I was 18 and I was horny.

Again.

It happens about twice every single day of my panty-soaked ridiculously horned- up life.

I finally found myself a boyfriend though, a sexy Afghani man to compliment my Egyptian/Italian medley. His beautiful cock was 9 inches of pure sexual heaven.

And I had it under lock and key.

He had dipped himself inside me twice and it was the best sex I could have ever imagined, he kissed me, asked me if I was ok at least FIVE fucking times and told me he loved me right at the moment where we exploded at climax. What a magnificent fuck.

Now I was on the bus making my way to the big TO smelling myself from the long day, I wished I had brought some perfume to spray all over my pungent crotch smell... TMI, I know, but it was the horribly strong smelling truth at the time.

My back hurt a bit from all the bus travel, but at least I was over that terrible headache from the night before.

I had recently taken up smoking cigs sometime in early November and it seemed to help with general headaches and extreme nausea caused by youth help center dog-food sandwiches.

Besides the fact that I was feeling much better, I had taken a few heart attacks during the week every time someone knocked at the door, you see, I thought it was my boyfriend coming to meet me at my home, but his lazy ass was still all the way back in Toronto scratching his ball sack and waiting for me to make a move. So I sprung out of my anxiety box and headed straight to the nearest bus station late one Sunday night, if he wasn't coming to see me, I was going to see him and probably beat his ass for getting my hopes up so high over his bitch ass.

At this point I'm guessing you think I'm crude and are probably contemplating putting down the book for good, to which I say hey, it's your life, I don't control your stupid choices and actions. Do what you want and leave me out of it ok? Ok! Back to this wonderful little narrative then. I'm going to describe my sexual encounter with my boyfriend Vali Mohammed (yes, that is his stupid bitch ass cute lil' name an' shit) and at this point if you want to stop reading and promptly throw this book in the wastebasket please do, if not, enjoy the sexes!

First fuck of my life I was laid down on my stomach, sprawled across Vali's bed entirely naked from head to toe, he was breathing heavily and I was already moaning with anticipation at what was to "cum" (see what I did there? Clever play on words right? Ok, I'll shut up now...)

He pressed himself inside my tight butthole and I swear I almost screamed,

It hurt so bad, I had to push him off of me and spend some time to my miserable self just writhing around in the fetal position wailing 'why did that hurt so badly?!' repeatedly until he eased himself in gently, repeating in a soft sexy voice that 'it's ok I'm being gentle, see baby?' that was enough to make me lose my mind, I stared at him, jaw completely unhinged and drooling as he made his way 9 inches deep in my virgin ass. It was magical, I was moaning and he was breathing heavily and groaning in time with my pleasure noises. He began to thrust hard enough to hear the skin on skin contact, I was biting his pillow and trying so hard not to be too loud.

He stopped and asked if I liked that, my heart melted straight out of my vagina and I could only moan a reply, I began to back up into him, I was going in real deep and we could both feel it deeply.

As we continued to rock each other's worlds he asked if he could finish inside me (what a gentleman!) and I readily responded in my dizzy drunk sex voice.

He did, I very quickly found out that his cum was completely transparent like water, and I soon figured he was unable to have kids. I just happened to be infertile as well. What a perfect scenario, everything about it was like a gift from the heavens up above.

Well anyways I finished him off in under 3 minutes and damn was I sooo proud of myself, for someone who's already had so much sex before making love with me he was a lightweight! I hadn't even fully climaxed yet, just halfway before he burst inside me. I almost laughed and was so proud of my newfound prowess. I was his inexperienced mistress and he was my horny slave, ready to please me at any moment in time.

CHAPTER 1 - Happy Days on the Bus

I met another cutie pie on the bus today, specifically a Gordon Weildman, of whom I boldly asked to make out with and his answer was sure. I couldn't believe my own confidence as I gently caressed his lips with mine, touching the back of his head and pulling him closer to my chest. He was a great kisser! He told me that this had never happened to him, I was glad to be his first rebel. He got me dripping wet and I got him hard quickly. But gentlemen he was he didn't take me out back into a hotel or inn to fuck me silly. He has this complicated relationship with a paranoid girlfriend that I'm guessing doesn't love him enough to trust him. I trusted that he didn't have herpes, so I'm already better than some people out there.

My strange pendulum tricks to answer yes or no questions wasn't functioning very well, I still asked my higher self for answers despite the lies. Vali does love me and would say yes to marriage, so I figured I'd ask him once I see him in person. And if things don't work out with him I've always got my safety net, Gordy.

