." Kelly laughed as he handed it over and watched Matt take a large mouthful.

"Still the shittiest thing i have ever tasted," both men chuckled as they continued down the hallway. "Gabby did say she wanted me to wake her up but i couldn't do it. She had a rough last shift and she's been super busy with Diego and Eva staying with us because Antonio caught this big case and Laura being on holiday - she just deserved a break you know, so i let her sleep in."

Kelly leaned against one of the lockers as he watched his friend turn in his password and throw his bag into his locker before he slammed it shut and returned the padlock to its rightful place. "You're too good to her, you know that?"

Matt shook his head, a distant look on his face. "I wish you were right Kelly, i really do but I'm not. There is always gunna be a guy better suited to her out there, she just hasn't met him yet."

"Hey!" Kelly exclaimed grabbing Matt by the shoulders and pulling him to face him. "You are the guy she's always been in love with-"

"but-"

"no buts Matt, it's the truth." He sat down on the bench, his hand guiding his friend to take the seat beside him. "I know it was hard for you last shift, loosing that kid okay? I know it was hard for her too but you can't take your feelings out in the way that will ultimately make you sadder than you need to be. You both did everything you could to save that little boy and we all know that - stop beating yourself up about it. Now, what does Boden always jam into out idiotic little minds?"

Matt finally laughed telling Kelly he was making some headway. "Kelly, come on I'm not - "

"What does he say?" Kelly prompted again, another smile growing on his face.

Matt finally gave in, "New shift. New tale to tell."

"There's a good boy." Kelly chuckled as he rose to his feet, taking the now empty cup of coffee out of Matt's hand and placing it on top of one of the lockers. "You're gunna be okay, both of you - you hear me?"

Matt found his feet and stood up before nodding and finally letting his blue eyes meet with Kelly's. "Thanks bud."

"You know i always got your back." Severide smiled before he turned and began the walk towards his office.

Suddenly, the air was filled with the familiar Klaxon and the voice of a dispatch worker from main filled the air. "Truck 81, Squad 3 - request for unknown call at headquarters. That's Truck 81 and Squad 3 for an unknown call at headquarters."

"It's half ten in the morning, they have the smoke box on fire already?" Casey joked as they ran to the trucks.

The ride over was nothing short of normal. The odd amount of chatter filling the air as Casey sat in silence and let the voices of his men chatting and laughing calm his nerves. A call that was unknown was a usual prospect on the job that they did, you couldn't always know everything about every situation you went to, and they all accepted that.

Rolling the truck to a controlled stop, as always, Cruz shoved the truck into park as Matt used his shoulder to barge open the door. Already with his SCBA tank on his back like a rucksack and his mask dancing around to his side, Matt strode over to the large group of people huddled out on the sidewalk - CFD patches lighting up the area of uniformed darkness. Clearing his throat, Casey took the opportunity to stand on a hip high wall so he was visible to everyone that was on site. "Okay, Hi - Hello? - Can everyone listen up please!" Everyone turned around to face him, a sea of eyes now resting upon his body. "We need everyone to back up out the way so my company and i can get through with equipment. I would appreciate if you gave them the room they needed, and-"

"Lieutenant!" Came a voice. Casey wasn't sure where it had come from but he knew instantly who it was, his heart warming at the sight as the students parted for the little woman to get by. "Although it may be lovely for us all to see a natural born leader like yourself standing on this poor excuse of a wall," a little giggle went around the huddle of people. "there is an immediate need of a firefighter in room 6b." The smirk on Gabby's face and the unurgency she was talking with was making it hard for Matt to keep a straight and professional stance - he could tell his cheeks were heating up the closer she got to him.

Clearing his throat once again, Matt took a deep breath and called over to his men. "You all know where that is, go take some silver bullets and I'll meet you inside."
"Uh huh." a few of them said with a cheeky smile as they headed for the building. Herrmann held back and let a boyish grin out at his lieutenant - the eye contact he was holding with his boss making the other members of the team giggle as they shook their heads and carried on their order. "And what will you be doing out here then?"

