'If I could take all this pain away,
Use the rage of our youth today,
Whose to say that it's you to blame,
It's the people above you,
The ones that swear that they love you,
Look what the world has come to,
So now it's time to say 'Fuck You',
If they can, and they drug you,
When no one's staring, when they numb you,
Fill you with terror then crush you,
Pretend they care as they shove you,
So you look to me to find the truth,
And what I say is what you do,
But everyone you look up to,
Is really as fucked up as you,
Time is getting shorter,
With these enforced disorders,
And we get blamed, and pushed around,
Who's the fucking villain now?'
-Pain:: Hollywood Undead
~Save Me From Myself~
The room was a small 15x15 foot windowless room, with nine plastic chairs forming a circle in the middle. One flourescent light hung from the middle of the room, casting a dreary glow over the chairs. The walls were an eggshell white, and the carpet was beige.
He shifted in his seat, and had his head down - studying the intricate pattern of his tennis shoe laces. To his right sat a middle aged, blonde haired, woman. And, to his left sat a, brown haired, young man - who appeared to be in his early 20's. The blonde haired woman, to his right, finished talking. All eyes shifted to him, he didn't have to glance up to see. He could feel eight pairs of eyes, boring into his skull.
The man in charge of the group, who's name was Kei, spoke up, "Would you mind sharing your name, the spelling, your age, and your story?"
A sigh fell from his lips. He cleared his throat, "My name's Itachi Uchiha, I-T-A-C-H-I. I'm 19 years old. And...I was addicted to painkillers."
"What specifically?" Kei asked.
Itachi sighed, "Fentanyl, percocet, codeine, and oxy..."
Kei nodded, a look of understanding on his face. "Now, you say you were addicted. Would you explain your story? What motivated you to get help?"
"Five months ago...my brother had found me in the fetal position, on the floor of our kitchen. I was clutching an empty bottle of Hydrocodone. And, tears were pouring down my face. I looked at him and said, 'I need help'. He took me to the ER, and I was put on Suicide Watch.
Now..." Itachi bit the inside of his cheek. "I'm here."
"When did it start?" Kei asked, resting his elbows on his knees.
"It's fucked up."
"How so?"
"I'm in love with my brother, and part of my story includes that. Meaning, we had sex. And, still do." Itachi admitted bluntly, wanting to see if anyone in the group was disgusted. But, everyone seemed unphased.
"We're not here to judge. We all signed a confidentiality agreement before we started talking. What is said here in this group, stays in this group." Kei glanced at everyone in the group, as everyone nodded in agreement. "We won't judge."
Itachi twiddled his thumbs. "Our mother was a heavy alcoholic. And...our father was a workaholic. One night, I woke up to them fighting. Screaming, yelling, hitting...Sasuke, my younger brother, came into my room and...he was crying. He's 17 now, but he had just turned 15 at the time. The last time I had seen him cry, was when he was 11 and he had broken his leg. He looked at me, and it was then that I realized that the fighting above us had subsided...he looked at me and said, 'She's not coming back. She's gone. Forever.' Our mother had walked out on us, that night. Our father acted like nothing had ever even happened, he was in denial. Things were normal, I guess as normal as things could get after a situation like that, for about two months. And then..."
Itachi swallowed the lump in his throat, and put his head in his hands. He bit his lower lip and looked back up at the group. "Then he was raped, by the man I no longer call my father. I went to his work, and told him that if I ever see him again I will kill him - and, I will gladly stay in prison for doing so."
The brown haired man, to his left, spoke up, "I give you props man."
Itachi quirked a brow and looked at the man. The man quickly continued, "I mean, it must've taken a lot of will power not to just snap the bastard's neck."
Itachi nodded slightly, "It was hard. After that, I went home and sat in the driveway. And, I broke down. Crying, swearing, criticizing myself. Telling myself that I wasn't a good brother. About an hour later, I finally regained my composure and went inside. Sasuke was sitting on the couch, this blank expression on his face. I told him that I took care of everything, and that our 'father' will never be coming around again. He gave me a hug. As I pat his back, this ungodly pain tore through my left wrist. It was severely swollen, and beyond bruised. Sasuke said I should go to the hospital, because it looked like I had broken it. He was right. The doctor said I had broken the scaphoid bone, and that it was the most common bone to break in the wrist. I was given a hard splint, and Oxy for the pain."
Kei nodded in understanding, "Continue if there's more, that is?"
"That same night, Sasuke and I...we slept together, for the first time. The timing of what we did, was a bit too soon. But, things progress sometimes," Itachi took a shaky breath. "From that moment on, our relationship grew. And, everything was going great. But a week later, I started taking more Oxy than was prescribed. It started out as one extra pill, then moved onto two. Then three, and so on. Sasuke noticed a change in my behavior, and confronted me about it. I told him, 'I guess I let stress get to me. I'm sorry, I'll change.' Then...we slept together again. I had sex with him, to divert the attention away from the initial confrontation. That's when I knew I had a problem. But, I didn't stop.
I began to buy Oxy from dealers. When I didn't have any Oxy, I turned into Mr. Hyde. I became verbally abusive towards Sasuke. I'd threaten him, and call him names. By this time, a year had passed. And, things just got worse. I was arguing with Sasuke one night about my drug problem. Something came over me, and I screamed at him 'You deserved what our father did to you!' Pain filled his eyes, and I could tell he was trying his hardest not to cry. He said he knew I didn't mean that. Then I...I hit him. And he ran out of the house."
Itachi paused and looked down at the ground, as he recalled memories that he had tried so hard to forget. He took a shaky breath, and felt a tear trickle down his cheek. The brown haired man patted his back, "'ey man, it's OK. You don't need to continue if you don't want."
Itachi took another shaky breath, and shook his head. "It's OK."
"After that happened, I just broke down. Everything, just came crashing down around me. I went into the kitchen, and grabbed a large cutlery knife, and I made multiple deep gashes on both of my wrists. I figured, 'Hey I'm scum. I'm hurting the one I love. I'm no better than my father. Sasuke would be happier if I was dead.' So I took the entire bottle of Hydrocodone I had just bought. I don't know how much time had elapsed. Next thing I remember, is waking up on the kitchen floor soaked in my own blood - from the cuts to my wrists. Sasuke was next to me, and he was crying. I kept saying that I was so sorry, and that I loved him. I had hit rock bottom. I looked him in the eyes and said, 'I love you so much...please, please forgive me...Give me another chance. Sasuke, I...I need help. Please save me.'" Itachi looked at the ceiling, tears running down his cheeks. "I'm beyond thankful, that he gave me another chance. And, as of today, I'm seven months sober."