Gordon smells like old wood in a carfour, not a popular scent but I always found it rustic and relaxing to no end, so it was a welcome scent and affair. His lips were dry while his upper-lip mustache was prickly, I did my best to moisturize it with my tongue but he didn't take very well to that so I stopped out of respect for the guy, whatever floats your boat or whatever.

I don't always try and kiss strangers, but I ask attractive males of the opposite sex once in a while, Gordy was the first who actually complied, and for a whole half hour might I add! (beat THAT one Vali, I double dare you).

I was looking forward to spending more precious time with my boyfriend Vali, nothing better than Netflix and chill while we watch a horror movie and really let the fear shake us deep into our core while we're making love together.

Again, he must have been the best fuck I've ever had (even though I really haven't had that much sex to compare to yet).

I was going to work out the kinks in my relationship with Vali so we could hopefully have a very good marriage, honeymoon, and sex life in a stable, loving environment. I was planning to propose to my baby with a tie my dad didn't like and offered to give to him, I was definitely gonna use it to pull him closer to me while fucking him (I ended up losing that tie on the greyhound bus and had to buy him another). I wanted him in nothing but his tie and a pair of tube socks.

But to be honest, I was still a bit afraid of the whole sex thing, the other day a short black man named Bo insisted that I 'masturbate him' and I consistently replied with no, had he been any more insistent I'd be doing something I really didn't want to be doing right now.

Needless to say I did not sleep a wink that night, and left the premises as fast as I walked in, like a bat outta hell.

It worked, I escaped and made a pact with myself that I would never accept any gifts or sacrifices from strangers any longer.

The world looks so full of possibilities, so much potential for a horny 18-year-old, a bit too many at times as we millennials get overwhelmed and anxious with it all wayyy to easily. We need our choices given to us in smaller portions, only then can we choose the right things for us with a sense of piece of mind. We're constantly afraid of making the wrong choices in our lives and fucking up hard, it doesn't make us weak (if that's what you're thinking), it makes us introspective and intelligent, resilient and responsible, eloquent and - well - you get the idea. I just want to feed him things, buy him clothes, give him nice presents, give him all the great sex he could possibly want. Maybe I like him and shit...

I dunno.

Either way, I feel he deserves it, and when I of all people think they deserve something, oh do they ever deserve the shit out of that thing, whatever it is, or whatever it may be.

Well I had my baby, my safety net, and my close encounter with rape (he rubbed my titty the wrong way and I still get chills from it, bad, very bad chills) but I wasn't stopping there, oh no siry bob, the world was my oyster now that I was an adulty adult and I was NOT going to waste it, slurping it hungrily and without even a drop of hesitation, that oyster there was mine, ALL mine.

CHAPTER 2 - Mattie

Oh where to start with Mattie, it wasn't easy with him, he did this thing where he made me so afraid of everything that I'd jump at his slightest touch. The drop of a pin could make me leap 3 feet into the air and not come down as I hold onto the rafters and shake violently for (GET THIS!) NO REASON! He was a very docile and zen looking individual, blondish hair, blue eyes, patchy facial hair and very, VERY pale complexion. His voice sounded rather queer but I thought I was just being derogatory and rude, boxing people in and whatnot. But as it turned out he really was gay, extremely gay. I told him that 'I hope I didn't turn you gay' and all he replied with was 'well, you'll never know' and with that my heart fell out my ass and broke into a million tiny pieces, thank god for the tiny wielder within for fixing that shit and adding extra confidence to the mix. I can't thank that angel enough. I almost went back to being "emo" again (and yes, lots of people go through that faze so shuttup).

Nevertheless, I was glad to put all that shit behind me when I met my sexy Vali Mohammed, don't know what I would do without that little devil...

Yeah I guess I might be in love or something... I'm definitely not going to talk about it. Or am I..?

Nah I'm not.

Maybe.

He is so gentle, generous, gorgeous, the whole package. Have you met that person that makes you feel like you don't know what you were doing in your life to get by before you met them? Yeah, that.

Anywhale, Matt was an adventure all on his merry faggoty own. I met him in my town near the St. Lawrence river and when he found I had my period (a heavy one too) he asked me if I'd 'like' to suck him, and to my own personal horror I found myself drunkenly nodding my head in his direction, saying nothing, he bent my head over his 8-inch girth and I found myself choking hard on his smooth pink cock from underneath his soft grey boxer shorts. My heart pounding and my breathing being restricted badly, he pulled me off and finally released the kraken on me, I held my left thumb down hard as he pounded deep into my throat (apparently that's supposed to keep the gag reflex under complete control). He pulled me off of him mere moments before he shot load after heavy load of thick, white semen straight into his own boxer shorts. I tasted some of his cum still dripping down my throat, it was sweet...

