As Rory and her mom sat there, the temperature suddenly dropped, a low lying, heavy wall of clouds rolled in as if an outward sign from the heavens of the sudden conflict that wedged between mother and daughter. The relationship that once left no distance between them suddenly grew a Grand Canyon sized void with the uttering of just four simple words.
Rory blinked back tears, from the sudden chill or from the revelation she was not too sure, or maybe not willing to admit it. Lorelei could barely feel were her jaw ended and the sidewalk began. The old Lorelei would have stormed down the path, jaw scraping the ground violently as she fled the conflict, to avoid it for as long as she could. This Lorelei, the "Wild" book Lorelei, took a pause. The fury, anger, disappointment, guilt, and sadness bubbled up but she held fast and breathed deep and pushed it down. Ultimately, she knew that her emotions would have to come second this time, that her grown, adult daughter needed her, like she needed her mother all those years ago. So slowly, she put her jaw back in place and closed her eyes. When she opened them, she saw Rory's eyes glass over and she knew she had to turn into a pillar of support. The rest of her emotions could be sorted out later.
"How long have you known?" Lorelei breathed out her first question, not the one she really wanted to ask but she needed to understand how long Rory had been trying to hold herself together with the news.
"About a week," Rory slowly said, looking down, ready to absorb her mother's disappointed blow that was sure to follow.
"Oh Rory," Lorelei reached over and held her daughter tight. At this gesture, Rory could no longer hold her emotions in and started to cry. Big heaving sobs saturated her mother's shoulder. Rory was not crying because she was sad, or really upset about her current situation. She had taken enough time to figure out what she needed to do. She was confident in her current circumstance. She was not upset about any of that. She was crying tears of relief because her mother, her soulmate and best friend was on her side. She was lending a shoulder and her support, which Rory was concerned she wouldn't do. Rory was relieved she wouldn't have to worry about figuring out all of the details of being a single mom all the while having a disconnected relationship with her mom, which was her biggest fear. She needed her mom now more than ever.
"Don't worry kid, we will figure it all out. Wow, well I guess you aren't quite a kid anymore."
"It's not that mom, I am fine. I have a plan but I'm crying because I wasn't sure I would have you on this journey with me. Your support means everything in the world."
"Of course I am here for you. Come on now, it's getting cold out here, let's run into Luke's to get coffee and warm up. Wait, can you run in your condition?"
"Mom, I couldn't run in my old condition."
"Oh, right. And coffee…?"
"For right now a little is fine, although I might have to join a support group eventually."
"Right, I'll look into that."
Across town a few hours later…
Luke is wiping down the counter one last time for the day. He glances up to see Jess still sitting in the corner, reading.
"Getting ready to close up," Luke says walking in Jess' direction. "You still crashing at your mom's place? I was just wondering what you're getting ready to do now that the wedding is over and all of that. Are you going to be around visiting your mom and TJ for a while longer?"
"I was sticking around an extra couple of days just to make sure the vegetable cult isn't going to creep its way back into their lives, " Jess said with a sarcastic smirk on his face. "Truthfully, I am sort of figuring out what my next move will be. I have the publishing company and that is going fairly well. The book has peaked and so now I guess I'm looking for that next thing, that next inspiration. For some reason, I feel drawn to this place, or just comfortable here."
"Yeah there is something about this kooky, twilight zone town huh?"
"Yeah something like that."
"Hey I tell you what. If it's not too twilightish for you, how about you staying here?"
"Here in Stars Hallow?"
"Here, like right here, above the dinner, like old times. It's not much but if you say you are looking for inspiration and you feel drawn to this place then maybe this is the place you should be."
"Right, well I'm not working here," Jess says pointing to the dinner "if that's what you mean. I don't have such a good track record in the hospitality industry if you recall."
"No, no, I don't mean that. I mean just live upstairs. Be inspired, write, live, run the publishing company. I'll even give you the wifi password. Plus it would be good to have you around what with these vegetable cults and killer clowns everyone is talking about. And, I can always use another stoic face around here for when Taylor parades around with his septic crusades or decorating committees or whatever."
Jess pauses and stares out the window for a bit. Is he really ready to set down roots semi-permanently in his past? Old Jess would never even think of giving this place a second glance but this Jess, this Jess longed for the systemic routine and the predictability and comforts that came with this quirky, small town. And maybe, just maybe there was another reason that this place brought electrifying excitement to his fingertips but he wasn't ready to admit it yet. He wasn't completely sure it was the right choice but what did he have to lose? A free place to stay, people he trusted, and the possibility of making headline news for fighting off killer clowns. Who would turn that down really?
He looked back up at Luke, "Yeah, ok I will take you up on the offer. I just need to head back to New York for a bit to get a few things and tie up some loose ends and I'll be back within a week."