Casey smiled, his arms being brought out to the sides so it looked like he was on a cross. "Crowd control."

Herrmann began to follow the rest of his company to the building, an extinguisher lightly in his hand. He looked over his shoulder and said something loudly so he knew his boss could hear him. "I'm sure it's only Gabby that'll gain the supervision of our ever so fearless leader-"

"Hey!" Casey called as Herrmann disappeared through the doorway. Looking down at Gabby, who was now at his feet and offering her hand, he took it and hoped down to be standing next to her. "Hey, you okay?"

She smiled at him, the way her eyes scanned him as it was the first time she had seen him since the previous day, checking that everything was okay. The smile she was getting from him told her that he was in fact okay and happier than she had seen him in a while. "Everything okay?" she asked as she swiped her hand back and forth in front of his eyes to try and wake him from his daydream.

Suddenly aware that he had drifted off into a part of his brain that he would happily have stayed in, Matt blinked and looked around and thankfully saw that the rest of the academy students were either chatting with one another or looking at their phones. Turning his attention back to his wife he took her all in. "Looking good as ever in your shirt."

Giggling at the fact he was trying to be smooth that he had been caught in a day dream, Gabby rolled her eyes. "I don't even get a 'hello' or a 'how are you this morning?' huh?"

Smiling at the fact she was flirting with him, Casey chuckled. "Okay, look I'm sorry. Let me try again?" She laughed and nodded as he turned around, stayed there for a second and turned back to face her. "Oh, Gabby hi! I didn't see you there. How are you this fine morning?"

Gabby gigged shoving his shoulder as she turned to see the rest of 81 coming out of the building. "You're lucky that you're cute Mr Casey, you really are."

"I'm cute am I, aww look at you Mrs Casey getting a little soft, is she?"

"Matt, shut up!" She laughed as she looked over her shoulder and saw the rest of her class filing back into the building. "Now, kiss your girl so we can both go back to our jobs."

"I don't see an Ambo anywhere – "

Grabbing the collar of his turnout jacket she pulled him towards her, their lips touching for a moment before Gabby pulled away leaving Matt pulling a kissy face at her. "You need to grow up, you and Kelly are a pair of children." She giggled as she shoved him in the direction of the truck and headed for the main building. Watching her go, Matt saw her laugh to herself before she shouted over her shoulder: "I married a child!"

After laughing to himself, Matt instantly felt alone. Like a little piece of him was taken away as she left him. Although he knew he would see her soon after she had finished work, he still wanted to be with her, the brief encounter with her not being enough to satisfy his current feelings.

After losing the kid the shift before they head a long talk about the future. What they hoped for and what they wanted to do, but starting a family was the one thing that had stuck in his mind. They spent hours talking about their family and what life would be not just having to look after one another but a child of their own. That gave him hope in that moment of sadness.

Before he could come to grips with his feelings, the sound of the truck's horn came blasting through the air, ripping every molecule of his feelings from his current state of attention. Turning around, he saw the truck shaking as the men inside tried to hide their hysteria as they watched their lieutenant have a moment to himself.

Matt closed his eyes and let a thankful smile spread across his face before staring towards the rest of the goons he worked with. He was thankful for them being there, being there to make him feel happy even though he knew he wanted to just sit in a dark room and be grumpy with everything that was wrong in the world. He was thankful that they were there to cheer him up even when they didn't know he was sad. Finally reaching the door, Matt grabbed the handle and swung himself up into his rightful spot at the helm of 81.

Through the laugher, which now Matt was joining in on, Cruz looked at him and said, "feel ready to join us Lieu?" Casey nodded his head as he rolled his eyes. The truck surged into motion and again they were back on the road heading for home.