I never would have guessed it could be that sweet in a million years, like swallowing pure sugar and water. I was impressed and shocked all at once.

I was still shaking afterwards though, even after the huge fat blunt we smoked of grade A shit in his car I was still scared shitless. He noticed and tried to hug me way too tightly and run his long lean fingers through my hair. I liked that very much but it didn't help the scared shitless feelings. What worked was getting out of the car and walking back home, in my beautiful light peach menstrual blood covered dress. I looked like a walking horror show, smeared makeup, tousled hair and a scared look in my eyes, a bit like I could scream.

I heard some children wail screams of horror as I walked by, I felt bad, but at the same time I felt rather powerful, first the ability to turn adult males from straight to gay and now the ability to make children cry with just a single look.

But no no no, he didn't tell me he was gay just yet, two days of sucking his cock later and then he springs the whole truth on me like a rabid cat out of an old, dirty to-go bag. Told me he was thinking about a man while I was sucking him off so lovingly.

Sick shit, really sick.

Well it wasn't THAT bad, but it kind of wasn't that nice either.

Looking back on it now, I really took it all like a champ, didn't even cry ONCE. I was a tough cookie, just like my Nonna had predicted I would be. I was proud of myself, very proud. Then I find Vali and my entire life is spun around for the better (well, maybe not for my mom... Sorry mom).

I promptly began loving myself in every possible way again after many cold years of hating myself in every way. I finally felt that I was worth all the love I was surrounded by, finally worthy of the beautiful life I was blessed with by heaven itself.

Then my mom decided weed was no good for me and I began struggling with myself again, but I got over that with cigarettes. So I basically had to be a bit nailed at all times to be okay with everything in my life, the good, the bad, the really bad, and the fine.

My fire had returned, passion burning, desire seething, I was myself once more.

Moreover, I got my energy back and began dancercising (a harmonious and energetic blend of hip hop/interpretive dance and hardcore cardio exercise to upbeat music and soundtracks).

I was a powerhouse of dance and song, and my curves were slowly starting appear in my figure (hey, there's first time for everything right?).

Well I worked hard on myself and it was finally starting to pay off. I was happy for the first time in years, my sleep schedule improved by a whole fuckton for the first time in my entire life and I was finally starting to feel a little sane (just a little though). Things were starting to look up for me as I was planning on proposing to my dearly beloved, I asked my swinging pendulum of truth if he would ask me first and my higher self responded no, I then asked if I'd be the one to ask him and it responded yes, I then asked if he'd say yes and fortunately the answer I got back was a hard yes!

I was so ready to be his dearly beloved bride, see him wearing his white and purple striped tie on a navy blue background I bought for him, smelling like anise stars and roses as per usual, me dressed in my lavender rose embroidered long wedding dress, diamond strings lacing my back and white stiletto heels and tiny white tiara and veil. Our kiss would be one for the ages, and the honeymoon even more. I would go up and sing our song, BØRN Electric Love, Crazy in Love by Beyoncé,

Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Rey,

and my own song Close to Me, as he hugs me from the back onstage and I melt into his beautifully sweet embrace.

It was going to be perfect.

I was going to make this a reality if it was the next thing I ever do.

I was trembling with anticipation, everything we were going to do together was lifting my spirits so high into the clouds, I was on cloud 9 right now. I asked my pendulum if he'd eat me out and it said yes, fisting was a no (thank goodness, I hate that awful crap) but fingering was gonna happen, and in every hole! I was too excited for the night to fall, I asked my higher self how many times we'd have sex that night and it said a whopping 6 times! Wow! Was that 5 times to many? I didn't care. I was ready x6.

I was taking off his training wheels, he's a big boy now, we were going bike riding fully undressed. He was going to let me suck him good and well by the rocks at the St. Lawrence river just like with my last faggy ex. He was going to take me down straight on the beach, my pendulum said so. Although it wasn't always correct, it seemed to be pretty good at processing information about him.

I shook some more. Craving my cigarette way too badly.

CHAPTER 3 - Hell and Demons

What to say about hell and demons? Lots apparently, you see, I was under possession from a malevolent entity that wanted nothing more than to bury me 6 feet underneath the earth to rot forever.

