Lost Connection

"I still remember the first time we met Starsk' you remember it?" Hutch paused. He looked at his partner and sighed.

"The docs said I need to talk to you Starsky. I don't know if you can hear me. I can't feel you anymore." Hutch put his head in his hands and struggled to fight back tears, the ones that had been threatening to flow ever since Starsky had been shot.

" We're so connected Starsky. Me and thee." Hutch paused again. "Me and Thee." He whispered. "I should be able to feel you. We always knew what the other was thinking. Our unspoken communication, Dobey calls it." Hutch laughed, "Unspoken's not much good to us now, is it Starsk'? I can't connect with you." Hutch said in despair. "I feel lost, alone, like you've already gone." Hutch shook his head, as if to rid himself of the dark thoughts. More positively he continued, "But you're not gone are you? You're still here." He pointed to his heart "You'll always be here." Hutch stopped talking and sat looking at his friend. Starsky didn't move. There had been no reaction from Starsky in the six days since he'd been shot. Hutch listened to the heart monitor and felt reassured that Starsky was, at least, still alive. The machine proved it and whilst it continued to Beep beep, there was hope.

"So Starsky, about when we first met. I was so green, you were so street smart and yet I closed your locker door, didn't I?" Hutch rubbed his elbow and smiled at the memory. "You remember Starsk'? Sure you do." Answered Hutch, for him. "You were the first person to call me Hutch, remember?" Hutch looked at Starsky, again. He put his face close to Starsky's, still no response. "Oh Starsk' please buddy. I can't feel you. I can't connect with you. Starsky you gotta come back to me. Please Buddy, please." Finally Hutch allowed his tears to flow. He took Starsky's hand and cried and cried.

Composing himself eventually, he continued, "Starsky we have so much more to do. The streets are changing fast buddy. I don't know about you, but you think the criminals are getting smarter, or are we just getting slower? Getting to old for this eh buddy? Come on Gordo, what's your take on it?" What do you think? What are you thinking Starsky? Dammit talk to me!" Hutch was desperate. He wanted Starsky back. He needed Starsky back. Absently he picked up Starsky's watch from the locker, next to the bed. The hospital had suggested bringing some of Starsky's belongings so that if he did wake, familiar items may be a comfort to him. Hutch smiled as he thought about he would have brought the Torino into the room. Instead he had brought Starsky's five hundred dollar watch, a couple of books, his tennis racquet and a model ship that Starsky had been working on. Hutch looked at it on the window ledge.

Huggy had brought in one of the bar stools from The Pits and Starsky's guitar was resting on it, in the corner of the room. Dobey had joked that he would bring in all Starsky's unfinished paperwork, but he hadn't. He brought in a photograph of Rosie and Cal that sat on his desk. Often Captain Dobey would find it face down on his desk, after Starsky, with his feet on the desk, had knocked it over.

Still fingering the watch Hutch stood up. I need some air he thought and made his way to the door. As he got there he glanced back, towards the bed, still nothing. Starsky hadn't moved. Hutch put the watch into his pocket and made his way outside. Standing in the warm sun Hutch tried to "reach" Starsky. He prayed and hoped that Starsky would come back, but nothing. Hutch couldn't feel a thing. There was no connection. He retrieved the watch from his pocket. Maybe if I concentrate real hard he thought and he closed his eyes and squeezed the watch hard, but all he felt was cold steel. "Starsky please." He mouthed, in silent prayer, "please."

After standing for what seemed like hours, Hutch made his way back to Starsky's room. Nothing had changed. Starsky lay there, unflinching and the heart monitor continued to beep, beep.

Hutch sighed and resumed his position in the little chair next to his partner's bed. He took the watch out of his pocket and thought about returning it to the night stand. He pondered and instead he put it back into his pocket, feeling comforted as he did so.

"So Starsk' where was I?" He continued. "Sorry I had to go out. Needed some air, you know, kinda stuffy in here. Hey you hot?" he asked, as if expecting Starsky to reply, but nothing.

Hutch looked towards the ceiling, if only he could feel something, some ounce that Starsky was still here, really here, but he couldn't. "Starsky why can't I feel you?" The thought terrified him. It was the first time since he'd known his friend that he couldn't connect with him. Their unspoken language was silent.

Hutch sat for hours talking to Starsky, holding his hand, occasionally stroking his face and all the while Starsky lay still. At 10 o'clock Dobey came by "Anything?" Hutch shook his head. "Son it's been a long day, why don't you go and get some rest, I'll sit with him."

Hutch nodded "Sure cap'n" he said. As he got to the door he looked back, no change. "Ah captain, you want anything?"

Captain Dobey looked at Starsky, then back at Hutch. Hutch smiled with acknowledgment "Don't we both" he said and went out the door.

Hutch made it to his car. He felt alone. As he sat in the driver's seat, waiting to turn the ignition key, he thought again of Starsky. "I can't feel you Starsk'" he said aloud. "Hell Starsky, I can't!" he laid his hands on the steering wheel, dropping his head onto them he began to cry. Silently at first but he was soon overwhelmed as wracking sobs tore through him.

