What To Do About Nessie

Summary: Edward and Bella have a conversation about their daughter's newest development.

Author's Note: This is a very cracky fic. With the obvious pairing of Bella/Edward. I hope you enjoy it. Don't forget to review!

Timeline: About five years post BD.

Disclaimer: All exclusively Twilight material belongs to Stephanie Meyer.

"What do we do?"

"Do?"

"Well, obviously something has to be done!"

"Edward, she's still our daughter. That hasn't changed."

" I know that, of course she is, but… Don't you think…"

"What can we do? She's nearly one of a kind already. It's not like there's very much literature on this. Maybe this is just part of her heritage."

"What part do you suppose that would be?! Humans do not do this. And maybe you've only been a vampire for five years, but I can assure this isn't a vampire trait either. And despite her… relationship with that, she isn't a wolf herself."

"'That?' Edward, do grow up. Oh, stop grumbling. And just so you know, I'm happy for Jake, he deserves this."

"…"

"Perhaps, if you could turn your overprotective paternal instincts to the problem at hand? Thank you."

"Maybe it's a puberty thing, you know, like…"

"Like…?"

"Like, you know…"

"I'm not the one who can read minds here, love."

"Like menstruating. What? Why are you laughing at me?"

"Edward Cullen, you are over 115 years old, have been to medical school, and you can't even bring yourself to talk about periods. It's just slightly ridiculous."

"She's my daughter. She will always be my baby in my head. Plus, I think males of all species are biologically engineered to fear menstruation."

"Where'd you learn that?"

"College. Bio 101. You must have missed that class."

"Yes, well, considering I was knocked up by my vampire boyfriend shortly after graduating high school, I'd say I probably did miss that class.

"Bella…"

"Oh, don't look so stricken, Edward. I'm only teasing. I'll have plenty of time for college later. And no, I don't feel put out. And yes, I am well aware that you were my husband at the time I became pregnant with Nessie. Which I guess brings us back to more pressing issues. I believe you said this might be a puberty thing?"

"Well, she's five years old, and looks like a teenager, and has gone through the human part of puberty, and vampires don't have puberty, so the timing would be right. All the wolves went through this type of thing under these circumstances."

"But they had to have a trigger, vampires, to start this process. There is no trigger in this case."

"That is true, but maybe it's just the twenty-four pairs of chromosomes. I mean, Jacob ran a normal temperature before he changed, but Renesmee has always had a high temperature."

"So you're saying that the wolves weren't born with twenty-four pairs of chromosomes each, and the twenty-fourth pair and the changes happened at the same time, because of each other…"

"Er, yes… Might I add that Carlise and I are really not sure how these genetics work.

"Clearly."

"But, essentially, Bella, what your saying is what I meant. That Renesmee was always destined to go through these changes because of her unique biological code."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Bella… can you tell me what you're thinking about, love?"

"Well, it's a bit ironic isn't it? I mean, a bat. A vampire bat."

"Aren't you at all concerned?! Our daughter changes into a giant bat!"

"Of course I'm concerned. But she's still our daughter, the same Nessie that we've always loved.

"Our daughter drinks blood from animals, while flying around in the middle of the night."

"Don't be a hypocrite, Edward."

"What? Oh. Oh, I see what you mean… yeah."

"Yeah. Well, I guess we'll just deal with it."

"Hm."

"…You don't suppose she'd want to start sleeping upside down?"

"Bella! Be serious, please!"

"I am!"

-FIN

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