Take what you want from that (or don't, why would you think that I care what you do?).

I was caught under a heavy anemic spell, and was starting to see horrible visions and hear demonic voices talk and scream at me. I was making these terrible predictions about the deaths of the loved ones surrounding me, I don't know whether that was the entity or the anemia, all I knew was that sleep was impossible, and it stayed impossible for 4 months straight. Coming back from a near death experience was hard and extremely painful. Not easy one bit, I thank God, Jesus, Mother Mary, Archangel Michael the heavens above and my family for the new life I now POSSESS (forgive the pun, ha). I'd be dead if it weren't for all the people, angelic forces, and universal help I got.

It wasn't a basket of roses though, more like just the thorns. I stayed awake for 4 months during which I became a complete and total wreck of a person.

I began to see things, demons more specifically. I was afraid of my own of my own shadow, who would have thought I'd ever feel the confidence enough to be able to fuck. That changed when I met 5'8 Matt, my 5'3 Vali, and my 6'1 sex beast Ankit. Oh god the sex was good with that one, I'll explain everything...

Bonus Thing:

Top 5 names you should never call your significant other...

1.) Shitbag

2.) Motherfucking Motherfuck

3.) Stupid

4.) Fat

5.) Bumsponge

(*editor's note; I have personally argued with myself multiple times about making bumsponge the first entry, but on second thought I found it actually held a hint of hilariousness to it so I BUMped it back to 5th place).

CHAPTER 4 – Ankit + Non Alcoholic Strawberry Daiquiri

Another bus adventure where I was trying to find a God forsaken bus from Ontario to Toronto, seemed to be that there weren't any, until I met him.

Ankit is 6'1, and was 8 inches of dick deep inside me. It was heaven with that one, not like it wasn't with Vali, but he never fucked me in the front and he kind of hurt me at some point really badly.

We were really cold so he told me to give him both my hands, and before I know he was pulling me into his arms and pressing his lips up against mine. Kissing me firmly with all the sweetness of a fallen angel. Who knew my night would ever be so wonderful, I went to the local bar with Ankit's friends and brothers and they drank beers while I had a non alcoholic strawberry daiquiri

(as I had forgotten my ID in my bag back at their apartment). I had a blast, stoned, laughing my fucking ass off hard. What a kisser that Ankit was. Tongue, biting, the whole package.

If I could relive the moment that I lost my virginity I definitely would. What a great moment, wow, wow wow wow wow wow. WOW.

wow.

He didn't even believe me when I told him he was the first to fuck me in the pussy at first, I had to really drive it in before he believed me, I guess I was just REALLY good at what I did..

I could only remember it in parts, I believe I must have closed my eyes out of sheer pleasure often. It was so good. Too good. Never would have expected that it wouldn't be my boyfriend Vali who was to take my virginity from me. But instead, the puppy eyed pouty faced adorable look of Moss from the IT Crowd (a certain Richard Ayoade) and Bruno Mars. What a gorgeous blend of beautiful. Couldn't believe my luck to be completely and utterly honest. If I could go back in time I'd do so a whole bunch of times you know, but I learned when I was 14 that there's no going back, no second chances, no backsies, so to speak.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I never thought sex could be so fucking amazing for me.

He sucked my tits while he fucked my pussy hard, it was wayyy too good. I couldn't get enough, when he kissed my wet supple lips he pressed himself as far as he could go and sucked on my tongue and lower lip, gave me a hickey too, couldn't stop laughing because of how extremely ticklish I am.

I couldn't possibly be asked to pick between Kitty or Vali, it was like comparing bananas and plantains, and I couldn't make a sure choice for either of them, it would end up breaking my heart into an even two, and they'd both get an equal share of my broken beating heart burning yet dripping in pleasure and lust. They were both just so gorgeous, both of them angels, neither of them loved less unconditionally of the other.

CHAPTER 5 - Diary at Vali's

This is the second time that I head out to Vali's house to meet and greet, suck and fuck, go beyond and above and make some sweet sweet love. And in this chapter I'm going to record and jot down every single little event that takes place. Starting with whether or not he's finally going to take me from the front instead of only from the back (he insisted on waiting until he could get into my bed to take me in the pussy).

Right now I'm on yet another bus, a picture will be provided below of my spot on the bus at the moment.