The day had been slow and now the sun was beginning to set. It was about 4pm but the winter was in full swing and so it was usual that the sky was painted an orangey-pink, the buildings in the heart of the city being hidden like a silhouette. Matt was standing in the warmth of the bays, looking out of the windows of the shutters at the beautiful city he could call home. It had been a long time since he had been at a firehouse and felt like he was generally alone. He knew that he could just walk into the common room and be with people he loved dearly and that he knew he could talk to about anything, but everyone needed to suffer through some sadness every once and a while. Like Herrmann was famous for saying, 'sometimes it's just better to live with the pain for a little while' and that was what he was doing. He was taking the time to mourn the loss of the child they hadn't been able to save the shift before; the one that Matt had found hiding under a bed and that shook out of pure fear as he had carried his badly burnt little body out of the inferno to the ambulance. The young boy that had coded and that Gabby tried everything she could to get him to come back – none of it worked, it came with the job. You save the people you can save, and not everybody makes it. You should take it on the chin and deal with it. But it was a child, a poor defenceless child that needed help and Matt couldn't get him out of his head. The one thing that was slowly driving him crazy was the fact that the last thing the boy had said to him, the weakest voice Matt nearly missed him all together, was bouncing around in his head and he was unable to shake it.

Bringing his hands up to his face Matt stood there, his eyes covered and closed as he tried to shut it out, the feeling that he wasn't good enough, that he would never be a good enough firefighter and a man to the people around him. Gabby, Kelly, the rest of the guys – they deserved a strong leader that could contain his emotions and not let them slip every time he was left alone. He needed to man up, even if he didn't quite know how; then as he thought his whole world was tumbling down around him, the voice of his not so beautiful guardian angel bounced off the cold walls of the room. "You still moping out here in the dark?" Kelly teased as he came and stood beside Matt, his arm now slung over his friend's shoulder. "It's beautiful, isn't it? Should win an award if mother nature had one."

Matt chuckled to himself. "You know you always know the right thing to say."
"You not sure that it's just you've known me for so long now, everything I say seems to be the right thing for every situation?"

Holding the eye contact for a moment Casey smiled. "God, you're like your dad."

"I am not!" Kelly protested as he shoved Matt's shoulder and gave him both barrels of defence, Matt almost collapsing to the floor with laughter – his previous problems being lifted from his shoulders. "I am not like Benny okay!" Severide finished anticlimactically with a stupid smirk on his face.

"Whatever you say big guy." Matt teased, welcoming the happy emotions that were flooding his body.

"Truck 81, Squad 3 unknown call at headquarters." Came the klaxon once again, killing the chat that Kelly and Matt were both enjoying.

Before they moved, the commotion around them creating an energy filled atmosphere, Kelly and Matt shared a look. They both knew what the other was thinking - it would be the same call again as it was the day of basic fire demonstrations done to the fire-medic classes. Shaking his head as he turned and began heading in the direction once again, Matt felt the warmth spread over his body as he recalled how the last call was and the fact that he was going to see Gabby again.

The trucks flew through the city, sirens blazing and lights flashing causing any motorist who was in the way to move. They felt like the kings of the street as they moved quickly through the traffic. Casey glanced to the side as he watched the darkening sky give the buildings a new sense of dimension, the lights on in all the floors showing off a normal city job rather than the excitement and the adrenalin that being a first responder brought to you. Matt suddenly felt a wave of confidence flood his body, a feeling that he hadn't felt in a while. He felt happy, and exited and confident and everything he knew he should be feeling on the way to a fire – however small it may be.

This was when everything changed. The truck came rolling around the corner exposing the largest fire Matt may have ever seen in his whole career. The academy, the beacon of hope among every fire and paramedic personnel in the city, was ablaze. Burning bright and hot as the truck came to a stop. Gathering his act together Matt took charge. First truck on scene always gave the orders and now a multi-story high rise fire that covered a huge part of the block was now his priority. Hearing the wail of sirens in the background, Matt knew that there would be many other companies heading his way. Looking at what he was dealing with, he tried to piece together a plan of attack.

Casey saw multiple levels of fire and he knew that there would be people on them that needed assistance. Then he scanned the area where he was standing. A great sea of people had been evacuated and yet he still could help himself but look for the one important person. He tried and failed and it wasn't until Herrmann had come up behind him that he was dragged from his panicked search.