At the same moment, upstairs, Starsky's heart monitor stopped beeping. It was replaced, instead, by and alarm. Immediately the room was besieged by nurses and a doctor. "Code Blue" one of them shouted, "We need the crash trolley STAT!"

Dobey watched in horror as the medics began working on Starsky. A nurse ushered him outside. "Please sir you can't be in here now." She said, kindly, as she guided him into the corridor. Hutch was his immediate thought, as he sat down. He needed to get hold of Hutch. If Starsky died without his partner Dobey would never forgive himself. They were officers in his unit, but to the Captain Of Detectives they were so much more than that. He half expected hutch to come crashing through the doors any minute. He always seemed to know when Starsky needed him, but Hutch didn't come. Instead the Captain waited, afraid to move in case Starsky was dead before he returned. So he stayed and he didn't call Hutch.

Presently Hutch stopped crying. He was spent. He had no more tears to cry. He drove home in silence.

After taking a hot shower, Hutch fell into bed, exhausted. He attempted to "connect" with Starsky again, but his eyes were heavy and soon he was sound asleep.

He awoke the next morning and was startled to see it was already light. Instantly he panicked STARSKY! He ran to the phone, only to realise that Captain Dobey would have called him if there was any news. He dialled the hospital's number and waited. A nurse answered and put him through to Starsky's room "Captain?" "Hutch?" "Yeah it's me, look anything?" "Nothing, son." Hutch heard the resignation in their Captain's voice. "Nothing is good eh cap'n? It means he's no worse and he could get better." Hutch responded, hopefully. Hutch closed his eyes "Come on buddy." He said in silent prayer.

"Hutch…." He heard Dobey

"Sorry captain. Look I'll be down in about 40 minutes, why don't you go home?"

"I'll wait here Hutch. Just in case. I think one of us should be with him."

Hutch nodded as he hung up the receiver. He closed his eyes and thought of Starsky "Come on Starsky, give me something, anything." But Hutch felt nothing.

Starsky felt the bullets rip through his chest and abdomen, then nothing. The next he knew he felt a sharp pain, like a thousand volts of electricity, jolting through his body. He could feel hutch begging him to make contact. I can feel you buddy, why can't you feel me? Starsky was scared. Hutch was so much a part of him, two souls intertwined as one. He felt alone.

Periodically Starsky would feel hutch reaching out to him. He couldn't hear him but deep within he knew Hutch was hurting as much as him. I'm coming back to you buddy. I promise. He willed, with all his might, that Hutch would realise he was trying to contact him, but everyday he could feel Hutch's despair. You think I'm slipping away Hutch. I'm not. I'm right here. I'll find a way. I will.

Hutch made it to the hospital in a little under thirty five minutes and went straight to Starsky's room. It was then that captain Dobey explained, to Hutch, that they had nearly lost Starsky the night before. Hutch's face drained of its entire colour. "Oh my God, Captain why didn't you call me?"

"Hutch it was just after you left. You needed your rest son."

"Rest! Rest! Captain if he'd died……………" but Hutch couldn't say anymore. He went over to Starsky and ran his fingers through his hair. Hutch looked back at Dobey, "I can't lose him. I can't"

"He's a fighter Ken. Docs say he shouldn't be here now and yet he is. Give him some time. He'll find his way back. You'll see." Captain Dobey smiled, reassuringly. Hutch smiled and nodded. He took his seat next to Starsky's bed and begun his vigil for the day.

"So buddy what shall we talk about today? Hey I brought your boat in, you wanna see?" Hutch said brightly. He got up and went over to the window, lifting the model he looked at it, then turned to see Dobey quietly exiting the room. He smiled and Hutch nodded. He knew their Captain was hurting too. He had lost his own partner many years ago. Captain Dobey understood how close Hutch and Starsky were, and how Hutch would feel if they should lose Starsky.

Hutch sat for several more hours talking to Starsky, stroking his hand, his head, anything to find some connection with his friend, but still there was none.

Dobey had moved his office to the hospital. Huggy was keeping them both topped up with food and drink, although he was having a hard time getting Dobey to eat anything.

The world went on and yet Starsky was lost and hutch couldn't find him.

Enough! Hutch decided to get pro-active and go out and hunt down the person who was responsible for robbing him of his partner. Hutch, with Huggy's help, began to investigate. Their investigation eventually led them to James Gunther. On the day that Hutch had finally found all the evidence he needed, to go and make an arrest, Starsky came back.

It had started that day. Hutch woke in the morning and he felt good. Happy. Happier than he had done in the weeks since Starsky was shot and then he realised he could "feel" Starsky. In that moment he knew his friend was going to be all right. He rushed to the hospital and was proved right. It started with the bat of an eye lid, a twitch of the nose and eventually his friend smiled and came back to him.