A/N: Just re-watched Empire Strikes Back today. The scene with Luke and Vader (the hand scene, haha) gave me inspiration to write an angsty Vader/Anakin fic.

Poor guy. He forgets who he is. I love him.

Disclaimer: George Lucas, sadly. God that man is a genius.

Reflections

When Darth Vader sits in his room with his helmet off, staring into the repulsive reflection of his face, he flicks his gaze to his yellowed eyes and sees. Just for a moment, he sees things and his mind clears.

And he remembers.

He remembers the feeling of goodness in his heart; it is not a strong memory. It barely registers in his mind, and he doesn't know what that flashing feeling is, but he knows it exists. It was there with Padmé; there with Obi-Wan, and there—for that split-second—when he was with Luke.

"Join me, Luke."

"Come with me."

That had been a different part of his talking. The part that never escaped from his soul. It was the part of him that had been supposedly obliterated by darkness. But it had freed itself—just for a moment—as he stared into the tormented eyes of his son; the eyes that were repelled and frightened and angry, almost as angry as he had been at his age.

He isn't sure exactly what he had meant with his words, although he knew it had been different then what Luke must have thought. Come with him…he wanted to know, wanted to see his son. He wanted to look at him and see Padmé and himself and happiness. He does not know what happiness is anymore, but he knows he has felt it at one point.

Vader would like to feel it again.

Thinking about Luke and about what he had felt at that moment that he didn't fully recognize, his mind drifts. He remembers Obi-Wan, although he knows he will hate him forever. He knows he must have loved him (love? What is that?) at some point, but he can no longer remember. All he knows is that it had been a wary, cautious kind of love; he knew Obi-Wan had never fully trusted him, and for that he would hate him.

Is there truly a difference between the Dark and Light sides of the Force? Together, did they not create the Force itself? There is always going to be dark as long as there is light, no matter the situation. Is there really a large line separating the two, saying that if you cross you will be engulfed in whichever side? What if you are balancing on that line, just like Luke and he, himself had at one point?

As Vader stares into his eyes, he knows there is no difference between the two. Without one there would be no Force. If Vader is the Dark, and Luke is the Light, does that not mean they should stay that way? Do they both balance the Force? Do they create the Force?

Is it better to stay this way? To stay Dark to keep the Force? Was there any other way to be? Vader probes deep within his mind, trying to find answers, ancient emotions he hasn't felt in years…anything to give him an answer.

Who is Darth Vader?

Sometimes, those true feelings leak out without him noticing. He had known what Leia was thinking without truly knowing her. How had that been? Had he known then, subconsciously, those feelings of love? Those feelings of being a parent? Vader had never actually been a parent in the truest sense of the word. But biologically…were they connected? Was he still connected to Obi-Wan? To Padmé? To Luke?

Vader grimaces. When his mind clears, he gets headaches. This is too much thinking for him; his mind is not clear often, and when it is he realizes painful things and feels tears springing to his eyes.

"Lord Vader," the voice is crisp and clear. Vader hurriedly presses a button, hearing the familiar hiss as his helmet is placed upon his head, hiding his true self from the general.

And as Vader steps out of his chair and heads toward the general, he forgets the tears in his eyes and the true feelings and the memories. His mind clouds once more, and all he feels is hate.