The year was 2025.
Brock was married to Nurse Joy.
Ash was still 10.
"Fuck puberty!" Ash yelled, drinking another sip of beer as Professor Oak introduced "Pokemon" to a young trainer, aged 10 and a day old. Cruel, thought Ash, watching the proceedings. "Welcome to the world of Pokemon!" smiled Oak. "Are you a boy, or are you a girl?"
The kid gasped. "You can't tell?". "Here are your starter Pokemon!" offered Oak, learning the kid wasn't going to let him peek at his gender. "I NEVER GOT THOSE!" bellowed Ash, tossing the beer bottle at Oak. He ducked, and it hit an assistant, knocking him out.
"I think I'm gonna pick Squirtle! I like it." smiled the trainer, picking it up. "I'm a he, dumbfuck. Who you calling an it?" replied Squirtle, watching the trainer's eyes grow wide. "He can talk?" he gasped, as if living the dream.
"Yeessss" said Oak, in a robotic voice. Two years ago, a couple sold off their talking cat to make money. We used his genetics to modify Pokemon." The young trainer petted Squirtle's head. "Of course, that had some side effects" murmured Oak, watching Squirtle's bulge grow and hit the floor after being petted.
"I changed my mind. I want Bulbasaur!" said the trainer. "No backsies!" yelled Oak, slapping the trainer, making his Asian roots evident. "You Charmanders are all the same" Ash was groaning to Charmander, drunk. "Stubborn bastards. I hope you all die."
I'll Raichu the next parts when I want to.