"Hey, sounds great! We'll be so glad to have you back here."
Across town a few hours later…
Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory blasts across the tv. This looks like a regular movie night except for the void of laughter which has been replaced with defining silence and wide eyes.
Lorelei looks over at Rory, "So I think I'm almost there."
"Almost where?"
"Almost to the place where my shock and disbelief have worn off enough to actually process what has and what is about to happen. But I feel like you haven't even seen much less talked to your boyfriend, Paul lately. And even if you had, would you remember the conversatin? Which leads me to wonder if you can't even remember a conversation, would you remember s conceving with that man? Or worse yet, forget the conception, my grandchild could end up being an invisible person, like their father, just disappearing into the wind, a forgetful face, with a nondescript personality. I'll never actually know what they look like what with them being unremarkable and all… but…wait did I just say grandchild?"
"You did."
"I'm going to be a grandmother! I'm going to be a grandmother? This is all happening so fast!"
"Um actually it takes about 9 months to have a baby…"
"I just, well I mean, or I think I mean, I thought it would be different for you. I always pictured my cultured, world traveler daughter breezing into town to announce she found the right guy and we would all laugh and share some funny inside jokes and get to know each other over at least a year and then one day we would be sitting out on the gazebo and with glassy eyes you would tell me that you are getting married and would be moving somewhere very commutable to here, maybe not here exactly because your husband will work in some industry not located in Stars Hollow which would be understandable because Monty the Funeral Home director left the only decent paying vacancy in town when he retired and I understand that requires someone with a certain disposition to fill old Monty's shoes. But then, but then you would ask me out to lunch one sunny, rainbow day, months or even a year after the wedding and pull out some cheesy but not super obvious object to make me guess your news like a little rubber ducky or order me some baby carrots which you know I would never eat and then I would get it and we would laugh and cry and hold each other and that's just how it would be."
"I know mom, I never thought I would be here either but you of all people know life doesn't work out how you plan it."
"Well obviously there wasn't a lot of planning going on because somehow you got pregnant."
"Ok kind of not fair."
"Right, ok we are here now and I of all people know that trying to go back in time or wanting to go back in time to change things is a waste of time because it can never happen. So what is the plan?"
"The plan is to work my but off on the book, pimp myself out for some freelance jobs in the meantime, and maybe, just maybe consider the 9 month master's program at Hartford State. Then I can get certified and teach at Chilton while waiting for my book to become a raging best seller!"
Lorelei was unusually quiet. A long pause was not in her wordsmithing personality but she couldn't quite bring herself to say what had been burning on the tip of her tongue for hours now. She was really hoping Rory would get there but, like a joke that leaves you hanging, she was left waiting for a punchline that may or may not come. Lorelei wanted to, no needed to know who the father was. She was hoping Rory would tell her in her own time but she figured Rory's own time would be 30 minutes at most, or at least part of the initial discussion but so far, not as much as one peep.
Rory who had been droning on about a hopeful lead at a smaller website she submitted some sample writing to suddenly trailed off. She looked right at her mother's glazed over face. It was a look of confusion, of someone whose preconceived notion of another human being was suddenly just crushed. After another few seconds pass, her mom snaps back into reality and slowly raises her gaze to meet Rory's with an intense longing.
"What does she want?" Rory thought. "For her me to go back to how it was before? For the last few hours to be sucked into a black hole and disappear forever? Or maybe even possibly to be able to go back and not ever be a teen mom raising me?"
After the third question passed through Rory's head, she looks again at her mother's face. It wasn't the face of someone full of regret or sadness for the situation. It was a look of wanting, like a dog waiting for it's treat, or a person waiting to hear the punchline of a joke. There was a distinct feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop and suddenly, Rory knew that look. It was the look of a mother who wanted desperately to know who impregnated her child, who was the baby's daddy? Who was the scum bag who dared to not buy the cow and somehow got the damn milk for free? Whose seed was Rory carrying?
There was only one person who she had been intimate with that fit the timeframe required for conception. She was fairly certain she had not seen Paul during that time although could not be sure. But she knew in her heart whose child it was and she knew whose footsteps she was following in and she was hoping, more than anything else, that this life event would bring them together. She saw her mom teetering on the edge of love and support and blind rage, ready to shut everyone out. With the odds stacked against her, Rory opened her mouth.
"Mom…"
"If you are not ready to tell me you don't have to."
"But you need to know who this child came from, why their features resemble someone and why their personality fits a certain description."
Lorelei looked straight at Rory.