1st Entree - the Arrival

Got to his house and he wasn't there (of course, right?) He bought me a 99$ new cream/tan coat with blonde and black fur attached the hood, I absolutely love his taste in clothes! (well, I like his taste in mostly everything, including girls, you know, me).

2nd Entree - Sex in the Mirror

He finally tried me out in the front, I could see myself moaning and climaxing in the closet door mirror just at the foot of his bed.

He slipped into me so easily and began to fuck me in a satisfyingly hard way, I rested my leg on his right shoulder, listening to the skin on skin contact as he was fucking my wet dripping wet pussy and almost rammed my head into the wall behind me, he went so deep, hitting my G-spot repeatedly, got me feeling so good, sleeping with him is the perfect feeling, only real problem with that is that I can never seem to get enough of it, or enough of him tbh... I wanted him all the time, everywhere, in any way possible.

3rd Entree - To the Train Station

Vali brought me to the train station and I did my best to keep up with him as he ran through the halls and sidewalks, all while trying to deal with this horrible leg cramp in my left leg. He always barely stopped long enough for me to catch my fucking breath. I was nervous as hell, but I decided to ask him to marry me, shaking violently, his answer was 'yes, after I visit you for a week this Saturday, I will marry you'. A large part of my soul died and went to heaven as I squeezed him so hard his heart stopped beating for a second. We got to the line and I gave him a sweet last kiss goodbye, I tried to use tongue and just got it to touch his sultry lips with it before he pushed me back and onto the train, he always commanded respect, and I knew it.

I got onto the train and began to miss him terribly upon sitting down in the wrong seat. Staff checked my ticket and pointed out the right seat for me, so I went to sit down in the right spot, my seat was closer to the isle so I took the seat right next to it until the person inhabiting that seat arrived.

CHAPTER 6 – Ankit + Icebreakers

Ankit smelled like pure cotton candy, I took a deep breath from the inside of the crook of his neck close to his sculpted left shoulder, I was mesmerized by everything about him. I dirty danced for him and he loved every moment. I was so happy to be able to please him, he got me so hot and bothered and then pushed me over the edge into a pool of pleasure and love. I was ready to have him inside me over and over again, no questions asked, he held the back of my head and long black hair as he kissed me, and told me he loved girls with long black hair, it couldn't have been a more perfect night for me.

What got me was how hard he fucked me, I was so wet and it felt heavenly. I shudder over it even now (don't worry I'm shuddering in a very, VERY good way over this). Nobody ever fingered me so hard, his index and middle fingers, hand in the shape of a gun as he hunched over me in the sexiest manner possible. His brother Vie however obviously liked me a bit too much as well and tried to kiss me, I told him no after his second attempt and he then apologized for his lewd behavior deeply and empathetically, I couldn't do that with Ankit's older brother, nor did I want to really. We watched some strange show until I crashed out, exhausted from two days of no sleep.

I woke up craving his touch again, but went out for some morning cigs first before I padded quietly into his room with all my clothes on. I woke him up gently and he rewarded me with morning kisses, he then proceeded to call me an Uber and walk me downstairs to say a final goodbye, he kissed me one more time before I made my way slowly and solemnly out the front door. I watched him turn back into the building from my spot in the backseat of my Uber.

Things had gone better than I ever could have predicted or imagined, it went like a dream, the best dream I had in years.

I flew on my high to the nearest bathroom to empty my bladder and think about last night's wonderful debauchery. A satisfied smile on my face as I quietly and in an introverted kind of way celebrated the great victory of losing my virginity. 'Mission complete!' I remarked to myself in a jolly manner. I was ecstatic, what a night I had! Being on my back with my sex-crazed-beast Ankit on top of me as I dripped heavily from my pussy and he pounded me into a whole other parallel universe where the only conceivable feeling was that of pleasure and sex, so much amazing sex. He ate me out, giving outstanding little butterfly kisses on my soaking pussy, I must have tasted nice because he licked his lips sexily and leaned in for a big kiss. I bent over to please him with my mouth and tongue and could taste myself on his cock, it was a strong and unfamiliar taste that I couldn't identify for the life of me, it lingers in my mouth even now. I plan on buying myself some sexy lingerie for my birthday as a surprise for my baby Vali, I feel like he would never stop wanting to fuck me when I'd wear them!

What an amazing lover he makes!

Being 5'3 I told him this joke where back in heaven when god was creating him he shaved a few inches off of his height and gave it all to his penis. He told me to fuck off for that one, hihihiii! ❣️

He shared an icebreaker with me by (get this) cutting it in half with his gorgeous pearly whites and then feeding it to me via. a sweet little kiss, I think I died and went to heaven that day, and I don't even like icebreakers very much at all.

