****I own nothing and noone. Legal schmegal.**********
A/N if you haven't read anything else by me, when I refer to Jen I'm refering to Jack's daughter.
It was 7 o'clock on a beautiful spring evening. Jack sat, staring at his computer, the cursor blinking unwaveringly in front of him. He had never had this much trouble writing a summation before. Never before had he had such a desperate case of writer's block that made him go so far as to set down his legal pad in favor of the keyboard. Regardless nothing was helping and he was becoming very, very aggravated.
"Argh!"
"I knew I'd find you here John McCoy... What's wrong?"
He spun in his chair and smiled widely to see Abby Carmichael standing in his doorway holding a leather attache case and wearing what appeared to be a new overcoat.
"Ms. Carmichael! To what do I owe the honor of your presence, or are the fed's already scrappeling to get a hold of the Patrick Young case?"
He stood and opened his arms to embrace her as he spoke. She kissed him on the cheek and smiled sheepishly as she stepped back again.
"No, don't worry I haven't been sent to steal your precious case. I do have something serious to talk about but I have a feeling that my reasons for being here are going to take much more discussion then what ever caused you to yell at your computer."
Jack grimaced and ran a hand through his salt and pepper hair.
"You don't even want to start."
"What? Is it freezing up on you? You really have to learn some patience with these machines." She breezed past him, prepared to tackle any tech problem that her old boss had gotten himself flummoxed by. "Wait a minute," She said after she sat down,"There's nothing wrong here...I'This case is not about fear it is about hate'/I Jack...are you writing a statement on the computer?" She stared at him incredulously.
He shook his head and slouched on his couch. "Writing, trying to write. Metza metza."
Abby spun around in the chair to look at him. "Why? What happened? Your pen run out of ink?"
"No, this case, I just got a major mental blockage. Couldn't write anything, I got desperate."
"Which case?"
"Rocco."
"The one with the kid killed his Dad?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah, okay, I know the case your talking about. That one's gotta be a bugger, eh? I can just say I'm glad I didn't have to go through this one with you."
Jack's eyebrows raised. "Why?"
"We would have had so many fights. Come on Jack, the family was obviously terrorized by that man. Don't you think you could be a little more compassionate to that boy."
Jack suddenly became visibly agitated.
"He is not a boy! He is a young man who knows right from wrong!"
Abby bit her lower lip and arched her eyebrows.
"OOkay. Sorry Jack, I didn't mean to get a rise out of you...peace?"
Jack rubbed the bridge of his nose between his fingers and thumb.
"I'm sorry for snapping. I'm just..."
"What Jack?"
"Nothing, never mind. What is it I can help you with?"
"Jack if your stressed out I can go."
He sat up straighter on the sofa. "No, No, stay. I'm not stressed. You know nothing ever gets to me. And even if it could I would rather have you around as good company then not."
Abby shook her head. "You are intolerable sometimes."
Jack grinned wearily. "Nice, I haven't seen you in 8 months and you come in here hurling insults at me."
Abby rolled her eyes, "Like I said, intolerable." After a period of silence she started again, "So, the reason I came."
Jack seemed to awaken a bit, "Yes?" he asked expectantly.
Abby took a deep breath before going on. "Remember what I said when I first told you I was leaving? That it was cool that I was right across the street so if I needed help..."
Jack grinned wickedly. "I don't remember ever agreeing to that."
"Jack." She wheeled back in the computer chair and glared at him sideways. "I'm serious."
"Okay, okay." He relented and reclined against the back of the sofa. "What's your problem?"
"I was just made leader of the local team that is part of the American branch of an international black market task force. And we've got this particular case coming up..." Here Abby hesitated, "...Jack, it's the Russians. I can't deal with them again. I couldn't deal with them the last time, here, I don't know how you did it but I know I can't. There is too much. They are just too good. Guilty as sin but untouchable. How am I supposed to guide my subordinates if I don't know how to begin myself?"
Jack ran his hand across his forehead before using it to support his chin. He looked at her in silent contemplation for what seemed like an eternity.
"Abby, I don't know what you expect me to be able to do...The Russian case...God, I didn't get through it. I gambled the highest of my values on that case, I only stopped short of completely shredding the constitution because of Adam."
Abby shook her head, "But you knew how to begin. No matter what brick wall we hit you had another plan up your sleeve. You were the one who got us through it."
The EADA sighed a heavy sigh. "Abby, it's not that I don't want to help nor am I not flattered but that case back then...Well it was different than this if only for the sole reason that I knew what was going on. I knew every detail of that case. With a case as complicated as this...There is just no practical method for me to learn enough about this case and achieve sufficient mastery so as to be able to help you."