"Lieutenant, you okay?" Herrmann asked over the raw of the fire.

Casey drew his eyes from the crowd of students and to the huddle of now growing firefighters he had at his disposal. He took a deep breath, shared a moment of unspoken contact with Severide and began to deliver his orders. "Okay, all companies listen up!" his voice coming out strong and confident although he felt afraid and like he shouldn't be the one with this job on the inside. "Squads, search and rescue. Follow Squad 3 up to the higher floors, starting at the top, to check for trapped victims." He watched all the squad companies slide on their masks and follow Severide into the inferno. Casey boldly carried on as he watched his best friend disappear into the smoke, a quick but silent prayer passing his lips as he moved onto the next order. "Any operating elevator technician on the truck companies I need them up in the air ASAP to help squad with the victims, any other truck members with me – mask up!"

Soon they were amongst the hot and fiery insides of the building they had all passed through at one point in their career. The sadness it brought to each individual firefighter as they hustled down each hallway, searching for survivors, each struggling to keep their emotional attachment to the place at bay. Each firefighter kicking down doors and yelling the words that let every soul know that there was hope of life – fire department, call out!

Casey ordered half of his team to one side of the building as they carried out search and rescue on the lower floors. Talking each classroom by storm, they knew they had a large area to cover and they knew that with the way it was going there would never be enough time to search everywhere.

At that moment, there was an explosion above them, the whole of 81 dropping to their knees to protect them from any debris that would be deposited onto them. It was at that point Chief Boden's voice came thundering though their radios telling them with no question that they had to leave the building and return to safety.

The fire had reached the structure and now huge plumes of thick black smoke came bellowing out of every window and every crack that let it though. Boden stood with the trucks as he watched teams of firefighters come streaming out of the main entrance, Boden scanning each face to see whether his men were safe. He knew how it would be, truck and squad at 51 would be the first in last out, that was a fact.

After one tense minute, squad 3 came sprinting out as another thick cloud of smoke swirled into the sky above them. Truck 81 following them, they all came and crowded round the chief until Kelly noticed one thing was horribly wrong. "Where's Casey?"

The team all looked around, all sharing the panicked expression as the feeling washed over them. Herrmann was the first one to speak. "I know where he is. Chief if you let me just-"
"I am not letting anyone else in there i-"

Herrmann barged through the rest of the firehouse huddle so he was standing in front of his boss. "I am not leaving him in there, and I know that everyone here feels the same."

"Why would he ignore a direct order?" Capp asked trying to wrap his head round the whole situation.

The group fell silent, only the roar of the fire and the hiss of the hoses were audible, but then it hit Herrmann like a tonne of bricks. "Gabby."

Boden's face scrunched in confusion. "What are you talking about i-"

"When he jumped out the truck, he looked lost, like someone was lost. I thought he was just taking in the whole situation but now I realise what he was doing. He was scanning the crowd for Gabby, Chief, she's in there and we all know that he isn't gonna leave that building until she's out!"

"Fire department, call out!" Matt hollered as he moved further into the flames. The building more readable because the signs for the different departments were still directing him. "Fire department, Gabby can you hear me? Call out!"

He reached the room that he knew she was teaching in – her name 'PIC G Dawson' written on a removable plaque on the door. Trying the handle, he found it was locked so he looked through the window and saw a huge pile of debris in the middle of the room from when the building began to collapse. He turned himself, his hands on either side of the door frame, brought his foot up and kicked with all the desperation he had within him until the door swung open. "Gabby, call out – can you hear me?"

Casey surged forward, picking up chairs and slinging him to the side as he fought to get to the centre of the room, his heart slamming in his chest as he used his infrared camera to pick up body heat. Swiftly scanning the room, each second passing like a minute, he slowly let his brain hope that she was out there, heading the triage like the leader she was but then he saw something. His heart bottoming out as his legs propelled him forward. There she was, lying as still as anything below a mound of celling concrete. "No."