Something about Vali made me feel so comfortable, like he was always a part of my family, I felt like it was going to be quite interesting being named Amelia Hanna-Mohammed, but it did sound pretty hot, pretty gangsta.

I couldn't wait to be his forever.

Chapter 7 - Marriage

This isn't the actual marriage here, but it's the plans I had for it. I had already written my wedding vows for him without any idea what his would be like.

Here they are if you care to read them:

"I never ever would have imagined for the life of me that I'd ever find a love like yours, much less find an angel fallen directly from cloud 9. You're my king of hearts, the love of my life, my everything but most importantly, you're my bestest best friend, the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I love you to the stars and the moon and across the universe despite what any haters may try to tell me otherwise.

I love every facet of your bejeweled, gentle, yet fiery emerald soul, my beautiful Vali Mohammed, you will rock my world always."

I thought they sounded pretty angelic, I had to wait a while before I could read them to him though...I was going to have a hard time waiting so long.

I can do it though.

I had this beautiful lavender wedding dress in mind to wear, covered with beautiful light light pink 3-dimensional flowers, diamond studded strings draped across the back of the gorgeous dress, long, skirt layered at least 3 times if not more. I was going to look prettier than a Duchess in it, and he was to be my Duke. My father was to walk me down the isle as an offering to the beast that Vali was to me (in a beautifully sexy way of course) and our wedding would be one for the ages! I'd most probably remember it forever.. I was NOT wearing underwear that day, and I planned on whispering that in Vali's ear about it on the dance floor to get him really hot and bothered, maybe kiss and bite his gorgeous neck and stick my hand down his trousers just for good measure. To make sure he wanted nothing more than to take me right then and there on the dance floor.

I loved dancing, but that didn't mean I was any good at it, I was good at dirty dancing though, I planned to do that at the wedding too, grind up against him back to front, bring the top half of my body as far down as I can go and whipping my hair around while I grinded on him some more, lifting myself back up to standing as I did so. It was going to be magical.

I needed to ask my Vali if it were possible for him to get past 3 minutes and less with me, maybe 5 minutes at least?

That sure would be nice, I can last up to a half an hour on average because I'm not very sensitive and it's hard to push me over the edge when it comes to pleasure. Longest I've ever been able to masturbate was an hour and half and I've never broken that record since.

Anyways back to the subject of marriage, I planned on having a civil wedding, that meant I would have the cake, the wedding bouquet for throwing, my family, friends, and his family and friends would all be present, and we'd all have a wonderful time I'm sure. It would not disappoint. We're going to buy a house together and I'll help Vali pack his shit up and move out of his student condominium, we'll have a cute little house that I'll repaint with him as painting is kind of his career and shit, and I'm rather good at painting too. We'll grow a garden filled with fruits and vegetables, and maybe even some weed (sativa strains only of course) and watch comedy shows while we fuck on the couch in the living room, we'll play video games together, cook together, shower together, fuck on every conceivable surface, go for walks together and sleep together. Trust me, life will be good.

CHAPTER 8 - Ace

Now this guy was a reatard, a total nutcase, but I loved him nonetheless, he was 110 pounds and scrawny as a twig so I could pick him up with ease, and I did, and he loved every moment of it. He kept saying that he hit the jackpot and won the lottery when he met me, and I love when he says that about me.

He also loves being slapped for some weird masochistic reason.

I hate being home, NF's Let You Down describes my position with my mom perfectly, it hurts to be here. She looks at me with such a face that I just want to buckle down and cry. I wished Vali would be there when I came home but he wasn't, my heart broke and I just sat and tried not to cry, got no tears to waste on this shit anyways. I was going to move out soon anyways, no worries I guess, see you later mom and dad, it was nice being your daughter even if it was hard to deal with me sometimes, I hope you all still love me after all this time, 19 years later and I still feel like a child that just did something wrong, something extraordinarily bad, I wished I could be better, but I know someone out there loves me unconditionally, and that was all I needed to keep on walkin' on like the true faithful soldier I am.

It hurts so much..

"Must have missed that joke let me see if I can find a reaction, no but at least you're happy.."

Lyrics from the song Let You Down.

