Based on "The Philadelphia Story" starring Katharine Hepburn, Cary Grant, and Jimmy Stewart. Some dialogue may be ripped off from the movie simply because it was written so well the first time, I saw no need to change it. All credit goes to George Cukor and I strongly suggest anyone who hasn't seen this movie to watch it.
This is the first fic I have written. I've been reading fic for about 2 years, but just now decided to make my own foray in writing. Hope everyone likes. Please review,but no flames! Constructive criticism is always helpful however.
Buffy Summers' first marriage to William 'Spike' Haven was dissolved by a vigorous right to the jaw. And now, Buffy is about to be married again in what has become the season's most important event in Sunnydale, and in notoriously unsavory journalism in Los Angeles, which brings us to the office of Mr. Snyder, owner and editor of Spy Magazine.
SNYDER: Miss Rosenberg, you'll take your camera of course. Harris, you'l take your own special talents.
WILLOW: Where?
XANDER: Yeah. What's the deal?
SNYDER: Your assignment will be Spy's most sensational story ever. Buffy Summers!
WILLOW: Buffy Summers?
SNYDER: Ice skating in Russia, shopping in Paris, married on impulse and divorced in rage. And always unapproachable by the press. The unapproachable Miss Summers, it--
XANDER: Now just you wait a second, if you think that--
SNYDER: This wedding will be in the minds and on the lips of everyone. And the maid of honor? Why none other than Hollywood's hottest up-and-coming actress, Cordelia Chase. Apparently those two go back since high school. I--
XANDER: So 'Queen C' is the maid of honor? I'll bet Buffy must be Miss Congeniality then. And please, note the sarcasm in my voice.
SNYDER: The Sunnydale story. I've waited for a story like this for years. Presented for the first time, quote, a wedding day inside Sunnydale's high society.
XANDER: Or what the kitchen maid saw through the keyhole, unquote.
SNYDER: Funny Harris, but let's not forget who works for who around here. You do the writing, I'll do the publishing. And I'm telling you to write about this wedding.
XANDER: All right, publisher, take this. Quote. Xander Harris is no buttmonkey of yours. Unquote. Close paragraph.
WILLOW: Close job, close bank account. Look, Mr. Snyder, how are we supposed to get past the driveway, let alone inside the house? I don't really fancy the idea of being chased by big, scary dogs or being arrested for trespassing.
SNYDER: Oh, it's all been taken care of. Miss Kendall, send him in please.
XANDER: Now Wills, wait a minute, we can't do it, we won't do it. It's degrading, its, its --
WILLOW: Yeah, well I like having a place to live and food in my belly so--
SPIKE: Hello.
XANDER: Who's the bleachboy?
SNYDER: Xander, this gentleman has been employed in our London office. I'm sure he can assist us.
XANDER: And just how can he do that?
SNYDER: Buffy Summers' brother, Angelus, is in the American embassy over there and is an old friend of this gentleman. He'll simply tell the Summers family that you two are intimate friends of Angelus. Of course, any friend of Angelus is welcome in the Summers' home, and especially at this time when Angelus himself cannot be in attendance at his dear sister's wedding.
XANDER: Dear old Angelus, hmm? Well, does Buffy know this guy?
SNYDER: You could say that she does, yes.
SPIKE: You might say Buffy and I grew up together.
WILLOW: You might also say you're William 'Spike' Haven, and you were Buffy Summers' first husband.
SPIKE: Yes, you might.
XANDER: Hold on a second. You were married to Buffy?
SPIKE: I was.
WILLOW: Oh, I remember that honeymoon very well, Mr. Haven. The two of you in a little sailboat. The 'True Love', right?
SPIKE: That's right. How did you know?
WILLOW: I was the only photographer whose camera you didn't smash. You were really nice about it all. You just threw it into the ocean. You were quite the charmer.
XANDER: Oh, one of those people, huh?