Abby nodded slowly as she stood. Jack started to follow her to the door.
"Abby, I'm sorry. But you have a brilliant legal mind, I'm sure..."
"I'm scared Jack." Abby cut him off, "I can't bring myself to face this type of person again. The memories, potential for my people to be put in danger, the consequences of failure. I'm no Jack McCoy. I can't handle things like you can. I can't just take a hit then keep going for all eternity. I'm responsible for all these other people's jobs and lives and I just can't do it. I can't I can't I can't I can not."
Jack caught her in an embrace as tears began to slide down her face. After Abby was able to catch her breath McCoy stood back and after a moment of thought said,
"I think we both need a break from work."
That caused Abby to laugh.
"Who are you and what have you done with my old workaholic of a boss?"
Jack smirked and helped her into her overcoat before gathering his own jacket.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not much later Manhattan County's most prominent ADA and the most promising lead attorney of the US Attorney's office sat down on a bench at the edge of the park licking unnecessarily large ice cream cones. They hadn't spoken much on the way over because Jack had insisted work related matters to be out of bounds for the evening.
After taking a lick of her pistachio Abby prompted, "So you still seeing Sue?"
Jack grimaced slightly. "Nah. That went south a few months ago. I'm currently working on getting Judge Mallerant's clerk to realize I exist." He added with a wicked grin.
Abby rolled her eyes, "Ohhh. Good luck with that one. She's an ice queen."
"Ahh, A beautiful challenge. Nothing better." Jack smiled and leaned over the back of the bench. After studying his chocolate for a moment he countered, "How about you and what's his name? Tim, Tom, Ted...?"
"Tyler, Jack, his name is Tyler."
"Yeah, well, whatever. I take it that your use of the present tense indicates that you two are still together."
"For now."
Jack looked sideways at his friend. "For now?"
"Well, things aren't so hot. I thought he was going to pop the question a little while back but he didn't and recently he's been doing a lot of over time and I am just having some hard times trusting him completely about what it is he's 'working on'. We've been having fights more often about it." Abby suddenly became very interested in her fingernails.
"That sucks." Jack commiserated.
"Yeah. It does because I really do love him." The two were quiet for a moment as they focused upon their ice cream consumption. Jack broke the silence.
"Well we maybe unlucky in our romantic endeavors but some one's not. Jen is engaged and you'll never guess to who."
"Let me try. When and how did she meet him?" Abby sat eagerly at the edge of the bench.
Jack smiled. "I introduced them at a party a couple of years ago. You were there actually."
Abby bit her lip as she watched a small bird hop around on the sidewalk.
"Adam's retirement party." She said matter of factly after a short pause. Jack smiled and motioned for more.
"Well I don't know. There were a lot of people there that night." She sat in puzzlement until she turned to Jack with excitement in her eyes.
"Wait a minute. You don't mean...Nate?" At Jack's nod Abby smiled widely. "My God. Jack McCoy's daughter marrying Adam Schiff's grandson. If they ever have children they're going to be damn scary in court."
Jack just smiled proudly and tilted his head up to gaze at the now clearly visible stars. Abby was touched by the genuine expression of emotion on the seemingly impenetrable man.
"Her coming out east has really been good for you two, hasn't it?"
Jack didn't return Abby's gaze but rather replied softly, "Good for me at least."
"Jack, I know that its been good for her too. She's learned so much from you and has the upmost respect for you. I know it."
Jack didn't say anything. He felt his throat tightening but held himself from tearing up. For some inexplicable reason Abby felt that now was the time to get answers on Jack's earlier agitation.
"Is this some how connected to your summation frustration?"
Jack looked at her wryly with a typical arched eyebrow.
"Summation Frustration? Who are you? Doctor Seuss now?"
"Jack." She stared at him pointedly.
He sighed, "You know how I get about domestic abuse cases."
"Yeah, passionate. On those cases you write your statements in record time." Jack bit his lip and looked away as she spoke. "You're having a hard time finishing the case because you don't agree with the bull headness that you're prosecuting him with."
Jack shook his head. "I agree with the strength with which we're prosecuting him. Although I'm seemingly the only one in the office who thinks so."
"Why?"
Jack re situated himself on the bench and leaned forwards aggressively as if he was arguing with the pavement. "Because I never did it and I had the same friggin excuse that this kid is trying to pander to the jury."
He ran his hand through his hair and avoided the cold hard look Abby was giving him.