Feeling his eyes well up, Matt got to work. Grunting as he desperately lifted each piece of concrete off the woman he loved until she was left bare and still. Dropping to his knees, all the pain he was feeling weighing him down he looked at her then placed two fingers to her neck and prayed that there was something there. "Gabby, no, come on! Don't leave me like this," he yelled, "Come on!" When he was sure he had felt nothing, he felt a wave of anger hit him, tears streaming down his face he started compressions, each one yelling her name louder and louder as his voice broke, his brain unable to comprehend the feeling he had pulsing through every cell at that second. He knew she was gone but he couldn't help himself. He collapsed next to her, pulling her dust and ash filled head onto his lap as he fell; he let the tears steam up his mask until he could see her any longer – each sob more painful as the fire burnt around them.

"Gabby, please." He cried as his brain told him that he couldn't do this any longer. That living without her wasn't an option and so he did it. He took off his helmet, half out of homage to his fallen wife, but more to the face that he needed to see her. Pulling the mask off his face he let the smoke choke him as he took his first suffocating breath.

He leaned forward, his lips meeting hers as he cried. The weight caused by the huge tank of air, sat on his back restricted his movement. That was it, he had made the decision. Unstrapping the tank, he let it slide onto the floor beside him, Gabby's head still rested in his lap. Looking at her peaceful face, Matt slowly undid the buckles on his turnout jacket until his fleece – the one that had protected him from the cold earlier that happy morning - was the only thing standing against the deathly flames and his defenceless skin. Then he lay beside her. His arm laying across her stomach, her lifeless body clutched within his arms as he rested his head against his shoulder and closed his eyes. The tears still steamed down like emotion filled waterfalls, clearing the ash and dust from his cheeks in little rivers. Each sob coming painfully as he cried. All his emotions being let go as his world finally crumbled around him.

It was then he knew his heart could rest. He knew that the fire was closing in on them, that it was getting hotter and hotter, more powerful as the seconds flew by but he could let his body relax. Relax into every curve of her body, his fitting perfectly to hers as he let his pulse slow down. Each beat slowing to a rhythm as he let his brain shut down. Her face flashing in front of his eyes. Her smile. Her eyes. Her lips. Her hair. Everything. The woman he had loved with all his heart for as long as he had known her. Though the tears were still flowing freely down his face, he smiled thought he pain because he knew that she had died doing what she loved. Knowing that what she was doing was right and it made his heart swell with how proud he was. Matt loved her with everything he had. He loved his family, the ones panicking on the outside but he didn't let his mind wander that far. He contained his thoughts, his emotions and locked then away to a place that could never be reached. His most treasured memories staying with him forever. Then it was just her as he felt the atmosphere change, the whole room alive with static kinetic electric energy, and he knew what it meant. The room was going to flashover. But he wasn't scared. He wasn't afraid that he wasn't going to survive this one. The final one. The thing he had feared throughout his whole career. This time, he willed it on. Demanding that with every role across the celling, every molecule of oxygen that filtered into the room, that every flame would kickstarted a reaction that would be the start and the end of everything in seconds. Wanting it to build closer as he held Gabby tighter and tighter. Wanting everything to just go quiet. To leave this place, this world of unhappiness and ultimate death. That he could be eternally happy. That he could be with people he loved in a place that he loved. That he didn't have to worry what people thought of him, how he treated them. All he had to think about was her. The woman he loved. The woman he promised to protect through anything. He felt like a failure, that he failed in preventing her death but it was done. The guilt grabbed his mind like a demon in the dark and then it happened before he even had a chance to take another suffocating breath. Just like that. He was gone. The room exploded like a firework in the night sky. It was bright, and it was furious and it was beautiful. Quick and painless and easy. That was all he ever wanted. To never have to live without her. He kept his promise, till death do them part. That was what he did, he died knowing she was in a safer and happier place, and they would be able to dance and hold each other forever in their arms until the end of time… They would be happy, for ever and ever until the oldest thing itself died and only time was left. Time that kept ticking as they kissed forever in the beautiful fields of heaven where nothing was sad. Where nothing hurt. It was just joy, and love, and happiness… forever.