I could live on the streets forever with my baby Bradley Murphy, he would scream and swear at nothing because of some dumb shit I did like talk to someone he didn't like (and he didn't really know them either)

And I'd stop people on the street who were listenin' just to tell 'em that he's retarded and not to worry about us.

We got stopped by the cops because they caught Bradley (who likes being called Ace) pushing me forcefully, I had to explain that we just beat each other up when we're bored and that I'm not hurt and there's nothing to worry about, we had to get ourselves a big spliff to calm him down. Ace has a bit of a mood swing problem when he doesn't smoke any weed for a while. He simply NEEDS to medicate.

He's homeless and has no phone, so that's how he knew I loved him for who he is. I slung him over my shoulder and walked away with him in my arms, abducting the lil' fuck. It's what he always wanted anyways, to be adopted and taken off his feet someplace where we could be together alone. I sat on top of him on a soft seat at a hotel we couldn't afford to stay at and grinded on him until I came, one sided I know, but it felt so good. We left and I picked him up as we walked out the door together. I sat with him on the concrete, him holding me from the back and me just melting into his skinny yet firm arms. He kissed my cheek and told me about how lucky he was to have met me. He then looked me straight in the eyes with an intense ass face and said "the crows are swarming around us both right now" probably referring to the ethereal creatures blind to most and friend to no one. I just nodded, he sent wonderfully terrifying shivers down my spine. We proceeded to walk across the city to get to a youth help shelter for the night, I tell you, being at a shelter even for a single night is a real trip, really, no joke, people coughing, sputtering, wailing and crying, I heard the weirdest shit at that place, scared me half to death, if I never had to spend another night there for the rest of my life I would be so grateful.

I sucked Ace off underneath the sheets, got a free watermelon condom just for singing Sia's Chandelier and I didn't even have to do it. It tasted so good on him, mixing with his natural taste and mild male odour made for a great night even at this horrible shelter. It wasn't half bad in the end, just wouldn't go there ever again if I had the choice, well, maybe just one more time to pick Ace up for my wedding day, wedding dress on, I was going to buy him a phone one way or another so we could stay in touch, because to tell you the truth, I missed him very much...

CHAPTER 9 - What a Wonderful World

Waiting for Vali was like watching a pot try to boil, it was a long, painstaking affair that made my heart pound and my knuckles white as I held my hands in fists underneath my coat. What was taking him so long? Did he fall asleep on the bus? Did he take the wrong ride? Was he still stuck at his house? Was his uncle harassing him again somehow? I couldn't tell, at it was making me impatient and nervous.

I miss you so much Vali. Where are you right now?

I hope you come to my maison soon my love...

I know he's thinking of me, he loves me to the moon and back.

The English language is just a melange of all sorts of sayings and phrases that shouldn't make any real sense but it does for some reason or another...

I miss him.

My mom hurts my heart on a near daily-basis, it's rare that she doesn't now. I wish she'd just butt out. Calling me a cow and a whore and a bitch and a piece of shit and a moron, I wish she'd take it all back somehow. As if she could...

What a wonderful world, full of potential, healthy competition and cute guys and girls, all young, fearless and ready for anything to take place, I think I'll just stay snuggled underneath my soft-ass blankets for now though, I was kinda busy missing someone right now, someone very close to my heart, extremely so.

Listening to Beyoncé's song Sorry while missing him. "Tell him boy, bye. Boy bye."

I've got so much love to give, and now I finally had someone to give it to.

Fuck him so hard whenever I want, parental guidance advised. Not gonna do anything else right now. I have him under lock and key now and I intend on keeping it that way for as long as humanly possible my dear. Work, play, food, sleep, masturbation, all that will be put off until he arrives. Not thinking about anything else.

My breasts ached for his touch, my back arched backwards for his love, my lips kissing the air imagining he's right there with me. Need him. Want. Him. Can't live without him. I won't ever have anyone else to call my own and that's how I like it. Please take me in your arms my love, and never let me go.

What a wonderful world, what a wonderful world...

I ache for Vali's attention, there's nothing better than screaming his name out while he fucks me harder than life itself.

Vali! Vali! Vali! That's me getting fucked if you can imagine that, and I'm sure you can, it's not that hard you know.

I have 3 boyfriends now and a 4th fling who was 11 inches! Wow! The 11 inch one, who's name is Alberto, took me in the stairwell of an old apartment building which I now call my stairway to heaven.

He fucked me in the pussy but I refused to let him cum anywhere else but my ass, and he did, my backside as so slippery wet after that.

Damn, what a wonderful world...

