Author's note: Written for the Paint It Red February 2013 Monthly Challenge - prompt: "Kiss".
When Love Kills Love
Things were almost back to normal within the Serious Crime Unit, or so it seemed to the untrained eye. Jane had stood trial for murder, had been acquitted of all the charges against him and subsequently walked out of the court as a free man. Lisbon was still nursing the gunshot wound to her shoulder, but the doctors were positive that she was going to heal in time.
However, some of them were carrying deeper, hidden wounds that were never going to heal completely. In spite of her constant assurance that she was fine, Grace was perfectly aware that such a statement couldn't have been farther from the truth.
There was no way she could avoid reliving that fateful day at the cabin again and again. Craig had kissed her so sweetly and told her she was beautiful – while he'd just killed the two cops on patrol outside the gate, and was planning to do the same with Hightower once he went in.
Moments later he'd shot Lisbon, then aimed his gun at her as well. Her own gunshots never stopped echoing in her mind, as did the soft thud of Craig's limp body falling to the floor.
Judas kiss, that's what he'd given her. Their love had been a lie right from the start.
She felt a sudden rush of nausea at the thought.
Was she ever going to get over this mess someday?
xxx
"I've made you some tea. It'll do you good."
She eyed suspiciously first Jane, then the cup he'd just placed on her desk. "Since when you've started sharing your precious tea with random people?"
"It's not poisoned or anything, if that's what you're thinking."
Such a ridiculous answer was typical of Jane these days. He seemed decidedly off balance of late, oscillating between apathy and a behavior that was even more erratic than usual.
Getting his revenge at long last had left him shorn of purpose, and he looked more lost than any of them had ever seen him before. That was probably the reason why she decided to humor him and cautiously took a sip of the steaming beverage.
Her lips curled in a grimace of distaste. "How much sugar did you put into this thing?"
"It does you good," Jane said again, and that was when it suddenly dawned on her.
"You don't… do you really…?"
"Know that you're pregnant? Yes, I do. The signs are all there, if only you look carefully enough."
Grace shut her eyes and took in a shaky breath. She'd always known she couldn't keep it secret forever, and yet she'd hoped she wouldn't have to face the matter so soon.
"Are you going to tell the others?"
"Nope, unless you want me to."
She was secretly grateful that everybody else was on the field at the moment, so there was no chance that one of them might overhear this conversation. But then, Jane had probably chosen the moment on purpose after all.
"I can't keep the baby."
He placed two gentle fingers on her shoulder. "Why not?"
"It's Craig's."
"I know."
"How am I supposed to have his baby, after what he's done to me?"
Jane didn't answer at once. He fetched a chair instead, and sat down beside her.
"None of that was your baby's fault."
"And what am I going to tell them when they grow up? Sorry, darling, but your mommy had to shoot your daddy dead or he would have shot her first?"
His eyes were very gentle – and yet deadly serious – when they met hers.
"You would regret the loss of your child even more. Believe me."
All of a sudden she averted her gaze, silently acknowledging that he had a point there. There was no way she could possibly kill an innocent baby over their father's misdeeds.
Giving birth to her child was the least she owed to them anyway. She could always decide to put them up for adoption later on.
With one last squeeze to her shoulder Jane finally left her alone. Her hands still trembled a bit when she closed them around the teacup and slowly brought the sugary liquid to her lips.
xxx
All team members had been supportive enough when she'd told them about her pregnancy. They'd assured her they were always going to be there for her, no matter what.
Later the same evening Wayne had clumsily offered to be a father to her baby, if she ever happened to need one. She'd thanked him and called him a good friend, but she'd also admitted she wasn't even sure whether she was going to raise her own child or not.
Wayne had taken her words at face value, but if she had to be honest with herself she definitely wasn't ready for a new relationship – or rather, picking up the threads of an old one in this case. She doubted she ever would, actually.
As of right now she was staring speechlessly at Jane, who'd just dared to tell her she should give Rigsby a chance.
"He's never stopped loving you, and we both know you're still quite fond of him too."
"Yeah, right. And while I'm at it, I could even pretend I didn't shoot and kill my fiancé only a few months ago."
"You have to let the past go, Grace. Forget about it, and go on with your life."
And just like that she found herself snapping at him. "Right. You're the poster boy for moving on after a tragedy, are you?"
Jane froze, his face turning deathly pale. She experienced a brief pang of guilt, but then decided to stick to her guns. He was the one who'd started this after all.
"Some things scar people for life, as you should know better than anybody else. You can come back and tell me that I need a new life when you've got one for yourself."
Without as much as a word he stormed out of the kitchenette, leaving her to nurse a cup of the herbal tea she'd started drinking of late.
Apparently she wasn't the only one who didn't like other people to confront her with her issues.
xxx
As if by some sort of unspoken agreement neither she nor Jane ever brought up the subject again.
Grace had eventually relented and allowed Wayne to help her furnishing the nursery, though the fact she stubbornly refused to know the gender of the baby slightly complicated matters.
There was no way she was going to forsake her child now that she'd felt them moving inside of her. She was contemplating the newly decorated room while absent-mindedly stroking her belly when two strong arms sneaked around her and wrapped her in a warm embrace.
Her eyes fluttered shut of their own accord, and for a brief moment she reveled in the feeling of being in his arms once again. She wished she could bring herself to accept his affection, the promise of a future together he was silently offering her.
"I'm not ready, Wayne."
He let out a deep sigh and released her from his hold. The wistful look in his eyes almost broke her heart, but she knew she had to be careful for both of their sakes – and for her baby too.
Not yet, she added to herself.
All she could do was hope that she would be at some point in the future.
xxx
It took her a couple of weeks to notice there was something different about Jane.
He looked more focused now, and yet more relaxed at the same time. And there was an odd sparkle in his eyes that she couldn't quite place.
Perhaps the reality of Red John's demise had finally begun to sink in. Well, good for him then.
It could also mean there was still a chance for her to get over Craig as well.
Then one morning he leaned over her shoulder in order to steal a glance at her computer screen, and she caught the unmistakable scent of cinnamon about him. Her eyes widened in surprise as she rose a questioning eyebrow at him.
"You smell particularly good today, Jane."
He smirked, looking like the cat that ate the canary. "Thank you, Grace."
His eyes gleamed as he wordlessly challenged her to keep her end of the deal.
That night she called Wayne over and fell asleep with the warmth of his chest pressed against her back. His loving hands drew soothing circles over her belly until the morning.
xxx
It was fun how everybody at the office pretended not to see the solitaire emerald that now adorned Lisbon's finger, nor the way Jane leaned his hand on the small of her back whenever he walked her out of a room.
Even now as they stood by her hospital bed congratulating her on the birth of her beautiful daughter, they were still trying – and failing – to conceal the shift in their relationship.
Grace's heart swelled with love when she eventually held her squirming baby girl in her arms, while Wayne looked at the little one as if she was his own child.
As she kissed her daughter softly on her head she knew she'd finally made peace with her past.