"And I can't write the stupid summation because no matter how much I know his actions were illegal and how much I despise this excuse of a defense, I can't help but sympathize with the kid. I can't count how many times I soothed myself to sleep with plans of ambush and revenge. How can I pass judgement on someone who had the courage to do what I wanted to but couldn't."
Jack paused for a moment.
"And then I realize it wasn't courage that Todd Rocco displayed, it was blatant disregard of the law and I love the law and justice more then I hated my old man. That realization doesn't make it any easier to write."
While he spoke Abby's eyes lit up and she became very excited and suddenly found it difficult to politely listen to her old boss, regardless of how sympathetic she really did feel. Jack sensed her restlessness and quickly and smoothly changed his demeanor.
"I'm sorry. Sitting here talking like this. We said work was off limits. Besides, you've got bigger fish to fry in a larger arena, eh?" He gave her a crooked half smile.
"No, Jack really, I'm sorry. Please go on." She blushed.
"Abby, it's okay. There is nothing else to tell and now you're killing me with suspense...I know you realized something. What is it?"
Abby tried biting back her enthusiasm but failed.
"You said that thing about thinking about something being courageous but then realizing it was still actually illegal. We have this one witness who came forward. We have him in the protection program and we were all amazed at his bravery and value of his testimony. All of that clouded the fact that he is the first brick and came forwards to protect himself from us. If I reneg my deal and prosecute him instead of just dealing for his testimony then everything will come tumbling down."
Jack smiled. "Sounds to me like you found a place to start." She returned the smile. "Just promise me you'll be careful. You can use the faculties of my office if it makes more sense."
Abby got up, "Thank you Jack. As for now, it is only 8:30 and I have work to get to."
He shook his head, "If you don't watch yourself your going to turn into me."
"Not going to happen, I'd have to regress to reach your level." When he moved to give her a hug goodbye she whispered to him, "Actually, don't tell anyone, but I would be greatly honored if I was ever favorably compared to you." She gave him a wink and a friendly punch in the arm.
Jack watched her cross the road and hail a cab before he set off briskly walking towards 1 Hogan Place. He was happy that Abby had stopped by, it made him feel good to help her and made him feel even better to talk about what was going on in his head that he dare not tell Serena or Nora. Unfortunately he realized that though talking may be soothing it doesn't necessarily solve anything and he looked at his watch as he hurried down the street. He had only 12 hours to turn that blinking cursor into a compelling argument.
A/N if you haven't read anything else by me, when I refer to Jen I'm refering to Jack's daughter.
It was 7 o'clock on a beautiful spring evening. Jack sat, staring at his computer, the cursor blinking unwaveringly in front of him. He had never had this much trouble writing a summation before. Never before had he had such a desperate case of writer's block that made him go so far as to set down his legal pad in favor of the keyboard. Regardless nothing was helping and he was becoming very, very aggravated.
"Argh!"
"I knew I'd find you here John McCoy... What's wrong?"
He spun in his chair and smiled widely to see Abby Carmichael standing in his doorway holding a leather attache case and wearing what appeared to be a new overcoat.
"Ms. Carmichael! To what do I owe the honor of your presence, or are the fed's already scrappeling to get a hold of the Patrick Young case?"
He stood and opened his arms to embrace her as he spoke. She kissed him on the cheek and smiled sheepishly as she stepped back again.
"No, don't worry I haven't been sent to steal your precious case. I do have something serious to talk about but I have a feeling that my reasons for being here are going to take much more discussion then what ever caused you to yell at your computer."
Jack grimaced and ran a hand through his salt and pepper hair.
"You don't even want to start."
"What? Is it freezing up on you? You really have to learn some patience with these machines." She breezed past him, prepared to tackle any tech problem that her old boss had gotten himself flummoxed by. "Wait a minute," She said after she sat down,"There's nothing wrong here...I'This case is not about fear it is about hate'/I Jack...are you writing a statement on the computer?" She stared at him incredulously.
He shook his head and slouched on his couch. "Writing, trying to write. Metza metza."
Abby spun around in the chair to look at him. "Why? What happened? Your pen run out of ink?"
"No, this case, I just got a major mental blockage. Couldn't write anything, I got desperate."
"Which case?"
"Rocco."
"The one with the kid killed his Dad?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah, okay, I know the case your talking about. That one's gotta be a bugger, eh? I can just say I'm glad I didn't have to go through this one with you."
Jack's eyebrows raised. "Why?"
"We would have had so many fights. Come on Jack, the family was obviously terrorized by that man. Don't you think you could be a little more compassionate to that boy."
Jack suddenly became visibly agitated.
"He is not a boy! He is a young man who knows right from wrong!"