SPIKE: Yeah, what can I say, I was under the impression that a honeymoon was meant for the newlyweds, not anyone who browsed the magazines in the supermarket.
XANDER: Hey, the public wants to know.
SPIKE: Yes, I'm sure all the little girlies are itching for shots of me starkers and I suppose I owe it to them, right? Let 'em know just why they call me Spike. Come on then, let's give the public what they want. I'll strip down and give you a nice, big scoop if you know what I mean.
XANDER: Ewww. I so didn't need the mental image of you naked Captain Peroxide.
WILLOW: Hush Xander. He did pay for the camera. And he sent me an awfully sweet letter of apology. And by the way, my camera is ready and waiting anytime you wanna give that nice, big scoop.
XANDER: Well, you're just such a gentleman then, huh?
SPIKE: I wouldn't count on that if I were you.
SNYDER: Excuse me, but Mr. Haven, what are the plans? The wedding is Saturday, this is Thursday. They should spend tomorrow night as guests of the Summers.
XANDER: No! Wait a second here. Something is very wrong. If he's divorced, why's he doing this and--oh. Oh, oh, I get it, mister. You want to get even with your ex-bride.
SPIKE: As one gentleman to another, that may be exactly what I want. I'll have a car pick you up in Sunnydale tomorrow afternoon. Good day, Red. Whelp.
XANDER: Can you believe that Wills? He walks out on us, just like we're--
WILLOW: Tissue Xander? There's a little spit in your eye. It shows.
XANDER: I'm telling you Wills, something about this gives me a bad feeling.
WILLOW: Xander, you also said the last 2 stories we've covered gave you a bad feeling and nothing has happened. You say Taco Bell gives you a bad feeling, yet you still eat there as if it were your last meal. I told you before, I like knowing that I can go to my nice warm bed, that's in my nice home at the end of the day. And I also like being able to buy food when I'm hungry. We're doing the story. Look, resolve face. Now let's go.
XANDER: Sir, yes sir. And hey! Taco Bell is awesome, I can't help what it does to me.
WILLOW: Come on Harris. You can regale me with tales of food misadventures later.
This is the first fic I have written. I've been reading fic for about 2 years, but just now decided to make my own foray in writing. Hope everyone likes. Please review,but no flames! Constructive criticism is always helpful however.
Buffy Summers' first marriage to William 'Spike' Haven was dissolved by a vigorous right to the jaw. And now, Buffy is about to be married again in what has become the season's most important event in Sunnydale, and in notoriously unsavory journalism in Los Angeles, which brings us to the office of Mr. Snyder, owner and editor of Spy Magazine.
SNYDER: Miss Rosenberg, you'll take your camera of course. Harris, you'l take your own special talents.
WILLOW: Where?
XANDER: Yeah. What's the deal?
SNYDER: Your assignment will be Spy's most sensational story ever. Buffy Summers!
WILLOW: Buffy Summers?
SNYDER: Ice skating in Russia, shopping in Paris, married on impulse and divorced in rage. And always unapproachable by the press. The unapproachable Miss Summers, it--
XANDER: Now just you wait a second, if you think that--
SNYDER: This wedding will be in the minds and on the lips of everyone. And the maid of honor? Why none other than Hollywood's hottest up-and-coming actress, Cordelia Chase. Apparently those two go back since high school. I--
XANDER: So 'Queen C' is the maid of honor? I'll bet Buffy must be Miss Congeniality then. And please, note the sarcasm in my voice.
SNYDER: The Sunnydale story. I've waited for a story like this for years. Presented for the first time, quote, a wedding day inside Sunnydale's high society.
XANDER: Or what the kitchen maid saw through the keyhole, unquote.
SNYDER: Funny Harris, but let's not forget who works for who around here. You do the writing, I'll do the publishing. And I'm telling you to write about this wedding.
XANDER: All right, publisher, take this. Quote. Xander Harris is no buttmonkey of yours. Unquote. Close paragraph.