CHAPTER 10 - Who'woulda Thought?

Who woulda thought that I'd ever find myself a lover, much less get married to him someday? Who woulda thought I'd ever have 3 boyfriends, I didn't even think I'd have 1! Who woulda thought that I'd live past 18 after 4 months of no sleep? Not I! Who woulda thought that after 19 crazy years of life in my own home my mom would begin beating me and hating me with all her heart and soul? Who woulda thought I'd traverse half of Canada just for a good fuck? (completely worth it by the way).

Sure, I may have issues, but you have issues too, the whole world does everyone I know has issues, and so does everyone YOU know. Problems problems problems. Well if I could erase any problem on earth, it would be Vali not being here yet! Haha...

Ha.. ha..

Ha.

Oh god I miss him so much.

My pleasure pours, overflowing like liquid love when I'm with him, down my chest, dribbling onto his waist and dripping down his leg. Brilliant red and glowing brightly, there are no words to describe the type of feelings I have for him, they're deep, primal, and fundamentally rooted in the core of my being, the essence of my soul. Love brought me back from the dead, I am the Revenant, blood smeared across my battle scarred face from the horrors I faced back in hell. A world unlike our own, digitally translated in order for human eyes to be able to see, a terror to all who's eyes are cursed enough to see it. I thank God for the reanimation I experienced, no matter how tough the trail, dangerous the land, I still traversed it in search of a second chance, sparkling and dripping wet with sweet life. I did not return empty-handed. I returned with everything I had sought after and more, I had a loving future husband, a wonderful new life, and even though I too am now infertile from the horrible damage my health and ovaries took over the course of 4 long painstaking years, we make the perfect couple that way, and he can explode in my pussy no questions asked, sans condom!

He called me again today, a certain sweetness to his voice that I could barely describe, it was so cute, so fun. I forgot about all the names my mother had called me earlier that day. I once replied to a statement Vali made with a simple sounding "aaAAAaah!"

I found him doing it all the time now.

It's an inside joke of ours, we just break out into a spell of those things anytime we so please to.

It never ceases to get at least a couple of laughs out of me if not more! I couldn't have been happier laughing on the phone with my wonderful baby.

Two other men have already proposed to me online, and I had to shut that shit down hard, no thank you boys, I'm taken by the love of my life, my one and only, my sweet, sultry angel of love and light.

He was and is my everything, I loved him, I love him and I'll always love him, my sweetheart Vali Mohammed, my hero, my role model, my heart screams for him, always.

CHAPTER 11 - Our Final Goodbyes

I'm not sure what I could possibly say after all this, hope this book was one hell of a rollercoaster ride for you dear readers, I know it sure was one heck of a ride writing about it. I had fun, maybe a little too much fun...hmmm...

You should never use this book as a project for a reading response or a paper for school or college or something like that...unless it's for your Sex Ed class. Just a warning!

And even then, it might be a biiit much to handle all at once, do it bit by bit, INCH your way in (get it? Ha), maybe someday people will warm up to sexual encounters, first times, and the whole lot that has to do with anything about our budding sexualities, but until then I hope I could help you warm up a bit with all this, until next time my dear readers, buh-bye!

LAST NOTES

Well writing this book was quite an adventure all on its own and I had a lot of fun bringing it to life. I want to thank my mom and sister for absolutely no reason, they did NOT help whatsoever in the making of this book, and they'll probably never want to read this book for any reason whatsoever. I just wanted to give them a shout, love yous guys to bits!

I'd also like to thank my dad who has recently been the coolest and most accepting member of my crazy family (even if he won't listen to my sex tape with Vali, I understand the unappealing disposition completely), he even listened to the prologue and first few chapters of my book! (granted I skipped over quite a bit lest I want to terrorize my poor old man). And last but definitely not least I'd love to thank my sweetheart Vali, for being so very angelic with me in every way and for saying yes when I proposed at the train station as simply and as basic as humanly possible, shaking like a nervous idiot wreck, you're my life, my love, my everything, I have no idea how I ever got around without you! ❣️ And cheers to you, my dear wonderful crazy readers, my audience, thank you so much for reading my extremely R-rated story, and for any kids reading this; WHAT THE HECK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?! PUT THE FUCKIN' BOOK DOWN AND GET YOUR PUNY ASSES TO BED AT ONCE. love yoouuu! Big thanks to you all, hope to write for you again very soon! (and hopefully it'll be a story that's a tad less crude).

Ciao!

Amelia Hanna