Abby bit her lower lip and arched her eyebrows.
"OOkay. Sorry Jack, I didn't mean to get a rise out of you...peace?"
Jack rubbed the bridge of his nose between his fingers and thumb.
"I'm sorry for snapping. I'm just..."
"What Jack?"
"Nothing, never mind. What is it I can help you with?"
"Jack if your stressed out I can go."
He sat up straighter on the sofa. "No, No, stay. I'm not stressed. You know nothing ever gets to me. And even if it could I would rather have you around as good company then not."
Abby shook her head. "You are intolerable sometimes."
Jack grinned wearily. "Nice, I haven't seen you in 8 months and you come in here hurling insults at me."
Abby rolled her eyes, "Like I said, intolerable." After a period of silence she started again, "So, the reason I came."
Jack seemed to awaken a bit, "Yes?" he asked expectantly.
Abby took a deep breath before going on. "Remember what I said when I first told you I was leaving? That it was cool that I was right across the street so if I needed help..."
Jack grinned wickedly. "I don't remember ever agreeing to that."
"Jack." She wheeled back in the computer chair and glared at him sideways. "I'm serious."
"Okay, okay." He relented and reclined against the back of the sofa. "What's your problem?"
"I was just made leader of the local team that is part of the American branch of an international black market task force. And we've got this particular case coming up..." Here Abby hesitated, "...Jack, it's the Russians. I can't deal with them again. I couldn't deal with them the last time, here, I don't know how you did it but I know I can't. There is too much. They are just too good. Guilty as sin but untouchable. How am I supposed to guide my subordinates if I don't know how to begin myself?"
Jack ran his hand across his forehead before using it to support his chin. He looked at her in silent contemplation for what seemed like an eternity.
"Abby, I don't know what you expect me to be able to do...The Russian case...God, I didn't get through it. I gambled the highest of my values on that case, I only stopped short of completely shredding the constitution because of Adam."
Abby shook her head, "But you knew how to begin. No matter what brick wall we hit you had another plan up your sleeve. You were the one who got us through it."
The EADA sighed a heavy sigh. "Abby, it's not that I don't want to help nor am I not flattered but that case back then...Well it was different than this if only for the sole reason that I knew what was going on. I knew every detail of that case. With a case as complicated as this...There is just no practical method for me to learn enough about this case and achieve sufficient mastery so as to be able to help you."
Abby nodded slowly as she stood. Jack started to follow her to the door.
"Abby, I'm sorry. But you have a brilliant legal mind, I'm sure..."
"I'm scared Jack." Abby cut him off, "I can't bring myself to face this type of person again. The memories, potential for my people to be put in danger, the consequences of failure. I'm no Jack McCoy. I can't handle things like you can. I can't just take a hit then keep going for all eternity. I'm responsible for all these other people's jobs and lives and I just can't do it. I can't I can't I can't I can not."
Jack caught her in an embrace as tears began to slide down her face. After Abby was able to catch her breath McCoy stood back and after a moment of thought said,
"I think we both need a break from work."
That caused Abby to laugh.
"Who are you and what have you done with my old workaholic of a boss?"
Jack smirked and helped her into her overcoat before gathering his own jacket.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not much later Manhattan County's most prominent ADA and the most promising lead attorney of the US Attorney's office sat down on a bench at the edge of the park licking unnecessarily large ice cream cones. They hadn't spoken much on the way over because Jack had insisted work related matters to be out of bounds for the evening.
After taking a lick of her pistachio Abby prompted, "So you still seeing Sue?"
Jack grimaced slightly. "Nah. That went south a few months ago. I'm currently working on getting Judge Mallerant's clerk to realize I exist." He added with a wicked grin.
Abby rolled her eyes, "Ohhh. Good luck with that one. She's an ice queen."
"Ahh, A beautiful challenge. Nothing better." Jack smiled and leaned over the back of the bench. After studying his chocolate for a moment he countered, "How about you and what's his name? Tim, Tom, Ted...?"
"Tyler, Jack, his name is Tyler."
"Yeah, well, whatever. I take it that your use of the present tense indicates that you two are still together."
"For now."
Jack looked sideways at his friend. "For now?"
"Well, things aren't so hot. I thought he was going to pop the question a little while back but he didn't and recently he's been doing a lot of over time and I am just having some hard times trusting him completely about what it is he's 'working on'. We've been having fights more often about it." Abby suddenly became very interested in her fingernails.
"That sucks." Jack commiserated.
"Yeah. It does because I really do love him." The two were quiet for a moment as they focused upon their ice cream consumption. Jack broke the silence.
