Hello all, this is already posted over at LJ, but I know not everyone on FF gets over there, so here it is just in case!
Warning: No spoilers, it's AU, but if accounts of abuse (physical and mental) are triggers for you, I wouldn't recommend reading.
Summary: For xrainingsorrowx's prompt over at the rq_angst meme. "Quinn abused Rachel for so long, so she feels it's okay if Rachel returns the favor." Cookies for anyone who knows the song the opening lyric is from!
Maybe my baby will be the one to leave me sore…
Maybe my baby will settle the score…
"God, you disgust me sometimes, Quinn."
The biting tone of the other girl's voice made Quinn cringe, and she lifted her hands to try and cover herself.
Rachel smacked her hands away, sneering at her. "Don't. There's nothing you could possibly do to improve yourself. All you're doing now is becoming more pathetic. And to think, you used to pretend you were better than me!"
Quinn shook her head, murmuring, "I was wrong, Rach, so wrong. I'm so, so sorry-"
The brunette cut her off with a harsh kiss, biting her lip until she felt a coppery taste on her tongue. Puling back, she snapped, "I told you to stop apologizing, Quinn."
Nodding meekly, the blonde hung her head, bringing a hand up to wipe the blood from her lip, knowing there was probably going to be a bruise blooming there by morning. She looked up quickly as she felt Rachel step closer, knowing what was going to happen next.
The brunette surged forward, attacking the blonde's bare breasts with her teeth, squeezing just roughly enough to ensure that her fingerprints would be emblazoned there. Moving up to the other girl's collarbone, she bit hard enough to draw blood, reveling in the way Quinn tensed beneath her, obviously trying not to cry out.
The pain made Quinn's head swim, and she tried to steady her breathing because she knew what would happen next now, too. As if on cue, she felt Rachel plunge four fingers into her without preamble, and she had to bite the inside of her cheek to contain her cry of pain. Any sort of response only made Rachel angrier, and she had learned at the beginning of their relationship that the petite brunette's wrath was something to avoid at all costs.
Wincing and closing her eyes as she felt Rachel move down her body, continuing to bite and bruise, Quinn forced herself to remember why she was doing this. The pain and torture she had inflicted upon the brunette while still the captain of the Cheerios still loomed over her, and she knew that what Rachel was doing to her paled in comparison.
Quinn let Rachel do this to her, whenever she needed to, knowing that all of the brunette's pent up frustration and anger was her fault. Whenever the smaller girl lashed out, Quinn looked on it as a sort of penance for her past actions, and so she accepted it wholeheartedly.
It didn't really matter that she had become an expert at layering coverup to mask her bruises. It didn't really matter that most nights she cried herself to sleep, only to wake up in the throes of nightmares where Rachel sometimes went one step too far. It didn't really matter that she was more likely to flinch away from the brunette's touch than lean into it.
None of the bad things mattered, because she knew she deserved all of the pain and then some for how she had treated Rachel in the past. If her pain was what it would take for Rachel to feel better, then she would gladly let the brunette hurt her.
Quinn knew that it wasn't really a fair exchange, and that maybe, the relationship wasn't even really all that healthy, but she didn't know how to stop. She loved Rachel, and she knew she wasn't strong enough to just leave her.
Even after the first few weeks of allowing Rachel to use her as a verbal and occasionally physical punching bag, when the word abusive had first crossed her mind, she hadn't known how to stop. The little brunette had become the only thing that could light up her otherwise dark life, and she couldn't find it in herself to walk away.
So now, lying underneath Rachel until she finally collapsed, completely spent, Quinn knew. She knew that she deserved every stab of pain she could feel going through her battered body. She knew that she could never, ever leave the girl laying on top of her. She also knew, with a stab of guilt, what was going to happen next.
Rachel slowly seemed to calm down, her high dissipating, and as she came back to her senses, her features contorted in a sort of anguished shock as she took in Quinn's appearance.
As tears began to slip down her face, Quinn was quick to wipe them gently away, soothing her and murmuring sweet reassurances in her ear. She ignored the ache of her arm and side as she rubbed soothing circles on the brunette's back, and she forced herself not to wince as Rachel brushed a gentle kiss against her bruised lip.
"I'm sorry." The quiet whisper was the one thing that Quinn looked forward to, because if Rachel was sorry, then it meant there was still hope. If Rachel was sorry, maybe there was some small part of her that loved Quinn back.
"Me too," was the blonde's quiet response, and she pulled Rachel just a little bit closer to her. She knew that in tonight, she would go home and inventory the fresh damage to her body. Tomorrow, she would carefully apply what felt like bottles of coverup to hide the bruises that weren't easily hidden by clothing. And tomorrow night? More than likely, she would find herself again faced with an angry tormentor in the form of a little brunette with a dazzling smile.
For now, though, Quinn let herself revel in the feel of small arms wrapping around her, running soothing lines up her sore body, and she let a small smile grace her features. These moments were the ones that almost made up for all the pain and hurt. The feeling of Rachel's arms around her almost made her feel safe with the brunette beside her. And when Rachel placed a soft kiss to her cheek, the feeling was almost enough to make her believe that this was the last time Rachel would ever hurt her.
Almost.