Hello there. first of all: I am not a fanfic writer and just wrote this for something else. But since I am not too happy and it cannot be useful, well... have it? My friend who betaread it thought it's a funny story, you may it be useful and maybe make someone giggle... The title was my friends doing, too :)

Toothless' Point of View

I, Toothless as the humans called me, didn't get it. But then, that was nothing new. These mammals who called themselves humans were always so very strange. Sometimes I wondered if they even had instincts and if not; how they got to survive? It was a mystery to me. And right now my favorite human and his wished mate were the reason of my newest marveling. It was already more than strange that Hiccup brought the food day by day and not just the food the human needed but also fish and sometimes even meat for me! Strange since I am a grown up Night Fury and no little hatching anymore and I am quite sure the human didn't court to me... at least I hoped so. I don't even smell like a female and am not of his kind anyways! And his smell every time the human female Astrid was close was a sure indication that he was rather interested in her. 'But then, why complain? Why not enjoy it?' I told myself and stopped wondering and just enjoyed the meat and fish.

But now things started to get even stranger! The young male got food now, from the female. She brought these things once in a while... Smelling sweetish and from time to time even stranger; bitter or burned. Sometimes the foods were small and sometimes bigger. That it was food was clear, even though the strange smells, because Hiccup always ate what Astrid brought him... or at least he pretended to. They sat together and ate together. A few times he just threw the things under the table or after the female was gone he tried to feed them to me. "Here maybe you like that," he would offer. Of course I didn't eat it. 'Why should I even try that when I got tasty fish in the basket beside me?' I signaled him, still not sure if he got it. He still tried from time to time.

Besides the food offerings, the two humans didn't get very close. At least it didn't seem so that they would get even further in their courting, not to think about mating! One night my human came back from Astrid; I could still smell her on him. Still he didn't seem too happy, so no success again, no mating done. And then, instead of going to bed he brought me a very nice and big salmon and sat down beside me, leaning on my side. What I didn't mind at all, humans had a very nice body temperature after all. Happily downing my offered fish I liked my mouth and teeth before I retracted them again. After that I started grooming him, because while I didn't mind him close, I really could not understand why humans gave so little attention to their cleaning. It was horrible, really... 'The way you smell no one would eat you at least,' I offered while I was cleaning him. Thankfully he had stopped protesting the first few times. Still, something was different today, he just sat there huffing like I did when I was still hungry but the food was already eaten. I gave him a questioning gaze. 'What is it, boy?' And wondered if I should offer him half of the salmon again, it was not digested yet... but then he just leaned further back on me, closed his eyes and started talking.

"You know what, Toothless? I wish I weere you!" he said groaning.

'Of course you wish that human, I am a mighty Night Fury and you are... well, a small mammal'

"You don't have any duties, are happy with food and flight, no problems with being the next village leader because your dad is, no problems with girls or growing up or anything!" Hiccup declared, opening his eye again, flailing with his arms in the air like a hatchling who made his first wing-flaps. I didn't understand half of the things he said. What I understood was that he did have problems with a lot of things. Maybe that held him off courting properly… or being courted, whatever. 'Easy, human... see it's no wonder things are so complicated, you should do one thing after another! Not all at once, that's stupid,' I told him, giving him a small smack with my tail tip.

"Haha, yes Toothless I know, you have it hard enough being the only Night Fury and stuff, I should not complain so much, being a Viking and all... And don't assume I can get any tips from you, huh?" he answered and asked. I didn't understand why he assumed there would not be other Night Furies besides me, of course there were, we just had our territories, unlike humans who lived crowded up on such a small place. But that was not the point here anyways. The point was that he did fail to get his genetics spread, and that he didn't seem to listen to me!

But then he just asked me for advice again, didn't he? How could I deny it? So I started thinking and contemplating why all was so bad for my human and I came to one conclusion: They were doing it all wrong! Slowly I was more than sure that they had lost all their instincts! Poor, stupid humans. First of all it was the male who had to bring the food to the female - unlike how it happened between Hiccup and Astrid.

Then the presents should be considered and if worthy; eaten. If an offer was accepted. That should not happen to easy anyways, not like Hiccup did it. If they must do it the wrong way around he at least could show that the offering was bad! Like this he just sent mixed signals to the female, no wonder they didn't move on... 'Poor Astrid must be confused by you all the time' I muttered and poked him in the side with a leg. He just gave me a look. "What was that for?"

'Oh, sure you knew what for that was Hiccup!' I signaled back, huffing at him and thought on, trying to find other mistakes in their courting behavior.