WILLOW: Close job, close bank account. Look, Mr. Snyder, how are we supposed to get past the driveway, let alone inside the house? I don't really fancy the idea of being chased by big, scary dogs or being arrested for trespassing.
SNYDER: Oh, it's all been taken care of. Miss Kendall, send him in please.
XANDER: Now Wills, wait a minute, we can't do it, we won't do it. It's degrading, its, its --
WILLOW: Yeah, well I like having a place to live and food in my belly so--
SPIKE: Hello.
XANDER: Who's the bleachboy?
SNYDER: Xander, this gentleman has been employed in our London office. I'm sure he can assist us.
XANDER: And just how can he do that?
SNYDER: Buffy Summers' brother, Angelus, is in the American embassy over there and is an old friend of this gentleman. He'll simply tell the Summers family that you two are intimate friends of Angelus. Of course, any friend of Angelus is welcome in the Summers' home, and especially at this time when Angelus himself cannot be in attendance at his dear sister's wedding.
XANDER: Dear old Angelus, hmm? Well, does Buffy know this guy?
SNYDER: You could say that she does, yes.
SPIKE: You might say Buffy and I grew up together.
WILLOW: You might also say you're William 'Spike' Haven, and you were Buffy Summers' first husband.
SPIKE: Yes, you might.
XANDER: Hold on a second. You were married to Buffy?
SPIKE: I was.
WILLOW: Oh, I remember that honeymoon very well, Mr. Haven. The two of you in a little sailboat. The 'True Love', right?
SPIKE: That's right. How did you know?
WILLOW: I was the only photographer whose camera you didn't smash. You were really nice about it all. You just threw it into the ocean. You were quite the charmer.
XANDER: Oh, one of those people, huh?
SPIKE: Yeah, what can I say, I was under the impression that a honeymoon was meant for the newlyweds, not anyone who browsed the magazines in the supermarket.
XANDER: Hey, the public wants to know.
SPIKE: Yes, I'm sure all the little girlies are itching for shots of me starkers and I suppose I owe it to them, right? Let 'em know just why they call me Spike. Come on then, let's give the public what they want. I'll strip down and give you a nice, big scoop if you know what I mean.
XANDER: Ewww. I so didn't need the mental image of you naked Captain Peroxide.
WILLOW: Hush Xander. He did pay for the camera. And he sent me an awfully sweet letter of apology. And by the way, my camera is ready and waiting anytime you wanna give that nice, big scoop.
XANDER: Well, you're just such a gentleman then, huh?
SPIKE: I wouldn't count on that if I were you.
SNYDER: Excuse me, but Mr. Haven, what are the plans? The wedding is Saturday, this is Thursday. They should spend tomorrow night as guests of the Summers.
XANDER: No! Wait a second here. Something is very wrong. If he's divorced, why's he doing this and--oh. Oh, oh, I get it, mister. You want to get even with your ex-bride.
SPIKE: As one gentleman to another, that may be exactly what I want. I'll have a car pick you up in Sunnydale tomorrow afternoon. Good day, Red. Whelp.
XANDER: Can you believe that Wills? He walks out on us, just like we're--
WILLOW: Tissue Xander? There's a little spit in your eye. It shows.
XANDER: I'm telling you Wills, something about this gives me a bad feeling.
WILLOW: Xander, you also said the last 2 stories we've covered gave you a bad feeling and nothing has happened. You say Taco Bell gives you a bad feeling, yet you still eat there as if it were your last meal. I told you before, I like knowing that I can go to my nice warm bed, that's in my nice home at the end of the day. And I also like being able to buy food when I'm hungry. We're doing the story. Look, resolve face. Now let's go.
XANDER: Sir, yes sir. And hey! Taco Bell is awesome, I can't help what it does to me.
WILLOW: Come on Harris. You can regale me with tales of food misadventures later.