"Well we maybe unlucky in our romantic endeavors but some one's not. Jen is engaged and you'll never guess to who."
"Let me try. When and how did she meet him?" Abby sat eagerly at the edge of the bench.
Jack smiled. "I introduced them at a party a couple of years ago. You were there actually."
Abby bit her lip as she watched a small bird hop around on the sidewalk.
"Adam's retirement party." She said matter of factly after a short pause. Jack smiled and motioned for more.
"Well I don't know. There were a lot of people there that night." She sat in puzzlement until she turned to Jack with excitement in her eyes.
"Wait a minute. You don't mean...Nate?" At Jack's nod Abby smiled widely. "My God. Jack McCoy's daughter marrying Adam Schiff's grandson. If they ever have children they're going to be damn scary in court."
Jack just smiled proudly and tilted his head up to gaze at the now clearly visible stars. Abby was touched by the genuine expression of emotion on the seemingly impenetrable man.
"Her coming out east has really been good for you two, hasn't it?"
Jack didn't return Abby's gaze but rather replied softly, "Good for me at least."
"Jack, I know that its been good for her too. She's learned so much from you and has the upmost respect for you. I know it."
Jack didn't say anything. He felt his throat tightening but held himself from tearing up. For some inexplicable reason Abby felt that now was the time to get answers on Jack's earlier agitation.
"Is this some how connected to your summation frustration?"
Jack looked at her wryly with a typical arched eyebrow.
"Summation Frustration? Who are you? Doctor Seuss now?"
"Jack." She stared at him pointedly.
He sighed, "You know how I get about domestic abuse cases."
"Yeah, passionate. On those cases you write your statements in record time." Jack bit his lip and looked away as she spoke. "You're having a hard time finishing the case because you don't agree with the bull headness that you're prosecuting him with."
Jack shook his head. "I agree with the strength with which we're prosecuting him. Although I'm seemingly the only one in the office who thinks so."
"Why?"
Jack re situated himself on the bench and leaned forwards aggressively as if he was arguing with the pavement. "Because I never did it and I had the same friggin excuse that this kid is trying to pander to the jury."
He ran his hand through his hair and avoided the cold hard look Abby was giving him.
"And I can't write the stupid summation because no matter how much I know his actions were illegal and how much I despise this excuse of a defense, I can't help but sympathize with the kid. I can't count how many times I soothed myself to sleep with plans of ambush and revenge. How can I pass judgement on someone who had the courage to do what I wanted to but couldn't."
Jack paused for a moment.
"And then I realize it wasn't courage that Todd Rocco displayed, it was blatant disregard of the law and I love the law and justice more then I hated my old man. That realization doesn't make it any easier to write."
While he spoke Abby's eyes lit up and she became very excited and suddenly found it difficult to politely listen to her old boss, regardless of how sympathetic she really did feel. Jack sensed her restlessness and quickly and smoothly changed his demeanor.
"I'm sorry. Sitting here talking like this. We said work was off limits. Besides, you've got bigger fish to fry in a larger arena, eh?" He gave her a crooked half smile.
"No, Jack really, I'm sorry. Please go on." She blushed.
"Abby, it's okay. There is nothing else to tell and now you're killing me with suspense...I know you realized something. What is it?"
Abby tried biting back her enthusiasm but failed.
"You said that thing about thinking about something being courageous but then realizing it was still actually illegal. We have this one witness who came forward. We have him in the protection program and we were all amazed at his bravery and value of his testimony. All of that clouded the fact that he is the first brick and came forwards to protect himself from us. If I reneg my deal and prosecute him instead of just dealing for his testimony then everything will come tumbling down."
Jack smiled. "Sounds to me like you found a place to start." She returned the smile. "Just promise me you'll be careful. You can use the faculties of my office if it makes more sense."
Abby got up, "Thank you Jack. As for now, it is only 8:30 and I have work to get to."
He shook his head, "If you don't watch yourself your going to turn into me."
"Not going to happen, I'd have to regress to reach your level." When he moved to give her a hug goodbye she whispered to him, "Actually, don't tell anyone, but I would be greatly honored if I was ever favorably compared to you." She gave him a wink and a friendly punch in the arm.
Jack watched her cross the road and hail a cab before he set off briskly walking towards 1 Hogan Place. He was happy that Abby had stopped by, it made him feel good to help her and made him feel even better to talk about what was going on in his head that he dare not tell Serena or Nora. Unfortunately he realized that though talking may be soothing it doesn't necessarily solve anything and he looked at his watch as he hurried down the street. He had only 12 hours to turn that blinking cursor into a compelling argument.