"It's Logan mom. Logan is the father of this child. Logan who is getting married any day now and who is off in Europe and who doesn't have real feelings for me and whose world I could never truly fit into. I realize that now. His world is part of my world yes, but only a part of it. Here, with you, in Stars Hallow is where I truly feel like I can be my authentic self. I can act like a complete nut and fit in. I can be a little sophisticated and no one bats an eye. I can sit in one spot and read for an entire day and creepily never have to take any bathroom breaks and everyone knows…that's just Rory. So you see mom, this place, this world, this is what I want for my child. It's what you gave me and it is what I am going to give to the baby. I've thought about it enough now that I know I am ready to do this on my own."
Lorelei's eyes softened. The small creases around her mouth lifted. She loved Rory's explanation and reasoning but she could not let her end there without her knowing the whole truth of the matter.
"Oh sweetie, that is great and amazing, and truly remarkable for you to have thought of but you should know. It's not going to be easy. You are not going to have anyone there with you when the baby wakes up 10 times a night. Who will you turn to when you are both sick and someone needs to make dinner? Who will be there to help change the diapers and take the kid to and from cello practice because obviously they will be a cello player. Who will give you a break when you need one and work alongside you so that you don't have to always stress out about what bills you can or can't pay that month? Who?"
"Well mom, I was hoping you could help me with some of that stuff…if you are free that is."
A puzzled look passed over Lorelei's face that was quickly replaced by a look of understanding.
"You don't know mom, but I understand how lucky I am to have you and Luke and the whole town as a support system…and yes maybe even grandma a little. We Gilmore Girls just do things in our own time you see. We move through space and time a little differently."
Lorelei smiled, trying to hold back tears. "Of course we do. Rory I will be there to support you and this child however I can. Am I angry, upset, and worried…yes but only because I wanted more of a life for you but I can see that you have lived it, that you are living it. I'm glad I get to live it alongside you."
"So are you going to tell him?"
"Tell Logan…yeah of course…eventually."
"Eventually? Like before the 18th birthday? Or when exactly?"
"I haven't figured that out yet but I will. Now if you will excuse me I have to go pass out now, or vomit, or both…" Rory gets up to head to her room.
"Hey mom?"
"Yeah"
"We're good right?"
"Yeah we're good."
Later that night...
Lorelei lays awake, staring at the ceiling. She turns the news around and around in her head. On one side of the coin was the ultimate joy and grand adventure that awaited their little Gilmore family. Tiny feet, new inside jokes to be made, new pop culture references to teach, and Emily's reaction to witness. Lorelei smiled at that thought.
But then there were the very real realities. Rory was, as far as Lorelei knew, without a boyfriend, steady job, or place to live. She knew exactly where Rory was which is why she was so scared, so disappointed, and so willing to be there for her. She would never let Rory go through this alone like her mother did. On the other hand, Lorelei worked so hard to make sure Rory didn't have the life she had and yet, there it was, the life she had put so far behind her, she worked so hard to move away from, there it was steamrolling right back into view. She let out an audible sigh. "What to do."
A grumbling comes from under the covers. The bed starts to shake. Lorelei's eyes get big and she cringes just a little.
"What to do with what? I'm almost done fixing the toaster for the pop tarts. I KNOW we need the toaster for the pop tarts. EVERY DAY about the POP TARTS!"
"Luke, no, this is…this is definitely not about pop tarts, although nar a conversation should pass by in a day that does NOT reference pop tarts, it's the joy of all existence…"
Luke squints his eyes and scowls.
"Sorry, Luke, I mean your company is also is the joy of an existence or something…"
"Thanks," Luke responds flatly.
"No, I was, I mean, I'm still trying to figure things out."
"On where to toast your pop tarts?"
"No, NO . . . It's probably the biggest thing ever in my life and it is going to just take some time to sort everything out in my head and in my heart."
"This sounds serious, what is it? Are you considering another sabbatical to a parking lot?"
"NO Luke…it's…it's Rory."
"Is she in trouble?"
"Yes!...No!...It's super complicated, like the most complicated thing ever and while I'm not sure if this is my news to tell or my life event it still affects me and I need someone to talk to about it."
Luke stares patiently at Lorelei. After a long pause and another heavy sigh Lorelie finally utters the words she didn't think she would say for a long time, and certainly not in this way or under these circumstances.
"Rory is pregnant."
Luke's eyes go from warm and understanding to large and alarmed in barely an instant.
"WHAT?! Lorelai are you sure?"
"Yes," She squeaked. "It is real, and she is in such a vulnerable place right now, and the father…"
"Yeah, where is this so called father? He better step up and handle things! He better freakin get his, hopefully stable, job having but over here and sweep Rory off her feet and build a little cottage over a brook and raise their child like the little prince or princess they will be and.."
"No Luke," Lorelei cut him off, "it's not going to be like that. At least that is not what Rory wants. And maybe what she wants is for the best I don't know."
"Oh you can't be serious…."
"But I am. I mean look at me and Rory, we made it and maybe we made it better than if I had been in a miserable relationship or marriage with Chris from the beginning. Or maybe we would have ended up better off…I have no idea! But what I do know is this is Rory's decision. This is her life, and as much as I am pained to see things end up this way…this is the way they ended up and I can't change them and neither can she. She needs me…us now. She needs us and while maybe I might not agree with some of her choices, they are still hers. Lord knows I'm not going to exude control over her like my mother did. I don't ever want to drive her away."
"Wow, acceptance and understanding…that book really helped you change courses…"
Lorelei rolls her eyes and grabs Luke's hand. "Don't get me wrong, I am still upset and mad and worried and of course I wanted a different life for my kid. She worked so hard, we both did, at a good life but for whatever reason, this seems to be the cycle we are stuck in and no one understands it or knows how to deal with it better than I do. I need to be there for her."
"Understood, no questions asked, of course we will be there for Rory."
A few days later…
Rory sits on a park bench, the weather is particularly warm for late November. She stares down as she flips through the heavy manuscript, she thinks to herself about exactly how heavy the thing is. "Geez, this thing is heavy. I'm making progress. I need to finish soon…it will take 6 months after submitting it to a decent publisher for them to review it, then the meetings on formatting and editing and then marketing and distribution and a book tour…hard to squeeze all that into a nine month period. And maybe, just maybe there will be more to write…or perhaps a second installment will have to be considered…ugh what I am thinking, let me get through this first."
But it was hard for Rory to keep her mind from wandering. It was hard to focus on lots of things these days…pregnancy brain, is that what they called it?
Across the town center..
Jess heads out from the dinner to grab some groceries from Doose's. He still has not adjusted to the twilight zone feeling of living above Luke's again. It's safe and familiar, an odd combination for him to crave but it is exactly what his soul seems to need right now. A slight breeze brushes past him and he turns his head to follow it, across the center of town, by the gazebo, he makes out a familiar figure sitting on a bench, reading. A small feeling of panic washes over him, his hands clam up but only momentarily.
"Nervous, no, it's just Rory." He brushes it off and manages a half smile. Without his brain's consent, his feet somehow turn away from Doose's into the direction of the breeze.
Rory sits and reads the same sentence over again for the third time, wishing she could fully concentrate. Suddenly, she feels a presence and looks up.
"Jess."
"Hey, looks like the book is coming along, it's seems to be getting bigger…"
"Yeah, it's coming along. So, you here visiting Luke again?"
"No actually, I, well, I think I'm going to stay for a bit."
"Really?!"
"Really."
"Here?"
"Here."
"Like in Star's Hollow here? Like where Taylor lives, and there are no 24 hour Chinese places and you can't get a decent book club together, unless you count Patty and Babette's Mystery Romance Novel group a thing? I mean here where you come to visit and end up staying to run a paper where the entire readership consists of a 8 block radius?"
"Hey, don't knock this place. It's actually not a bad little spot if you are looking for a quiet place to get inspiration. Sure there is no culture or social angst of any kind but maybe that's why we find ourselves here…Star's Hollow, the next generation."
"Oh please no…"
"I'm serious, why not make this place into something, encourage others...hey you do run that paper right…we can blast cultural propaganda all over this place."
"Jess…"
"Ok, maybe not all of that. But for me, I think this place is where I come when I need time to reevaluate and find myself again. It's kind of that safe place you can go to where you can just exist and be without all of the other pressures."
Rory pauses and thinks about what Jess is saying, "Hell, he's right."
"That does make sense in a way, and boy do I need a safe place to just be right now."
Jess tilts his head to the side and squints trying to figure out what Rory means by that, sensing there might be more going on than he was currently aware of.
"Oh, yeah you know the whole still live with my mom thing and working at a job for free thing…"
"I get it. I am actually staying at Luke's old place for now while I figure some things out…"
"Oh, well looks like I'll be seeing you around then. Just try not to piss Taylor off now that you are…dare I say... back?"
"Some dare to say such things."
They both smile. Jess suddenly feels a strong urge to breath, as if he had been holding his breath for the entire conversation. He turns quickly and starts to leave when…
"Hey wait!"
"Yeah," he spins around slowly.
"Here," Rory heaves the pile of papers in his direction. "It's almost all there…the book. I mean, my book. And it would mean a lot to me if you would read it and give me some feedback. I need someone of your literary caliber to make some sense of it."
Jess smiles, an authentic smile and it feels good. "Sure I guess I can fit a quick read into my soul searching."
"Great thanks!"